Alby was still very new.
He was only a puppy, still unsteady on his four legs. Sometimes he would cross his front and back paws and trip, or crash headlong into a wall despite his best efforts to change direction.
Everything he did was precious- the way he snuffled around a plate on the floor (he wasn't tall enough a bowl yet) or stared up at Jr. with bright, unblinking eyes. He was a worthy distraction when Jr. couldn't bear to smile at his friends any longer.
Anything not to think about what had happened last week.
Had it already been a week?
Alby trotted over as soon as Jr. opened the door to his room, bouncing up on Jr.'s legs. He was eager at any and everything, tail zipping back and forth as he spun in excited circles.
They had been inseparable for the first day, but now Jr. had to train him to be alright on his own. The little dog was clingy, though, whining and yelping every time he was on his own for more than a minute.
He'd been just the same. It was hard to be separated from a part of yourself.
Jr. shook his head. Not now.
"Hey Alby," he said instead, as though saying that stupid name aloud would do anything for the thoughts brimming in his head. Maybe the dog would replace what he wanted to think about. He doubted it.
No one believed his stupid excuse about the name.
Jr. crouched down, rubbing his hands along Alby's little face. Alby thrashed around, leaning into Jr.'s touch, and Jr. heard himself laugh a little. Alby just loved to be petted.
He certainly saw enough of Jr. these days. Normally Jr. was up and about, doing work all over the Durandal, but Gaignun was making him take time off. Jr. ended up in his room often, because it was the least embarrassing place to cry. It felt stupid to bother the others with how he felt, when all of them had seen how much of a monster Albedo was.
They'd seen him as a child, too, but Jr. didn't know if any of them understood. He didn't think they could. They couldn't feel his stuttering little heart in their chests.
But then again, neither did Jr. anymore.
Honestly, he didn't know if he himself understood. The best he could muster was that there were two Albedos, a big villain and a little brother, and Jr. had to figure out how to mourn one and forget the other.
Alby yipped a little, biting down on Jr.'s finger. "Ow, hey!"
He could be a little brat sometimes. He left messes when he felt Jr. had left him alone for too long.
"Could you just be nice, for once?" Jr. huffed, exasperated. The request felt sickeningly familiar.
He'd been fine today. No problems through conversations with practically everybody, almost as though things could be normal again (even though Jr. knew nothing could ever, ever be). It wasn't until Gaignun had looked at him and then looked away, and Jr. had snapped what, just spit it out already, and he asked if Jr. wanted to have a funeral that it had welled up in him again.
He'd think about it, he said as he sped to his room.
"He'd probably want one, right?" Jr. half asked, half grumbled. "He was planning mine, all these years."
It would feel too real, though. They could dress in all black and pretend to have a body, but all it would do was hurt. Jr. could already feel his absence, a hole in his chest. He didn't need a reminder.
Alby's tail wagged. I don't know, you idiot, Jr. almost heard him say. I'm just a dog.
"I always thought he couldn't die." Jr. said, seating himself on the floor. "It's not fair. At least he got time to prepare."
Maybe a part of him had hoped Albedo could die. Maybe he'd rather see the overgrown facsimile of his younger brother, with a saccharine smile and simpering laugh, die rather than be reminded of what he'd become. If Jr. had ever wanted it, he certainly didn't now.
Albedo was always so scared of being separated. He clung onto Jr.'s grip so tightly. Jr. remembered his eyes when he cut the link.
It was the last time he'd really seen Albedo.
If he'd been pretending Albedo was dead all these years, what the hell did it matter?!
Alby only cocked his head at Jr.'s frustrated wail, blinking at him in confusion. Jr. had been attempting to teach him some simple commands. They hadn't gotten to "scream of frustration over dead evil brother" yet, it seemed.
Jr. doubted they ever would. Alby was having enough trouble with his name.
"Alby," he said, rubbing the top of Alby's head, ear bending under his hand. "That's your name. Alby."
Alby's tail wagged in excitement.
"Yes, that's you. You're Alby." Jr. didn't know if repeating it would help, but it seemed to. Their most recent accomplishment was Alby sometimes turning around when Jr. said his name.
"Alby," he said again, faintly, as something washed over him.
