♥As always, thanks to all my reviewers!♥
Title: "Tenipuri Online!"
Author: All4thebasilisk
Rating: As of now, I'll stick with PG.
Summary: All the Kantou schools have arranged a secret "Keyboard Pal" program for the tennis players. Each player selects a screenname and must correspond with whomever he is randomly given online. But as the name implies, the two keyboard buddies don't know whom they've been given…
Pairings: We'll see…
Notes: Author's notes will be enclosed in parentheses throughout the story.
And without further ado, let the instant messaging begin!
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From: Tezuka Kunimitsu (TezukaK)
To: Oishi Syuichiroh (Niceguy)
I have been given my Keyboard Pal, and will, as you suggested, use this to increase my conversationalist skills, though I don't believe they need improvement…
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From: Atobe Keigo (Rondo2Perfection)
To: Kabaji Munehiro (Usu)
Once again, I will subject myself to the torture of communicating with my obviously inferior Keyboard Pal. It is good, I suppose, to occasionally mingle with lesser people, though I don't understand why I've been saddled with someone so infuriating! He is inquisitive, though; perhaps I can put that to good use. He just needs to ask the right questions…ne?
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From: Otori Chotaro (ScudShot)
To: Shishido Ryou (HyoteiTennisStar)
This is so exciting! Finally, I've been given a Keyboard Pal, and I'll be able to talk to him tonight. His screenname makes me a little nervous, though… Urusai? I wonder if it means that my Pal doesn't want to be a part of this program? That may be why he was added so late! I hope not, though… I was really looking forward to meeting my Keyboard Pal…
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From: Inui Sadaharu (Dataman)
To: Kaidoh Kaoru (Snake)
This will be good data gathering, speaking to my Keyboard Pal. However, I must be careful. If the subject discovers that I am a data collector, he will not give away information so readily. Therefore, I will hide my true identity and endeavor to act as foolish as possible. This will lower his guard and open him up, so that he may reveal extra information. I will begin by uncovering his identity!
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INSTANT MESSAGING
TK1010: Hello. How are you today?
MuttererSeesItAll: Why did they give me a Pal so late? It's a bias of course, a bias against my school just because of one incident last year and I guess we still have to prove ourselves and it really isn't fair. It's not that I really wanted to talk to someone new but I thought this might be interesting so I signed on to see who my person is but he seems really boring and he hasn't said anything really interesting of course all my friends have more interesting people and they seem to be having fun, but here I am without anything to say to my Keyboard Pal-
TK1010: Eh… actually, I just joined the program…
MuttererSeesItAll: Figures. I've gotten a new guy who doesn't know anything about the program and he probably expects me to show him how to work it and I don't know all the details and then he'll think I'm stupid but I'm not I always get top marks in school and I take the best notes so everyone copies my notes and no one gives me credit for it and then I go to play tennis and all those weird girls from class come and try to talk to me and ask me on dates but I don't like them and besides, what would I do on a date when buchou's sister tried to explain it to me she said that I can't mutter on dates but I never mutter so I don't understand why she would say such a thing-
TK1010: …
MuttererSeesItAll: And he talks too much, too, this other guy, I can barely get a word in edgewise, so what's the point of trying to talk to him if he's so noisy how will he ever find out anything about me like what my birthday is or my favorite color, and it's purple, but a lot of people say my hair has a purple tint but it really isn't I just use a good shampoo and it says shiny on it so it makes my hair gleam but buchou's sister says that that's why all the girls annoy me so what am I supposed to do just stop taking showers? I shower three times a day and put on lots of shampoo because my shampoo is all cool and I like the way it pops open and it doesn't interrupt me when I talk like everyone else-
TK1010: Excuse me… did you say you speak to your shampoo?
MuttererSeesItAll: And he interrupts me again but what else is new I'd put in a request for a new Keyboard Pal, but it looks like all the good ones are already taken and I'll probably be stuck with some sicko stalker who will keep on bugging me until e gets my email address and then he'll start sending me forwards with pictures of animals in strange positions and poems about friendship but I'm not his friend because then he'd probably expect me to play tennis with him and he might be like that guy who hurt buchou and then I'll have to go to the hospital and I don't like the hospital because all the nurses fawn over me and buchou's sister says it's because I'm good-looking but that's only because of my shampoo and the-
TK1010: I'm sorry, I think I have to go right now… because of…a phone call. Yes, a phone call! Sorry I'm cutting the conversation short. It's been enjoyable.
