Chapter 34: Operation Interview without Coffee
Central Officer Bradford scanned his eyes over the report one last time, assuring himself that what he was reading was what he believed it to be. While he was never one to rashly jump to conclusions, he was also never one to simply take matters at face value.
Bradford looked up to survey the six members of Strike One standing at ease in a neat row in front of his office desk. Despite the team's collective professionalism Bradford could not help but notice their apparent difficulty in maintaining their proper posture. MEC Trooper Sergeant Sam Sharpe seemed to be having the most difficulty, the weight of the MEC suit seemingly causing them to tip from side to side with each passing moment as he focussed himself on simply remaining upright.
Bradford continued regardless. "Is this report accurate in its entirety?"
"Yes, sir. It is" Captain Angela LaFrance, the senior member of the strike team and seemingly the most lucid of the group, confirmed.
Bradford returned his attention to after-action report laid on his desk. It all seemed pretty standard to begin with:
XCOM After Action Report
Document Reference: XCOM-AAR-09RT56
Date and Time of Operation Start: 16th May 2016. 9:30 Universal Time Coordinated (18:30 Local Time)
Location of Operation: Sydney, Australia
Strike Team Leader: Captain Angela LaFrance
Abstract:
Strike Team deployed from the Skyranger in downtown Sydney and advanced in standard formation. A group of Sectoids (Estimated three) were encountered and quickly dispersed into the surrounding area. Strike Team continued to advance and pursued the hostiles into the ground floor of an open-air shopping district.
"You encountered the Sectoids and followed them into the shopping district?" Bradford clarified.
"Yes, sir" LaFrance replied.
"And that was when you encountered the Mutons" Bradford continued. "Would you describe them the same as the Mutons you've previously encountered or as some new sub-species… given that they were twenty feet tall?"
LaFrance lingered before replying this time. "It was a chaotic situation" she replied. "They, may have been closer to 15ft"
To say Bradford was sceptical would be an understatement.
While engaging the Mutons a pair of Muton Berserkers leapt down from the first-floor balcony. MEC Trooper Sharpe opened fire on the Berserkers and drew their attention. The sustained gunfire quickly eliminated the first Berserker. The second Berserker charged forward and delivered a body blow to Sharpes centre which threw him off balance and caused him to be propelled through the window of a music shop (Dr. Um).
"You fought a Berserker?" Bradford reaffirmed.
"That's correct" Sharpe replied, swiftly returning his attention to remaining upright.
"And you fought it off, with a banjo from a music shop?" Bradford's tone suggested he hadn't anticipated to be seriously asking that question today.
"That's… correct" Sharpe confirmed.
After losing his weapon in the fray Sharpe proceeded to fight off the Berserker with a musical instrument (Banjo) retrieved from the music shop.
At the same time a nest of Chryssalids burst out of the fountain in the central plaza. Gunfire appeared to have little effect as, after shooting off their limbs, the Chryssalids continued to regrow and produce more of them (See Greek Mythology re. Hydra for example). The creatures were only subdued when Captain LaFrance instructed the strike team to 'Shoot for the head'.
"You then go on to describe an encounter with a Thin Man disguised as 'Corporal Lawrence's Auntie Agatha'" Bradford read, turning to Corporal Lawrence. "Would you consider it a possibility that your Aunt was somehow involved in this incident?"
"Unlikely, sir" Lawrence replied. "She may have some strongly held opinions regarding government spending policy, but I do believe she would be inclined to support an alien invasion"
Bradford sat back in his chair, interlacing his fingers as he considered where to possibly go next.
"So, remind me, was this encounter before or after the Kamikaze Floaters?" Bradford asked.
"That came later" Lawrence replied. "I remember because a group of them crashed and destroyed the Poole Harbour fish restaurant across the street"
Bradford stared down the strike team members from across his desk. He knew every one of them were professionals, as strained as the definition seemed in this particular moment. He could try to unnerve them but all that would be achieved would be a lot of wasted time. But the truth was, he didn't need to.
Bradford had known all along that whatever report they submitted would nonsense before it even reached his desk. About an hour after the operation began, XCOM command had received further intelligence regarding the 'Alien Invasion'. The harsh reality of having called in an international military unit to subdue a group of drunken revellers attending a sci-fi convention was no doubt dawning upon the mind of dispatcher who had misheard the patrol officers request for backup.
It hardly warranted any great leap of the imagination to realise the strike team, upon realising the mistake, had decided to take the opportunity to submit a 'questionable' report and go to the pub. Their fatal mistake was not choosing to write the report before they had started drinking. The team had also neglected to bring the flight crew in on their no doubt brilliant idea. Their colleagues had since submitted a full and ACCURATE report.
"In that case" Bradford broke the lingering silence. "I believe what you have here may hold the secret to the success of our future operations"
"Sir?" such a response even had LaFrance stirred.
"I'm sure the science team will be eager to investigate the effectiveness of banjo-based combat techniques" Bradford continued. "I'll arrange a live fire exercise as soon as possible"
The looks which passed between the strike team spoke volumes.
"Permission to speak freely, sir" Lawrence stepped forward. "This is murder and you know it"
"Noted" Bradford replied.
"This is just a firing squad with extra steps" Corporal Lin Xiao Long agreed.
"Duly noted" Bradford reaffirmed. "Dismissed"
The team saluted before filing out of the office in an orderly fashion. MEC Trooper Sharpe joined at the back of the group, the loud thunk against the bulkhead as he forgot to duck signalling his departure. Despite the no doubt substantial impact, he continued unperturbed. Bradford suspected the laboratory staff would be interested to witness first-hand the combined effects of reduced blood quantity, MELD and alcohol. Although, it would likely need to wait until Sharpe was sufficiently lucid to provide an accurate statement.
Bradford allowed himself to fall back into his chair. Glancing down at the report he could not help but think it was time they started putting out requests for better people.
XCOM Rule 738: All mission reports are to be counter-signed by a senior member of the XCOM command personnel prior to submission.
