Chapter 7.

This chapter contains a disturbing toy. xD

Byakuya woke up from a hazy dream to find himself in a dark locked room, specifically, Rukia's room. About an hour had passed from when he was first knocked out and still he felt as tipsy as ever.

"Oh Rukia's room. This should be fun…"

Adjusting his Aizen glasses, he rummaged through his sister's drawers until he found something that would catch his interest and there it was. A chappy cheese stick. Byakuya stared at it for a while and sprung it back and forth.

"Ack, Rukia carries a dildo!" Frantically, he put it in his wardrobe and searched for way out. A locked window was the key. He jumped out of the room with shards of glass in his hair and landed on a tree, surprising a napping Yoruichi and Urahara.

"Ah, Yoruichi, Urahara, look what my sister has!"

Urahara stared at the object that Byakuya pulled out and flicked it. "Byakuya-san, that's a cheese stick," he replied. Yoruichi nodded.

"What are you, stupid? It's a dildo! You know the one you stick…"

"Little Byakuya, we know what the thing does. Just stop flinging it in my face. It's disgusting. I have a horrible headache from this morning…eh!"

Byakuya didn't bother to listen to Yoruichi's complaint, but instead went ahead and started poking it around her "area". Before Yoruichi had the chance to claw his hands off, he swooped down and started running with cheese stick in hand.

"That guy, seriously, someone should chain him up, geez," Yoruichi sighed.

"I don't now Yoruichi-san. This is a once in a lifetime moment. We should chase after him and do nasty things," Urahara flicked open his fan and laughed.

"Oh?" Yoruichi smiled. They jumped out from the tree and followed Byakuya's swaying footprints.

--

"Dildo! Dildo! Dildo! Dildo!" Byakuya ran across his front lawn holding the cheese stick in front of him with both hands. Apparently, and conveniently, everyone else was having a picnic and watched him sprint with all his might.

"Ni…niisama, my cheese stick," Rukia stuttered. "Nii-sama got out of the room!"

"Hide!" Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, Ukitake, Hanatarou and Ganju dove behind a bush before Byakuya had the chance to stick the cheese stick into them. They watched Yoruichi and Urahara run after him, giggling to themselves.

"Oi! Byakuya! If you're going to take that then you might as well take this one too!" Yoruichi held out a jumbo pencil.

Byakuya gasped. "Yoruichi, you are so dirty!"

"And this one too, Byakuya-san!" Urahara pulled out a glue stick. "What an idiot…" Urahara whispered.

"Urahara, you're perverted! These are for women!" Yoruichi and Byakuya said together.

"Oh-ho, men can use it too. Byakuya-san, you should go to everyone right now. If Yoruichi and I have one, who knows who else could have one as well!" He covered his giggling mouth with his fan.

"You're absolutely right! It's my duty to cleanse my party of these toys!" Byakuya went back into the house to get a belt that could hold all the…dildos, leaving Urahara and Yoruichi in guffawing fits on the ground.

--

"Give me your dildo," Byakuya demanded.

Hinamori shifted from one foot to another. "Kuchiki-taichou, I don't, well, have one." She looked at his dildo belt and saw a jumbo pencil, glue stick and a cheese stick attached to it.

"Do not worry. It will be in good hands!" Byakuya assured her.

I must lose him somehow…"Kuchiki-taichou! I'll give you one, just let me see what I have…a sandwich, no, uh mustard, um…oh. Here's something that you may like… a popsicle."

"Ah, Hinamori, I knew you would hand it over. Be a good little girl and don't play with this ever again." He skipped off to challenge a bewildered Kira about the dildo business. Hinamori ran away as fast as she could while the two troublemakers giggled in a tree above.

"Dildo," Byakuya held out his hand.

Kira stood scratching his head. "Uh, I don't know what you are talking about. I don't have one. You are better off asking Matsumoto-san or something."

"Don't lie to me Kira. You have one and I know it. Give it up before I have to search you myself."

Kira contemplated and a sickening image of a drunken Byakuya closely searching him came into mind. "Please Kuchiki-taichou, I'll find one for you. Uh, uh, here my last Mentos pack, I mean, dildo. Kuchiki-taichou, please don't be a bother anymore…"

Byakuya nodded and put it next to a collection. "You're doing the right thing by admitting you have one of these things."

"But, but, you're the one who said that!" Kira stated.

"Tsk tsk, it is nothing to be embarrassed about. All is well, all is well." Before Kira had the chance to talk back, Byakuya rushed over to Yachiru.

"Nani? What's a dildo?" she asked. Yachiru, unfortunately was alone because baldie was taking a shower, Yumichika was in a corner with a mirror and Kenpachi was rolling on the floor, laughing and striking the air with his sword in his own little hallucination where thousands of Ichigos were charging at him in a war.

"Well, you are young so I'll explain everything you will need to know about these toys and about how they make people happy in their fantasies." Byakuya knelt down and rubbed her hair.

"I like toys, Byakushi!"

Yachiru's ears began to bleed five minutes later.

--

In the end, he wound up with a cheese stick, a popsicle, a glue stick, a jumbo pencil, a Mentos pack, a sharpie, a twirling baton, a real dildo, a toothpaste, and several other tube-like objects around his waist. Byakuya was very proud of himself.

(A/N: Poor Yachiru.)