Bons Mots

Glorfirien


Summary/WARNING: "If you are reading this then I am...hiding in Daniel's closet." Thus follows acollection of letters which were made mention of in Why Me? which should be read prior to this for full understanding. Humor.

Disclaimer: (Which is the wonderful work of another author. It seems to be as official as one can get so thanks to that person who helps us newbies sound all official-like) The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

Again: !READ WHY ME? FIRST!


Author's Notes: Well, it's short but it's a start. Here goes. Hope I amuse and that it tides you over while I get into gear for a sequel (hopefully). Remember to review. Or else. I don't know what else. Yet.
Dear Unnamed Reader,

If you are reading this then I am either:

A. Under lock and key in one the SGC's most impenetrable cells.

B. Scott free after having successfully made a mockery of the USAF, Marines, Army, etc. by escaping a heavily secured and extremely secret base.

C. Standing in front of you and you glare, rage, or enter into a apoplectic tirade after catching me in my pathetic attempt of escape.

D. Myself, re-reading the note and making sure it contains the required amount of wit and sarcasm.

E. None of the Above

If the answer is A then please make sure that Mitchell fulfills his end of the deal and gives me my tiramisu. Also, make sure to relocate the television and The Lord of the Rings DVD's into my cell lest I go insane…er. Is insaner a word?

If you circled B then nya-nya-nya-nya-nyah! You can't catch me. HA-HA! I outmaneuvered people twice my age and with years military training. Ouch. That doesn't bode well for you guys. Geez, you're supposed to be my tax dollars at work? Sad. Well not my tax dollars but American tax dollars. You know what I mean.

If you bubbled in C and are turning an interesting shade of puce, red, blue, purple, green, orange, etc. then please make sure to ignore the sniggering originating from my general direction. Also, remember to tell me where I went wrong so that I may refine my escape plan.

To answer D. Dearest self, you are doing a marvelous job. Your diction and sentence structure, your choice of irony; it's marvelous just marvelous darling. Continue driving the world insane.

E. What? Was I shot? Abducted by aliens? Being dissected? Transported to Middle Earth? Am I hiding in Daniel's closet? What? What happened to me?

I am hoping that the answer is B because then I'm away from this center for insanity, impossibility and rather bland food. Geez, you'd think that being a place where extraterrestrial races frequent you'd have food that would make them realize the wonder that is Earth cuisine, but no you have to serve crap that no sane person would even consider consuming.

Not that anyone of you people is sane.

Whatever.

Now, I'm sorry that I'm causing you a headache General Landry but I just really need to leave. I'm not trained for this and if I have to stare at gray cement walls for longer I'll pull some stupid stunt like pranking everyone in the SGC or "accidentally" releasing information about the Stargate to the public. So, in retrospect, it's better for everyone that I'm gone. You don't have to deal with my hyper lunacy and I don't become the subject of inventive questioning courtesy of the government.

Hope you kick Ori/Prior Ass,

Cindy Cardenas

P.S. Thanks for your help in financing my new wardrobe. It is very much appreciated.


End Letter 1
Hehehe. How many people want to kill be because the summary excerpt was misleading? Ain't I a stinker?

There's more to come folks so keep a weather eye out.

Speaking of which. Didn't PotC rock? I drooled over Norrington. I am such a fangirl.