Taylor lay down on the couch. There were pictures all around the living room of her father. There was the picture of them on graduation day from the academy. She picked it up and held it.
"He was so proud of you that day." Beth said, she had been standing in the doorway watching her daughter.
"I'll never forget the look on his face when I told him I wanted to be a firefighter." Taylor laughed, "He was so thrilled that one of us was going to follow him and grandpa."
"He was disappointed that your brother chose to be a nurse." Beth admitted
"I think he was more disappointed that Adam chose to be gay." Taylor said honestly
"Yes, he was very disappointed. But he never stopped loving him anyway." Beth said
"You know, I always tried to be brave like Daddy. I had to live up to the Taylor name." Taylor said
"Honey, your father never expected you…" Beth started
"No daughter of mine is going to be afraid." Taylor paused, "That's what Daddy told me when I was growing up, if I had a nightmare or something. I wasn't allowed to be afraid." She stopped again, "I couldn't not be afraid. The towers fell. How could the towers fall? I was scared Mommy. I ran as fast as I could. When the dust cleared, the towers were gone. Our Squad was gone. A lot of other things were gone. And I stood, and I felt like I was alone. That's why I was scared."
Beth watched her daughter; she knew that it was important for her to get the feelings out.
"I feel like I'm living a nightmare. You know, it's not real. It's some sick joke that I am stuck reliving. But it is real. The skyline is so empty. That pile is all that is left of the Towers." Taylor paused again, "The people… They think we're heroes. Like we should be wearing tights and capes or something. We're normal people! We chose to do a job that most others turn away from. That doesn't make us heroes. We are normal people! We live normal lives, or at least we used to until last Tuesday. We really are human. Heroes don't go through the emotions that we've had to deal with. They just don't understand Mommy, they don't understand." Taylor cried
Taylor curled up on the couch. She put the pillow in her lap as she pulled her knees close. She hadn't meant to burst out like this in front of her mother. She felt selfish for doing so. Her mom had lost so much. Her mom could have lost so much more as well. For some reason, some strange twist of fate, she didn't though.
Beth sat down next to her daughter.
"I know it hurts. But you can always come to me. You know that." Beth said, "Don't be sorry that you're telling me this. You need to get it out somehow. It will help you heal. Eventually, you'll feel whole again. Now let me go get you some tea or something to calm you down."
Taylor mouthed the words "Thank you" to her mother as she sat and starred at the pictures. She was feeling exhausted and run down, and felt an urge to go back to the site and help. But right now, she was right where she needed to be. She wasn't alone, and that was a big part of it. Taylor knew that somehow or another, she'd get a little rest to go back to work tomorrow and continue on. It still felt strange to her.
Her mom returned with a cup of tea for her. They sat down and sipped their tea together. It was a change of pace for her. It seemed almost surreal. Her mom lived away from most of the hustle and bustle of the city. It was so much different than her apartment in Upper Manhattan. It was quiet out at her mom's.
"Well dear, I would hope that you'd consider staying the night." Beth suggested
Taylor nodded. It was nearly midnight.
"Your old bedroom upstairs is free." Beth smiled
"The couch is fine." Taylor said
"Okay, let me get you some blankets." Beth replied, disappointed that her daughter chose to sleep on the couch. It was a few moments before she returned to the living room with a blanket. "Do you need anything else?"
"No Mommy, I'll be fine." Taylor said as she pulled the blanket up over her
Beth turned out the light and prepared to head upstairs to bed.
"Mommy." Taylor said
"Yes dear?" Beth replied
"I just wanted to let you know, I love you." Taylor said
"I know honey. Get a little rest." Beth said before she headed up the stairs.
Taylor lay in the dark room; she pulled out her St. Florian medal that her father had given her. She stared at it.
"Well, I guess there are two firefighters in the family now." Angus Taylor said"Yes Daddy, there are." Taylor replied
"Here, you might need this." Angus said as he produced a small box
Taylor opened the box and found the medal on a chain.
"It's St. Florian, the patron Saint of firefighters. My father gave me that medal when I graduated the academy. I had hoped to give it to my son when he did the same, but you're the one who chose to become the firefighter, and you deserve it. I'm proud of you Alex. Make sure that you always wear that medal, and remember who you are. You're a Taylor after all, and Taylor's are damn good firefighters." Angus added
"I will Daddy." Taylor smiled and hugged her father"I love you Daddy." Taylor whispered as she kissed her medal.
She put the medal back inside her shirt and pulled the blanket up over her. Slowly she faded off to sleep.
