RIVER FLOWS NORTH — PART 7
Her early-morning dramatics combined with yesterday's physical efforts seemed to ensure no more nightmares came for Alicia this time around. She slept soundly, and when she woke, the sun was high up in the sky.
Nick was beside her, asleep as well, his lips slightly parted, breathing slow and steady. She lay on her back, gaze fixed on the ceiling for quite some time, trying to be as still as possible to keep from waking her brother. He looked as if he could use every minute of sleep gifted to him. Which, of course, renewed her guilt for having made such a fuss. They'd been right back where they started. Big brother saving her from her nightmares.
Finally, she had to move. She did so cautiously, careful not to jostle the bed and to keep her boots from making too much noise on the floor. Luckily, quite a lot of this cabin appeared to be carpeted, dampening her footsteps as she went in search of the bathroom.
Troy filled the bath as best he could despite the fact that there was no hot water, spending an hour scrubbing himself with floofy flower soaps and a loofah.
He considered sneaking away and going for the jeep to make sure it was still there, but didn't like the idea of leaving the injured and sleepy duo defenseless. They'd already had one drama today.
When he grew tired of the static activity and was thoroughly chilled, he climbed out of the bath, took a piss in the toilet, collected his clothes off the bathroom floor along with his gun, and pulled them on as he exited the bathroom.
Starting with his shirt.
Alicia approached the door she assumed led to the bathroom but stilled once it opened before she could even reach for the door handle.
He hadn't taken a step when unexpectedly a body appeared before him, all hair and wild eyes.
"Jesus!" he cursed, scarcely having heard her, let alone expected one of them to be awake.
This was awkward and he supposed offensive, given her earlier meltdown.
Troy appeared, all shirt and no pants – Winnie The Pooh style. His hair was wet, and Alicia gathered from his state of undress he had just washed. And she seemed to have taken him by surprise. She secretly enjoyed the brief glimmer of fear in his eyes before he realized it was her standing there.
He dropped the arm holding his jeans to shield her delicate eyes and whatever ire might arise at seeing him naked, and took a step to the left so she could obviously continue on into the bathroom.
"There's no hot water," he stated helpfully, shuffling to the room he'd designated, closing the door behind him.
Had he been anyone else, she probably would have found this encounter the height of hilarity, but as she watched him awkwardly shuffle away the only thought that occurred to her was: You look like your brother.
Ew.
She didn't respond to his statement about the water, having thought as much already, considering there was no electricity for a water heater here. Alicia stepped inside and closed the bathroom door behind her, locking it for good measure to avoid a similarly awkward and probably traumatizing experience should Nick suddenly wake up.
Shrugging out of her jacket, she made quick use of the toilet, and despite the ice-cold water, decided to brave a shower.
Troy pulled on the rest of his clothes, remade the bed he'd slept in the night before, and searched the bedroom, unsurprised to find nothing of use. When things had gone to hell, it was in the off season.
He stepped out into the narrow hall, glanced into the opposite bedroom where Nick lay sleeping, and slowly started his way downstairs, picking up the bits and pieces of broken plates.
Not one had survived.
He deposited them on a side table, observing as the horse dropped another flatty with a wave of its tail.
A clear sign that he needed to get out or this place would turn into a hazard come nightfall or mid-afternoon.
That's if they even stayed here that long. They weren't in the right place.
Troy rifled through the kitchen drawers, stepped over the hardened turd acting as a weird border between the two rooms, and headed outside with two blunt butter knives (they weren't exactly standard issue but with the right amount of force they'd do the job), closing the door so their resident pet wouldn't shadow him.
He approached the garage and gave a light knock to re-establish what he'd heard the day before. The bounding was immediate and as clumsy as if the dead inside only had one note.
Troy placed both knives in one hand, reached for the handle, testing to see if it was locked from the inside or had some other intricate means of keeping it closed, and found that it moved easy. Only this time it wasn't possums but two pairs of rotted feet that appeared. They pushed at the wood from the inside, indifferent to the fact that what they were trying to achieve was impossible, and eventually succumbed to gravity.
He opened the door the rest of the way, taking a step back, watching as they tried to scramble to their feet, stomping over each other in their desperation to claw at his flesh, hindering each other more than they were helping and making it even easier for him to put some space between himself and them.
"Come and get it, idiots," Troy rebuked, slipping the second knife back into his other hand, tapping at his thigh for importance. It took them some time and crawling, but in due course they were on their feet again, shuffling, following him from the house and into the trees he'd let the horse graze in earlier. Taking them out was only stress-free in theory, and once the butter knife went through one's eye socket and lodged itself, it stayed, slippery due to blood and other muck, pushing Troy to use the butt of his gun and a boot to take care of the second.
A workout that took twenty minutes.
