The Confessions of an Idiot
Enter: Tenten
TaurenLeaf
—
v. intr. Procrastination
What it is called when I write a story
that I could've done the week before but
instead, I decide to write it the day I was
supposed to turn it in.
Now, let's get started…
Tenten was an odd one, fairly cute, yes, but odd. Those buns on top of her head made me want to do one thing—and no—before you even start thinking it; I'm not a rapist, pedophile, or lesbian.
I've always wondered, what would happen if you stick something right through the middle of one of them? Would it break apart? They're always so—perfectly round! Maybe she puts something in them to keep the shape, like those rubber band balls…
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"Tenten-san, are you okay?" I said, narrowing my eyes. Just what was she doing? She'd been sitting as still as a statue since she came in. Just sitting…and staring. At me, it seemed. So I stared right back, not daring to look away (the girl was frightening! What would you do if someone just sat there and stared at you?).
She didn't move at all—I began to wonder if she was breathing, her chest did not move, and neither did her nostrils, from what I could see. Was this a joke? Did my rival from down the hall pay her just to sit in my office like a…a… mime? Even if so, I didn't break the gaze. It must have been at least five long and uncomfortable minutes of Tenten's blank glare before I noticed.
She was moving.
Her hand shook almost too fast for the human eye to see (well no shit, it took five minutes). I guess my eyes adjusted or something, because I see now, her whole body was moving. Just shaking…like a hummingbird having a seizure (similes and metaphors,my fifth grade LA teacher says, are the keys to beautiful writing). What the hell was her problem? Next time, I'm making sure there's no appointment on 'Annual Twitching Day'.
But shrinks are supposed to be nice, remember? They're basically paid mothers for pathetic people with no friends! So I say, "Tenten-san, have a cup of water. Are you uncomfortable? Why don't you move to the sofa? And rela—"
I don't know. It was like a whooshing sound—the sound that a sword makes when it's unsheathed. A kunai appeared out of nowhere, right at my throat. The only thing that came into my mind was that I wasn't going to pay for the hospital bill afterwards. Actually—no, the first thing I thought was that I was going to charge double.
But she stopped and—twitched.
It seems that there's actually a plus for her twitch syndrome: it stops her from killing me. How lovely…
Tenten's eyes grew wide and began to tremble uncontrollably; they were practically hanging over her eye sockets! Well, I change my mind. Take my life if you have to! Just get her out of my face! Forget the 50 dollars! Take it all! Wait—you didn't hear that…
Honestly, is she physically retar—err, challenged or something? Whose eyes bug out like those pink 'poo' toys do when you squeeze them?
My eyes couldn't close. Damn, the buns...are so...annoying! I just want to—poke, poke. I imagined using a chopstick and pushing those irritating rubber balls out of ther—
"Sorry! I thought you were Neji," Tenten exclaimed, exasperated. She stopped herself and backed down twitching again.
"Neji? You mean Hyuuga Neji?" Say wha? I'm like six inches taller than him! I look like a telephone pole! And you're confusing me with him? Lady, you need glasses.
"Yeah, him. Why doesn't he like me?" she asked, sounding desperate.
Because Dearie, you're confusing him with a telephone pole. "How are you sure that he doesn't like you?"
"When I 'drop' things on the ground for him to get for me, he just ignores me and runs away!"
"Give me an example," I say.
"Well, one time, I threw my favorite kunai to him," Tenten cried, "and, and, and he just dodged it! He let it go! So then—I had to go all the way to get it back!"
"Oh yes, that is quite sad. Very depressing," I started to nod my head. Does she even hear herself? If someone is throwing a kunai at you, what would you do?
Yes Tenten, we'd all just stand there and catch it for you.
"So then this time," she continued on, "I brought 10 of them. He had to catch at least one, right?" Her eyes shined as she spoke.
"Of course," I smiled. Where does crazy girl logic come from these days? I'm sure I wasn't like this when I was young. Oh, that seemed so long ago. There were ponies, and pink, pretty bows and dresses, and Barbies and—
"─BUT HE LETS THEM ALL GO!"
"I see, I see..." But then something happened—like the term 'a light bulb went off in my head'. I remembered what Hyuuga Neji said those few weeks ago. "Oh, Tenten, I'm pretty sure he likes you."
"Really?" I could hear every ounce of hope in her voice, "How do you know?"
"Do you have an outdoor bathtub?" She said a quick and eager "yes", and I continued. "Uh-huh, and you know that Neji is color blind? Being his teammate?"
"Actually, yes." Tenten said with a bit of confusion. I was really trying hard not to burst out laughing but it was pretty damn close to impossible. "And can you guess why he's color blind?"
"Yes, of course—he's been using the Byakugan too much."
I let out a laugh and said, "Don't you think that missions won't require that much use?"
There was silence. And then Tenten's eyes bugged out even further than before. It was like an extra large Deluxe Poo Toy.
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A/N:
Blah – this is edited. Does it make sense now?
