1. Belongs: The universe and characters of Detroit Become Human belong to Quantic Dreams and David Cage.
2. Rating: "T" in general, but might be "M" for cursed words, graphics contents such as violence, injuries, or sexual scenes.
3. Summary: Midnight and Gavin meet at his apartment to review Hannah Lewis' recordings. While the analysis is ongoing, Gavin learns a bit more about Midnight and opens himself up by talking about his relationship issues. This confession opens the vigilante's eyes, who doesn't hesitate to value the detective.
Note: Hey, I'm finally back! I had to do three weeks of internships for my studies, but that's it, I'm here! I thought I had a little time to write during these last weeks or even to post, but impossible! Between working, driving, the chores, etc., fatigue won haha ..! I hope you'll like this new chapter! Looking forward to reading your adorable comments again!
CHAPTER 15
"I Hate Being Me"
- 5th May 2039, 12:13 am, Gavin's apartment -
Gavin dropped onto his couch after simply turning on a dim light, and opened his laptop on the coffee table. He looked up at Nines who was standing in his living room, and he opened his arms.
"Are you going to stand there?" Gavin asked, arching an eyebrow. "You can sit, you know?"
"I know, I was analyzing your apartment," Nines said, approaching the couch before sitting down next to Gavin. "You seem to like science fiction and fantasy movies a lot. "
"Yeah," Gavin smirked as he glanced at his posters and DVDs on the big shelf next to his TV. "I grew up with my mom who was a fan of The Lord Of The Rings, Alien, John Wick, Kill Bill, and else!" He took the USB drive out of his jacket to plug it into his laptop. "I also have a large collection of video games, but I haven't played them as much as I used to for a few years. Mainly because of the job. "
"What kind of games were you playing?" Nines asked, strangely interested in knowing more about the detective.
"I was really into Dark Souls," Gavin laughs. "The Assassin's Creed games too, and Monster Hunter. I had a lot of figures, but they stayed with my mom in Denver. I only kept these three, my favorite monsters." Gavin said, pointing at three dragon-like creature figures.
"The Lagiacrus, the Kushala Daora and the Nargacuga"
Gavin turned his head to the utterly stunned vigilante, his mouth parted. He huffed a chuckle before running his hand over his face, slowly shaking his head, then looked at Nines again.
"For a moment I forgot you could analyze stuff. I thought you were a fan." Gavin laughed nervously.
"Indeed, I don't know the universe from my own experiences, but something is fascinating and attractive about its creatures." The android smirked. "I'm interested in knowing you better. "
"Well, maybe we can play together one day or another?" Gavin said with a shrug.
"I've never played video games, so that would be fun, yeah."
Gavin felt his face warming softly and he cleared his throat, looking away from the android's blue eyes. He had to concentrate on the recordings. He opened the USB file on the computer and played the 25 hours, 39 minute, and 14-second long video.
"Twenty-five hours ?" Gavin almost choked in astonishment. "We're not gonna stay 25 hours waiting for something to happen ..!"
"If you want I can sync to your computer and speed up the recordings. If my system detects faces other than Hannah's parents and yours, I will be notified. Also if there are any suspicious sounds or suspicious notifications that Hannah's system has recorded. "
"You ... can you really do that?"
"Yes, and the full analysis won't take more than an hour."
Gavin dropped his jaw in awe. He raised his eyebrows while shaking his head.
"Wow… Working with an android has some great benefits actually ..!" Gavin said still surprised.
"And I can so much more. I would love to show you what I can do to be useful to you."
"That's not about being useful, Nines…" Gavin gave him a smirk. "It's… also nice to team up with you."
"I thought we were just two independent and responsible people cooperating?" The android said, tilting his head slightly to the side with a smile stretching the corners of his lips.
" Alright, you've made your point..!" Gavin said, giving him a gentle punch in the shoulder. "Come on, synchronize yourself, or we're still gonna be there tomorrow night ..!"
Nines escaped a small chuckle, took off his gloves and put them on the coffee rested his hand against the computer screen while retracting his synthetic skin.
Gavin's heart sank right to his lower abdomen as he saw his chassis. He'd expected it to be white like Hannah's, like Connor's, like all the other androids actually. But no, Nines's was black.