He remembered meeting Citrine, and Nigredo. There were countless people who'd introduced themselves to him, hands shaken and smiles wide, names committed to memory. They usually focused more on Gaignun, these days, but it hardly mattered.
There was only one person who Jr. couldn't remember meeting. Someone who had been there longer than he could remember, someone literally joined to him.
There was no need for introductions when you were two halves of a whole.
Jr. pressed both of his hands against his eyes, attempting to staunch the sudden flow of tears. Any time he let his thoughts wander, any time he phrased it even slightly differently in his head, the realization stung at him. Albedo being gone hurt, plain and simple.
"He would've liked you," Jr. sniffled, when Alby slapped two insistent paws against his leg. "He always liked little animals."
He was scared of them, like everything else, but loved them still. Albedo would always stare, attention caught, when an animal would find its way into the Yuriev Institute. Jr. would scoop up the wandering cat or dog, and hold them still so Albedo could pet them with a trembling hand. It made him so happy. Jr. could feel it through their bond.
"You've got white hair like he does. It was always soft, too." Jr. said. He knew Alby didn't understand, because he was a dog, but something in him felt like maybe Alby did. Maybe it was his eyes, too deep and intelligent for such a small creature.
He had a little heartbeat, too. Jr. could feel it when he picked Alby up, hammering against the little dog's ribcage.
His hands fit under Alby's front legs as he held him up, staring into those eyes. They were jet black, not the lavender he was used to.
Alby's tail wagged, so violently that his back half began to shake. His tongue reached out for Jr., and Jr. had no choice but to indulge him, bringing him closer. Alby lapped at his throat and chin, stealing away the tears from his cheeks.
"Alright, alright, I'm only so irresistible" Jr. laughed, pulling the dog's face away. He settled Alby in his arms, where the excitement suddenly died down. Satisfied by the hug, Alby shut his eyes, nuzzling his face into the crook of Jr.'s arm.
The breath came from Jr. slowly, less choked than it usually did these days. Alby's heart patted against his arm, gentle and lulling.
Albedo's heart slowed down like this too, when he was pressed against Jr. He always calmed so quickly when they hugged, or their hands fit in each others'.
Nothing like the rapid frenzy of his heart when he had pulled Jr. against him in the Encephalon, an arm slung about his neck.
Maybe there was a part of Jr. that missed those old days. Maybe he liked it when Alby curled up against his legs at night, almost like when Albedo would come by after a nightmare.
"Alby?" he asked, softly. He hadn't known dogs could glare, but he didn't have a better word for the grouchy, lidded eyes that stared up at him from the sleepy dog.
A smile still spread across Jr.'s face. "Good dog."
(X)
"His name is Alby."
Albedo's voice was bemused in his head. "Alby."
Jr. should have guessed the dog would pique Albedo's curiosity. He had asked after the "dreadful yapping", but Jr. could feel him brighten up at the sight of Alby's shining eyes and wagging tail. Albedo always did like small animals.
"Yeah. 'cause he's an albino."
Silence.
Jr.'s heart thumped.
"…surely, you must realize the futility of lying to someone who lives in your head."
"I'm not lying!" Jr. protested. "It's one of the reasons."
The rest of his friends were at least polite enough to pretend they believed his fib. That, or they didn't want to have the 'no, I think you named this dog after your evil dead brother' conversation.
Gaignun did try, once or twice. Jr. never wanted to talk about it. Who could possibly understand?
"The other being…?"
Jr. gritted his teeth. Of course Albedo wanted to hear him say it. He was always a bastard like that. "Alright, alright. I got him right after… you know."
He let the images through their link- a swirling pink haze, with voices in his head and visions swimming by, Albedo tall and proud on a makeshift throne, chest bare and eyes frenzied.
"Ah," Albedo sighed, against all odds. "What lovely memories."
"Bastard." Jr. hated thinking of the time-space anomaly. Even at his angriest, he'd never wanted Albedo dead.
It hurt, to be used like that. It shouldn't, since Jr. was nothing but a tool all along, shaped to slow down U-DO and be disposed of soon after, but Albedo should understand that more than anyone.
The voice was smooth in his mind. "One betrayal for another, dear Rubedo."
Jr. bristled, fists clenching. "Don't listen to my thoughts."
