"No. You have to do it like this, Leo," nine-year-old Katie told her brother as they were emptying the dishwasher before dinner a few weeks after starting fourth and second grade, respectively.
The seven-year-old stomped his foot, causing Amy to turn her attention from the meal on the stove to her children. "I want it like this," the boy pushed the silverware drawer closed and stood in front of it to stop Katie from moving the silverware he had just put away.
"Mom, Leo is putting away the silverware wrong," Katie whined.
"It's okay, Katie. Why don't you set the table and let Leo finish emptying the dishwasher? Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."
Katie took Amy's direction, but slammed the cabinet door after retrieving the dishes that would be needed for dinner. Sheldon entered the room as the door was slamming and shot Amy a look, questioning what was going on. She quickly shook her head, indicating she would explain later.
"Can I be excused?" Leo asked his parents after finishing dinner. Sheldon nodded his head and the boy began to leave the table, only to be stopped by his sister.
"Leo. You have to put your plate in the sink."
Amy sighed, "It's okay, Leo. Dad and I will clear the table tonight. You can be excused, too, if you're done, Katie."
Waiting until both children were well out of earshot, Sheldon turned to his wife. "What's going on with those two tonight?"
"I think Katie thinks she's being helpful and giving Leo reminders about what he's supposed to do. He's doing everything right, but Katie doesn't seem to like the way he's doing it. He knows what he needs to do, and wants to do it by himself," Amy shared her thoughts on what she observed with her children.
"So, what do we do?"
Beginning to clear the table, Amy set the stack of plates in the sink and passed Sheldon a plastic container for the leftovers. "I think Katie and Leo need separate chores. Maybe we have Leo empty the dishwasher and Katie set the table by themselves, rather than together. Have them do it at separate times so they aren't getting in one another's way."
"Can we still have them do the same things, like they both need to bring their dirty laundry into the hallway on Saturdays?" Sheldon snapped the lid on the container of leftovers and placed it in the refrigerator. "Do you think Leo wants more responsibilities? Should we give him other chores?"
"Let's have him start with doing things he's already doing, but I think Katie could get some new things to do."
Sheldon returned to his seat at the table, prompting Amy to sit next to him. "What kind of chores did you have Max doing at their ages?"
"Pretty much the same things Katie and Leo are doing: emptying the dishwasher, setting the table for dinner, collecting his dirty clothes and bringing them to me, he was just starting to vacuum before we moved in with you. He was Katie's age when I spent the summer at Princeton. What did you had Max help with while I was gone?"
Averting his eyes, Sheldon mumbled, "Not much. I know he struggled at times with you being gone, so I didn't bug him about doing his chores while you were gone. He was pretty good about what we had established as his chores, but I took care of them if he didn't do them. He did help me with the laundry every week."
Smiling at her husband, Amy replied, "Let's think about it tonight and talk to them tomorrow. We can start with them taking care of the dishwasher and setting the table separately and go from there."
Sheldon was beginning to prepare dinner the next night when he called his youngest son into the kitchen. "Can you start emptying the dishwasher, Leo?"
"Katie has to help." The boy replied while opening the door and pulling out one of the trays.
"Actually," Sheldon turned his full attention to the seven-year-old. "Mom and I talked last night. We're changing how you and Katie do your chores. I know you don't like change, but I don't think this will be that difficult for you to do. You're going to empty the dishwasher all by yourself now. If there's something that you can't reach, you can set it on the counter under the cabinet it goes in and mom or I will help you. Katie is going to take care of setting the table. We might have other chores for you to do, but we want you to start with this for now. Does that sound good?"
Leo looked at the handful of silverware in his hand before looking up at his father, "I put it away just me? No Katie?"
The man shook his head while smiling, "No, no Katie to help you. Mom is talking to Katie about her chores changing."
"Okay," was the boy's only response before silently removing the clean dishes and putting them where they belong. "Help, daddy," he said, pointing at the stack of cups and plates on the counter. Reaching to place them in the cabinet, Sheldon was stopped. "No. I do it. Pick me up." Sheldon wrapped his arms around his son and lifted him to reach the cabinet. Leo placed the items where they belong in the cabinet. "Thanks, daddy. I'm done."
"Good job. Maybe mom and I should get you a step stool so you don't need our help," suggested Sheldon, looking down at his son.
"Yeah."
Amy found her daughter in her room with a book. "What are you reading?"
"One of my friends gave it to me," Katie answered, passing her mother the book.
Thumbing through the pages, Amy quickly turned her attention back to the real reason she was in the girl's bedroom. "Dad and I talked last night after watching you and Leo empty the dishwasher. We've decided that you and Leo will be getting separate chores now, rather than doing them together. He'll take care of the dishwasher and you'll be setting the table for dinner."
"Why?" Katie questioned.
"I don't know if you've noticed it, but Leo is wanting to do more things by himself and that's a good thing. But sometimes you stop him and tell him how to do something when he's doing it just fine without any help."
Katie watched her mother's face as she spoke. "You told me that sometimes Leo will do things different and that he might need extra help. That's what I'm doing."
"I know," Amy shifted and motioned for Katie to come closer. "Leo has been working really hard to be able to do things without help, even if he might still do things in a way that you wouldn't. You, and me, and dad, and Max when he's home, have to let Leo do things for himself. He might ask for help and then it's okay to help him. He might get frustrated with things and you can offer to help him, but you don't have to tell him what to do. If there's something he needs to do but isn't doing, like putting his dish in the sink after dinner, dad and I will take care of reminding him."
Relaxing against her mother, Katie was silent for a moment before replying. "Okay. Should I go set the table?"
"We can stay here for a minute," Amy wrapped her arms around her daughter. "We don't do this very often and I miss it sometimes."