He saw his palm glow neon blue against his screen.
"You ... your hand is black ..?"
"Oh ..." Nines said looking at his hand. "Yes. This is one of the things that sets me apart from other androids."
"Why ?" Gavin asked, arching an eyebrow. "Didn't they like the white color?"
"My… model was experimental. I wasn't really intended for public consumption." Gavin cringed at the term. "So, to differentiate me from other models without the humanizing artifices, my chassis is black."
Gavin said nothing but just nodded and pursed his lips. He had plenty of questions, to be honest, but maybe it wasn't the right time to ask them. He wondered how his model was experimental? To differentiate him from other models for what reason actually? He also wanted to ask him what he was really capable of, find out who Nines really was.
Gavin watched as the android put his hand on his laptop again and closed his eyes for a few seconds while he synchronized himself to the machine. He detailed his face, looking at his closed eyelids, his nose, his cheekbones, his jaw, his lips …
"Detective?"
Gavin came back to himself when he saw the android staring at him. He shook his head.
" Um, yes ?"
"The synchronization is done. I'll tell you as soon as I identify a suspicious face."
"Okay cool," Gavin said, getting up from the couch.
Nines watched him walk to his kitchen, silently. Gavin turned on his coffee machine and placed a mug under it. They weren't sure how long this was going to take, and since it was already late, it was best to arm yourself with coffee.
He came back to sit beside the android on the couch again. He was silent for many seconds, spinning all the questions he had in mind about Nines that he wouldn't ask.
He pursed his lips, sighed, and set his cup down on the coffee table before turning to Nines, one leg tucked under him.
"Um, can I ask you a question?" Gavin asked, raising an eyebrow.
"You just did." Gavin gave him a wry look.
"Oh my God, please..." he sighed. "Okay, questions " he corrected himself so as not to fall back into the vigilante's trap "It's… about you, a little personal, but you don't have to answer if it's too intrusive."
"I was wondering when you would ask them." Midnight smiled softly, forcing his mask to raise slightly in his mimicry. "But yes, you can ask."
"Okay, um…" Gavin considered what his first question would be. "How… is your model experimental ..?"
"For military spying ..." Nines began. "For my strength which is more developed than a TR400s despite my slimmer build, for my resistance to shocks and violent temperatures. For my agility and my flexibility despite all the elements that compose me, and my ability to reason like a human, even leaving me loopholes to be more realistic and… to fool real humans. This last point is part of the spying feature... To blend in with the scenery…"
"Well, they did a good job for that point, I got fooled like a beginner," Gavin said shaking his head as he picked up his cup of coffee to warm his hands. "What makes you so special other than that? "
"I have a lot of biological functions, like a nervous and endocrine system," Midnight stated, watching the human take his drink. "So I can experience real physical sensations thanks to the micro-sensors in my chassis ... And they extend into my synthetic skin thanks to static electricity. So…" Nines said, watching his own hand turning black. "That means without my skin I'm much more sensitive…" He opened and closed his hand, flexing his fine and perfect knuckles. "My emotions are influenced by this nervous system, but also by synthetic hormones…"
"And… how do you feel right now?" Gavin ventured to ask before taking a sip of coffee as he juggled his gaze between Nines' black hand and his icy blue eyes
"Now ?" Nines asked troubled, looking into the human's eyes.
"Yes, on the situation, on your… body, your thoughts…?"
Gavin stared at the android for a while, letting his eyes drift from his eyes to his lips, again, then to his suit. It was only then that he really realized.
Nines was at his home, sitting on his couch with him, and it was past midnight. He ran his tongue between his lips as the android seemed to think about his question, his gaze lost in the distance. Suddenly, the detective's thoughts drifted to their kiss exchanged the night before at the Hudson Tower. And the more he thought about it, the more apprehension he felt warming his body.
"I can't give clear answers..." Midnight said, looking at Gavin again. "A lot of feelings and emotions are assaulting me right now. I can't really sort through to identify them individually. But… I'm… happy to team up with you." He paused. "To be there with you, and to do the right things."
"Same…" Gavin smirked before setting his mug back on the coffee table. He took a deep breath to re-oxygenate his brain and chase away this desire that was starting to cloud his thoughts. "Anything new about the recordings?"