He returned to the garage, looking like Nick on his best days, and as though he hadn't spent a good hour in cold water trying to scrub days' worth of grime from under his fingernails. Inside was a four door Cherokee, doors closed, loaded to the hilt as if the couple was in the middle of leaving back to civilization when either one or both of them were attacked and bitten. Troy didn't see the culprit lying around anywhere that could have done the damage but there were old blood splatters that told enough of a story and allowed him to piece something together. He checked first the passenger door and then the back, finding that all appeared to be locked, brushing a hand at the thick black dirt that clung to the windows to peer inside.
What he found inside was a cooler, blankets, a jacket, and a baby.
He removed his gun from his waistband and drove it into the window with force, glass scattering, showering the wiggling form locked into its car seat with splinters. Milky eyes locked on him almost cutely, bony hands flailing, a slow smirk of curiosity twisted in the corner of Troy's mouth. He'd seen a lot of people turn, all shapes and sizes, but never a baby. It seemed cruel in some way. Like a cosmic joke. He couldn't see any bite marks on the little body or any blood at all, so obviously the baby had died of starvation.
Troy offered it his hand, let it grip his finger to gauge its strength and let it attempt to put it in its mouth before pulling back, reaching across the front seat to unlock the passenger door and then shut it.
He repeated the procedure until he'd opened the driver's side and managed to manually open the trunk. There was quite a bit inside. Folded blankets, clothing bags, baby formula, insect repellent, board games and a cooler with perishables that were stomach-turning to smell.
He set them aside, closed the trunk, and carried everything but the cooler toward the front door. As soon as he could, he'd clean out the cooler and use it as a makeshift trough for the horse.
He returned to close the garage door and then carried his wares inside, deciding to wait until he had another pair of hands before he'd move the car, since it was without keys and he'd have to push it.
But that was only if they were staying.
The cold water made her shower anything but enjoyable, but the fact that Alicia got to use actual soap and shampoo to cleanse her skin and hair made it all worth it. When she finished and dried off, stepping back into her relatively fresh clothing, she almost felt like herself again. The old Alicia, whose face rarely was streaked with dirt and blood. It was nice.
She brushed through her hair with her fingers, leaving it down so it would dry quicker, and stepped out of the bathroom.
From the looks of it, Nick was still asleep. She gently closed the door so the sounds of the horse and who she assumed to be Troy downstairs wouldn't wake him.
The first floor reeked of a foul smell she initially assumed belonged to the horse's droppings she cautiously stepped over, but when faced with a goo-covered Troy shifted her suspicions.
"Jesus," she said, repeating his curse from earlier, wrinkling her nose until his new odor was no longer a surprise attack on her senses. "What happened to you?"
Her gaze automatically roamed his body for signs of injury, even if she knew the substances he was covered in were too rotted and spoiled to actually be his blood.
"You okay?"
Her presence didn't catch Troy off-guard this time and her distaste for the smell matched his own. If he could he'd burn these clothes. And himself in them.
"All good. I was doing routine maintenance. The garage is pretty much cleared except for the fact that there is a car in there that we're going to have to move to make sufficient room for our four-legged friend. Also a cooler, that, if you like your senses, I don't suggest you touch. I want to knock the top off and make Fido a water bowl."
He gestured to the belongings he'd deposited on the couch.
"There's some blankets that'll come in handy, we could maybe even try to fashion one into a saddle of some kind, I haven't quite figured the logistics in my head yet and some clothes. The owners weren't exactly raky but I'm sure there will be some things that'll work."
"It was packed?" she asked, eyeing the load of supplies he'd dumped on the kitchen counter. "The car, I mean? If they were ready to head out, it probably means it's got some fuel left for us."
Even a gallon of petrol would be a prize these days. Alicia moved to inspect the pile of blankets, giving them a cursory sniff. They were clean, but smelled kind of moldy as though they hadn't been aired out in forever. Which was probably the reality.
She grabbed them all and headed for the front porch to hang them over the railing, the horse nudging her back with his muzzle in a not-so-subtle hint for her to move aside. She reckoned he wanted to go outside. Couldn't blame him for that. He was probably hungry.
Alicia watched the dirt road leading to the cabin, wondering how far they were from the jeep. If it was even still there.
Seeing what she was doing, Troy grabbed one blanket and spread it out on the opposite railing, leaving the rest for her to tend to since he smelt like a walking toilet.
"Anything edible in the cupboards?" she asked Troy, ushering the horse back inside.
"Nothing from what I saw earlier, and nothing in the car. From what I can tell, they were literally planning to leave before one or both of them got attacked. There should be fuel in the car, but I haven't found the keys yet. Unless you know anything about hotwiring? Either way, we don't really need it, all I want to do is roll it off into the field and that's easily done just by freeing up the hand break. Unfortunately, if you're up to it, I'll need your help with that."
