Chapter 28: Operation Simian Conglomerate

Researcher James Stevens held the pipette in his hand, steadying the petri dish with the other. This was highly delicate work. Combining these two samples in the wrong quantities could unravel at least a day's preparation. It required a keen eye, a steady hand and unwavering concentra-

"Have you seen this?"

Stevens forced his hand to steady, carefully laying the pipette aside before the sample was placed in another further danger. His concentration already shattered Stevens relented. Turning in his seat he found his colleague Researcher Adam Wright. Wright had his tablet held out for inspection.

Stevens accepted it and reviewed the email on the screen. "Is it really that time again already?"

"Time for what?" Research Assistant Adrianne Proud joined the commotion brewing in the corner of the laboratory.

"Panic room drills" Wright clarified. "Spending six hours sitting on our arses while the security team runs about playing soldier.

"So what?" Proud quired, having only joined XCOM in the last few weeks. "It doesn't seem that bad"

"It is if you get Eggy Davidson in your group" Wright replied.

"Can't you just say you've got important work to do?" Proud asked.

"It's mandatory for all staff" Stevens clarified. "And participation is monitored by ID card access"

"We've got to find a way out of this" Wright asserted.

"That we do" Stevens agreed.

Wright saw it. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Stevens asked innocently.

"That look" Wright pressed.

"This is my normal face. It's what I look like when I talk about things" Stevens replied. "On a completely unrelated matter I just so happen to have been chatting with a friend in the Infinite Monkey's Research Laboratory. Their intention was to determine if, given enough time and banana's, they truly could rewrite the works of Shakespeare. In the end the internet put that theory to bed and put those guys out of work"

"You're right that is unrelated" Proud interjected.

"Nevertheless, it would be a simple matter to have a few of them brought back" Stevens explained. "Dress them up in laboratory coats and no one would know. Then all we have to do is lend them our ID's and let them take our places for the drill"

"And what would we be doing?" Proud asked.

"We could hide out in the excavated tunnels under the base" Wrights eyes practically glimmered with the brilliance of it. "It's the perfect plan"

"So, you're saying that to avoid being placed in a confined space for an extended period of time your 'perfect plan' is to hide out in a confined space for an extended period of time?" Proud clarified.

"Well sure it sounds stupid when you say it like that" Stevens replied. "Trust me, nothing can go wrong"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Wright and Proud stood idly waiting in the corridor outside the laboratory.

"He should be here by now" Wright shifted impatiently.

"What do you think could be taking him-" Proud was interrupted by the sound of Wrights communicator.

Wright answered his communicator. "Research department, Wright speaking… What sort of problem?"

"Attention all XCOM personnel" an alert passed over the base address system. "Operatives Stevens, Wright and Proud are currently on the rampage. Security Level 9 has been initiated. Security advise that they're dressed as monkeys and acting hysterically. If encountered, shoot on sight"

"Oh" Wright realised. "That sort of problem"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, what do we do now?" Proud asked her senior colleagues sat leaning against the far wall of the rough-cut tunnel beneath XCOM.

"Wait it out" Stevens replied. "I'm sure they'll have things under control and if we explain things calmly and concisely to the Commander I'm sure they'll see the funny side"

"Did either of you know before suggesting it that placing monkeys in confined spaces can cause them to become incredibly agitated and aggressive?" Proud asked.

"Well" Stevens replied. "At least we'll all know for next time"

XCOM Rule 545: Personnel are not permitted to transfer their official XCOM ID to a monkey.

545a: This rule has now been extended to include any animal, vegetable or mineral.