D.S.: Hey guys, I'm back from my little vacation. I'm totally beat, my family is so weird…I won't explain it because there is too much detail to that story…anyways; I hope that you all have been doing well…
Envy: I don't hear you asking US if we're doing well!
Lust: I think that would have something to do with the fact that in the second to the last episode you skewered the Fullmetal pipsqueak right through the heart and later called HER and "old hag".
Envy: So! SHE FRICKIN' ATE MY SPLEEN AFTER THAT!
Lust: I knew that you were walking strangely for some odd reason…how did the emergency transplant go?
Envy: …They didn't have any in my size, so I had to go "shopping" for one. That Flame Alchemist's spleen is working quite well. (Stretches his back a bit)
D.S.: erm…HEY! HIS SPLEEN WAS SUPPOSED TO GO WITH TOMORROW'S TEA! (Rips out the spleen and lovingly puts it in a glass jar) Yay! I get spleen with my tea tomorrow! I get spleen with my tea tomorrow! Okay, on with the show! (Lust pokes at Envy while he screams in the background)
Envy's Voice Mail
…Hey, you've reached Envy…erm…I'm not…er…he-I'M NOT SAYING THAT DANTE! AND I NEVER WANT TO HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT THE FULLMETAL PIPSQUEAK LIKE THAT AGAIN! (Shudder) I would never do that… ewwwwwwwww…Stupid yaoi fangirls…erm…just leave a message after the beep. GET OFF OF ME GLUTTONY! I'M NOT A STEAK!
Hello! You have 3 new messages…to listen to your messages, press one…Beep!
First message, sent yesterday, at 9:34 am.
Mr. Envy, this is the IRS, you and your friends haven't been paying your taxes for about an estimated, 200 years…there will be two agents that will come to take everything you own and your lives because you don't own enough to be able to pay us back for 5 years… have a nice day! (Whispers) I love my job…
Your message has been deleted and your door barred with many Alphonse plushies and a ninja llama, next message, sent yesterday, at 12:45 pm.
Hey uber ugly girly man, this is Greed, (SHOVE IT YOU ASSHOLE!) I was wondering if I could borrow your Gamecube, it really gets boring when you have to deal with these peeps moping around because they have nothing to do. I'll be over in 45 minutes…THANKS!
Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 5:02 pm.
Hello this is Ron Brinkley with the Military CIA, we've been getting reports of criminal activity in your area that is being committed by a large group of strange people; I would just like to warn you to keep a look out for anyone dressed in black with strange red lines and the marking of a snake eating it's tail. Please be careful and call me if you see anything suspicious. Have a nice day.
Your message has been deleted, you have no more messages, if you would like to change your greeting press- CLICK!
Lust's Voice Mail
Hi, you've reached Lust; I'm not here right now so please leave a message after the beep.
You have two new messages, first message, sent today at 11:28 am.
Hello, this is Gary from Blockbuster, I would like to let you know that you have some movies that are 35 years overdue, could you please return the following movies…
Richard Simmons Rocks to the Fifties
Richard Simmons Rocks to the Sixties
Hard Abs in Five Days
How to Obtain Black Mail on a Best Friend
The Firm Vol. 1
The Firm Vol. 2
The Firm Vol. 3
The Firm Vol. 4
The Firm Vol. 5
The Firm Vol. 6
The Firm Vol. 7
(A/N: OH MY GOODNESS, HOW ELSE DOES SHE KEEP ANOREXICALLY THIN!)
Thank you very much ma'am. Goodbye.
Your message has been deleted, next message, sent today, at 4:56 pm.
Lust, this is Greed, WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUPID OLD HAG! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF GETTING ENVY AND YOUR STUPID PRANK CALLS, THIS IS MY PHONE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MESS WITH MY STUFF! RAWR! (Click)
You message has been deleted; you have no more messages, good bye!
D.S.: Well, I hope you like the fic so far, thanks for reading! Please review!