"Not yet, I'm in the early afternoon at the moment, and there is nothing suspicious."
Gavin nodded and said nothing more, allowing the silence to take place in the room. But Nines leaned further back into his seat with a sigh, drawing the human's attention next to him. The android turned his head in his direction to observe him.
He knew he didn't leave the detective indifferent ever since he'd spoken to him near Jimmy Johns. But what Gavin certainly didn't know was that Nines… only had eyes for the detective. He had fallen in love with him from watching him from afar and indirectly interacting with him on cases and arrests, and being in admiration of his work. But things had become more persistent, more outspoken in the past few weeks, and his feelings for the human had only become more assertive.
But having feelings and being attracted to someone was something completely different. He knew that Gavin had had a relationship with someone else a few nights ago, and despite himself, Nines had felt deeply affected by it. But the detective never mentioned this person, and he didn't seem to be away to visit him either, so Nines had deduced that it had only been fleeting.
But now, the detective was attracted by the vigilante, it was a fact that the latter could analyze and see by scanning the human, but in terms of feelings, he knew absolutely nothing. No matter how hard he tried to read the human's expressions, he couldn't tell.
He had to be more direct if he wanted the mystery to be cleared up, and for them to possibly move forward.
"So…" Midnight started, scanning around the flat. " You live alone.. ? "
"Hahaha…" Gavin began to laugh. "You might as well ask me directly if I'm single, right?" And he gave him a wink, much to his surprise. "Well, I uh-"
"That was… indeed an indirect question," Nines confessed with a smile, refraining from smiling too much.
"Oh ... um ... no, I don't have anyone. It's… always complicated. Because of my BPD ... and all the problems and consequences that it creates …"
"And why... could it be… complicated? "
The question was innocent, and Gavin didn't take offense. Obviously, Nines had already researched Borderline Personality Disorder the moment the detective mentioned it. But the thing was that many symptoms could differ from a person to another. For example, some people with BPD may engage in risky behaviors, such as self-harm and suicide attempts. But Nines had already scanned the detective's body like fifty times and even had the opportunity to see him in his underwear the night he'd brought him home and nursed him after the altercation in the alley, and he'd found no signs of self-harm or any injury that could be linked to attempted suicide. Some of his scars were clearly old gunshot wounds or stab wounds, but given their location, these clearly weren't the most effective places to end your life easily.
"I'm afraid to bond with people," Gavin confessed, looking down and staring at his hands on his knees. "I tend to see either all black or all white, never gray. Either everything is great, or everything is… catastrophic." He pursed his lips. "People don't like those who are emotionally unstable ... Those who are brooding, those who are depressed..." He moved his tongue mechanically between his lips, inhaling deeply through his nose. "They say you're on a Roller Coaster all the time, going up, down, up, down… People just can't keep up, and they don't understand all the time why. The few who can don't live with me every day, they don't really see the real face I have during a crisis…" He frowned as he remembered an old experience. "When they find out about this side of me… they feel duped, and don't want to carry this burden, so they let go of it… I already have a lot of irrational insecurities, if people just throw me away because they… panic or don't want to understand, or bother to… it's… hard for me to trust afterward, and to let go." He turned his head to the vigilante who'd been listening intently to him from the start. "So I don't try to bond with people so that I can be better. I often had awful behavior with people for this reason. I broke up with one of my exes because I told him he deserved better than me, that I was good for nothing except complaining and preventing him from living properly because of my anxieties and my doubts… He broke up because I closed myself to him, and fearing to feel more pain, I didn't… want to reopen and I just let him go… It wasn't even out of pride." He shook his head. "When I start, I can't stop. I know it though, I realize I have to stop before things are irreversible, I yell it in my head during crises, but… it's stronger than reason. And it bursts out. And I find myself alone, and I hate it ... I hate being me…"
Gavin suddenly focused his attention on one of his hands, placed on his knees, which Nines had just gently grasped in his. He turned his head to the vigilante who was looking at him with deep empathy, and a pained smile on his lips.
Under normal circumstances, Gavin would have pulled his hand back harshly, he'd get angry to push the other away despite his fear of abandonment, and telling him to get lost, but… he didn't do any of that.
