'I'm Hungry Like the Wolf' played in the club. Morgan was relaxing in one of his more favorite clubs. He had two days of freedom; it was nice to catch up on his relaxation. It was when he looked up that he had to blink. He was used to the strobe lights, it was the dancer he saw getting close and personal with a girl who was no older than nineteen.
"Reid?" he smirked and downed a drink. He should have known. He shook his head as he saw where his hands were going.
"At least one of us will have a nice night tonight." He said as he walked out of the club.
Spencer Reid collected his luggage and proceeded to walk home. He could have called someone, hailed a cab, but he didn't. He wanted to walk, he needed to walk. And that's what he did.
Reid had no idea how many hours had passed by, he wasn't entirely sure he was even going the right way, but he wasn't terribly concerned. All that mattered was that he continued to walk. It was summer time, and that meant one of two things, either humid heat or thunderstorms. The sky had been cloudy all day; every sign of a thunderstorm, and Reid could hear the thunder. He saw the lightning. The wind was picking up a bit. Yes, a thunderstorm, that's what else he needed, he needed to get soaking wet, he needed to catch something, he needed anything to tell him he was still alive. He couldn't feel anything right now; he'd feel it with the cold.
"Impossible." Elle said.
"Hey, it's what I saw."
"Reid picking up a nineteen year old woman and holding her around the waist? No." she shook her head. "I don't believe it."
"Hey, unless he has a twin brother I don't know about."
"What's going on?" Hotch asked.
"Get this," Elle said turning, "Last night Reid was at a night club picking up a nineteen year old girl and he had is hands around her waist, and then her thighs." Hotch looked at Morgan.
"I don't think so."
"Oh, so then who did I see?"
"I don't know, but it couldn't have been Reid." He said pouring himself a cup of coffee. "He's in Las Vegas right now."
"Oh, well, I guess we'll find out when he gets back."
"Hotch, you heard from Reid yet?" he turned to Gideon.
"No, why?"
"He's supposed to be back today." He said looking at him. "Call him."
"He could be on a plane."
"Call him."
"He could be driving, it's a thunderstorm." Gideon looked at him.
"Call him." He said quietly. He nodded. Suddenly Hotch's phone rang. He looked at the number.
"Reid?"
"Are you all right?" he waited.
"All right." He said. "Reid where are you?"
"Reid, are you outside?" he was listening. "Reid, Reid will you listen to me, you can't stay outside in this weather. . . . Walking, Reid where are you?" he put the phone away from him. Morgan and Elle looked at him.
"Oracle of Quantico, how may I help you using my supreme genius?"
"Garcia, I want you to run a trace on my cell phone."
"Okay babe, who's the perp?"
"Reid."
"Reid?"
"Just run the trace!"
"Okay." Morgan hung up and dialed the number.
Spencer was sitting down on the curb. He looked at the number on his cell phone.
"Hello?"
"Reid, there you are. Where are you?"
"I'm here."
"Where is here?"
"I'm on my way home." Morgan listened to the dullness in his voice, something was wrong.
"Reid, what the hell is the matter with you?"
"Nothing, nothing is wrong with me, just, leave it alone." He said. "I told Hotch I was staying home."
"I know I want to know why."
"It's none of your business." He said, "I don't feel well."
"Reid, where are you?"
"Goodbye." He hung up.
"Damn it." His cell phone rang. He answered it.
"Morgan."
"21st Street."
"What?"
"I'm on 21st Street." He hung up the phone.
"Greenway."
"Right, thanks Garcia."
"His location is-"
"Twenty First Street?" she looked at Morgan.
"Yeah, how did-"
"He told me."
"Is he okay?" Elle asked.
"He didn't sound too good." Morgan and Hotch looked at each other.
"Someone has to go check on him." Hotch said.
"I'm free." Hotch looked at him.
"Be careful, Reid doesn't sound at all stable."
"Hotch; he's Reid, what's he going to do, tell me so many facts my head explodes?"
"He has a gun; he knows how to use it." Elle pointed out.
"Yes, but he won't." Hotch said. "At least not on anyone else." Morgan looked at him before he walked out. It was true, he didn't sound good, but Morgan didn't think that he would shoot himself. What was wrong? Whatever is was, it was bad.
Reid walked quickly. He couldn't believe it, he'd told Morgan where he was, what was he thinking?
Morgan had been driving for forty five minutes after reaching Twenty First Street; He saw the familiar figure walking rain soaked down the road. He stopped the car. Reid kept walking. He drove up a bit and honked the horn. He still walked on. He drove stopped and opened the door.
"Reid, get in."
"Go away Morgan." He mumbled. Morgan looked at him.
"I'm fine." He closed the door. Morgan shook his head.
Reid stepped back. He looked at the big SUV that was on the sidewalk in front of him. The door opened.
"Get in." Reid put his bag in and got in the passenger seat, he buckled up.
