The Evil Story of DOOM!11one!11shift+111!eleven!11
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Disclaimer: Our lawyers are currently unavailable right now. So that's why we don't own Beyblade or Yu Yu Hakusho, but we do own the uncooked cheesy noodles and this keyboard, maybe.
And there they stood. Out in the parking lot of the mall. In those ridiculous outfits. Next to the lilac minivan.
"Hey Kurama," Umi muttered, "There's only 8 seats in there. Who's riding on the roof?"
"What are you talking about?" he replied. "Nobody's riding on the roof."
"Well then, who's riding in the trunk?"
"Nobody."
"Are you sure? Because there are 7 seats and 9 of y'all."
"What are you talking about?" Yuuske asked, "There are only 7 of us."
"Who aren't you counting?" Eclipse asked.
"Well, there's Kurama," he put up a finger, "and Hiei," he put up another, "and Kuwabara," another finger, "and that guy," he pointed to Tyson and put up another finger, "and what's-his-name," he pointed to Max and put up another finger, "and him," he pointed to Rei and put up another finger, "and my competition," he pointed to Kai and put up another finger.
"You're an idiot."
"Am not!"
"What about you?" Nightshade asked. "And her?" She pointed to Hillary.
"Hold on," Kuwabara said, "she's with us?"
"No dip," Hillary said, "What, did you think I was just stalking you?"
". . . Yeah. . ."
Hilary gave him one of her infamous glares. "I'm not walking, at least not in these shoes."
"What spirit," joshed Willow. ((For all you illiterate people, it means joked.))
Yuuske replied, "I'm not walking home in these shoes either."
"Those are your only shoes," said Hiei.
"Exactly."
"Well, I'm not walking home," Kuwabara said, "I have to. . .umm. . .not walk home down the highway. I might get hit by a drunk driver or something."
"And y'all don't think that won't happen to us!" Umi exclaimed. "Great, now I have to be paranoid of drunk drivers."
Kurama spoke up, "I'm not walking home; I have to drive."
"No you don't; I could dri—"
"Umi, you're walking."
"Your mom!"
"I'm not walking home," Kenny said, "Because I'm too short and might get hit by a regular driver. Not to mention I don't have eyes."
"I have allergies," Max said, "So I can't walk home."
"I'm asthmatic!" said Nightshade.
"Where's your inhaler?"
"My dog ate it."
"You don't have a dog."
"Shut up!"
"I'm definitely not walking," piped up Kai, "Because I know where you live."
"That makes no sense."
"So?"
"I hate you more," said Willow.
"No, I do," assured Kai.
"Who's getting married?" asked Yuuske.
Everybody just stared for a minute. Then they continued the debate on who should walk home. After about 10 minutes, and a lot of strange looks from passersby, they came to this decision:
"So it's settled," Kurama said, "Yuuske, Kuwabara, Hilary, Kenny, Max, Kai, Tyson, and myself will ride in the car; Hiei and Rei will walk home with the girls."
Rei butted in, "Because you all are a bunch of wimps, I had to offer to go with the girls."
"We aren't wimps!" Yuuske shouted, "We just don't like to walk home where drunkards can hit us."
"May your children be devoured by ducks," Willow said.
"That's so sweet!"
Willow gave him a look that clearly said "shut up now before I kill you." He, thankfully (or unthankfully, depends on your position of Yuuske's life) shut up.
"I CALL SHOTGUN!" Kuwabara shouted.
"In your dreams," Hilary said as she sat down in the seat next to the driver.
"Everybody who's coming in the car, get in," Kurama said.
Kai, Kuwabara, and Yuuske sat in the middle row, and Tyson, Kenny, and Max sat in the back ((A/N: I know you're wondering so about why we're telling you this. You'll find out later, so shut up.))
And they pulled away. Running over Hiei's shoe in the process. Followed by a loud string of swear words too explicit for your sensitive ears and/or eyes. Then they started speeding, so Hiei couldn't attack the minivan in his current rage.
"Drive faster!" Kuwabara shouted, "He's coming!"
"Kuwabara," Kurama said calmly, "I am not going to spee--Holey crap, he's on our tail. Hold on!" And with that, he sped up. Unfortunately, he sped past a cop car.
