Bran&Kel1, I'm glad you like it! Thanks a lot for the review. I don't think I'll have Brenda going back to BH though. However, you guys will see Bren and Dylan fighting for their relationship once again and for all.
Shannen1,I totally agree with you besides, I am having so much fun writing about Brenda's roomies. I always thought that BH90210 had to get a little bit more funny and wilder…oh well. It is my fav show anyway. Thanks for the review.
emelie172, hi! Thanks for reviewing me this ff too! It really means a lot to me
N/A I'm sorry if I can't update as soon as I would like to. It is because I gotta fight to get to use the computer…I used to have my own back at home, but oh well. Never mind.
Chapter 3
Lyrics of a life time
When Brenda finally got home she was totally exhausted but happy. She had just gotten paid and had an entire week off. She had to admit that her job was a royal pain. She had been living in London for almost four months and things that had been weird in the beginning had become part of her routine. She still lived with the step sisters and she had gotten a job in a pub. She wasn't a show girl or anything but she did serve alcohol. That was one of the good things of Europe, the drinking age was 18. Brenda didn't drink very often and sometimes she thought that she was the only person with a little of brain besides Alexis who was too caught up in her daily affairs. She knew that she had come there to act but it wasn't that easy. She had gotten some jobs as an actress, mainly in local plays and T.V commercials but nothing as big as she hoped for. She felt a little bit like a failure but she didn't have much time to think about it. Her schedule was crazy, she worked 9 pm to 5 am at the pub and then she had to go to the academy at 7; 30 am and she got out at 2.15 am. She felt like she was in high school all over again. If she thought about it, she didn't even have time to sleep. She was glad she didn't have to go to the academy every day, just Mondays and Wednesdays.
That night she was especially tired, things at the pub had gotten a little wild. This one drunken guy had tried to break some other guy's legs. The drunken guy, called Scotty had been thrown out but not before he made a imperial mess that Brenda had had to clean later. She had called the guy every single swear word she knew but of course, in her mind. She didn't want to get fired because believe it or not she liked the job. The pay check was really good and she met people and listen to the music she liked. However she knew that she wouldn't be able to keep up with that kind of life for much longer. Although there was something she feared more than the daily routine; her parents. They were nice and all but she knew that they would never accept that their little princess was working serving alcohol at age 19. They would freak out. They were freak out parents anyway. She was afraid they wouldn't approve her life style, the life style that she loved. She had even gotten a motorbike! She never thought she would have one but now she was used to it she liked it better than a car.
She tried not to wake up anyone but then she realized that it was Friday night so no one but Alexis would be at home and Alexis was the hardest person to wake up in the world. However, the lights in the apartment were on and she could hear the TV. She went to the living room and saw Kali sleeping –and drooling—on the couch. She looked kind of cute when she was asleep. At least she wasn't scary. Brenda wasn't scary of her anymore but sometimes her craziness still shocked her. Brenda stared at the TV and realized what Kali was watching. She couldn't help but start laughing hysterically, Kali was watching porn. In fact, Kali was the first person that had fallen asleep while watching porn. There were beers all over the table and Brenda noticed that Kali's face was red and wet. Brenda stopped laughing immediately. She turned the TV off so Kali wouldn't have to deal with Alexis asking stupid questions, after all, it was just porn. She sat on the couch and stroked the Kali's hair. She shook her a little bit but Kali just groaned and went back to sleep.
