That's the thing about twins, Alfred thinks.

You can never get away from yours. His whole life, no matter where he's been, Mathew was only a step behind him. He only had England to himself for a short while before his brother joined him. He still remembered the day they'd been introduced cleary. "America, this is your brother, Canada." England had explained, ushering the quiet boy with the shy face in front of him. Alfred had been foolish then, extremely excited, then, just as quickly, bored. It hadn't taken him long to get used to his look-alike following him around, always a step behind.

It had taken him a while to get used to sharing Arthur though. All of a sudden, only one of Arthur's knees was lent to Alfred at story time, the other to Mathew. No longer could Alfred monopolize the whole lap, or the choice of story, ar Arthur's attention. Even when he got up at night, seeking out Arthur with the complaint "I can't sleep." he only had a short sweet time together before Mathew came along behind him, crying and mumbling in French about his nightmare. Suddenly Arthur wasn't all Alfred's anymore, and Alfred wasn't sure he liked that.

In a small act of spite, Alfred had decided not to give his twin any attention, to ignore him. A tiny voice in his head whispered "If I ignore him long enough, he'll go away." But he didn't. And everything Alfred did that he got praised for, Mathew did too, just as well, and also got praised. It gave him a sort of petty satisfaction to see that Mathew also got scolded for what Alfred did, even if he didn't do it too. But Mathew even seemed to get out of scolding easier than him. Now that he is older, its clear to America that it was because Canada was contrite and quick to apologize, even though he did nothing wrong. He still is. Alfred had argued and sulked.

Eventually, Alfred had grown to expect Matthew's presence behind him. He hadn't realized how much he needed it until he left his brother behind. He had expected Canada to join him, following behind like always, when he told him he wanted to go independant. He had been shocked when Canada refused. So he went alone, into war, and for a bit had taken a petty pleasure in every shot fired that hit England or Canada. Each bullet hit was a time America got them back for when he'd been hurt.

BAM.

Payback for the heavy taxes enforced by England.

BAM.

Payback for Matthew stealing Arthur away from him.

BAM.

Payback for being left behind while England conquered the world.

BAM.

Payback for being abandoned by his brother.

He wanted both of them to feel how they hurt him, so much so he barely noticed the bullets fired from their guns that hit the mark. But eventually, he won, bringing England to his knees, and Canada, only a few feet behind England, had his eyes trained not on America, but one of the countries standing behind him. France. It was a strange feeling to Alfred. He'd tried to ignore his brother for most of his life, to monopolize Arthur's attention, but he had always been followed by his brother. Now, for the first time, Alfred realized he was the one being ignored.

To England, America was the only one in the world. To Mathew, Alfred may as well had been invisible. It had left an unsettling feeling in Alfred's gut, one that hadn't gone away. He began to miss the presence behind him, to feel jealous when he saw Canada trailing behind England. It was frustrating to him. He was Matthew's twin. Mathew should be with him. So, when he went against England again in a fight that was never truly finished, America chose to go through Canada's lands. To claim them for himself. His brother belonged behind him, not England. He needed that soft but solid presence backing him.

Canada hadn't felt the same. America hadn't expected much of a fight from his brother. He was only a shadow. A thief. He wasn't an empire like England, and America had beaten England. America had taken special pleasure in burning Canada's Parliament building when his brother had fought back. Teach his brother to abandon him time and time again. Didn't Mathew understand how lonely it was? Alfred hadn't realized at the time that he was only crushingly lonely, haven thrown away the house he grew up with, the two beings that doted on him, and suddenly found himself alone with no one to wipe away his tears.

But America was strong. He'd already tasted what it felt like to fight for what you wanted and get it. So he did it again. Except this time, he didn't win. Canada had fought back. Alfred tried to forget the look on Canada's face as he burnt the white house in retaliation. He couldn't. This time, Canada had seen America. He had looked at him directly, another new experience to Alfred. Not gazing up at him as America grew and left Canada toddling after, not watching his back as he followed behind, but directly at him, as equals. Alfred wishes he could say he'd seen regret, or guilt, or even a conflicted expression. He hadn't.

It wasn't too long after, that, as always, Canada gained independence too, following after America just like always. Except, for the first time, Alfred realized something was different. Almost subconsciously, he had made an effort to be louder, to draw attention. "Look at me" he wanted to say. "Just me." He didn't want them to notice his brother. Nicer than America, everybody's friend. Canada, who had asked nicely to be independent and got it. Canada who faced off against America and won, who didnt start wars like his brother. Something in Alfred's subconscious told him that if they noticed Canada, they would think he was better than America, and once again, Canada would steal all their attention.

But, even to this day, Mathew is always just beside Alfred. Geographically neighbours, always just beside Alfred at meetings, arriving just after Alfred. But still invisible. The only time anyone seems to notice Canada is in revenge for something America did, or thinking Canada is America. When he was younger this would have pleased Alfred. Now he hates it. He wishes he could go back in time, and slap his childhood self. He had always had a brother who cherished him, so why didn't he cherish his twin in return? And now its too late.

Of course, he jokes about it, calling Canada his "51st state" but its nothing more than a joke, an impossible dream. There is a border drawn clearly between them, a line neither can cross anymore. There's no way for Alfred to get his adoring younger brother back. He succeeded, technically. He has everyone's attention, both good and bad. Canada is always watching him, but no longer in the way he used to. In some ways, America wonders if he's become a monster, not the hero he claims to be. A tiny thought comforts him. If he is a monster, Canada is too.

That's the thing about twins, America thinks as the door cracks open and his twin joins him. You can never get away from yours.