MuttererSeesItAll: And now he's leaving me here because he thinks I'm strange just like all the other boys in my class just because I'm so quiet and all the girls chase after me and I don't like them even though buchou's sister says my geography teacher also has a crush on me and that's why she always asks me to teach her how to play tennis but I always say no because if she kisses me then I'll have to report it and she'll get angry and won't give me top marks and I'll fall to second in the grade instead of first and everyone will make fun of me and I'll have to hide from all the girls who will try to sympathize with me but they don't understand no one understands!
Automated Response: TK1010 has signed offline.
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PerfectlyModest: I have decided to grace you with my presence again today. Be awed!
WhyNot: Why? Why do you speak like that? Why don't you ever answer my IM's? Why should I be awed?
PerfectlyModest: I understand that you have a lot of questions. I will arrange for them to answered by a minion.
WhyNot: Why? Why do you always avoid answering my questions? Why do you need to get someone else to answer my questions? Why do you say I have questions?
PerfectlyModest: Inquisitive is good, my flunky, but only when directed in the right fashion.
WhyNot: Why? Why do you call me a flunky? Why do we need to direct the questions somewhere? Why is my house empty?
PerfectlyModest: You'll begin with a few simple questions which you constantly ask your friends on the tennis team and at school…
WhyNot: Why? Why is there a scratching at the door? Why is the door to the house opening? Why is a stranger walking in?
PerfectlyModest: We'll try… Why can we never win against Hyotei? And, say… Why is Hyotei's captain so godlike?
WhyNot: Why? Why is the stranger wearing a ski mask? Why is he opening the safe? Why has he seen me?
PerfectlyModest: Once you finish with those questions, I'll give you another set. Understood?
WhyNot: Why? Why does he look like he wants to kill me? Why is he holding out a gun? Why aren't I running away?
PerfectlyModest: I will take my leave now.
Automated Response: WhyNot has signed offline.
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OneShotWithAllMySoul: Hello! I'm really happy that I'm finally getting to meet my Keyboard Pal!
Urusai: Shut up.
OneShotWithAllMySoul: Um… okay. Do you want to talk about yourself?
Urusai: No.
OneShotWithAllMySoul: Do you… want to hear about me?
Urusai: You're annoying.
OneShotWithAllMySoul: Well… do you just want to talk?
Urusai: Do you know what I want to do?
OneShotWithAllMySoul: Please! I'd love to help you out!
Urusai: I want to find out where you live and visit you.
OneShotWithAllMySoul: Well, we're not supposed to tell who we are yet…
Urusai: And then I want to shove you against a wall and beat your face in.
OneShotWithAllMySoul: Well… I, uh… maybe I'd better talk to you when you're in a better mood. I think I ….hear my mother calling me! Yeah. It's was nice meeting you and all!
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IntellectuallyChallenged: Uh… hi… you're my Mouse Partner, right?
GettingDumbAndDumber: Isn't it Keyboard Partner or something?
IntellectuallyChallenged: I wouldn't know… I'm not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, if you catch my drift.
GettingDumbAndDumber: I know! I'm totally the same way. I get the lowest marks in the grade and all.
IntellectuallyChallenged: So do I. In tennis, I can't even figure out which way the opponent will hit!
GettingDumbAndDumber: I'll never understand how people who play data tennis are able to keep track of so many different numbers!
IntellectuallyChallenged: Yeah, we dumb ones always have it hard.
GettingDumbAndDumber: If I only had a brain…
IntellectuallyChallenged: That's a song, right?
GettingDumbAndDumber: I think so… I'm not that smart that way. So, what's your school like?
IntellectuallyChallenged: I don't think I should talk about that. It might… give away my identity! Yeah. I've got to go, anyway.
GettingDumbAndDumber: K. Bye, Sadaharu.
IntellectuallyChallenged: Bye, Renji.
GettingDumbAndDumber: How'd you know?
IntellectuallyChallenged: Same way as you did.
GettingDumbAndDumber: 94 percent chance that you were going to collect data, weren't you? And you thought you could relax my guard by acting dumb.
IntellectuallyChallenged: And you knew this because you had the same plan…86 percent chance.
GettingDumbAndDumber: As expected of Sadaharu!
IntellectuallyChallenged: And as expected of Renji…!
TBC
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