"Fine. Whatever" Brenda told to herself. She would ask her the next day. Brenda was too tired to even try to get any answers, besides, Kali would probably be totally wasted by that time so to let her sleep was the best thing Brenda could do. She sighed, she spent 8 entire ours serving alcohol and then when she got home, what did she find? Her teenager roommate totally wasted. She went straight to her room and put her pajama on. Actually it was just a pair of shorts and a long t-shirt from her high school. She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and in her way, she noticed light coming from Jesse's room. She didn't know Jesse very much but she liked him a lot. He wasn't just funny but really hot and honest. She hadn't met a guy that was more honest than Jesse. That Jesse guy was always saying what he thought when he thought it. He didn't care about what people thought about him and that was why Brenda liked hanging out around him. The same with Kali, she remembered when they went to a soccer game with Jesse and Kali. Brenda was expecting a kind of prep school soccer game but they took her to a quite peculiar game, a professional game that ended with people going totally insane on their seats yelling and cheering. She had a lot of fun. Also she liked Jesse a lot because whenever she was around him she didn't think about Dylan. She didn't like Jesse as a boyfriend, he was too crazy for her but as a friend he was the best. She knocked on his door and heard his voice saying, "Come in"
"Hi Jesse, nice outfit" Brenda laughed at him. He was sitting in front of his computer in his pj, a bathrobe and a Rolling Stone T-shirt.
"Not as fancy as yours" Jesse said staring at her. "So how come you are not in bed already?"
"I work at the 'Déjà vu' remember?"
"Oh yeah. I thought you would have quit by now"
"Yeah, me too. So what are you doing up so late?" Brenda asked him. The only times Jesse had been up so late had been when he went partying or playing video games with his friends and making a lot of noise.
"I am trying to finish this goddamn song" Jesse said. "I should have written it a few weeks ago, but I am blocked!" Brenda laughed. A few weeks ago meant months ago. Jesse was in a rock band called "Giants in the Sky" They were pretty good and they were recording their first album. Brenda knew who stressed Jesse was even if he didn't show it. They had to write twelve songs and they needed the last one by next day.
"What's the song about?" Brenda asked. "I'll try to help you"
"No way" Jesse laughed. "I don't want my first album to be a girly song about your asshole snobby boyfriend"
"Hey Dylan isn't an…"Brenda started to say without thinking. It was the first time she had talked about Dylan. Jesse gazed at her and smiled. He was charming and annoying. "Okay. Get fired, it is not my problem"
"Damn it. You are right. I'm sorry" Jesse said. "Will you help me?"
"No"
"What?"
"You don't want a girly song do you?"
"Brenda!"
"Yes?" Brenda stared at her smiling and the poor guy looked at her with a doggie face. "Okay, just don't look at me like that again. Ever" Jesse jumped on her and hugged her. "You are the best snobby girl ever! I love you soooooooo much"
"Exactly. You better not forget it" Brenda hugged him too. "Now, lets get started"
"Don't you want to sleep?"
Brenda grabbed Jesse's energy drink and drank it all in a second. He stared at her with his mouth kind of open. Brenda kept surprising him, she was snobby and all but he liked being around her, she was always funny and really sweet. Although, she was able to kick his ass in less than half a second. He knew that, even if she didn't want to talk about it, she missed America and her family so he tried to be the nicest he could be. During the first few months he would always listen her crying until late hours at night but he was glad that she had calmed down. Brenda Walsh could look really strong but deep inside she was just a child. He was amazed of how emotionally weak and innocent she was. She walked around with that tough girl cover but she was nothing like that. In fact, she was amazingly loving, caring and responsible. "So what is this song about?"
"Huh?" Jesse was stunned looking at her. He knew he had nothing to do with her; she was out of his league and in love with another guy. That would be the luckiest man alive. "The song is about this one guy who is sick of phony people and his life style but he can't really do anything about it. He was fallen in depression and blown his friends off and he feels alone and all." Brenda's mind went straight back to Dylan. She smiled slightly. "And high school and all…it is about what it feels when high school is over and you know you can't go back to your old life. About people that shine in high school and they people just forget them"
Brenda wondered if that would happen to her. Would her friends forget her? She started to realize that she didn't really care. She remembered high school with nostalgia and said, "That is a deep song you know? Any name?"
