Chapter 16: Operation The Best'a Pizza in'a Town
It wasn't what most would describe as your average delivery. Late at night, middle of nowhere, unlisted contact number. This had all the hallmarks of a bad horror film. But, the online payment had gone through so it looked like he was stuck with it.
Suspicions probably should have been raised when they gave grid references rather than an actual address. It happened occasionally, rich idiots camping out decide they can't go a single night without some creature comforts and decide to order take out to the top of a mountain.
Turning off the access road Sam Albright drew his car to a stop at the point his Satnav told him was his intended destination. There was always a little more searching to be done on foot with new addresses, but not usually with grid coordinates. Despite the Satnavs assurances he found himself in the middle of a windswept field with no campsites or customers to be seen.
Stepping out of the car Sam rechecked the order sheet. A set of grid coordinates a few kilometres outside of town and the delivery instructions, C/O Major Woody and Captain Hook.
'Funny, real funny'
It seemed that some people were so well to do these days they were even willing to pay to get their kicks at someone else's expense. Sam couldn't help but seek to vent his growing frustration by kicking out at a mound of dirt next to his foot. Turns out this was a mistake as the toe of his shoe impacted something unexpectedly solid.
Balancing the pizza in one hand he knelt down and brushed away the top layer of dirt with his free hand. The final pass revealed a dull grey metal dome concealed beneath the surface. Looking closer her could make out a split down the middle suggesting it was not here without purpose. Despite all logic suggesting that any such material left out in the wilderness should be rusted or show signs of wear the entire surface was clean of all but dirt.
"What the-" Sam said aloud before his next moments were consumed by a bright flash of light. He stumbled to cover his eyes. Something struck him in the chest, he hit the ground hard. Darkness overtook him.
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Sam felt himself drift awake, sore and groggy. He felt his hands secured behind his back, the makings of a pretty heavy bruise on his right shoulder and in the middle of his torso.
He was sitting in a non-descript room illuminated by a lamp hanging from the ceiling, a metal table in front of him and on the other side sat a woman. She had long brown hair held in a conservative bun and from what he saw above the table she was dressed in a white lab coat and green sweater. She was leaning back casually in her chair, giving only a half-hearted interest in his condition.
"I trust they weren't too rough with you" the woman spoke with a heavy accent, born from somewhere in the region bordering France and Germany.
"Where am I?" Sam asked, a pretty standard first question given the situation.
"Why don't you tell me" the woman shifted to lean closer across the table, hands clasped in front of her. now that he was awake he was being afforded her full attention. "Or better yet, tell me who you're working for?"
"What?" Sam asked in surprise.
"We already know about them all" the woman continued. "NSA, KGB, MI6, RTPI. They're all out there, all trying to get their grubby little mits on our secrets. It's almost amusing how they deny our existence publicly and yet secretly collude with eachother behind closed doors. I guess that is simply the way things are. Whatever answer you give it makes little difference anyway. It would just be nice to know who it was that finally made the first move"
"I don't know what you're talking about" Sam continued to protest his innocence. He knew whatever the truth of his situation it was bound to have negligible effect. Whoever these people were, if they'd gone so far as to lure him away jus to kidnap him there was little chance of them setting him free.
The woman sighed. "Shame really"
She reached underneath the table, coming back up to place some kind of device between the two of them. Sam had never seen it before, all smooth curves and polished metal with a faint glow of green light about it. Its seemingly futuristic aesthetic did little to dampen his on-going fear that the device was no doubt some instrument of interrogation.
"I'm telling you" Sam persisted. "I don't know anything"
"Oh well" the woman sighed in seeming defeat. "It would have been nice to know. I suppose we'll just have to move on to-"
"That won't be necessary, doctor"
The door to the interrogation room opened. A man with close cropped brown hair and dressed in a green sweater stepped in. "Please put down the ear examiner, Doctor"
The woman was heard to curse something underneath her breath before laying the device aside on the table.
The man turned his attention back to Sam. "We were watching you all the way up the access road. You're lucky we managed to deactivate the perimiter in time or we'd be scrapping pieces of you off the side of the mountain" the man leant heavily on the metal table with his hands as shifted himself closer. "So why are you here?"
Sam took a chance that perhaps this guy would be the one to finally believe him. "I'm from Italia Pizza. I got an order and delivered it to the address. That's my job, that's all I did"
"You're a delivery driver" the man replied more as a statement than a question. Either way it was relieving to hear someone else finally say it.
"Yes, thank you" Sam replied, tactfully emitting the addition of 'As if the uniform didn't give it away'. "Your guys took the delivery slip with the address on it, just some coordinates out in the middle of nowhere"
"Anything else?" the man persisted in his inquiry.
"The delivery was from a… 'Woody' and 'Hook'" Sam replied.
"Woody and- of course" the man replied with a knowing sigh. He stepped away to speak into a communicator, his voice low enough that Sam couldn't make out what it was he was saying. Those in the room waited in lingering silence.
They heard movement outside. The door opened.
"Alright, pizzas here"
Another man, tall with tanned skin and a mop of blonde hair dressed in olive t-shirt and combat trousers walked in. His identification badge read Major Harry 'Woody' Woodrow. He was followed closely behind by a woman, shorter with a long red ponytail and dressed in the same olive fatigues. Her ID read Captain Amelia 'Broadside' Hook.
"How much do we owe you for-" Major Woody stopped when he looked aside and noticed the other man standing at his side. He did not look happy. "Ah, Bradford. We can explain"
XCOM Rule 298: XCOM has a fully stocked canteen with a wide selection of international dishes. Please stop ordering take away to the base.
XCOM Rule 298a: Seriously, this is the fourth delivery guy we've had to detain and it's starting to wear thin.
Rejected ideas for the squad members names were Major Richard 'Dick' Witting, Dr Egmun (Misspelled as Eggman), Major Pratt and Private Browsing (He's seen some shit).