The vigilante wasn't expressing pity at all, but compassion, tenderness, and damn Gavin had rarely seen that look in others about him.
Gavin didn't do anything and let the vigilante intertwine his fingers with his silently, their gazes locked into each other. Usually, he couldn't talk about his BPD with strangers, but with Nines it was different, he… oddly, he felt that something was underlying… even if it was that subtle. He had made the effort to talk about this trouble, what was bothering him, what was causing him harm. And Nines had listened to everything, without saying anything, without judging, without commenting inappropriately or belittle him.
Gavin had just really opened up to the vigilante, and Midnight was coming in warmly, and knowingly.
Now they were there, both sitting on the couch in Gavin's apartment, in the dim light of a lamp in the back of the room, and another one coming from the laptop screen, on the coffee table. Silence dominated, it was almost one in the morning, and they stared in silence, eyes shining and fingers intertwined.
Gavin's heart skipped a beat as Nines slowly moved closer to him as he silently lifted himself onto the surface of the couch until their thighs touched. Their hands were still tied, and their gazes locked into each other.
Nines wasn't sure what he was about to do. When they kissed at the Hudson Tower, Gavin said it was euphoria, that it was unprofessional, chances were his feelings weren't returned by the human, but… There was always a chance they were. It wasn't professional, but ... would that really make a difference ..? Despite the kiss, they had kept working together without a hitch. Nines often had dreamy thoughts about what they could share, what a love life with a human might be like, with Gavin Reed especially, but he'd always respected the human's personal space.
Nines swallowed nervously, drowning in the detective's teary blue-gray eyes.
"You're not alone ..." Nines finally verbalized without immediately realizing his lips had worked on their own. "What I'm seeing doesn't scare me..." he gave a tender smile despite himself, which seized Gavin's guts and huffed his breath. "The more time goes by, the more I learn about you, and what I see, Gavin..." he repeated. "What I see ... is that you have merit and courage to face the outside world and yourself, every day ... But you're afraid of receiving from others because you're not sure you can give in return for lack of self-confidence… You think you don't deserve happiness because of your doubts…" He tilted his head slightly to the side, his eyes still fixed on the human. "You're wrong on these points, because you deserve it, and you can get it…"
"Phck…"
Gavin's voice broke as he dropped eye contact, his eyes letting a few silent tears roll on his cheeks, against his will. He focused his attention on their hands, and he hadn't realized that he had started to grasp the vigilantes powerfully.
His eyebrows furrowed softly as he saw the android's synthetic skin retracting in a slight wave, glowing like a blue neon, revealing his carbon-colored chassis again.
It was so warm, like the hand of a living being. The surface wasn't hard, but soft and smooth like the skin of a dolphin. Gavin began to gently loosen his grip to go exploring the black palm with his fingertips, observing the delicate and glowing blue knuckles that adorned the wrist and the android's fingers.
He ran his fingers abstractedly over the thin slits, focusing all his attention and fascination in the details, touching them, and the sensations it gave him, both physically and emotionally.
He looked up again at Nines, who hadn't moved an inch, and who'd looked down to their hands as well. When the android looked up at the human again when he noticed he was touching him this way, their gazes locked into each other.
Gavin took a deep breath through his nose, his heart heavy as he tried to cheer himself up, and slowly leaned towards Nines.
But he stopped when he suddenly saw the android's eyelids flicker softly, and Gavin frowned.
"Nines ..?"
"I-It's okay ..." he said, grabbing his hand, fearing he would go away. "I… I identified a face…" He pursed his lips nervously, not wanting to break the moment. "This is Collin…"
Gavin's eyes widened as his brows furrowed more. He stopped looking at Nines to look at his computer screen, which had frozen on a picture, most distinctly on a face.
He recognized him. It was an RK800, and instinctively his blood boiled as he thought of Connor and all the damage he'd done especially Hank's death.
"That motherfucker..." he began with clenched teeth, his eyes riveted on the screen. "He killed all those androids and kidnapped the kid ..! But why? "
"Gavin… Calm down…" Nines said in a calmer tone.
"Calm down? "
Gavin turned his head sharply to the android, eyes gleaming with anger this time, and jerked his hand away from Nines's.
