A/N You know how much I love you's! Hope you enjoy this chapter... tis pretty short but this whole story seems to be quite short. Not the best chapter by any means but I hope you like.

Chapter Five- Ray

"Everyday there's a boy in the mirror

Asking me "what are you doing here?"

Finding all my previous motives

Growing increasingly unclear"

-"Homesick" Kings of Convenience

One day your life's on track, the next it isn't. One thing, one person, can change your whole perspective. I had been going on my merry way through life when I met Neela. She'd changed my perspective, made me more responsible. Then she's gone. And I was left being all responsible. And what was she doing? She was dating my cousin. Oh yes, that was responsible.

When Kevin had told me I had almost hit him. I've never come so close. I wanted to do to him what I did to Zoe's dad. But Zoe's dad was a bastard, he abused his children. What did Kevin ever do? Be a pain in the ass, sure, but he wasn't a bad person. He didn't deserve to be hit. I couldn't help hating him, but I was glad I hadn't hit him. My restraint was being tested tonight though.

It was Friday. Kevin was getting ready for a date. With the woman I loved. My cousin, and the woman I loved. The woman that haunted my dreams was going on a date with my cousin. The woman I'd never gone on a date with was going on a date with my cousin. Neela was going on a date with Kevin. Kevin was going on a date with Neela.

Yes, I think you've got the point.

I sat, angrily flicking through the channels as he hummed in the bathroom, shaving, putting on aftershave, sorting out the collar on his sharp suit. He was perfect for Neela. I only wore a shirt if I really had to, to make a good impression usually, Kevin actually liked wearing shirts. I could just imagine her getting ready, wearing some dress that would make her devastatingly beautiful. I didn't know whether I wanted Kevin to notice that or not. If he noticed then he'd think she was beautiful and... well who knows where that may lead. But if he didn't, he'd have to be stupid and... I wanted him to treat her right. I wanted to be on the phone, telling him all the right things to say.

I wanted her to be happy.

Everything was changing, I needed to catch up. I needed that job. When I had gotten home today, after work, there was a message on my machine saying that they would call me later. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I assumed that if I hadn't got the job they would have just told me in the message.

"So, how do I look?" Kevin asked, standing in front of me, blocking my view of the t.v.

"Fine. Are you going now?" I asked, not looking at him, trying to look through him.

"Yeah. Look, are you sure you're alright? You said nothing was going on with you and Neela, right?"

"Nothing is," I said, surlily.

"Right." He paused, "Well... I'll be off then."

"You do that. Have fun," I said, I hoped it was clear that I meant the exact opposite.

An hour later I was sitting on my couch, trying not to imagine what they were doing. Would he pull her chair out for her in the restaurant? Would they hold hands across the table? Would they forget to look at the menu because they were too busy talking? All these things I got from t.v, I don't think I'd ever gone to a restaurant for a date.

How can I claim to love someone I've never even dated? It doesn't make sense. It's true though.

Why do the important things never make sense?

Love is just confusion, dressed up as something else.

With Neela in my life, I can't concentrate on anything else I can't think about anything else, that's why I need this job, that's why I need to get away.

The phone began ringing, breaking me out of my stupor. I got up and picked up the phone, still flicking the channels on the t.v.

"Hello, Ray Barnett speaking."

"Hi Dr Barnett, this is Ms White, I'm phoning about your recent interview with us, is this a good time?"

"Yes, of course, sorry, I was out at work when you called before."

"We assumed as much. Look, I shall say straight off, we would like to offer you the vacancy. But, some things have come up and it looks like you would have to start sooner than we had planned."

"Oh, thank you, um, how much sooner?"

"Two weeks."

Two weeks? I could be moving to a different city in two weeks. Could I do that? My mind flicked to thoughts of Kevin and Neela on their date. Yes, I could do that.

"Look, we know it's short notice, and normally we wouldn't ask this of our applicants but..."

"That's fine," I said, interrupting her. "I'll take the job."

"You will? Fantastic. Well, we'll be in touch with further arrangements."

"Thank you very much," I said, smiling.

"That's alright Dr Barnett, I look forward to having you as part of our team. Goodbye for now."

"Goodbye." I hung up. I had got the job. I was starting in two weeks. I was leaving Chicago, I was leaving County, I was leaving Neela. She'd left me first, but that was only the apartment, I was leaving the city -for the same reasons as she had left, my feelings and her lack of similar feelings. She had been embarrassed that I liked her, and she didn't like me in the same way. Now I was the embarrassed one. But at least I could leave all that behind now, I was leaving everything behind.

I went to the kitchen and rooted in the drawers for a notepad. I grabbed a pen and sat down at the table. I would write my formal letter of resignation on a computer, but I wanted to add a covering letter, to Dr Weaver.

Dear Dr Weaver,

I just wanted to write this to you to tell you thank you. And I'm sorry.

I want to thank you for all the times you've shouted at me, you really have made me a better doctor. I'm sure I never would have gotten my new job if I was still the same person I was when I arrived at County.

I also want to apologise for the short notice, and for all the times I wore nail polish to work. Oh, I also want to apologise because yes, this resignation is a little late. I know I was meant to resign months ago, when I was meant to be going with my band to California, but the truth is that they kicked me out that day. I'm glad you took me back, even though it wasn't completely out of your own choice.

Thanks again,

Dr Ray Barnett

I stared down at my note pad, wondering who else I needed to write to. I wasn't good at telling people my feelings face to face, the one time I'd gotten close the person had drove off in a taxi. Hmm, who could I be talking about?

Dear Lockhart

Before I leave I want to tell you that you have been a really good friend to me. I know we always tease each other, but you are also great at giving me advice, especially on... well, you know what on. Thank you, for everything.

I'll really miss you, I hope everything goes alright with the birth. I know you and Luka will always be happy.

I hope we can keep in touch, even it is only the odd e-mail.

Thanks again, Abby

Love,

Ray Barnett

Dear Dr Kovac,

Well, I'm sure you'll be glad that I'm leaving. But I wanted you to know, before I go, that you have been a really good teacher. Even when things were going on in your own life, you were always there for us residents. I definitely needed someone back then.

Thank you again, and I wish you all the luck I can give you.

Always count yourself lucky that you're with the woman you love. Don't worry, I'm not saying I love Abby or anything, I just mean... be happy.

Sorry, I'm rambling now.

I'm glad we met,

Ray Barnett

There was one more letter I knew I should write. I decided to write it, even though I knew I would never give it to her.

Dear Neela,

Thank you for being my best friend, thank you for being my Roomie, thank you for... everything.

I know everything changed between us, but I hope we can remember the good times, when we were friends and Roomies. I'll always remember them, I can't forget. I hope you can remember them too.

I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you. You are the most important person to me.

Sometimes I feel like you're more important to me than myself, that's why I have to leave. That is just... it's wrong, especially when I know you don't feel the same about me. I hope one day we will be able to talk again, like we used to.

I will always love you, Neela, you're my first love and you can never forget your first love.

Yours always,

Ray Barnett, your former Roomie

I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw I was crying. I splashed water on my face and went to my room to start packing. There, it was over now.

A/N Don't worry, this story isn't over, yet! Four more chapters to go, I do believe! Reviews would be very welcome, as always!