Electricity

Chapter 6

Guide me

Dylan didn't sleep much that night, in fact, he hadn't slept much lately. His mind was too busy thinking about what Brenda had told him a few nights ago. He had never seen their relationship that way. Sure Brenda was the only one that had made him really happy, but it was also true, that he had only thought about what was best for him. He had had time and opportunities to get her back, but what did he do? Nothing. He did nothing because he always knew Brenda would be there for him, secretly in love with him. He felt horribly ashamed of himself, because he realized that Brenda had always been the safe and right option, one of those things that he liked to ignore. Safe and Right weren't words that the McKay was familiar with. Things have changed so much, that much, that Brenda didn't love him anymore, and he was the one getting hurt. He lay back on his bed and looked out of the window. Brenda had made them stay in a hotel, which he didn't like very much. He had lived in one his whole life, and secretly he had hoped to have a family, maybe a big house, with kids and a puppy…well, maybe that was excessive, but he wouldn't have minded to live in an apartment with Brenda…just like Jesse. He had to admit it, he was jealous of the pretty boy. "How come he is better than me?" Dylan yelled out.

"Are you talking about me?" Brandon asked with a smile, getting out of the bathroom. He went to his closet and grabbed some clothes. "By the way, I used all the shampoo"

"Again?"

"What can I say? My hair needs lots of care!" Brandon said, looking at his "wonderful" hair in the mirror.

"Fine" Dylan said. He realized how much Brandon had in common with him. Something about that made him feel uncomfortable, and sort of understood what Brenda meant by saying, "It's always about you". But Brenda liked Brandon, so he didn't get what the problem was.

"What's wrong with you, dude?" Brandon asked.

"Can you please, stop doing that?" Dylan asked annoyed.

"Doing what?"

"Never mind. I'm going crazy…" Dylan said. He sat up and looked at his best friends. Brandon and Brenda had the same eyes, however, now he looked into Brandon's eyes, he realized how different they were from Brenda's. That was a picture he couldn't take away from his mind, Bren working at a bar, and liking it. Then, her eyes, they had a wild sparkle he had seen many times before, in fact, he saw it whenever he looked at himself in the mirror. "I'm not giving up on her"

"You've said that over a million times, and we are only going to stay here for five more days…you are kinda fucked, Dylan" Brandon said.

"Im staying"

"Yeah right"

"I really am"

Brandon stared at his best friend, and immediately knew he was serious. Dead serious. Dylan stood up and grabbed a coat. "See Minnesota, I can't live without your sister, I have no ambitions, not true ones, at least, there is nothing I want to do more than this, besides, London…is magical."

Brenda was awake long before her mother came into the room. Cindy looked around and rather smiled. It was different from Brenda's old room, but it was definitely Brenda. Instead of the preppy pink and white, the room was painted hot pink and what called her attention the most, was the ceiling, black and white squares. It sort of looked like a chess board. Cindy walked around the walls and saw all the pictures from London, as well as some pictures from Beverly Hills. She sighed and smiled, she never worried about Brandon being happy, because she knew, deep down, that Brandon would get used to everything, she knew that Brandon had an especial gift, he could find happiness everywhere. Brenda however, was more introvert, and needed time to get used to things. The day Brenda came home, telling she had new friends and even liked a guy, Cindy only got worried, secretly worried that Brenda would get hurt. Brenda had always been a very vulnerable person, at least, in that way. Or so Cindy though, because, in reality, Brenda had become really strong in the past few months…

Brenda stared at her mom, in silence, wondering what she was thinking, wondering if her mom approved her new life, her decision of staying there, instead of going back to Beverly Hills. Cindy sat next to Brenda, and stroked her daughter's hair. She realized it felt stronger and smoother than usually. Her baby had grown up, and she wasn't sure about her role as a mother anymore.

"Hey, Bren" Cindy said. "I just came…to let you know, that I love you" Cindy started to explain. Kali, Bren´s friend ,had told her how scared Brenda was about them not liking, or approving her lifestyle. Something that Cindy considered stupid, because how on earth would Brenda disappoint them? "and I am so proud of the woman you are becoming, I feel so...blessed with you and your brother in my life, and hey, I don't care what you do, as long as you are happy, and come around home, wherever that is, just to say hi,"

Brenda's eyes grew open, and her eyes watered. How could she have been so stupid? "I don't know why you didn't want us to come around but…" Cindy went on. "We love you, above your friends and that McKay guy, we love you, and we will always love you no matter what…"

Cindy kissed her daughter's head and stood up, like waiting for an answer, but Brenda didn't dare to move. Her mother, among the others, always thought that the matter where themselves, but how could she know, that to Brenda, there wasn't any matter with her family, it was just, her. There is a time when you stop living your parents life, and start living your own. That moment, however, always comes when we are less ready for it.