"See, how hard was that?" he backed out and began driving down the road.
"Why are you here?" he looked at him.
"Reid, why do you think I'm out here?"
"Because Hotch sent you to look after me." He said looking down. Morgan looked at him.
"Reid, why do you want to punish yourself?" he looked at Morgan. "You don't want to get out of this car, you don't want to be alone, and you didn't want to say that." He looked at Reid who looked away.
"What's wrong man?" Spencer turned to Morgan.
"She's dead." He said. Morgan looked at him. "My mother, she's dead."
An hour later Reid sat down in his sopping wet clothes at his kitchen table. He and Morgan were drinking coffee. Reid had told him everything, and Morgan could hardly believe it all. He was Reid. He knew he had secrets, but he's never known just how much they hurt him. He was a profiler, how could he not share this, he knew how dangerous it was to let things like this fester.
"I know what you're thinking." He said. Morgan looked at him.
"So you know how hard it is to bring this up?" he said. "I could barely tell you, I still can't believe I did." He said. Reid looked down. "I shouldn't have."
"Why, so you can kill yourself easier?" Reid shrugged. The coffee cup flew across the room. Reid jumped. Time for a new approach.
"What the hell?" he asked. Reid looked at him confused. Morgan gave in. Reid was hurt, more hurt than he'd ever seen him. "Reid," he pulled the chair over, "What's wrong?" silent tears fell.
"I'm lost." He chortled and stopped. "I feel like I lost everything." He said. "I, I don't have anyone, and I just can't. . . She was my mother, and I finally got the courage to talk to her, I'd been avoiding her for so long." He looked at him. "Do you know what she said?" Morgan looked at him. "She said, she was so proud of how I faced my fears, and how she was so glad that I still loved her." he stopped, "I wasted so much time fearing this stupid memory, and just when I start to talk to her, she. . . She dies." He said. "I spent so much time thinking I lost her, only now I really did. She's really gone, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do." He looked at Morgan. "And I'm being stupid whining like some six year. . . ." Reid's head whirled. He sat up, his cheek was sore. Morgan stood over him.
"God Reid, why do you have to rationalize everything?" Reid looked up. "Pain is irrational, you have to face it." He said. Reid looked at him.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked. Reid was confused. Then again so was Morgan, why had he done that? What was wrong with him?
"Nothing." He said turning.
"No!" he said as he stood up. He breathed. "I just told you what I would never tell anyone, something I didn't even want to tell you." He said. "You of all people." Morgan looked at him.
"What does that mean?"
"You know what I mean; you're the happy go lucky guy, the one who has a life, the one who. . . Who feels that Hotch and Gideon need to know everything, and yet you criticize Gideon all the time."
"I do not."
"You did." He said. "You'll never forgive him for Boston!"
"Six agents died!"
"I know that!" Reid yelled. "So does Gideon." He said. "You think he doesn't feel responsible?"
"I know he does."
"Then why do you still blame him?" he asked.
"I just do." He said. They stood in silence. Spencer left to clean up the mess.
"I don't know." Reid turned to him. He dropped the pieces back down.
"Don't know what?"
"What's wrong with me." Morgan said.
"How do you feel?"
"I feel. . . ." He looked at Reid. "Angry." Reid looked at him.
"At me?" he asked.
"Yeah." He looked at Reid. "Why don't you get it? You're not alone, we care about you. I wasn't sent out there, I went out there on my own, I had to, something was wrong with you, and I wanted to know if you were okay." Reid looked at him.
"Why?" he was confused. Morgan breathed.
"I don't know." He said.
"Yes you do." Reid said. "You do know, but you won't say it, not to me anyways." He approached him.
"Morgan. . . Do you. . ." he breathed. "Do you. . . ?" he breathed and swallowed. "Do you love me?" he asked. He seemed to be braced for something.
"And what if I did?" he asked turning to him. He stopped as he looked at the look in Reid's eyes. It was Morgan's turn to be confused.
"No one has ever cared about me." He said. "People like you in High School used to beat me up." He said. "No one joked with me, and there was no one who tried to help me, like you did." He said. "When I was having my nightmares." He brushed his hair behind his ear. "And when you saved me when we thought the cop was the sniper." He paused. "And when that kid, the one that fooled me, you saved me then too." Morgan shrugged.
"You didn't have to." He said.
"Yeah I did." He said.
"So then why is it a surprise that I would develop a sort of. . . Affection for you?" he asked. Morgan could tell he was nervous. Morgan approached him.
The first was quick, but not the second. It was not the first kiss for either, but it was certainly the most passionate. The fact they were both males never even came in, what did was that they were hungry for something that neither had never found. Something they had been yearning for, for a long time.
Morgan knew Reid had never had sexual emotions, certainly not like this, he was inexperienced, but that wasn't important. He was still pure and simple Reid. He knew everything, and at the same time he knew nothing.
