D.S.: Howdy! I hope that you all have been doing well! (Gives cheery Barbie-doll smile)
Hughes: Roy…is it just me, or does that smile make her look like she's going to eat our spleens?
Mustang: (shudder) erm…Maes you're crazy, I don't see any smile! (Looks everywhere except at D.S.'s face)
D.S.: (looks deviously innocent at the two military officers) what are you guys talking about?
Hughes and Mustang: NOTHING! DON'T EAT OUR SPLEENS!
D.S.: (confused) who said I was going to eat your spleens, yes I ate Envy's for calling me an old hag, but that doesn't mean I'll do it again.
Hughes: …Who's Envy?
D.S.: Someday you'll know…you'll know almost too well. (Sniff)
Hughes: WHY IS SHE SNIFFING! Oh, I forgot! (Pulls out projector screen and back drop, complete with little clicker too…dear God save us) MY DAUGHTER TURNED 4 THIS YEAR! SEE HERE SHE IS RIDING HER BICICLE, AND HER EATING CAKE, AND HERE SHE IS SLEEPING! ISN'T SHE CUTE! OH, HERE SHE IS WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD! (His wife…if you didn't know that, you obviously never watched a single episode or read a single manga…shame on you)
D.S. and Mustang: RUN FOR THE HILLS!
D.S.: (20 miles away) ENJOY THE CHAPTER! I DON'T OWN THE FMA CHARACTERS, BUT I DO OWN THE BLOCKBUSTER GUY!
Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes
Roy Mustang's Voice Mail:
Hello, you have reached Colonel Roy Mustang, I am currently not able to pick up the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep…oh, and if this is Ed, I don't answer to phone to shrimps, I'm allergic to seafood, so go jump in someone's cocktail and leave me alone; oh and Ed, don't forget that those reports you have to replace that I accidentally incinerated because my glove was defective, are due tomorrow, good luck midget. Also, if you are calling for my new dating service, give me your number and the times that you are available and I will get back to you as soon as possible ladies!
Beep! You have 5 new voice messages, first new message, sent Friday at 8:24 am.
Hawkeye: Colonel…CRAP I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID MACHINE! DAMN IT! (CH-CHOK!) (BLAM!) (YIPE!) …oh, sorry Black Hayate… (WHINE WHINE!)
Beep! Your message has been saved, (black mail) next message, sent Friday, at10:03 am.
That one nurse that Havoc liked: Hi, my name is Leah, my number is (554) 777-5533, and I am available on the weekends from 5 to 11, thank you!
Beep! Your message has been saved! (Roy: Neheheheheh, take that Havoc!) Next message, sent today, at 1:07 am.
Havoc: ROY, YOU SON OF A BITCH! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME! THE NUMBER OF TIMES YOU MADE ME BREAK UP WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS AND STOLE THEM FROM ME! THIS IS HERISY! THIS IS BULL! THIS IS…errrr… BLAH! RAWR! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! …ummm…oh shit… (Click)
Beep! Your message has been saved, (black mail) next message, sent today at 5:35 pm.
Ed: ROY, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU! YOU ARE SUCH AN-
Beep! Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 6:02 pm.
Blockbuster Guy: Hi, I'm calling for Roy Mustang; we need you to return the following movies:
Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood
The Notebook
Fullmetal Alchemist Volume 1
Tokyo Mew Mew: A La Mode Volume 5
Sailor Moon: Hearts of Ice (I think that's what it is…)
And Gigli…I worry about people like you. Just get those movies back before we have to tar and M&M you. (A/N: Ah, the ways that Blockbuster works!) Thank you very much.
Beep! Your message has been deleted, you have no more messages. Good bye.
Maes Hughes Voice Mail:
Elicia: Hi, you've reached the Hughes family; we can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep!
Hughes: THAT WAS GREAT ELICIA! DADDY IS SO PROUD OF HIS LITTLE GIRL! WAHAHAHA!
Gracia: Honey, the machine is still on.
Hughes: Oh! Sorry!
Beep! You have 2 new messages, first message, sent today, at 3:25 pm.
Havoc: Hughes…you've got to talk to Roy! He's ruining my life! I've somehow obtained this weird twitch in my eye, and I like to stand in corners just talking to myself! I think I have the flu, because my eyes are all red and I'm starting to see things that I never knew existed; I saw a TALL version of Edward Elric in my house the other day! WHAT THE HECK WAS HE DOING IN MY HOUSE! HUGHES! SAVE MEEEEEE! I'M GOING INSA-
Beep! Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 4:52 pm.
Sgt. Brada: Hi, erm, I think I called the wrong number because I don't think they changed the name of Domino's to Hughes'. Sorry about that! But if you are Domino's, I would like a large meat-lovers' pizza with cheesy sticks and a large cheese pizza with garlic bread! Thank you!
Beep! Your message has been deleted, you have no more messages. Good bye.
D.S.: That would be awesome if Brada got a free dog with every order of the meat-lovers'. Neheheheheh, I'm evil.
Mustang: Yes you are.
Hughes: WANNA SEE THE PICTURES THAT I HAVE OF MY DARLING DAUGHTER ELICIA!
D.S. and Mustang: NO HUGHES!
D.S.: Well, thanks for reading; I'm astonished by all of the reviews! I should have a new chapter by tomorrow if I get at least 3 review today. I need fuel for my writing fire!
Mustang: I don't know about fuel, but I can give you fire! (Holds up hand)
D.S.: (sweat-drop) No thanks, but thanks for reading my fic; I am eternally grateful! BYE!
