/Hollers/ THIS ONE IS A CRACK FIC! It is totally silly, and utterly pointless. And everyone is out of character here. Not a single person acting normally. Also written for the anniversary challenge. Inspired by someone outside of the fandom altogether because I was going batty trying to think of something that wasn't completely clichéd.

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Righting a Wrong

A One-shot

By Natsudori Lina

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Mamoru would later plead that he was completely innocent in the entire affair. Sometimes, after all, ignorance was bliss (he still wished that he could forget that time he'd gotten completely soused and scampered up into a tree, refusing to come down until the next morning… when he'd fallen out). But this… lord, he wished he wasn't feigning ignorance.

It had started one lovely spring afternoon—well, okay it wasn't spectacularly lovely (rather gray, in fact), but Usako was wearing a beautifully short skirt, showing off her spectacularly lovely long legs. They had been roaming the park, he had been fighting to remain cool and collected as she'd looked at up at him adoringly with those big blue eyes… They were in public, you see. And while he had no problem with showing her affection… well, there was that skirt… His eyes had wandered down helplessly and her smile had widened impishly.

"Ne, Mamo-chan?" Oh, hell, he remembered thinking helplessly as her hands began to play with his shirt collar. Her fingers nimbly undid the top button of his shirt and lingered at his collarbone. She widened her eyes innocently. "Don't you think it's a little… hot?"

He had groaned then, and pulled her into the shade of a nearby tree before proceeding to let her demonstrate just how hot it was. They broke off panting at a strange rustle from the above branches and Mamoru cast a suspicious glance upwards. "Usako," he started slowly, "what do you suppose—"

Bonk. Mamoru's eyes promptly went cross-eyed as a rather large branch plummeted to land squarely on his head and he fell backwards, landing in the grass. "Mamo-chan!" Usagi squeaked, falling to her knees to cradle his head in her lap. "Daijoubu, Mamo-chan?" she asked, peering down at him worriedly.

"Guhhh," he gurgled. "Look 'tall the pretty birdsh," he slurred.

Usagi checked behind her, hoping that there was, in fact, an extraordinary bird sunning itself behind her (it was best not to set her hopes too high, after all—he probably had double vision at least), but this optimism was soon set straight. Mamoru stirred in her lap, and slowly sat up. "How… did I get here?" he asked slowly, taking in his surroundings.

Usagi opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off. "—Diana?" Mamoru said, shocked. "What happened—did you dye your hair?" She shot him a strange look. "It-- it looks good!" he said, waving his hands to ward off what he seemed to think was her anger.

Usagi squinted at him suspiciously. "Mamo-chan… why are you calling me Diana? She's a cat."

Mamoru blinked. "A cat? Diana, what are you talking about? It's me, Bruce." Usagi looked at him blankly. "Bruce Wayne?" At her disbelieving stare, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders in resignation, looking to the skies as if wondering why he bothered. "Y'know… The bat?" he whispered intently.

It was Usagi's turn to blink. Once. Twice. Three times. "The what!" her incredulous shriek echoed throughout the park, sending birds flying from their perches and small animals scurrying back into their homes, as Mamoru frantically shushed her.

He winced, rubbing his ear as her scream died down. "Was that really necessary?" He stood, dusting his pants off as he did so. "I don't have time for this. Listen, can I borrow the invisible jet?" He took her hanging jaw for her assent. "Thanks." And Mamoru strode off.

Usagi sat there for a moment before her nails started scrabbling at her communicator, pressing the 'All-call' button when she managed to get it in hand. "Minna," she sighed when her senshi were all visible on the screen. "We've got a problem. Mamo-chan's gone and lost his marbles again."

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They found him later, crouched low in the bushes as he muttered to himself intently. "Stupid Batman—thinks he's so cool, all he's got is gadgets, no powers, not like me, why does he get all those girls?"

Mercury turned to the group, fingers typing rapidly on her Mercury computer. "Okay, this shouldn't be too difficult. If it's just him thinking he's that… Bat guy, then all he should need is a quick knock to the head to fix him. Uranus, you can take care of that, right?" She turned to Sailoruranus, who gripped her Space Sword and grinned ferally.

"Hai!" she said happily.

Sailormoon eyed the Sword with some trepidation. "Ano… Haruka-san? You're just gonna hit Mamo-chan with the end of it, right?"