"We can still siphon the fuel for the jeep," she countered, closing the door behind them so the horse wouldn't follow. "And, sure. Let's do it." Sadly, her hotwiring skills were lacking, but she was more than able to push a car for a few feet. Unless it was uphill.
Alicia stepped off the porch and headed for the garage, reached for the handle and pulled the large gate open, assuming Troy had already taken care of its previous owners, considering the current state of his appearance.
It was one of those old garages that still had a dirt floor, but that would probably suit the horse better than concrete. She went to get behind the car, froze when she sensed movement from inside, and found herself unable to speak for a moment as her gaze landed on an undead baby. It was strapped to its car seat, short arms flailing as its dead eyes rolled in her direction.
"Oh no…" she breathed finally, feeling a pang of sorrow for the tiny soul that had met such a cruel end. He couldn't have been more than six months old.
Considering what had happened this morning, Troy should have warned her about the baby or at least disposed of it himself but he hadn't wanted to. Maybe because it was defenseless and fragile.
Troy was still trying to decide the implications for his decision as he could have laid it to rest with its family – only that was sentimental – and he rarely took care in that. He guessed Nick would do that. Or would have if Alicia didn't get there first.
"Makes you think twice, huh?" he added conversationally, rounding to the driver's side of the door to get down to business. He opened it, braced a hand against the panel beneath the window. He pointed to the passenger door so that she could open it and replicate his position. "Once you're ready, use the door as leverage, I'll take it out of gear, release the handbrake and hopefully we'll be able to roll this baby out into the trees."
A bad choice of words he surmised but one he wasn't going to apologize for.
Alicia couldn't help but wonder if the parents had died first or if the child had beat them to it. Then the horrifying image of two zombified parents trying to break through the windows in order to eat their own baby alive popped into her head, and she suddenly felt a little sick.
She hated this new world.
The window on the baby's side had been shattered, and she assumed that was Troy's work, too, since the infant still appeared to have all limbs intact. He wasn't suffering any longer. At least, she didn't think so. But they couldn't just leave him like this. It was so wrong.
Reaching for the knife in her boot, she opened the door, took a steadying breath, and drove the blade into the baby's temple. It stilled instantly, all life immediately gone.
It didn't feel like it had back in the cellar. This child was already beyond help and she knew that. But it still pricked at her heart. Just another one to add to the list.
Alicia swallowed, cleaned her knife on the seat, and slid it back before accommodating Troy's instructions, taking hold of the open front passenger door and leaned her weight forward to help push once he'd release the handbrake.
She couldn't find it in her to meet his gaze and simply gave a nod to signal she was ready.
As soon as she'd taken care of baby duty, Troy leaned over the seat, shifted the gears, added the final touches and started to push.
The car strained at first – they strained – and then it started to roll, crunching gravel as it went, starting into a steady speed that could easily slip away from them if they were to let it go.
With one hand on the steering wheel, they guided it toward the side of the road, between the trees where it wouldn't obstruct the jeep once they fetched it, appear as too much of an eyesore, or draw attention.
"That should be far enough," Troy instructed, reaching in to grab at the handbrake again, immediately stopping the process in its place without any of the car's usual grace.
Alicia closed the doors on her side, intentionally avoiding another glance at the baby.
"We gonna get the jeep?" Considering the position of the sun, she assumed it was already noon. "Unless someone's already gotten to it."
"Definitely," he said, straightening up, shutting the driver's door so that he could round to the back and give their new digs a studious onceover.
The place was pretty secluded, and with some work could be quite the stronghold.
"We should wake Nick. We know there are people around here, at the lake, and if they scavenge up this way, who knows what they'll decide to do."
Alicia nodded and headed back for the cabin. "I'll do it."
She was still reluctant to wake her brother. He needed all the rest he could get. But they couldn't just up and abandon the jeep either when all their provisions and weapons were locked inside it.
Nick woke with a jerk, gasping, as if a fatal current went through his body. It took a moment to regain awareness of where he was and that there was no Celia before him asking him to stay on her villa while it burned around them. Ofelia wasn't behind him, either, asking if he felt guilt in that undead wheezy hiss while her bloody teeth snapped.
Alicia wasn't beside him, anymore. Nick felt a pang of fear she had another fit, but then Troy would have heard if Nick didn't. He wouldn't let her stay in danger. At least, Nick believed so.
His chest ached like he had a train collided into it an hour ago. He went to the bathroom, took care of morning business, then turned on the water taps and washed his face and hands. It was pleasant to feel its cool touch on his skin. It helped clear his head a little.
When he was descending the stairs, the horse was preparing to either crap or pee. Neither was acceptable. Nick dashed toward it, forgetting his pains, and swung the door open.
"Go, get out!"
