A/N: Hi everybody!

Readers: Hi hyper squirrel!

I'm so pleased that you all kept reading my story...(wipes a tear from her eye) okay; I'll cut the crap. Do you want it in cubes or slices?

Disclaimer: Need I waste my time?

Cults, Tea Parties, and Changed Styles

By hyper squirrel

Hyper squirrel: One day, Harry and Hermione were sitting in the common room.

Harry: Uh, Hermione, you know how this weekend's a Hogsmeade weekend...

Hermione: (disgusted) Are you asking me out?

Harry: Hell no!

Hermione: Okay then. Sorry, what were you saying?

Harry: Would you help me find some makeup in Hogsmeade?

Hermione: Makeup? What for?

Harry: Well, you see, I'm going goth. So I need black makeup, and lots of it.

Hermione: I see.

Harry: And I've got black clothes. This is great! Even my uniform is black! Just add a few chains, and maybe some spikes, and voila! Instant goth.

Hermione: Riiiiiight...

Harry: And I'm going to magic a sign onto the back of all my clothes that says "DEATH IS GOOD!".

Hermione: Wow, you're really starting to scare me.

Hyper squirrel: Suddenly, Ron came in, wearing a purple dress and purple heels.

Ron: Greetings, all. I am no longer the Ron you knew.

Hermione: You two planned this, didn't you? Just so I'd get scared. WELL, IT'S WORKING!

Ron: What are you talking about?

Hermione: Well, Harry's going goth, apparently, and now you're wearing a purple dress. Are you going drag queen or something?

Ron: No, I have joined a cult.

Harry: A cult? Sweet!

Ron: The gay cult. We have to wear purple at all times, and we roast a straight guy every week.

Hermione: Well, that's nice.

Ron: I meant literally.

Hermione: Oh.

Harry: I'd join, except that I'm going goth.

Ron: I see.

Harry: No, you don't! (runs off crying)

Ron: Oh, no look what I've done! Harry!!!!!! (runs after Harry)

Hermione: Boys...can't live with 'em, can't send 'em to Mars...

Hyper squirrel: Meanwhile, in the Great Hall...

Dumbledore: Would you like some more apple juice, Mr. BunnyBun? (pretends to be stuffed bunny talking, uses high-pitched, squeaky voice) Why, yes, Mr. Albie, I would love some more apple juice!

Voldie: Another cookie, Miss Teddy Weddy? (pretends to be teddy bear talking, uses really low voice) Of course I would like another cookie, Miss Voldie!

Hyper squirrel: They sat in silence for a few minutes, munching cookies and sipping apple juice.

Albie: Oh no, we seem to be out of apple juice. I'll just pop down to the kitchens and get some, shall I?

Voldie: Oh, Albie, your genius is showing!

Albie: (covers crotch with hands) Where?!

Hyper squirrel: Back in the common room...

Hermione: I am doing homework. I am leaving the common room now. I will now go to my dorm. I will not be doing anything illegal. I have no illegal handguns under my bed. And I am not going to go polish them. No, I am a law-abiding citizen...yes... (leaves)

Hyper squirrel: Well, that sure sounded like she was doing something illegal up there. Let's go check. (goes up to Hermy's dorm, puts on invisibility cloak)

Hermione: Nobody followed me up here, right? Good... (grabs broom, flies out of window)

Hyper squirrel: Let's follow her... (grabs broom, flies out of window after Hermione) Looks like she's headed for that window next to the Slytherin tower...oh! She's gone in! Now why would she be going to the Slytherin tower? (goes up to window, still wearing invisibility cloak) OH MY GOD! (falls over unconscious)

(A few hours later...)

hyper squirrel: Ugg...where am I?

Madam Pomfrey: You're in the hospital wing, dear.

Hyper squirrel: But why...It's all coming back to me now! Eww!!!

Madam Pomfrey: What did you see, dear?

Hyper squirrel: I have to talk to Professor Dumbledore, now!

Dumbledore: 2,4,6,8, that's the way we...something that rhymes with 8! Now, why do you have to talk to me?

Hyper squirrel: I just saw Hermione Granger making out with Professor Snape!

Dumbledore: Why that no good cheating slut!

Hyper squirrel: Who? Hermione?

Dumbledore: No, Snape! I'm going over there to give him a piece of my mind!

Hyper squirrel: Umm...sir...it's quite a disturbing sight...(Dumbledore is gone) Well, maybe he likes lesbian porn... it's his funeral.

A/N: haha lesbian porn! Sometimes I surprise myself with my sheer hilarity. Yesterday I was at the Icelandic Festival in Gimli, and me and my mom went on the Ferris Wheel because I love the Ferris Wheel and she's the only one who'll go on it with me! And just before they let us off, I started laughing my head off for no apparent reason! And then we went over to where my dad and my brother and my dog were waiting for us, and I fell over laughing! And my mom sez "what's so funny" and I sez "I don't know" and I kept laughing and then later my brother sez "what are you laffing at" and I sez "nothing" and he sez "how is that funny" and I sez "I don't know"

Isn't that hilarious? So anyways please review! I'm not going to tell you to read and review, because it's obvious that if you're reading this, which is, coincidentally, at the end of the chapter (dun dun dun) you've read the rest of the story. But remember...

FLAMES ARE ALWAYS WELCOME!

Although nobody seems to flame me! Sob! Somebody please flame me!