"Such better days"
"Awesome"
"I kind of have a begining" Jesse said searching for it. His table was full of papers, empty cans and junk. Finally, he pulled up a paper with a huge ketchup stain on it. His room wasn't much better, it was hard to believe that he was in his twenties. He was twenty one but he acted like he was seventeen years old. His room was a mess. The wall was wrapped up with posters of the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Bob Marley…pictures of his friends and lyrics of old songs. "What do you think about this, 'I never thought we would get this far / running scared armed with my guitar / I never thought I would miss those all days at school / Who would have known we were losers acting cool / no wonder why we always got thrown out if all what he did was horse around. I made my choice, I didn't think at all and now I don't think I hurt enough"
He had started playing guitar too. The song was kind of slow and melancholic but also full of hope and spirit. Brenda could feel that while he kept singing, "I never thought I would really miss al those mistakes / Senior year such better days / Days when I still felt alive, we could have run together / I stare at the wall and I can't help but see your face saying your famous phrase / Oh hell senior year such better days / Yes we tried, but the days were over and we didn't survive /No one knows how I miss those days when I still felt alive./ But all is gone and we have to move on. Another six months and you won't know me anymore" After that, Brenda got totally caught up with the song that got crazy fast and loud. Jesse had started to enjoy singing the song and when the chorus started he was already smiling and excited, "You know I am not the one you knew back in high school, never proud always loud yelling and standing right out of the crowd / You thought I would never change, I know it is strange but I am out your drama exchange / Cause I don't wanna waste my time / become a social failure of hypocrisy and I'll never fall again, I'm sorry but your lies and driving me insane"
Jesse stopped and stared at Brenda who was smiling stupidly. He smiled her and asked, "So what do you think?"
"I think it is amazing," Brenda said being completely honest. In fact, she realized that she felt like talking about Beverly Hills with Jesse. She didn't know why but she felt like the guy had much more in common with her than what he said. "It reminds me to my senior year"
Jesse smiled at her and said, "That is the point"
"No seriously" Brenda said a little pissed off. "It reminds me to my senior year. It was full of drama. My friends lied to me, my one true loved cheated on me…" Brenda stopped. She had said 'one true love' she didn't mean it. Did she? No, she didn't think about Dylan like that did she? No, not anymore. She was trying to forget him… "I thought I loved him. Oh what the hell, never mind" Brenda tried to smile and look down like she always did but Jesse turned to her side and grabbed her hand. "Look at me" he said with his rough but beautiful voice. Brenda's eyes met with his gorgeous light brown eyes. Brenda realized that they were that light that looked kind of yellow. They did match with his hair that was all messy and color sand. Some color in between light brown and blond. They stared at each other for a second and then they started getting closer and closer. Brenda wondered if she really wanted to kiss the guy or it was just an easy way to get Dylan out of her head. Jesse knew that he wanted to kiss her, no wonder, Brenda was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen and that was why he didn't want to play with her. Also, he admired her. She had chased her dreams and ended up away from her family and friends, away from everything she had ever known just because of a dream. He could never be able to do that but yet he wished he was a bold as Brenda. Finally, when they were so close than their lips were already crying out loud for more Brenda backed off and grabbed another of Jesse's pop cans and drank. "Lets get back to work"
Jesse started laughing and nodded. "I had a pretty fucked up senior year too" He suddenly remembered. "My best friends, Evan Standlater and James Holden, and I were never too happy. We went to a goddamn prep school for guys. It sucked. They would always advertise themselves as a great school, modeling young man since I don't know when they would always say. I'm telling ya, it was fucked up. I didn't know a goddamn good guy in the entire school, well, my best friends but hey were pretty fucked up too. The old Standlater had been kicked out of like four schools before coming to that one and Holden was kind of a jock but I'm pretty sure he works at McDonalds now…Oh well. We had hell of fun…until Standlater started doing drugs. I wasn't my goddamn fault but I blamed myself so I ended up dropping out and all. My little brother died and I wasn't too good, I started doing drugs too. He was a good guy, he really was, his name was Duncan and boy, he was smart. He was a freshman back then but he was twice smarter than me. He liked soccer, he was a good kid. You would have liked him…He liked poetry…that is why I started writing music…he…he had this soccer ball singed by his favorite player, he took it everywhere with him. He was real good, he had a 4.0 GPA. I'm telling ya…he was real smart" Jesse's eyes were filled by tears of anger. He tried not to look at Brenda but she had noticed. They were still holding hands so Brenda squeezed his hand. She knew how he felt; she could never take losing Brandon. She missed him to much but at least they talked on the phone sometimes. "What happened?" She asked.
