A/N Yes, I know two updates in the space of minutes! But that's because I won't be able to update tomorrow (probably) because it's... dun dun dun, RESULTS DAY! Yup, tomorrow I get my GCSE results, which will let me know whether I get into college, whether the work (ahem) of the past two years has been worth it... all those little things! Oh, and this is the PENULTIMATE chapter. By the way.

Chapter Eight -Neela

"I know how to ease all your sorrows

So come here

Rest your head on my pillow

It's alright, we don't need a tomorrow tonight"

-"Tomorrow" Emma Bunton

It's easy to say you can forget, but forgetting is a hard thing to do. I had finally told him how I felt and he was still leaving. I didn't want him to leave. How could I pretend he wasn't leaving when we were sitting in an empty apartment, with only a beer each to amuse ourselves.

"Ray... why are you leaving?"

"I thought we weren't talking about that."

"I... I need to know. Why... if I'm the reason, why are you still leaving? You know how I feel about you. We could... we could try and make it work... between us."

His jaw tightened. "Please don't say that."

"Why?"

"Because I'll want to stay."

I shook my head, "You don't make sense. If you want to stay... what's stopping you?"

"It's like when you left here, did you want to stay?"

"Well... yeah, but I had to leave."

"Exactly, the reasons you had to leave were still there. They're still there for me too. I can't concentrate when I'm around you, Neela, and I can't concentrate when I'm not around you. I need to... I don't know what I need to do, but I can't do it here."

"Ray," I said, sighing, "I feel the same." My eyes were burning, I knew if I wasn't careful I would start crying soon. "This is so stupid."

"Am I stupid? Is that what you're saying?"

"No, what you're doing is stupid. Why are you throwing this away before it's even had a chance."

"Because I can't cope any more!" he snapped, standing up and pacing the room. "I can not cope any more Neela. It has been months since you moved out, and nothing is helping. As far as I knew you hated me."

"But you know I don't, now."

"Yes, now, the night before I leave. I have made my decision Neela... Please, please don't make me regret it. God, I didn't need another reason to regret leaving."

"So don't!"

"Alright, say I don't, what then? We get together, we'll be happy forever? What happens in a few months when you realise what a stupid, irresponsible... what happens when you realise that I'm not what you want? What am I meant to do then?"

"You are what I want. You're what I want for ever. Why would I change my mind? I know what you're like, and yeah you annoy the hell out of me sometimes, and yes you're doing it now, but I love you. I couldn't love anyone else, not now I know you. You are what I want, exactly."

"I bet you thought the same about Michael."

The tears spilled over, as I stood up -enraged. "How dare you." My lip was quivering, I knew, and I couldn't stop myself from crying. "How dare you say that... You know how... guilty... I felt... when..." I could hardly talk between sobs. He came over and pulled me into his arms, and I leaned into him despite myself. We were both breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry Neela. I didn't mean it. I really... this is what I mean, I'm stupid and I don't deserve you."

"You're not stupid," I said, sniffling. "Well, you can do stupid things, but you're not stupid."

"Well... I don't deserve you. You deserve someone like Kevin, he's rich, successful, smart... everything I'm not."

"And do you know what he doesn't have? Oh yeah, he's smart, rich, funny, good-looking, hell he's practically perfect."

"Yeah. That's what I said."

"You didn't let me finish. He's practically perfect, for anyone else but me. Because all I could think when I was out with him was "wow, he's so nice. But he's not Ray." I don't know what it is, but you've got something that makes me crazy about you. Don't ask me why, but I'd rather love you than some rich, perfect guy any time. What's so great about being perfect anyway? It'd only make me feel bad."

He laughed, and I was glad I'd cheered him up. Yes, it had been me crying but it had been he who had really been upset. Hell, his arms around me made me feel instantly better.

He looked down at me and smiled. "I wish things had gone right for us Neela. I really wish that... but what's the point in wishing things were different?"

"Things could be different."

"No... they couldn't. We can't change the past. We can't change our past..." He kissed my forehead. "I'll always love you, I really will. Sometimes I hate myself for loving you, because if I didn't things would be easier. Maybe it's a test..."

"A test? From who?"

"God? Some higher power?"

"You're not religious."

"No," he said, with a smile. "But maybe I'll start. Look, maybe this is just something we have to overcome, we love each other, but we can't be together."

"We're not Romeo and Juliet. I don't see why we can't be together. Now... all the problems are gone."

"I... Neela... I have to leave, because I have to find myself again. I lost me because I was too caught up loving you. I don't want to just exist to be in love with you. I want to be able to enjoy being in love, but I'm not..."

"That's because we weren't together."

"No... and we're not now. I am leaving tomorrow. I have a job and all my stuffs gone. It's too late, Roomie. You said you wanted one last night, and this is... this is going to be our last night."

He was smiling, but his eyes were the same as they had been that night I'd left. I realised they hadn't really changed, in all these months, his eyes had remained sad. I hated the fact that I was the one to take the shine out of his eyes.

"No, this isn't going to be our last night. You're going to go away, find yourself with some... Zen or something, and then you're going to come back. You're going to come back and I'll be waiting for you."

"I don't want you to wait for me, I don't know if I will come back here... I want you to be happy."

"I'll be happy, and I'll be waiting. You can't stop me from waiting, Ray. It's my life, it's my choice."

"Neela..." he tried to argue, but said nothing, finally just shaking his head. "Come on, I'm tired... wanna share my sheet?"

I laughed and lay down next to him. It was our first night together, and our last night together. I leaned against his chest, calmed by his touch. I could feel his breathing growing steadier as he fell asleep with his arms around me. How I wished we could be like this every night. But if he wanted to leave there was nothing I could do to stop him. It was his life, it was his choice. Just like it was my choice to wait for him to come back.

"I love you," I whispered into the darkness.

"Those three words

I've said to much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world"

- "Chasing Cars" Snow Patrol

A/N Wish me luck for tomorrow! And leave me lovely reviews!