"Not even when they're about me?"
"I don't go poking around in your head!" Jr. protested. Admittedly, that was half because he was afraid of what he would find there, but the point still stood.
Albedo laughed then, high and breathless. Jr. gritted his teeth. It reminded him of the worst of Albedo, the lifeless Realians at his feet and an arm of his gratuitously sawed off.
He couldn't turn away now, though. He couldn't run, like that day on Miltia, or clap his hands over his ears and pretend not to hear. Albedo was a part of him again, his other half, and Jr. had promised to see this through to the end. He wouldn't abandon his brother again.
He crouched down to the floor, hand outstretched, and whistled. Alby came trotting over, tail raised, and tilted his head to the side.
"C'mere," Jr. insisted, and ran a hand over Alby's little head. A tinge of nostalgia washed over him when Alby closed his eyes, tail beating back and forth rapidly. Albedo had always liked being close when he was younger, happy just the same.
"Does he do any tricks?" The voice in his head asked, newly tempered.
Jr. wished. "Do you?"
"I could be convinced to lie down and roll over," Albedo purred.
Jr. flashed an unenviable shade of red. "Shut up!"
The voice in his head cackled again, but the edge of mockery had dulled. Jr. didn't like these jokes, but there was something less combative about them.
They weren't what the old Albedo would have said, though. Things had just changed so much.
Alby tilted his chin upwards, letting Jr. scratch behind his ears. Pleased with all the attention, he flopped over the small distance to the floor, rolling to show his stomach. Jr. was quick to continue the petting, rubbing Alby's underside as he tilted his chin up.
"You've changed a lot, too."
Albedo's voice was quiet, now, reverent. Jr. was normally proud of how different he was- he loathed to be called Rubedo any longer- but right now, he wanted nothing more than to deny it.
"Yeah," he said instead, "I guess so."
He'd known nothing would ever be the same that day. There was nothing to do but watch as Albedo's mind was torn to shreds, as terrible words spilled forth from his mouth. It was the second time Jr. had ever felt well and truly helpless.
"I doubt your spirit could ever change," Albedo murmured. "Your clothes and your speech, yes… but I know your heart better than anyone."
On instinct, Jr.'s hand darted to his chest. There the two hearts beat in harmony, in more perfect sync than they ever had before.
"That's why it's so easy to piss you off," Albedo offered helpfully. Jr. scowled.
"You're a little too good at that."
Alby yipped, neglected for too long, and Jr. returned to patting his stomach with an indulgent smile. He was very cute, with his paws flipped over like this.
It was easier to reconcile Jr. and Rubedo, despite their different names, than the two Albedos he had known. Could the tall, domineering madman really be the shaking boy Jr. had known? How could he defend and reassure Albedo, but also stop him from committing such awful crimes?
It didn't matter now. Nothing could change what Albedo had done, but now he would never hurt anyone again, and he was happy.
"I think I liked it." Jr. admitted. "I mean, maybe it's because we're weapons… but I think it should have hurt more than it did."
Albedo chuckled, far less hysterical than what Jr. was accustomed to. "I can see your heart, Rubedo. I always knew you didn't truly hate me."
Jr.'s mouth opened. His first instinct was to fight back, argue that no, he really did loathe Albedo, he remembered nightmares and arguments and shaking with anger, feeling the flames of the Red Dragon build up inside of him to bursting, but he really wasn't sure if it was true. He didn't hate Albedo nearly as much as he did their father.
Albedo tsked. "I could never replace our dear old dad."
"Stupid old bastard." Jr. grumbled. Thinking about what he did to Gaignun made something in his heart crack, so he pulled Alby closer. The dog stilled as he was crushed to Jr.'s chest, a third heartbeat to match the two already within.
It was so familiar, feeling grief like this. The emptiness pulled Jr. back to that pink void, to the maddening whispers within and the blood on his hands.
Tears began to well in his eyes. "Why did I have to do that?"
They had all died by his hands. He'd been forced to kill every one of his siblings, two as they begged him for it (not aloud, Albedo was too proud for that, but Jr. knew what was in his heart).
"There was no other choice." Albedo was as harsh as he had been then. "There's no use in whining."