Uranus looked crestfallen for a moment, before composing herself. "Yeah, of course, yeah…"

Sailorjupiter cracked her knuckles. "You gonna need any help, Uranus?" she asked hopefully.

"You can hold him back," Uranus offered kindly.

They approached him cautiously. He looked up and his expression was filled with glee as he watched them approach, slowly, like cautious hunters stalking deer. "Eat me, Bruce. Check out the action I'm about to get."

"Pssst. Usagi-chan." Sailorvenus poked her in the shoulder. "The heck's he wearing?"

Sailormoon turned and groaned, hiding her face in her hands once she had taken in the multi-colored garment he had dressed in. "Mamo-chan, what would possess you to wear your undies outside of your clothes like that!" she wondered rhetorically.

Uranus approached him, getting still closer. "Hey, Kara," Mamoru said nonchalantly, waving a hand in her direction. Sailoruranus stilled. "Like the haircut. But… hey!" He pointed a finger at her accusingly. "Where's your 'S'?" he demanded belligerently.

Uranus blinked. "My… 'S'?" She cast a glance back at the rest of the senshi. She received blank stares and shaking heads in response. "It's… in the shop?" she tried.

Mamoru was silent for moment before he gasped and leapt to his feet. "You're not Kara!" he cried dramatically, one hand raised triumphantly into the air.

"You're right," she agreed amicably.

"Of course I am."

"I'm not Kara."

"I know!"

"But I'm going to kick your—"

"Sailoruranus!" came the sharp reprimand from Sailorneptune.

"Can't I just--"

"No."

"Aw, you're no fun."

Mamoru looked out all of them. What looked like a red apron tied around his neck was caught by the wind and blew behind him. "It's clear to me what you are now," he said darkly. "All of you, actually."

"Really?" Sailormars asked. "What are we then?"

"Aliens."

Murmurs washed through them. "That's not too far off, actually," Sailorpluto muttered thoughtfully. "Maybe we won't have to--"

"From the planet Krypton!"

"Scratch that."

"Halt your plans, villains!" he yelled, moving his hands to his hips and glaring at them daringly. "I know what you're up to. And you will never rule this world as long as I, Superman--"

His eyes lit on Sailormoon, who was fighting the impulse to bang her head against a nearby telephone pole, and thus developing a nervous tic, and he changed tactics.

"…Of course, if you change your ways and fight at my side for Truth, Justice, and the American Way, I think we could be very happy repopulating Krypton together."

Sailormoon yanked at her pigtails, wailing in frustration. "Mamo-chan, we're Japanese!"

Mamoru waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. "So… how's about it?"

She sighed. "Mercury?" she asked hopefully.

Sailormercury looked at her from behind her visor. "No good. Gonna have to be a smidgen of ginzuishou power, Sailormoon."

She sighed, pulling her brooch from her sailor fuku and allowed the ginzuishou to emerge, pulsing softly.

"Oh no!" Mamoru cried melodramatically. "Kryptonite! Despite its notable lack of green, the very sight of it makes me feel queasy." He fell to his knees at the pink waves of light washed over him. "Nooo! How much more can I take? How can another Kryptonian hold onto Kryptonite like that!"

The healing light of the ginzuishou enveloped him gradually and he stared at his hands, blinking as his yells died out. "U—Usako?" he asked, confused, looking up at the assembled senshi, who were watching him cautiously. "What—is there an enemy? Usako… were you using the ginzuishou?"

Sailormoon replaced the ginzuishou inside her brooch and shifted back down to Usagi. She strode up to Mamoru and brought his head down to her eye level. He gulped. "Mamo-chan?" she asked sweetly.

"Hai, Usako?" he asked meekly.

"Mamo-chan," she whispered fiercely, "if you manage to lose your memory one more time, we are going. To have. Words."

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Notes: For anyone confused, in the first bit, Mamoru thinks he's Batman (Bruce Wayne) and thinks Usagi is Diana... alias Wonder Woman (who flies the invisible jet). The second bit… he now thinks he's Superman, and dresses up like him. And while Batman has numerous love interests… Superman didn't really; it was mostly just Lois. He's from Krypton, weakness Kryptonite, once dealt with evil Kryptonians who wanted to take over Earth. He's got a cousin, Kara (Supergirl) who is blonde and usually wears a short short skirt and a shirt with the customary 'S' on it.