It was happy to oblige. Nick followed and found Alicia and Troy outside.
"It's not a fucking dog, you guys, the hell you locked him in?"
He regarded Troy and smirked.
"I see you cleaned the garage."
Before Alicia could make it off the field, Nick appeared on the front porch, the horse rushing out ahead of him to tend to its own business and distract itself with whatever vegetation was acceptable to its palette.
"There are people around. He wanders, he might get hurt. Or lead them back to us." She continued walking until they were within touching-distance, then lowered her voice and murmured: "I'm sorry… about earlier."
Not that Troy worried the horse would get hurt — that was still a coin toss — but the fact that it could bring hell down on them by having other people venture this way was a big deal. The longer they could stay hidden from the rest – the better.
Troy strolled toward Nick, glad to see that he was on his feet, noticing that he didn't actually look much better.
"I thought I'd get a head start on clean up duty. I had time. Besides Alicia and I were just about to come wake you. We shouldn't leave the jeep out there unattended any longer than is necessary."
"You should've woken me when you were up," Nick chided. "We should go get the Jeep now. But as for those trailer people, we can't hide from them. We need to watch them some more and decide whether we can have them near us with no problem - and then we should meet them face to face - or if they're bad news, it's best to leave."
Alicia doubted Troy would go for that considering his earlier desire to fight and protect what was rightfully his, but she wasn't all that eager for a shootout.
"You needed all the sleep you could get," she told Nick after his chiding remark. "We all did."
"What she said," Troy added in regards to his chiding. "We didn't need you for this part and we don't need you to get the jeep either if you're not up to it. You took quite the beating, man. You haven't been able to rest properly and I'm not expecting that to clear up overnight."
He was more a determent to his own survival, if anything, and Troy couldn't have that.
Nick set his jaw, annoyed by their concern and by his loathing of it in equal measure.
Alicia gestured to the horse still searching for food among the dead leaves on the ground. "Garage? Can't exactly take him with us."
Troy nodded, finally dragging his attention to the horse that had found a spot of grass and was happily chewing.
"That's what it's for. You want the honors, horse whisperer, or have you had enough?"
"If either of you babies me again, I'm gonna dump your asses," Nick promised with a serious face and went for the horse.
He pitied the animal, it didn't deserve to be kept in a lockdown without even being fed. But Nick doubted Alicia was ready to take another riding tour.
Alicia held her hands up in mock-defense at Nick's threat, but took it in stride. She guessed no one in their little group enjoyed such attention and that they all shared some of the stubborn trait that would rather run them into the ground than be a burden to those around them.
Nick pulled the steed away from the grass by its halter and toward the garage. The horse wasn't happy and was on to him as soon as it guessed the direction. Troy had to push at its rear while Nick pulled at the halter before they got it inside. It was snorting and stomping in protest behind the closed door.
"He might alert the neighbors," Nick remarked. "We should hurry."
While Nick and Troy busied themselves with the horse, Alicia moved inside to shed her jacket. It was getting hot out again and she didn't need the extra layer like she had the night before. They had finished by the time she got back out and closed the door behind her (as best she could, anyway).
"Same route as yesterday or should we stick to the road?" she asked as she met up with them in the small driveway. Both options were risky. It was far less likely they'd be able to sneak past the trailers in broad daylight, but they didn't know what the road itself might hold. They'd have to find out sooner or later, though, if they were to bring the jeep here.
Troy didn't take Nick's threat seriously. If Alicia were in the positon, Troy'd have treated her the exact same way and so would Nick, if not worse. That's what caring was. You couldn't be at your worst in this world to be your best because there was always some snake — dead or alive — willing to strike. Troy'd been that snake for a long time and had Nick come to him in this condition then, he'd have been the first to go on pure principle. That, and easy target practice. The only reason his girlfriend had even lived was because of Madison and who Troy'd eventually recognized that Nick was.
But that was Troy. He had a vested interest. And thank God for that. That would have been a mistake. A big one Troy wouldn't even have known he'd made.
"If he goes Rambo on that door we're going to be eating horse steak tonight," Troy stated, leaning against the garage door, not hearing him going crazy inside but not hearing him settle either. "You two should stick to the route we took yesterday. And keep close. I'll check the road, make sure there isn't anything that'll puncture a tire and make sure we'll be able to get here safely. My only concern is actually doing it. There will be no way to do it quietly. If the jeep's there and we bring it up this way, given how quiet it is out here, someone is going to hear and someone is going to wonder."
He pushed away from the door, letting them mull it over, as well, and started to walk.
"That's why I said we can't continue hiding," Nick responded, following Troy. "If they're okay, we should introduce ourselves. If they're not, we better leave. We don't need another war for property."
Alicia followed in her brother's wake, half-jogging a few feet to catch up with the two. "Agreed. It ends badly for everyone."