"A car crash" Jesse explained. "Alexis was driving…she wasn't feeling good. She asked me to drive but I couldn't because I was fucking drunk. If I hadn't been drunk I would have been the one driving and not her. She passed out while driving and we crashed" Jesse told her wondering why he was telling her all that.
"I'm so sorry" Brenda said horrified. She thought about Alexis, she probably felt guilty about it. "It wasn't your fault Jesse. You can't beat your self over it" It was breaking her heart, she couldn't take seeing Jesse like that, so…weak. So vulnerable. "You made a mistake, so what? It could have happened anyway"
"It wouldn't have happened to me" Jesse said hurt. He grabbed a picture from his night table and showed it to Brenda. It was a kid, he looked a lot like Jesse but his eyes were a lot bigger. He was wearing a soccer uniform and holding his signed ball. "Old Duncan. You would have liked him" He looked down and a tear dropped down his face.
"Come on Jesse" Brenda said wrapping her arms around him. She sat on his lap and he hugged her by her waist. "It wasn't your fault. It really wasn't"
"Yeah. Well, there nothing I can do about it so, I try not to think about it" Jesse said noticing that she smelled like orange. He laughed, it was a weird smell but it was good. Brenda sat on the bed again and grabbed the paper with the song again. "I have an idea. How about if you repeat this chorus once again and then say something like 'And you don't know how much I regret my mistakes. I'm sorry, I really am, but it was way too much to take. I never thought I would leave that world behind but the truth is that you are always in my mind.' And then go with the chorus again and say, 'I couldn't wait to be gone / now I stare at the wall all alone / I never wanted to be gone, please, tell Kel it is not her fault'" Brenda ended, "And then the chorus again"
"Kel?"
"Damn it!" Brenda said. The truth had sneaked out again. Secretly, she feared that Kelly thought that it was her fault that she had left. It wasn't. Just as Jesse had said, she was chasing her dream not blaming anyone. She knew that many people in BH blamed themselves. Cindy probably blamed herself because she thought she hadn't been a good mother to protect her child but Kelly, that really killed her. She considered Kelly a good friend, a little untrustworthy but a good friend. She was till mad at her yes, but she kind of missed her too. She would never figure herself out.
"Sorry. She was my best friend, well, not when I left. We were kind of like fighting over this one guy…oh my god we were so lame!" Brenda told to herself almost yelling. Jesse had gone through a hell and she felt bad because after all, she had been mad for nothing. She hadn't had a problem as big as Jesse's but she had always felt that people should feel sorry for her. It had been pretty selfish.
"Hey listen" Jesse said with a new happy voice. "Aren't you trying to be an actress?"
"You said it. Trying" Brenda laughed. "Big roles run away from me"
"I need an actress for this video for the MTV. Our agent has gotten us a chance to promote ourselves at the British MTV. Are you interested?"
"Yes!" Brenda said without thinking much. It wasn't the role she was waiting for but at least, it was better than Jacuzzis commercials or serving alcohol. "What song?"
"What do you think about his one?" Jesse handed her a paper. Brenda read over it and smiled. It was about a person, it wasn't defined if it was a boy or a girl, that wanted people to back of and let him or her live. "Close the goddamn door and back off?" Brenda read the title.
"Yeah, well…"Jesse started laughing. "Will ya do it?"
"Yeah, of course" Brenda said. "When do I start?"
"Next week"