Brenda waited until her mom walked out of the apartment, and then, looked out of the window, it was early in the morning, but she was used to sleep until, at least, until one o'clock, so it seemed even earlier. She got up and went to her closet, and a new dilemma came. She had her Beverly Hills preppy clothes, and her London clothes. On a normal day, she wouldn't have had a doubt, but that week…that week had been full of doubts. She had been jumping from one style to another, and, decided that none of them really suited her, after all. In the end, she decided to combine both styles, looking for a balance in between two worlds that could not possibly be balanced. She didn't even test herself in the mirror, she just walked out of the room with an unusual self confidence. The first thing she saw, was Jesse, watching TV all alone.

"Your mom was just here" he said without taking his eyes off the TV.

"I know"

"She is pretty nice, and hot."

"Jesse, if it has boobs, you think it's hot"

Jesse turned around to see her, but only saw her back crossing the door and slamming it. Though, he had enough time to notice a change in his friend, and he couldn't help but follow her.

Jesse had been almost chasing her all over London, and kept on noticing how this strange behaviour kept going weirder. He chased her all over the place, including coffee stores, clothes stores, music stores, RADA, the park, Buckingham, the Big Ben, even museums. It was almost dark now, and Brenda would have to go to work pretty soon, unless of course, it was her day off, he never knew about those things. He wondered if Dylan knew…the McKay seemed to know everything about Brenda, but he, Jesse, didn't know anything about her, and that mysterious halo around Brenda seemed to make her even more attractive to Jesse.

"We will she stop?" Jesse thought. "She knows London better than me, and I have lived here my whole damn life!"

Suddenly, Brenda stopped at the Oxford Street, in front of Hamleys, the toy store. Brenda walked in and stopped where the Teddy Bears where. Slowly, she grabbed one, looked at it and put it back. She did the same about seven times. Finally, she grabbed a Teddy Bear, about 18 inch big. Jesse knew it was his moment.

"I didn't know you still liked Teddy Bears" he said. Brenda didn't even turned around.

"You would be surprised" Brenda admitted.

Jesse grabbed another bear that was out of Brenda's reach. "This one is softer. See? Cuddling approved!"

Brenda laughed. "You are an idiot"

"Wow. You are becoming a hard core girl"

"Maybe, I have always been one"

"I don't think so. A couple of months ago you would have called me goof"

"That's called being polite"

"Or preppy…depends on whose view"

"What about your view?"

"My brain has shut down because of my view"

"Which is?"

"I didn't know you were such a good flirter"

"I didn't know you were such a bad one"

"Wow. That hurt"

"Oh sorry, do you want a teddy bear? Cuddling approved"

Jesse was now cracking up. "Sure, I like cuddling."

"With Bears?"

"I would rather to cuddle with pretty ladies"

"Pretty, like you, pretty boy?"

"More like you, stunning girl"

Brenda turned around and met Jesse's eyes. During a brief second, Brenda really thought about kissing him. But again, Dylan's face came to her mind. Jesse understood and looked at her, straight into her eyes. He caressed her check and smiled tenderly.

"You know I care about you" Jesse said. "so don't put me into this, okay?"

"Into what?" Brenda asked.

"You love McKay, but do you like him? There are many types of love, Brenda. Sometimes, we love someone we don't like, and that love, only makes us grieve. For what I have seen, Dylan has brought you more doubts and sorrow than confidence and happiness, so are you still torturing yourself, Bren? Don't you see how beautiful and talented you are? Don't you see that any guy would be honoured to hold you in his arms? Yet, you want the only one who doesn't get how precious you are."

Brenda was speechless. There was nothing she could have done, or said to give Jesse half of the happiness he had given her. Nothing but that light in her eyes, that shinned again. Jesse kissed her forehead and pulled her into a tight hug. Brenda buried her head in Jesse's arm and said,

"I don't love Dylan"

"Then, what's the matter?"

"Well, nothing really. I'm just trying to…I don't know. There are many changes and I just want to get used to everything here, and it's kinda hard when you have a constant reminder. I just…I want, like a guide…really. I know it sounds childish, but…what the…?" Brenda stopped speaking as her cell phone started ringing…

"Hello?"

"Brenda, it's me!"

"Dylan?"

Brenda didn't get the next thing Dylan said. His voice sounded totally out of himself and the angst, seemed to be leaving her ex boyfriend out of air. "Dylan, hold on I cant understand you" Brenda pleaded.

"It´s…"

"Who? What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Brandon…he has had an accident"

Brenda´s heart broke into a thousand pieces. Her lungs seemed to be full of acid and her brain didn't process any other feeling that, grief. She felt a huge impact against her chest, even though nothing had really touched her. She took her hands over her heart and let go of the teddy bear that fell on the ground, stared by a very petrified Jesse, who didn't know what to say this time. Brenda couldn't help but fall on her knees, looked up to the roof, and thought what she had been thinking all day long, "Please, God, guide me…"

Im really sorry for the long wait and I just hope you are still with me. Im really, really sorry it took me so long to update, but I needed to redirect many things, and its not always easy…I just hope you enjoyed this tiny chapter…and thanks for waiting, if you have.

Anna Coulter.