"I hope you realize you sped past a cop car," Kai said.
"I was kind of hoping the cop wasn't there."
"I think he was."
"Damn."
And the sirens could be heard all around the parking lot. Let this go down in the records: Kurama, momma's boy extraordinaire, was caught speeding in a parking lot after running over his friend's foot.
The cop came up to the car and Kurama rolled down the window.
"May I help you sir?" asked Kurama politely.
"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"No sir."
"60 kilometers per hour. 60! You could of killed someone!"
"He doesn't need to speed to hit someone." Said Yuuske, "cause he already did."
"A hit and run?" asked the officer, clearly delighted. "I think I'm going to have to arrest you now."
"Nice going Yuuske," Kuwabara said, "Now we're all in trouble."
"Now," the officer continued, "where did this incident occur?"
"Over there," Kenny said, pointing over to the strange group of assorted freaks.
"I see," the cop guy said, "Well, I have to go see if they're all right. If I see this car move, you're going straight to jail."
"No Miranda Rights?" Kurama asked.
The officer gave him a look of confusion. "Well, thanks for reminding me. I'll read them to you later." He walked off towards the other group of people.
Nightshade looked away from Umi smacking Hiei over the head with a broomstick conveniently lying in the middle of the parking lot to notice the cop walking over.
"Holey crap!" she exclaimed, "The cop's after us!"
"What're we going to do!" Eclipse asked in terror.
"Well," Willow said, "we could take one of 2 ways."
"Those being…?"
"1. We could be good abiding citizens and—"
"Next," Umi said.
"Or we could take off and run or attack him in self-defense or something."
"I like the second one better."
"I don't!" Rei said, "I don't want to be arrested! I've never had the Miranda Rights read to me, and I never want them read to me!"
"Your mom."
"Shut up!"
"What're we going to do?" Eclipse exclaimed again.
"He's getting closer!" Nightshade exclaimed in terror.
Everybody was kinda freaking out a little, until Umi ran off.
"Where the crap did she go?" Hiei asked. "I have to beat her over the head with this." He held up the confidently placed broomstick.
"I have no—" Willow began, but was interrupted by the cop's car driving up. Unfortunately, the cop wasn't driving. Umi was.
"YOU STOLE THE COP'S CAR!" Rei exclaimed.
The cop noticed that his car had been jacked. "Hey, that's my car!"
"Quick," Umi said, "get in. We're going for the ultimate joyride."
"Sweet!" Nightshade said, jumping in next to Umi. "Check it out! A radio!"
"We're all going to jail now, aren't we?" Eclipse said.
Hiei jumped into the front, and the other 3 clambered into the back.
"Step on it!" Willow shouted.
So Umi floored it, narrowly missing the cop in front of them.
((Back in Kurama's Car))
"UMI! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!" shouted Kurama.
"She can't hear you dipstick," said "all-knowing" Hilary.
Kai sighed, "I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, it was just a matter of time."
"You realize this is your fault," said Max, "for only bringing one car."
"My fault!" said Kai, "You're the one who said you didn't want to drive, and you're the only one who can."
"That's not my fault that I'm the only one who studied for the test."
"This is clearly all Kenny's fault," exclaimed Tyson, "for making the stupid dare."
"Since when were you intelligent?" asked Kenny menacingly.
"Since now," said Tyson triumphantly.
"I wonder if we'll be on the news," Yuuske thought aloud.
"What made you think of that?" Kuwabara asked.
"Well, they're involved in a high-speed pursuit chase thing, and it's this car's fault, so I think we should be on the news. Not to mention the news crews walking up to us."
"Oh God, no," Kurama muttered, "Why me?"
"Because Poseidon hates you."
"Don't make me slap you Yuuske."
((In the jacked cop car))
"DON'T HIT THAT CAR!" Eclipse yelled from the back seat.
"Shut up!" Umi shouted from the front. "I know what I'm doing!"
"Clearly not," Rei said.
"Don't make me come back there," Umi said, turning the mirror towards him, "Cause then we'll all die."
This made him shut up.
"Exactly."
"CAR!" Nightshade cried. "Turn right here! It's a back road!"
"I despise backseat drivers," Umi said, turning.
Unfortunately, Nightshade had no idea where they were going, and that was a turn onto the highway.
