Chapter 9: Operation Elevenses

"Shall I be mother, Lieutenant?" Corporal Stevens asked.

"Much obliged" Lieutenant May replied.

'Shall I be mother'

A phrase that was not often heard outside of specialist entertainment services and English manor houses around teatime. Cpl Stevens was both Loader and the designated BV Commander (Boiling Vessel Commander) for the day, responsible for ensuring the battle readiness and moral of all those serving inside his British Challenger II tank. By making the tea.

The entire formation had been sitting idle for well over two hours by now and the Edinburgh night air was really beginning to seep in. Stevens handed the prepared drinks to Lt May, Corporal O'Hara, their Gunner and Private Wulfstan, the teams personal chauffeur.

Pte Wulfstan was the first to take a drink, the young man's face curling into a disgusted sneer. "I don't care what they say, this stuff still tastes like its left over from the Somme"

Lt May was about to sip, only to turn an accusing gaze as if the brew had insulted his sainted mother. "Corporal, please don't tell me this is your roundabout way of saying this is hot mud mixed with your dandruff?"

A hearty laugh resounded through confined space inside the tank. Cpl O'Hara was the next to take a drink, clicking his tongue as he considered his assessment "It's really not too bad, sir" O'Hara dared to take a second drink. "Still bloody awful though" he made sure to clarify.

"I've had worse" Pte Wulfstan chimed into the debate. "Before I signed on with you lot I used to travel a lot for business, first in the UK and then out into the continent. The first thing I realised when I travelled overseas is that the hotel I was staying and the office in Luxembourg didn't stock English Breakfast tea. They had lemon, lime, spiced, everything you could think of except English Breakfast. I'd never seen that before. Longest week of my life until it finally made it home and could make myself a proper brew"

"Worst tea I ever had was in Russia" Cpl O'Hara said. "My brother and I decided for a holiday we'd visit Moscow and St Petersburg in January"

"You spanner" Pte Stevens cursed with a laugh.

"Yeah, everyone I met said I was insane" Cpl O'Hara admitted. "But we wanted to experience a proper Russian winter. In fact, I happened to meet a colleague from Moscow and even she said it was idiotic" Cpl O'Hara took another sip of his drink. "Turns out they were right. It was the coldest winter for 120 years, temperatures dropping below -30 degrees Celsius. So, about a week in and two cities later I checked into a hotel which included a kitchen. It was almost like a group of apartments with separate rooms and shared facilities but because we visited in the offseason we had the place to ourselves. Having brought tea from home and procured some sugar on the train up all I needed was some milk which was surprisingly difficult. All the stuff I found in the shops were more like yoghurts. Eventually I found something I thought was right. It was chilled, it had the right consistency, the carton even had cows on it. Turned out what I'd bought was some kind of sour milk that smelled bad and tasted awful. It was as if someone took some milk, left it under a radiator for days and mixed in some onion juice before putting it back in the fridge as a cruel joke. Worst tea ever"

"You know the best and worst tea I ever had was in China" Cpl Stevens interjected. "This one starts off similar to Wulfstan. I was working for a company that sent us to support a customer and in China. The main difference this time around was we had some colleagues from the states coming as well so the company decided to put us all together in the plushest hotel in the city. It was the absolute best hotel I've ever stayed in, it's the kind of place where you wear a tie to dinner and they offer you a copy of the New York Times and people call you sir"

"There's only one person round here that's Sir" Lt. May reminded him.

"The best tea I ever had while I had there was the Black Tea we had at breakfast. I can't really describe it but it was amazing. The customers facility was a bit different. As the office only had a microwave and some paper cups, attempting to boil water for tea and coffee was a complete disaster. The solution we devised was to borrow a ceramic cup from the hotel and use that, swapping it out every few days for a fresh one" Cpl Stevens indicated the drink in his hand. "Even this stuff can't compare to how bad that stuff was"

To an outsider it may have seemed like a ridiculous topic of discussion but the truth was such conversations were sometimes the best way to stave off boredom and inevitable insanity that came with being confined for so long.

"Do you think they need us yet?" Cpl O'Hara asked.

"We'll find out. Cpl Stevens, go check it out" Lt May ordered.

"Yes sir" Cpl Stevens responded.

Attempting to manoeuvre inside such a confined space was something of a rigmarole, requiring a certain level of flexibility to manoeuvre to the hatch. Pulling open the hatch he dared to poke his head out into the crisp autumn air. All around them were perched the rest of the response force that had been summoned by an attack on the city of Edinburgh. But after the population had been evacuated and a cordon established at the edge of the city their orders had been to maintain position until further notice. A part of him felt sorry for the infantry stuck waiting outside, at least the interior of the tank offered some small comfort in spite of the cramped conditions.

Drawing out his pair of binoculars he peered down towards the city, even at this distance he could make out some of them against the dark sky. He could see someone standing on a rooftop wielding a massive gun raining green energy balls down on a group of little grey men pinned behind a crumbling piece of masonry. Across from there he could see another soldier using some kind of jetpack mounted into their armour to blaze through the sky, using a long rifle to pick off targets one after the other in quick succession. He was pretty sure he could make out someone encased in a giant robot suit having a punch up with a big red gorilla but he put that last one down to a lack of sleep and too much terrible tasting caffeine.

Pulling himself back inside the tank he returned to his position and simply reported to the Lieutenant. "I think they can handle themselves for a while"

XCOM Rule 589: MELD augmented XCOM operatives are no longer allowed to ask members of the regular armed forces 'Do you even lift?'. Such questions will not improve relations with the Council Members or their militaries

Rule 589a: Same goes for leaping to the top of a three-story building and claiming 'It's because you don't skip leg day'