Reid had never felt anything like this. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. Morgan had been with many different women, but something about the way he touched him made him think that he didn't like any of them, and he was sure that he didn't touch any of them this way. He couldn't suppress the shiver that came when Morgan moved to his neck. He stopped briefly and Reid had a chance to breathe. He wondered if you could actually die from passion and euphoria. He felt like he might have suffocated. But at the same time he was upset that it stopped. He heard music, David Bowie's song 'Modern Love'. Morgan chuckled.
"You gotta update your music." He said. Morgan kissed his neck again and Reid couldn't help it. Morgan moved his hands up and down and Reid was afraid he might fall down, that's when he realized he had. He didn't know how it had happened, he'd never registered the movement of their feet, but there he was lying on his bed with Morgan undoing his shirt. He moved to help but Morgan moved his hands away and Reid didn't try again, the kisses on his neck were more like fire then they had been. 'This is Not America' was playing but he couldn't hear it as he moaned.
Morgan couldn't believe how accepting Reid was. And how. . . He was. There was no other way to describe it.
They didn't have actual sex for a while, they just got used to each other, but that in itself was intimate and passionate. The sex part was just another release, but a necessary release. It was like nothing had happened.
As though Reid hadn't actually been thinking about suicide; Morgan hadn't been confused and angry. As though they had just been sitting drinking coffee, just talking, or something like that. It seemed as though in each other's company all the pain faded away. Both of them had their own pain, but now they had something to replace it with, someone to share it with.
Morgan had finally found someone, someone he could have a relationship with, a real one, a real person, one who could actually understand him, one who made sense. Spencer was someone who thought about more than just sex; who actually thought period, he was someone who was, different. Morgan felt amazing, he actually felt.
Reid was amazed, how could anyone feel this. . . Way? It was spectacular. He felt like he'd been locked in a room where he couldn't see or feel anything, and Morgan had unlocked the door. He could feel the pain die away; everything he had been feeling was gone. It slowly replaced itself with . . . sweet warmth. And as for the cold, it was gone. Reid was warm, he could feel again, and what he was feeling, was the most wonderful thing in the world. Something he never thought he'd feel. And that was why he actually slept with Morgan's arms around him.
Reid slowly opened his eyes and sat up. He rubbed them and looked around. His bed was empty. He sighed, he should have known. He looked in the direction of the bathroom; he shook his head as he put on fresh clothes. He opened the door and stopped.
"Reid."
"Morgan," he opened the door more, "You're still here?"
"Yeah, I made dinner, I thought I'd come check on you."
"Dinner?" Reid looked at the clock.
"Oh my God." He said. "How long have I been sleeping?" Morgan looked at the clock.
"About eight hours."
"Really?" he asked.
"Yeah." he smiled. "You were tired." He walked away. Reid smiled and followed him.
They ate dinner.
"Wow, you're a good cook."
"Thanks." Morgan looked at him. "Reid, I want to talk to you." Spencer looked at him. "I want to know where we go from here." Reid looked down slightly.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, do we want to have a relationship?" Reid looked at him.
"I won't be in a one sided relationship, I've been in enough." He said as he put down his fork.
"It's not." He said immediately. "It's not one-sided, not at all." He said. Morgan smiled.
"Good, now, can we continue to work together?"
"I see no reason why not." He paused. "But I suppose we would have to wait and see."
"True, but, here's another good question, do we tell Hotch?" Reid stopped eating, he sat up and pondered.
"Well, to not say anything would be indicative of being ashamed, which I'm not. And I don't think you are." Morgan shook his head.
"No." he said as he poured another glass of wine for both of them. "But, if we bring this up, Hotch is immediately going to separate us in some way simply because of the relationship, or else put us on probation."
"True." Reid said. Morgan looked at him. "Do we have to tell him, I mean, if he doesn't ask?" Morgan looked at him. "As you've noticed, I'm not exactly into sharing things."
"I don't know," he said, "I can think of a few exceptions." He said smiling. Spencer blushed a little, making Morgan chuckle. "But you're right." He thought. "I don't think we have to tell him."
"And if he asks?" Morgan looked at him.
"You think we should hide it?"
"No, just don't expect me to volunteer everything." Reid said. Morgan smiled.
"Wouldn't dream of it." He said refilling their glasses.
They passed the rest of the time drinking and talking. Reid revealed if he kept this up he would definitely get drunk, he was quite sure he was halfway there.
"Finished?" Morgan asked.
"Yeah." He said nodding.
"Have room for dessert?" Reid looked at him confused. Morgan downed his glass of wine with his eyebrows raised. Spencer smiled and nodded.
"I think so."
"Good." He grabbed his keys. Reid looked at him. "My place this time." Spencer got his coat and locked up. They went to Morgan's for apple pie, and then they had dessert.
