stifling: the feeling of being constrained or oppressed; suffocating.
She was popular with the regulars; cynicism towards her competency or ability as a result of her petite size had long since morphed into an unlikely combination of respect and camaraderie. For Eru, the basketball club had gradually transformed from unfamiliar – even alien – territory, to a place that she could quite possibly consider her home.
Even as she listened to the squeaks of basketball shoes against the polished gym floor mingling with the sound of raucous laughter, she felt a peculiar peace, contrary to the cheerful chaos, settle upon her. The familiar petty arguments between Kise and Aomine, Midorima's amusing quirks, Murasakibara's refusal to share his snacks, the confusion that ensued when Kuroko disappeared – all these little indications that she had integrated into the little community that had inadvertently earned a place in her heart.
It might not have been much to anyone else, but it meant everything to her.
It was late afternoon when the door of the clubroom opened to admit Kuroko and Kise. Club had yet to start, but it was a strange sight nonetheless to see Eru fast asleep on her stack of incomplete homework.
"Eru-cchi!" Kise called loudly, in his haste to tell her about his eventful day. "Why're you sleeping!"
"Kise-kun, please keep quiet." Blunt as always, Kuroko sensed that Eru rather needed her sleep more than Kise realised. But it was already too late, and Eru had already sluggishly pushed herself back into a sitting position.
"Eru-cchi! Today was so hard, I had world history in the morning and I got scolded for falling asleep." Still disoriented from having been woken up abruptly, Eru stared blankly at Kise, her head tilted slightly in confusion.
"Eru-cchi you're so cute!" Kise reached forward to gently pull at her cheeks. "They're so chubby!"
"Kise-kun, that's hardly appropriate." Kuroko let out a sigh at Kise's antics, just as the latter made as if to hug Eru; really sometimes he wondered why Akashi had put the aforementioned in his care.
"Kuroko-cchi you're always so mean to me," Kise mumbled in dismay, as he settled down contritely on a chair next to Eru's. He smiled winningly in Eru's direction, and she could not help but flash a tired one in return. Her days would be far more dull if she lacked the constant energy and carefree glee of the first string. Some might describe these repeated disturbances as frustrating or annoying, but she could not have asked for anything better.
Seijuro noticed that it was becoming the norm that Eru fell asleep during club sessions. It was not uncommon for him to walk in on her slumped over her documents, oblivious to the world. With the growing frequency of these occurrences, he supposed that her situation – whatever it may be – was deteriorating.
It was Thursday when he noticed that Eru's right arm had been hovering protectively over her left one; her bangs seemed to cover more of her forehead than usual; her breath seemed more laboured. They had locked up the club room in the late evening, and the sky was darkening rapidly; the last visible fraction of the sun cast long shadows across the courtyard of Teiko.
As they entered the train station, Seijuro noticed the train that they were boarding would be leaving in a minute. He broke into a sprint, almost forgetting about his companion. It was clear that she could not walk briskly, let alone run, in her current condition. His hand inadvertently reached out for hers, and he gently encouraged her to quicken her pace. The small smile that lit up her eyes spoke the words she never said.
The train ride was spent in relative silence. For all his intellect, Seijuro always had difficultly starting conversations, especially with Eru. There was something about her withdrawn nature that made him hold back more; almost as though he was afraid of accidentally striking a nerve. He did not know how to react when he felt Eru's head rest on his shoulder. Perhaps he should feel gratified that she trusted him that much; perhaps he should feel uncomfortable due to the proximity. But he was not sure if he was supposed to feel the surge of warmness that enveloped him.
"I'll walk you home." Her immediate reluctance was no match for his quiet insistence. Factoring in her unsteady gait and exhaustion, Eru's journey home would be dangerous at such an hour. It was an ideal situation for him to be introduced to her circumstance at home. It was not manipulation, he reasoned; it was simply taking advantage of matter.
Frankly, Seijuro did not foresee her being so wealthy. The Italian villa was separated into three sections: the main area and two wings (one of which existed as a garage and stable) which extended towards the main gate; it was rather reminiscent of St. Peter's Square. As Eru led him through the side entrance, they were greeted by a courtyard rivalling his own in magnificence, complete with a small artificial waterfall. Though typically filled with a unique array of flora, the arrival of summer heralded the end of the enchanting display. By the time summer hit its peak, what was once mesmerising would be no longer.
As she led him towards the front porch, he could not help but notice her pace slowing down considerably. Initially attributing it to her injuries and exhaustion, he paid no attention to the slight change of speed until she paused at her doorstep before turning to him.
"Thank you for walking me home." Her tone was firm, almost as though she was requesting for him to take his leave.
"I would like to see you into your home to make sure you are safe." Seijuro lifted an arm to press the doorbell, but it was pushed aside by Eru. The gentle smile on her face was replaced by fear, as she shook her head adamantly.
"I'm not about to get hurt at my own doorstep, Seijuro." He did not miss how Eru's voice cracked slightly towards the end, even as she attempted to inject humour into the conversation. His eyes narrowed imperceptibly at her insistence.
"Don't you trust me?" At his words, Eru's face paled instantly and her gaze shifted to her feet. "I'm here for you, remember?" The steadiness of his words settled over her, shrouding her with warmth.
Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes as she nodded, "I know." And he knew that she was pushing him away from her once again.
He was unable to catch a glimpse of her house's other occupants in the end, and it was with an air of regret that he made his way back to his own manor.
The cool, crisp air was a welcome change in summer, as was the dark sky littered with glinting stars. Seijuro always found it far more conducive to think at night, perhaps due to the nature of the darkness, which surrounded but did not suffocate. It was hardly easy being controlled with an iron fist all the time, but naturally, being of such high social and intellectual status must have its drawbacks. Either that or the gods were simply being unfair, he thought wryly.