Everything that happened at the ranch should have been proof of that. She still wasn't sure Troy agreed, but surely he wouldn't go off waging a war on his own. He could be reckless, but he wasn't stupid.
"So what, we go up to the door, knock and politely introduce ourselves?" Troy'd let them take the lead on that and clean up the mess, if any. He fell back a step, removed his gun from his waistband, and checked how many rounds he had left and put it back, covering it with the hem of his shirt.
"They might beat us to it if our horse or our car introduce us." Nick steered into the woods to replicate the path they took last night, except for avoiding the trailers altogether.
Once more Alicia followed as Nick veered off, pushing branches out of her path with both hands as they walked. The forest had looked thicker last night. Now she could see it in daylight, it was actually quite sparse in places, allowing them to move easier. It wasn't long before they could see the trailers in the distance, and even if there was still quite the distance between the trio and them, she lowered her voice to a whisper when she next spoke.
"I only saw two men last night. Did you get a clear look at who the others were?"
"I noticed some fresh tire tracks before the sun drifted out but that could belong to their car," Troy said. "All I know for sure is that there is two of them and that they have a dog. A small dog, probably."
He didn't like walking as they did, confident and like they had to trust in the decency in others, quieting the voice that told him to fall back, to let them go ahead and play back up.
The less those people knew of Troy's group's numbers, the better.
"There's no way of knowing how many there are," Nick said, looking between them. "We need to see more. But we gotta be prepared. We need our car."
Alicia nodded. "Let's hope it's still there." They continued to walk until the lake was out of sight. She began to recognize the road they'd taken the night before, the slight curves and bends, and before long, they were back where they'd parked the jeep. It looked fine and untouched from afar, but Alicia was still wary, approaching the vehicle with caution in case someone had indeed been here and left unpleasant surprises behind.
"We've got to be smart, revealing our resources and the fact that we aren't empty-handed – isn't. If the car is still where we hid it, we should leave it there until the pleasantries are out of the way."
And from what he could tell when they finally made it to the spot, it was still there, and untouched upon closer inspection. Did the people in the trailers not move down this road or did they only know what was around them? Whatever their thinking was, it worked in Clarks and Otto's favor.
The keys were still in his pocket. Troy unlocked the doors and examined the inside to double check. Nothing was out of place.
"So," he said, satisfied and unperturbed, "what's the plan? We uncover her and drive her on up or we shut her down and go make nice-nice with the neighbors?"
Nick pondered. "I'd drive it there first and then see if they come. But if we wanna be cautious, we should watch them first. Without it, we can't really know if they're okay or not. By the way, is that cabin we found really Jake's? I haven't seen any eighty-eight on it."
As Troy unlocked the doors, Alicia went in search of one of the water bottles she knew was still stowed under the seats. She took a sip once she found it, then another, before she offered the bottle to the other two.
A mild frown of contemplation crept onto her face at Nick's question. It hadn't even occurred to her to look for the number to make sure they were at the right place. Stupidly, Alicia had just assumed. Though now she thought if it, the cabin, had a distinct non-Jake feeling about it. It was much more likely it had belonged to the couple Troy had disposed of. "It's not, is it?" she asked, looking to Troy for confirmation on this one.
And when they do come, and they're armed, then what? Troy took the offered water and took a deep sip before extending it to Nick.
"No, it's not. I assumed it belonged to that couple. But we can still find his. And we can move."
He shifted away from the jeep, giving the isolated road a comb over, gaze fixated on the distance where he knew the trailers and a probable threat was.
"You two take the car and I'll make my way to the trailers. I'll see how many follow you two and what their intentions are."
"It's unknown territory and people," Nick reasoned. "Splitting is not the best idea. Whatever you will see won't help anyone if you're not gonna get to us ahead of them. Or if you start a shooting. Come with us, and we'll meet whatever comes together."
Safety in numbers. It had been a ranch-protocol, one Alicia'd experienced wasn't necessarily true when it came to the walking dead, but with the living it was probably more accurate. She looked between the two, gauging Troy's reaction to Nick's suggestion and held out her hand for the keys. With her driving it'd leave both boys free to shoot should the need arise, and she knew they were both better shots than she was.
First Nick chided Troy about babying him, and then he did the very same thing to Troy as if he feared — every moment of every second — that Troy was a loon with a trigger-happy finger. Troy admitted that only a couple of weeks ago there had been a reason, that in the past there were issues and causes to justify that, and that there still could be, but he wasn't looking to kill anyone here. It was strictly intended recon.
Was it that Nick didn't trust him? That he was keeping Troy close at hand like some sacrificial lamb to keep his crazy from spilling like Jake had tried to do for most of his sorry life?
Neither was wrong, Troy could admit that, but it didn't mean he liked or appreciated it.