"I didn't have to kill you!" Jr. blurted out. "You made me do that!"
It all came spilling out then, the truth behind the bitterness that had been lodged inside of him for so long. He'd been made a murderer by Albedo. That was what had started all of this, the first casualty of their twisted little family at Jr.'s bullets.
"It was what I wanted." Albedo said coolly. "I made the choice-"
"But I pulled the trigger!" Jr. interrupted. It lapped up and burnt at him, the guilt and the shame, remembering how it all broke apart, his half-formed plan to rescue Albedo and bring him back.
"No one else deserved to kill me." Albedo said infuriatingly, incomprehensibly.
"You could have done it yourself!" Jr. snarled, tightening his hold around Alby. "You didn't have to make a show of it all! You died, Albedo!"
His thoughts sped from his control as he let every thought out, every emotion he could feel. "I had nightmares for a whole year! I couldn't stop thinking about it! I didn't want to watch you die, Albedo, but I had to, just because you were a coward, just because you were scared-!"
Jr. paused then, eyes wide and breathing quick.
He hadn't known that. How had he known that?
It quickly became clear, as his chest rose and fall. He had felt that from Albedo. Something slipped through in their bond, a paralyzing fear, cold enough to anchor Jr. in place forever.
"Sorry," he said quickly. It wasn't the first time he had lost his temper. It wasn't the first time he had to apologize to his little brother.
Fear was such a familiar thing to feel from Albedo, Jr. couldn't help but think of when they were children. He hadn't felt fear in Albedo's heart for so long.
Maybe he'd been hiding it all along.
"Could you pet Alby, again?" Albedo asked, the quietest Jr. had heard him since they were children. He indulged his brother quickly.
Albedo always did like small animals. He pet them so gently, whenever he found one in the garden.
"He's real, isn't he?" Albedo asked. Jr. snorted.
"What am I, cheap?"
He could feel something warm in Albedo's heart, surprise and appreciation.
"I knew you didn't hate me," Albedo repeated. "I didn't know…"
The rest went unsaid. He didn't know that Jr. had mourned him so deeply, didn't know that he would purchase a real dog in Albedo's name, didn't know that it would hurt so much. Killing was something different to him, something strange and intangible when he couldn't know death himself.
Jr. could see it, now. The reverence Albedo held for him was clear, a collection of images- Jr. holding his hand in reassurance, protecting him from U-DO, watching nearby as Albedo passed. It was an act of protection in Albedo's mind.
"I was scared, too." Jr. admitted, tracing his fingers through Alby's fur in random patterns. "I thought it'd be easy. It seemed like it would be, when you pulled all that shit- killing people and hurting them, and being so damn happy about it all-!"
He hadn't forgotten the bodies Albedo used as decoration, the fleets destroyed and the threats so joyfully relayed over comm.
"…the fact that it wasn't was scary, too."
Jr. didn't know what he felt anymore. For awhile it was easier to hate Albedo, to pretend he'd never felt anything for him, but now it was easier to change entirely. There was no good answer, just a galaxy's worth of spinning emotions, like a ride that would make Jr. sick.
"I tried my hand at hatred," Albedo said loftily. "I always preferred devotion."
Jr. knew. He remembered the affection, the attempts at closeness no matter the situation. It was jarring, to hear the feelings in Albedo's heart voiced as they never were, the subtle affection as Albedo's little hand reached for his.
"Maybe you haven't changed either," Jr. said. It felt extraordinarily stupid to say, because of course Albedo had changed- he was taller, and crueler, and his serious pout had been replaced with a raucous laugh, but something about him felt the same. His heart beat as it always had. "Maybe it just… felt like you did."
Albedo was still afraid. He still needed Rubedo to protect him. Maybe Jr. could do it just as well.
Alby pressed a series of quick licks to Jr.'s hand, tail wagging.
"It's all over, I guess." Jr. said. "Nothing will ever change again. We're together for good now. We just have to get along."
It felt, deeply inside, like they had already made a great deal of progress. There was nothing but warmth emanating from Albedo now. Jr. realized, searching through the feelings coming from Albedo, that his brother hadn't felt any fear at all as they'd talked.
It was only a memory now.
"I like this dog," Albedo announced. "Such exquisite taste you have, Rubedo."