The grand courtyard was filled with fragrance that never really filled him with joy anymore. Because flowers are ephemeral; they fade ever so quickly, showing that beauty cannot possible last forever. But they were also so replaceable - new flowers will always bloom to replace dead ones - because you cannot tell one apart from another. And the transience of life is never something to be taken lightly, because the fleeting nature of flowers can be reflected in people as well.
His father was not home - not that Seijuro actually expected him to be. Hoped maybe, but never expected. Sometimes he wondered if the house would feel any warmer if the only parental figure left in his life was actually physically present as well.
She heaved a sigh of utmost relief upon realising that her home was empty, save for the hired help. Eru removed her shoes carefully before addressing her butler, "Hayato, when will they be home?"
"They'll only be back on Saturday afternoon, Nanase-san. You have almost two whole days to yourself." She did not miss the underlying meaning: You'll be safe for a couple more days.
The grand staircase seemed infinitely longer when her feet were heavy with exhaustion. Soft carpets muffled the sound of her footsteps as Eru sluggishly made her way to her room. Her school bag fell to the ground with a dull thud, and her knees instantly gave way, bringing the rest of her body down with it. And she remained on the ground, unmoving and motionless, because every fibre in her body was aching with emotional pain and distress, and her body simply refused to comply with her commands.
Moments like this – when she was overcome with weakness – were moments she feared the most. Because fragility showed vulnerability, and vulnerability meant pain, hurt, betrayal and nothing good. And such visceral emotions would be worthless except as nightmares, haunting her, with no desire to let go. As soon as the wave of weakness washed over her, she rose purposefully to retrieve her homework from her bag.
School was the one place that she felt safe, and that was why she channelled so much energy into it. Because it was an incredibly effective distraction, and anything was worth it if it meant that she forgot about herself and everything else for even a moment. By the time she finished everything, it was nearly midnight, and she finally allowed herself to fall asleep.
He desperately wanted – needed – answers now. Something about the way everything was slowly converging together, but with no definite closure, made him infinitely more curious about how it would eventually culminate. Seijuro's patience was wearing thin, and that morning was as good a day as any.
He could already see her approaching from a distance, her face buried in a novel as usual. If he observed her for long enough, he realised that something about her aura had shifted a great deal in the time that they had known each other. While she used to be unassuming and meek, now she was submissive and even afraid; her gentle smiles did not come so easily anymore either.
"Hey," she said, tucking a stray brown curl behind her ear.
"We need to talk later." He said immediately. "Please." She flinched noticeably, averting her gaze, and he instantly regretted his cutting tone.
"Why?" The tremor in her voice was noticeable, even though she fought to keep her expression neutral.
"We can talk about it later." Seijuro did not even know why he sounded so cold, but the flicker of hurt crossing her expression made him realise how deeply his words had affected her.
"Okay, I-I guess I'll head off first." Eru turned away quickly, leaving him behind at the school gate. A part of him thought that he should be chasing after her, but he did not move.
She really could not figure out what had happened. One moment Seijuro was sweet and considerate, and suddenly... Eru almost shuddered as she recalled the cold, calculating gaze that had been directed towards her – he had never, never looked at her like that before. It was almost as if there were tiny, almost unnoticeable slips in his character. But there were greater concerns at this point. The first, most pressing issue was the fact that Seijuro was definitely going to demand answers from her later, and she was not quite sure if she was ready to tell him.
When had he become so forceful anyway?
She shook her head in a futile attempt to rid herself of unhelpful thoughts, and continued to weave through the throng of people blocking the way to the locker room. As she down to change her shoes, Eru realised dimly that she could not possibly avoid Seijuro until school ended; they were in the same class and she always sat with him and the rest of the basketball team during break. She could have groaned at her own stupidity. What had even crossed her mind when she left without him?
Fortunately – or perhaps not – Eru somehow managed to avoid him for the greater part of the day. Of course, that hardly changed the fact that she had to meet him as soon as school ended, but it did help her to avoid thinking about him.
When the bell rang to signal the end of the school day, Eru felt a wave of panic rising in her. She tried to pack her belongings as slowly as possible, but she was finished all too quickly. Gathering up her books, she allowed a sigh of resignation to escape her lips; she didn't feel quite ready to tell Seijuro everything – especially not this Seijuro. His chilling gaze as he demanded the meeting remained etched in her memory, making her even more reluctant to meet him.
The classroom door opened and he walked in. "Eru, I was wondering why you were taking so long." The door closed with barely any sound, but that didn't do much to calm to rapid beating of her heart. She looked up at him, studying his eyes carefully; there didn't seem to be the same coldness in it, but she couldn't quite see the warmth anymore.
"You wanted to speak to me?" she asked apprehensively, and she could feel the pace of her heart speeding up.
"Yes," Seijuro replied, straight to the point as ever. The slight, comforting smile that usually dominated his expression was gone, replaced by one that was almost appraising her. Her heart pounded painfully against her ribcage, and it felt as if her chest was constricting just from the anxiety she felt. Seijuro was her best friend, but the fear that pervaded her senses left no room for disputes.
"Have you been feeling all right recently?" There was a momentary pause, and then she was flooded with relief. All the fear that had been intensified in the last few seconds instantly dissipated. Perhaps it had always been a false perception, but she sensed the coldness that was in his expression before melt away to reveal the compassion she had grown accustomed to. It was a question that she was confident of answering, and it gave her a chance to make things right again.
"I'm fine," and she refused to let the tears building up betray her words.
A/N: hi, so sorry for the slight delay in updates; unfortunately it will only get worse from here because I'm tied down with quite a lot of school work #iblife hope this is enjoyable to read nonetheless!