He handed the keys to Alicia, cleared the wheels of any obstructions, and climbed into the back.
Troy's reaction flashed on his face, he didn't even have to voice anything. Nick could relate, but Troy was safer with them, as well as each of them. Even something as deceptively safe as investigating places could turn into a suicide when the wrong people were involved.
Nick claimed the shotgun seat, closed the door, then took the map.
"Is this really the only highway leading to the lake? If there would be another one to let us come from the opposite direction..."
Alicia got in the driver's seat and started the car, pulling onto the dirt road ahead and towards their temporary cabin. "It's the only one Jake told me about. Otherwise it would mean I'd have to extend my journey for a few hours by driving up and around." Alicia glanced at Nick and the map in his lap. "But there could be others."
Nick frowned, trying to estimate the distance. It didn't look good, but not too bad, either.
"Here's this Thomas Mountain road," he said, showing it to Alicia, trailing his finger along it. "It's a ninety-degree detour from this highway we're on right now. We ride along that road for a mile or so, then turn toward the lake before this mountain comes to our right. We're far enough from the trailers, and there's not too many trees to worry about the car. It's better than driving past the camping ground and alerting them before we're ready."
Nick's strategy didn't surprise Troy. Clark was pretty logical when he wanted to be. And Troy agreed with it. Happy that they weren't going to be riding alongside the trailers like they were just normal campers passing through to get to their own place.
In reality it would never be that way, and nor could it be. Not now. Not here.
He sat in the back and listened to the two discuss things for a while, feeling no inclination to add his own input since in reality, he was the trigger guy and already searching any movement on the roads. Anything that looked even a touch threatening.
Alicia threw a few more glances at the map as Nick plied her with information, slowing the car ever so slightly until she had inspected what she needed to.
"Okay. Remind me when it's time to turn off this road," Alicia turned her attention back on the car itself and the road ahead. She checked the rear view mirror with frequent intervals just to make sure no one was following, though she suspected Troy had an eye out as well and felt safer knowing that.
Nick folded the map and tossed it on the dashboard. There was nothing there they would need now that they knew how to do it.
The turn was pretty obvious, and he didn't need to point at it when Alicia was already on it herself. They followed it until the mountain was before them, then turned sideways, leaving it on the left as they went toward the lake, skirting around the rare trees. After a bit, they could see the house they had been occupying.
"We can park there and go to search for Jake's cabin on foot," Nick suggested.
The drive wasn't long until they reached the cabin, and like their walk — there were no bodies in sight or dead — like this place was carved out into a dead zone.
No wonder Jake wanted to come here.
From what Troy could tell, that land wasn't too destroyed, either, and there were bits you could table to make spots for vegetables or fruit, or even a horse pen. There were more than enough trees for all that. The nails, wire or rope to keep it all together would be the thing to search for.
Troy wondered why Jake didn't come sooner. Why he'd presented the idea and didn't just come despite Alicia's insistence to stay. Was it that he loved her so much that he didn't like the idea of leaving her to struggle with her family alone or another reason?
Alicia parked the car per Nick's suggestion, and pulled the keys from the ignition, reaching back over her shoulder to give them to Troy. It felt like his car more than hers or Nick's.
"Yeah, we should definitely see if we can find it. Jake said there would be supplies, and this cabin has none. Whether we stay here or there we can figure out once we know what we're dealing with."
She got out and stretched, closing the door behind her and listening for any sounds coming from the garage, trying to gauge whether the horse had settled down or not.
"We should give him a name," she murmured absentmindedly. "The horse, I mean. If we're gonna keep him, he might as well have a name."
"Be my guest, I'm not good with names." Nick closed the door as quietly as he could and surveyed the area. "I guess we should keep the lake to the right and the mountain to the left as we go. Jake's cabin can't be too far."
"You don't like Fido?" Troy asked as he got out, and closed the door behind him lightly. "You want to check on him and take him with us for the walk or are we going to just leave him in there for a bit and see what happens?"
"Fido is a dog's name," Alicia said. "And he had such a tragic fate. If we are to be the horse's new owners I'd rather not jinx it and have history repeat itself."
"Fair enough." Troy let them decide between themselves what they wanted to do with the horse, and jogged toward the cabin.
She moved towards the garage. "I'll check on him, but we shouldn't take him with us. I'll take him for a walk when we get back. Got any bags we can bring in case we find something of use?"
"He can't be locked up all the time, guys," Nick reasoned. "You wouldn't even let him pee this morning. Let him come. Or he might freak out and start banging at the door."
Alicia sighed, stopping in her stride to consider her brother. "And if we run into danger?"
Everything seemed like such a high risk when there was an innocent animal at stake, and already now she could feel herself tensing up at the thought of him getting hurt.