"How could I calm myself down when I see his face? Knowing all the harm he's done? He's got Connor's face! He's- He's A Connor himself! And he is as abject as the ones I saw passing through the police station last November! "
"Gavin ..." Nines tempted as he saw the human standing up and pacing. "Getting angry will not help…"
"Why did he kidnap the kid?" He said, fixing his eyes burning with rage in the vigilantes. "He kills with headshots, so why did he kidnap the kid?" He suddenly stopped in his pace, then looked at him. " Wait." He moved closer to Nines, pointing his right index finger at him. "Why didn't he kill you? I initially thought you were human and I couldn't understand why he'd attacked you." He shook his head as he resumed his pace. "But you are a deviant android, he wanted to eliminate you certainly for that reason, but he missed you while we know he aims perfectly!" He took his head in his hands. "Why did he kidnap Hannah Lewis and just hurt you? It's not his method, it's not logical!"
Nines got up from the couch to face the detective.
"I don't know any more than you do. I don't know why Collin didn't kill me when he had the chance, and yet he let it go..! He even threatened me verbally saying he was there to kill me, but he didn't succeed. He was totally capable of it, and it's not like I made it difficult for him, I was so surprised to see an RK800 in front of me that I barely had time to react." Nines caught his breath. Unlike other androids, he had artificial vocal cords and artificial lungs to make them vibrate with the air he breathed in, which served also for air-cooling. "I don't understand why he kidnapped Hannah Lewis either. You said it was because he wanted to kill her, maybe he- "
Nines froze, finally understanding.
Collin had missed him the first time, and again he had no logical explanation for it, but the RK800 knew he was playing vigilante, that he was deviant and therefore could sense emotions. He knew that by kidnapping a child, Nines would have been affected somehow and would have done anything to find her. And the icing on the cake, she was an android, a child of his people, he couldn't have stood idly by.
The Hannah Lewis kidnapping was completely a bait to trap Midnight and eliminate him once and for all, and correct the mistake Collin had made at the docks, weeks earlier.
"What ?" Gavin said seeing the frozen android. "Did you just understand something?"
"No... "
Nines had just lied to the detective, he knew it wasn't the best way to keep the human's trust, but he didn't want to worry her. He didn't want to tell her that he was actually Collin's primary and direct target.
He slowly approached Gavin, who had his arms crossed and still flushed with anger. The android slowly lifted it to his face, and the human didn't move, deciding to let him. Nines gently stroked her cheek with the backs of her fingers, causing Gavin to blush even more.
"I... Have to go…"
"Now.. ? But we just found out that Con- Collin is behind all of this..!" Gavin looked more worried than pissed off now.
"We know what's happening and we can focus on locating him later. We know he was at Cyberlife Tower tonight, but after Hannah ran away, he's smart enough not to stay there. He will hide, and we will find him."
"So where are you going ..?"
"Detroit is calling me..." he smiles. It was a lie, but he had to lead his investigation on his own to ensure Gavin's safety first.
"You ... aren't you leaving because ... I yelled, don't you..?"
Nines smiled almost tenderly. He wished he hadn't ruined the moment before, they almost could have… kissed again and… maybe talked a little more about… what was going on between them?
Nines didn't know exactly what was going on between them, but he greatly appreciated what it was, and he didn't want to let it slip away. And he had to protect Gavin Reed no matter what, he had promised it to Fowler.
"Of course not… I said you weren't alone, Gavin… I'll be there…" He drifted his gaze from his eyes to his lips before looking at him again. "It doesn't matter how… or the nature of it, but…" He smiled softly. "I'll be there for you."
He removed his hand from his face. He had to leave now and go examine the tower himself before he lost any trace or clue that Collin was there.
Gavin inhaled hard, his breath choppy, and nodded gently, his eyes glowing.
"I'll be expecting you tomorrow at the precinct then, Night…"
"And I'll be there…"
Nines took his gloves back from the coffee table and walked to the door. Before leaving, he turned to Gavin who was standing by his couch.
"Have a good night, Gavin…"
And he left the apartment.
Once outside, he called his motorcycle telepathically. Less than five minutes later, it pulled up right in front of him. He then mounted it and set off at a brisk pace on the road towards Belle Isle.
He would know how to handle the RK800 himself. After all, he was an RK900, he was meant to be more advanced and stronger.
