A/N: Umm...more hilarity from the crazy folks in this story. ok i am weird.
The Search for Harry's Pants
(Our favourite trio and hyper squirrel are all in the Three Broomsticks, drinking butterbeer. Duh.)
Hermione: I am sorry, but I have deceived you all.
Harry: Wonderful.
Ron: Ok.
hyper squirrel: Explain how.
Hermione: Well...I'm really a man.
(she takes off wig, women's clothing, etc.)
Ron: Oh good. For a while there I thought I was straight.
Harry: What?! You were attracted to Hermione? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! (bursts out crying)
(Ron comforts him)
Hermione: I'd appreciate it if you all called me Hermes from now on.
Hyper squirrel: (not paying attention, as something has caught her eye...) Whatever you say, Bob.
Hermi- I mean, HERMES: My NAME is HERMES.
Hyper squirrel: Harry, come with me a moment.
(they leave)
hyper squirrel: Harry, why are you wearing a skirt?
Harry: I like to get in touch with my feminine side.
hyper squirrel: Right. NOW TELL ME THE TRUTH, BOY!
Harry: And what if I don't?
hyper squirrel: Then I will pointlessly threaten the life of your secret lover with pointless threats I would never carry out as I don't want to go to jail and/or be executed.
Harry: You mean Malfoy?
hyper squirrel: No...I mean Ron...(mutters evilly) Haha...blackmail...
Harry: I lost my pants, okay?
hyper squirrel: No! You didn't! (falls over)
Harry: Not funny.
hyper squirrel: actually, yeah it is.
(they go back into the Three Wieners- I mean, Broomsticks and find Ron & HERMES making out. The place is deserted. Except for them. Duh.)
Harry: Ron?! How could you do this to me?
Ron: Harry! It's not what it seems!
Harry: Oh really. Could've fooled me.
Ron: It's ...uh...what it is...I mean...uh...SHE SEDUCED ME! (points to HERMES)
Harry: (hands on hips) Explain yourself, Hermio- I mean, HERMES.
HERMES: Uh...um...gotta go. Bye! (runs)
Ron: (calls after her) Why?
HERMES: Girl problems!
hyper squirrel: But you're a man!
Harry: No she isn't.
hyper squirrel: I know.
HERMES: (comes back) Why is it that none of you can accept the simple fact that I'm a man?
Harry: (holds up two fingers) Two words, Herm. Boo (puts down one finger) Bs. (puts down other finger)
(back in the Great Hall)
Dobby: (runs in) Big news, everyone!
(silence as everyone waits)
Harry: What is it, Dobby?
Dobby: (throws hands in the air) Today's the day we start a new roll of paper towels!
(the hall erupts in cheers)
(in the Gryffindor common room after dinner)
Ron: I'm in a playful mood. And when I'm in a playful mood, that can only mean one thing...
Harry: (hopeful) A trip to a broom closet?
Ron: (scribbling furiously on a piece of parchment) Chess by mail!
hyper squirrel: (sits up straight) Do you feel that? That's electricity in the air!
Harry: Guys, I've got a problem.
Seamus: (babbling) Oh great! I've got one too! We can be 'problem partners'! That's what my shrink says to do. To find someone more screed up than me! And-
Ginny: (skeptical) You have a shrink?
Seamus: Well, not any more. They had some budget cutbacks so they had to let me go. But I still have voices in my head. So they gave me a cell phone.
Dean: So you can call them whenever you need to?
Seamus: No, so I can talk into it when I'm answering the voices. That way I won't look crazy!
Harry: Has anyone seen my pants?
Rest: No.
Ron: But we'll help you help you look for them.
(hyper squirrel slaps him on the head)
Ron: (rubbing the back of his head) Ow! What was that for?
hyper squirrel: 'We'll help you look for them'? You numbnuts! We could search the whole castle for the pants and not find them! Hell, for all we know Voldie could have them!
Voldie: (pops up) How did you ever guess?
All: Wha?
Voldie: My evil plot for stealing Harry's pants! And I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids! (throws pants at Harry, disappears in a puff of smoke)
Harry: My pants! (pauses) On second thought, I like the skirt better. (throws pants into the fire)
A/N: Tomorrow is Frodo & bilbo's birthday! september 22! yay!