She didn't wait for an answer, assuming her concern would go unheard, anyway. She opened the garage and waited for the horse to approach, stroking his muzzle before starting on her way back, allowing him to follow at will.
Troy dumped the clothes from one of the suitcases the unfortunate couple had packed, and headed back out. "Are we going?"
"Guess so," Alicia said.
They went, steering between the trees, setting their course between the lake and the mountain. They formed a chain of three, keeping each other in the field of side-vision and covering more ground. The horse was following at his own pace, grabbing a bite of grass here and there as he went. There were no dead around, which was eerie to Nick. He didn't think it was possible to have such a vast piece of land without any. He didn't trust it.
Troy walked with one hand closed around the handle of his gun, untrusting of the serenity and the fact that they hadn't seen or heard any of the people they knew were in the area. On its best days, even while they kept things cleared and quiet around the ranch, it had never been this quiet or peaceful. There was always dead or drama out there somewhere. Always. Nothing was left untouched or without stain.
Unless, despite its former popularity, this place wasn't on anyone's radar. Or any radar, for that matter.
Troy stooped and tucked the suitcase under his arm, briefly breaking his concentration on their surroundings to poke the index finger from his free hand into the soil. The sand wasn't loose, but it was malleable, and with a bit of extra work and water it could probably grow something edible. He dropped the dirt back onto the ground and grabbed a handful of grass, sporadically feeding it to the horse as they walked, shaking off the rest before reclaiming the handle on the suitcase, passing first one cabin with the number sixty-four and then a few minutes later another labelled sixty-six. None seemed occupied from a distance, but he wasn't going to put any faith into that.
Even the place that they'd holed up in didn't look taken.
They happened upon eighty-eight thirty minutes later. It was closer to the lake, had its own pier from what Troy could tell, and was surrounded by an assortment of cars that almost looked as if they were a barricade.
There wasn't any dead around, and he didn't see old blood caked in the dirt. So, what – and who – were they trying to keep out with such shitty craftsmanship?
"Do we knock?"
Jake's cabin looked far more luxurious to Alicia than their current one. At least from the outside. But it didn't look entirely uninhabited. Question was: were the people in there alive or dead?
She squinted against the sun as they observed the cabin, pondering. "It's either that or throwing rocks."
The sight of the cars barricaded in a semi-circle around the cabin inspired a wary chill. There was not a sound coming from the house itself, but it only made the vibes scarier.
Nick started up the porch stairs to do what Troy suggested.
"Get out of here if you want to live," a male voice said from behind the door. "I'll shootcha."
Nick froze, eyeing the door and the windows. It was surreal, like he misheard something. Or it was all in his head. He darted a look at Troy behind him to see if he heard the same.
Given the stark silence it was hard not to hear the threat or to respond – even if Troy didn't outright see the culprit – which he did by automatically dropping the suitcase and grabbing Nick's shoulder to get him moving so that he could drop down to one knee next to Troy behind the shield of cars.
Like Nick, Alicia instinctively froze on the spot at the sound of a man's voice calling out threats, and as Troy pulled her brother away lowered to her haunches behind the nearest car. She threw a glance back over her shoulder to check on the horse. It was still grazing peacefully a short distance away and didn't seem to be bothered by the shouting match that ensued.
"We come in peace!" Troy yelled, though, in reality it sounded more like 'we'll shoot back!'
"I want no trouble! I don't suggest you come any closer!"
Before Troy could comprehend another threat, there was a pop and then a mild rush of noise as something close to the house exploded in a fine mist of black smoke, leaving behind a small wick of flame and a charred box. It wasn't enough to hurt anyone from where they were, but it was enough to make a point.
"That was jus' a warnin'. The rest is spread throughout 'em cars waitin' on my finger!"
The horse took off running in the direction they had come from. Alicia cursed under her breath, worrying she might not be able to find him again.
"This is my cabin!" Troy decided, trying at least to be reasonable, frowning when for a time, there appeared to be silence, and then he'd returned, and being careful not to reveal himself in the windows.
"Bullshit! It ain't!"
Well, he has me there, Troy thought.
He glanced between the two and snapped off the safety on the gun, giving the both of them a 'well, I tried' look.
"Don't!" Alicia hissed in warning, praying he wouldn't go on some rampage to 'defend his land'. This was a nice place but it wasn't worth killing over. Or dying for. "Alright," she called, slowly getting to her feet, hands open and raised to show she didn't mean any harm. She wasn't in direct view of the windows, but whoever was inside could probably catch a glimpse. "We'll leave. This used to be his brother's place. We thought it might be safe."
Information offered only to appease and to test what kind of person they were dealing with. She backtracked a little, out of reach from the windows, hands still raised, eyeing Troy and Nick on the ground some twenty feet away.
"We don't need another war," she reminded them, certain her brother would agree. Troy… he was anyone's guess.
