Chapter 4.
"More sake...Yama-jii?" Byakuya shoved the tray at his superior. He was still as much drunk as when he first drank the alcohol of doomage.
"Not now, Byakuya. I'm having a urination problem right now and Komamura is still in the bathroom," he scratched his beard. (A/N: Ahh it's alive! Just kidding.) "Why did you dye your hair red?" He looked at the bunny marker drawings on his forehead and the four pairs of glasses covering his eyes. "Where did you obtain those glasses?"
"These? Oh, let's see...Ishida, Nanao, Lemura and Aizen!" Byakuya laughed.
"Kuchiki-taichou!" An exasperated Nanao bumped into him. She was immensely red from the sake, but she still couldn't see very well with the glasses. "Please give them back! And Ishida's too!"
"Yes, mine too!" Ishida was behind her, groping Nanao's book for support.
"Ah not yet! Where's Lemura?" Byakuya asked, giggling behind the frames.
Lemura (If you don't remember, he's the perverted 3rd seat of Unohana:D) was against the wall, trashing about like a fish. Nanao and Ishida felt their way towards Byakuya, but he pushed them away and started running for his life.
"Why does he make it so hard for us? Nanao, where'd he go?"
"T...that way I think," replied Nanao.
They began running towards a blurry flag of red hair with their arms outstretched. Byakuya in the meantime was punching out the glass in the frames and hung each one around his ears and fingers. "I'm heading for the bathroom, you two!"
"Bathroom? I think it's to the right," Nanao tugged on Ishida's hair.
"Ow, or to the left. Why
can't you call for Captain Shunsui's help?" Ishida inquired.
Really, I'm sick of this.
"Are
you crazy? If I ask him, he'll be all like, 'Oh my poor Nanao-chan!
I'll make you feel better!' and then he'll try to kiss me and hug me
or something. Even worse, he's as drunk as Kuchiki-taichou! Get your
ryoka friends to help!"
"You mean Kurosaki? You wish I'll ask him for help. And...oof!"
"We're at the bathroom. Try to look where you're going."
"I would if I wasn't half blind," Ishida replied.
Byakuya was sitting on top of Komamura's shoulders and back while the foxy captain was peeing in the toilet doggy-style. Komamura didn't seem to mind the numerous intrusions while urinating.
"Kuchiki-taichou! Give it here!" Nanao demanded. Lemura arrived fashionably late, crawling on the floor into the bathroom tiles.
"Where am I?"
Byakuya looked at his treasure for a while and then licked each of them by the rims. He tossed them into the toilet and shunpo'ed out of there, still giggling while holding Aizen's glasses. "I'm keeping this one..."
Nanao reached over Komamura's back to feel for her precious glasses. "Ah, is this the sink? I can't tell where he threw them...the water is kinda warm." She pulled out three pairs of wet (yellowish) glasses and shook the "water" off. Komamura eyed suspiciously at the shinigamis and Ishida, but shrugged as he tidied his hakama and flushed the toilet. He walked away, not saying a word.
"Here's you guys. They smell...though," Nanao covered her nose.
As Ishida put them on, he opened his eyes to see that his vision hadn't improved. "The glass has been punched out," he stated. "That's so...harsh." They all sat in silence on the floor, blinded, crestfallen and smelling like foxy piss.
Yamamoto came in and looked at the miserable three. "Am I in the bathroom?"
--
Downstairs, Byakuya was putting on his Aizen glasses and found out that his view stayed the same. So that's why Aizen crumbled his pair when he went to Hollow-land...he's not blind at all! "Oi, Hime-chan! Booby-chan! Inoue!"
"Kuchiki-san, I won't give you any sake," Orihime said politely. "Please sit down, please for the love of...I mean, I have to go now."
"Wai, Hime! Darn..." He looked around. His guests were still occupying his mansion and still drinking without him. He peered around and saw something in the distance, or was it someone? He stood up and wandered to the garden of the mansion where the tree's constantly bloomed and petals were constantly dropping to the ground...anime-style.
"Hello? Hello! Konnichiha! Hey..." Byakuya stopped trampling on his beautiful garden that his servants worked so hard on. "You..." Behind a fence sat a pretty lady in a red kimono, two sizes too big. The woman faced him and smiled.
"..."
"..."
"Hisana!" Byakuya yelled. He pounced on Hisana and fell to the floor, rolling around like a monkey.
"Byakuya-sama, please...this is embarrassing," she told him.
"Squee!" Byakuya clutched onto her waist.
She sat up-right and stroked Byakuya's arm. "You look wonderful Byakuya-sama. How have you been?"
"It's my birthday...and oh, I died my hair red and I have these neat glasses. Look at them!" Byakuya spun Aizen's glasses in the air. "Look!" It flew into Hisana, smacking her in the forehead.
"That's very nice, Byakuya-sama, wah!" Byakuya shook her back and forth, giving her a toothy smile.
"I know, let's go into the mansion and party!" He took her by the waist and ran back into the mansion. Walking into the house, the guests gave him confused drunken looks.
"Kuchiki-taichou...you're holding..." Matsumoto started.
"I know, isn't this great!" Byakuya rubbed Hisana against his chin. "She's so furry and soft."
"...Whatever. Oi, Orihime! I need some more sake!"
Byakuya heard a rustling in the corner and saw Rukia with a blanket around her head. "Rukia!"
"Oh no. Nii-sama, I can explain about earlier. We needed to do something earlier and well, we couldn't stay with you," Rukia tried to explain, but Byakuya apparently wasn't listening to a word she was saying. "Nii-sama?"
"Isn't Hisana great?" Byakuya put Hisana right in front of Rukia's nose.
"Nii-sama...you're holding a squirrel."
"Nani?"