"Nightshade," Hiei threatened, "if we get out of this alive, remind me to kill you."
"Will do!"
"Shut up! I need to concentrate or I might hit—"
"CAR!" Willow shouted from the back.
"Huh?"
Nightshade grabbed the wheel and turned it.
"We're all going to die!" Rei sobbed.
"Would you grow up?" Willow asked.
"TREE!"
"What are you talking about? There aren't any trees on the highway!"
"Yeah, in the truck in front of us."
"Shut up."
"All of you need to shut up," Umi said, "I need to concentrate on not getting caught by the police and not hitting other cars or driving off the road or something."
"I sure hope you don't drive off the road," Eclipse said, worriedly.
"I'm glad you have so much confidence in my driving abilities."
"Well, you haven't even read the book you need to to take the written part of your driving exam, not to mention you haven't ever driven a cop car in your life, and you failed the written portion of your Driver's Ed class and—"
"Shut up!"
"Back-up needed," crackled the radio.
"It's Jeebus!" shouted Nightshade.
"No, it's Hesus!" replied Eclipse.
"The radio morons," sighed Hiei.
"We require back-up, all police units on duty are needed on Route 52, near the exit into Downtown Tokyo."
"Wait," said Rei, "that's where we are!"
"Where have you been?" shrieked Willow, shaking his shoulders slightly.
"Damn," Umi muttered, "the next thing they're going to do is put up a blockade."
"Now what makes you say that?" Hiei asked.
"I've spent way too much time recently playing Need for Speed."
"Uh-huh."
Over the radio the voice was heard again. "We're preparing to build a blockade. All units to Route 52 near the exit to Downtown Tokyo."
"Nightshade, what the crap are you doing!" Eclipse shouted. Nightshade had just picked up the radio and was beginning to talk into it.
"Hey," she said, "I hope you know, we can hear you. Thanks for the tip."
Hiei smacked her. "You idiot!"
"I can't believe you just did that! You gave away our advantage!" Willow shouted.
"Sorry," Nightshade muttered, "I just wanted to feel intelligent."
"But you're not!"
"Shut up."
Rei whimpered, "You know, I want Mariah to know that I really do hate her hair. And I want Tyson to know he needs table manners. And Kenny should think about getting eyes."
Magically a tape recorder appeared on the floor of the car. He picked it up and turned it on. "This is Rei Christmas Kon, and I'm going to die soon becau—"
"You're not going to die Christmas!" shouted Umi into the back, "just get in serious trouble."
"Gimme that," said Willow. She grabbed it and started recording her confessions, "okay, Kai, I really did steal your hair curlers. They were SO ugly, and I couldn't stand seeing your seriousness in them. So I gave then to the homeless. But they threw them away. And Rei…"
"I'm right here!"
"Shut up! Rei, as I was saying, I did eat your Twinkie…"
"I knew it!"
Eclipse grabbed the tape recorder. "This is Eclipse. And if you're hearing this message, you're either in court or I've died, and I really hope it was the first one. So here's my confession: My hair isn't naturally this curly! Honestly! I had to curl it because of a stupid dare from Kenny! If I die Kenny, my ghost will haunt you for all of eternity!"
"Boy Eclipse," Umi said, "That was stupid."
Rei grabbed the tape recorder. "Rei again. Now here's my confessions: Mariah, I really do hate your hair. I'm sorry! Tyson, I really advise you get some table manners, you look gross when you eat! Kenny, no offense, but you really should consider getting eyes. Seriously!"
Nightshade grabbed the tape recorder. "This is Nightshade. Now, my confession is: I hate my adopted father! His hair is soooooo gross! It's always in my food and junk and it's so nasty!"
"Shut up and give me that complainer," Umi said, grabbing it.
"Hold on," Eclipse said, "Hiei didn't get to say his confession yet."
"Whatever," Umi replied, throwing the device at Hiei, which happened to still be recording.
"What the crap am I going to say? That I'm sorry for anything? In your dreams!" Hiei harped.
"Wah, what a baby."
"Your mom!"
"Don't make me kick you out the window of this speeding car," Umi threatened.
And that's the end of Chapter 6. Yes, a very random place to end, but we just realized it's 11 pages long in Microsoft Word. So read and review, will ya?
