A/N: hi everybody! Sorry I haven't updated in a long while! I was camping with my mother. Sorry I mean my Naneth. Which is Elvish for Mother. And my dad is Ada because that's Elvish for Father. Can you tell I'm obsessed with Lord of the Rings? My name off of the Elvish name generator website is Ingwe Seregon. And Ingwe was a famous Elven king in the Eldar Days when the Eldar still lived in Valinor, the land of the Valar. And Seregon means bloodroot, which is some healing planty thing. I'm boring you aren't I? Oh well my enjoyment is what matters, not yours. That's my twisted logic.

Disclaimer: I don't own it...yada yada yada. I don't even own the plot. Not that I didn't make it up, because I did. I just don't legally own it because I haven't issued a copyright license for it or anything. So I can't say I own it legally. Because I don't'.

Ice Cream, Costco and All-Out Mayhem

By hyper squirrel

(hyper squirrel is walking down a hallway)

hyper squirrel: for those of you who were worried about me, I have recovered from the shock of seeing Hermy and Snape make out. Though I am in rehab and probably will be for a long, LONG time.

(hyper squirrel passes Ginny, Dean and Seamus. Ginny is holding an ice cream cone)

Ginny: so it's ice cream-

Dean: Rolo ice cream

Ginny: Rolo ice cream in a chocolate cone.

Dean: Milk chocolate cone.

Ginny: Milk chocolate cone. (leans in towards Dean) Well, I'll never doubt you again. (leaves)

Seamus: You realize she just took your cone.

Dean: (shrugs)

(hyper squirrel arrives at a door)

hyper squirrel: Ah, here we are. (puts hand on doorknob) (evil grin) This could be fun... (opens door)

(Dumbledore and Snape are arguing)

Dumbledore: You cheated on me!

Snape: You deserved it!

Dumbledore: How did I deserve it?

Snape: You cheated on me!

Dumbledore: What?!

Snape: With Hermione.

Dumbledore: Oh. Oh yeah...

Snape: So I did the same thing.

Dumbledore: Same girl and everything.

Snape: Yup.

Dumbledore: Boy, Herm, you really sleep around!

(Hermione blushes)

hyper squirrel: Woah, Hermy, I didn't realize you were here!

(Dumbledore, Snape and Hermy stare at hyper squirrel)

Dumbledore, Snape & Hermy: Woah, hyper squirrel, I didn't realize you were here!

hyper squirrel: Uh, I'll just be leaving now. He he... (backs slowly out of room, puts on Invisibility Cloak, sneaks back in)

Snape: I'm sure Min would go out with you.

Dumbledore: Oh yeah...(leaves)

(hyper squirrel follows)

Dumbledore: Minnie, would you...would you go out with me?

???: Ahem

hyper squirrel: Omigosh! Professor Dumbledore just asked Professor McGonagall out!

Dumbledore: Is that a yes or a no?

McGonagall: Ahem

Dumbledore: I don't understand you-

(muffled choking sounds)

hyper squirrel: (peers into room) AAAH! Scarred for life! (faints)

(A few hours later, in the hospital wing)

hyper squirrel: (groggily) Wh...where am I?

Dumbledore: The hospital wing.

hyper squirrel: Aah! Get away from me you freak!

Dumbledore: what did I do to deserve being called a freak?

Hyper squirrel: You made out with McGorilla- I mean, McGonagall.

Dumbledore: What did you just call Minnie?

Hyper squirrel: Minnie?

Dumbledore: Minnie

Hyper squirrel: Minnie?

Dumbledore: Minnie

Hyper squirrel: MINNIE?

Dumbledore: MINNIE

Hyper squirrel: MINNIE??

Dumbledore: MINNIE!

Hyper squirrel: Minnie?

Dumbledore: What were we talking about?

Hyper squirrel: I have no idea.

Dumbledore: Okay.

(silence)

Harry: (runs in) Let's all go to Costco!

Whole School (all of whom are miraculously in the hospital wing): YAY!

(Later on, at Costco)

Ron: Look at all the great bargains! I can get purple long johns for only 5.99$ a pair!

Hyper squirrel: five dollars and ninety nine cents?

Ron: Yep.

Hyper squirrel: would that be Canadian dollars or American dollars? (A/N: Go Canada!)

Ron: British dollars.

Hyper squirrel: so shouldn't it be pounds and pence?

Ron: I hate science.

Hyper squirrel: science...yeah...

Harry: Look! A Tickle Me Elmo!

Hyper squirrel: Small minds, easily amused.

Harry: Thanks for the compliment.

Hyper squirrel: It was an insult.

Harry: oh. So you're saying I'm easily distracted?

Hyper squirrel: No.

Harry: so you're saying I'm easily amused?

Hyper squirrel: Exactly. But you're also easily distracted.

Harry: No I'm not-ooh...marshmallows...

Draco: (to clerk) Where do you keep your hair gel?

Dumbledore: Let's see...where's the tampon aisle?

(everyone stares at him)

Dumbledore: What? Minnie asked me to get some for her.

Hyper squirrel: Riight...we believe you...

Ginny: Wait a minute...Harry! Why are you buying marshmallows by the cartful?

Hyper squirrel: (to Ginny) He's read some new book about overcoming your fears.

Ginny: Oh.

Hyper squirrel: (whispers to reader) Actually, he's under the Imperius curse. He'll fill his room with marshmallows, then I'll take the curse off. I am going to have so much fun with this!

(at the checkouts)

Draco: I just love this hair gel! And it's so cheap, I can buy a week's worth! (he has a cart full of hair gel)

Hermione: I can't wait to see the look on dear Snapie's face when he sees his present! (she has a cart full of shampoo)

Harry: (in a robotic voice) Must...buy...marshmallows... (he has a cart full of marshmallows)

Dumbledore: I hope this'll be enough tampons for Minnie... (he has a cart full of tampons)

Ginny: Muffins...(she has a cart full of muffins)

Hyper squirrel: okay, if everyone's paid, we can all go back to Hogwarts.

Ron: wait! (panting) I had to grab just one more pair of long johns! (he has a cart full of long johns)

(everyone leaves)

(later on, in the common room)

Ginny: Where's Harry?

hyper squirrel: He's up in his room.

Ron: How do you know that?

hyper squirrel: because i saw him go up. said something about marshmallows and redecorating. (evil grin, waves wand)

Harry: (from dorm) NOOOOOO!!!

(in a different room)

Snape: What was that?

Hermione: It's the banshees!

Snape: What'll we do?

Hermy: We must run in circles.

(they do so)

Herm: Hey, Snapie, i have a present for you! (gives him shampoo)

Snape: NOOOOOO!!!

(in a different room)

Dumbledore: What was that?

Minnie: ahem

Dumbledore: WHat'll we do?

Minnie: ahem ahem ahem!

dumbledore: stick monkeys in butter and shove them up our behinds?

minnie: (shaking head violently) ahem ahem ahem!

dumbledore: OH! dip monkeys in MARGARINE and stick them up our rears!

(they do so)

Minnie: ahem ahem ahem ahem.

dumbledore: What? I got you the wrong size of tampons? NOOOOOO!!!

A/N: And that's the end of that! no more dumbledore-minnie. he'll find someone new next chappie...don't worry. PLEASE review, and remember...

FLAMES ARE ALWAYS WELCOME!

Ass-tronauts...