Alicia beat Nick to the warning for Troy when he saw him readying an attack or something similar. Nick could relate to the sentiment of his brother's place being held by someone else. But it didn't change the fact that they needed no more shootings and killing, be it a house, some land, or a bag of groceries.
Alicia's doggedness didn't go unnoticed, but it wasn't as effective as her brother's hand on Troy's shoulder, squeezing as though he was trying to pull the trigger on Troy or at least silence it.
"What's yer name, ye brother?" the man from the house asked.
"His name's Troy Otto," Nick called, his hand on the said brother's shoulder to ensure he stayed down and not ran forth shooting at the door. "It's his brother Jake's cabin."
There was a long silence, then some metal latches inside switched, and the door opened, revealing a man of around sixty with a hunting shotgun. He looked both wary and worried. "Where's Jake?"
When Troy heard the door open and the man enquire about Jake, he shook off Nick's hand and stood to join Alicia who was pretty much waving her white flag. Troy gauged the man's threat level, his concern, a look that was familiar but unfamiliarly directed at him.
Troy slipped the safety back on and felt the tension from the two beside him drain like that dam they'd run from.
"He died," Troy supplied.
A look of grief flashed across the man's face. "That's a darn shame. He was a good upstanding youngin'."
Troy gave a nod of agreement and actually meant it. Jake was good, and he did deserve better than he got.
The man peered between the three of them, and then slowly started down the porch steps, his gun limp at his side, his right foot dragging slightly as if he'd hurt himself or was suffering the onset of arthritic knees.
Who knew with old people, right?
Alicia did breathe a little easier when Troy put his gun away, and even more so when the elderly man approached them with kindness, his own weapon no longer pointed their way.
"You dun' look like him," the old man stated, not as an accusation or out of malice, but as an observation.
"He was my half-brother."
"He neva spoke much of his family and I only ever saw him with those college friends of his. He ever marry that gal? Uhh… the brunette, the glasses—"
It took Troy a second to get over the casualness of this conversation, especially since a minute ago he'd been contemplating riddling both the man and the cabin with bullets.
"No. If you're referring to Qwen – she died."
The man's face scrunched up with distaste and he shook his head gently. "No one's safe anymore."
"Actually," Troy retorted, more so out of his appreciation of facts and relevance, "she died in a car accident before the dead started taking over."
The man frowned and appeared to study him.
Now, that was a look Troy knew. The one most people fixed him with when they tried to figure the youngest Otto out.
Troy smiled slightly, politeness he'd used on Madison, Alicia and various other people. Like a mask. The man studied him and then veered his attention to Nick and Alicia, visibly more relaxed with what he saw there.
"Wouldja like to come in?"
It was made clear during the brief conversation the two exchanged that the man had known Jake. At least somewhat. And that made Alicia feel a whole lot better about this situation.
"Sure," she said in response to the man's offer, giving him a smile. "Um, let me just go check on our horse first. He kind of ran off during all the… commotion."
"Ye have a horse?" the man raised his eyebrows. "Ye dragged it all the way here from that farm?"
"No, we found him on our way," Nick said, looking after Alicia as she strode away. "He was scared, and we took him with us."
"Well, there's no barn to keep 'em, but east from here there's… eh… Garner Ranch. They still keep cattle. Good people. Unlike those campers sons a' bitches, pardon my French."
He turned and started back to the cabin muttering something about no respect for property in today's youth.
Troy slipped the gun into the waistband of his pants and gestured for Nick to go ahead, following Alicia with his eyes as she went in search of the horse. He didn't watch her long before he eased between the cars and trailed after the two, pausing to inspect the box that had blown as a warning.
"It's a homemade smoke bomb," the man pointed out when he saw Troy taking interest.
"Effective," Troy supplied, respecting the old man's ingenuity. He continued on inside and gestured for the youth to follow. Unlike the metallic barricade on the outside, the inside was more home than warzone.
"You want a coffee?" the man offered, further adding to the surrealism.
Troy glanced at Nick to make sure he'd heard correctly, and then nodded slowly. "Sure."
"Help yerself. Unfortunately, I don' have any milk. If you like sugar tho'…"
Troy opened his mouth to say thank you, and then snapped it closed again like he suddenly thought better of it. He glanced around the open plan living room and kitchen, much like the cabin they'd stayed in the night before, only bigger. There were wooden chairs with solid brown cushions, wood stacked in the corner of the room next to the fireplace for convenience, a table laden with more boxes and ingredients you wouldn't know were used for bombs unless you actually made them.
Where'd he even get those supplies?
Not that they were hard to come by.
Troy didn't see any guns but he assumed those where upstairs somewhere out of sight and out of mind.
"Are you living alone?" he asked.
The old man smiled slightly but didn't say anything.
"Should we wait for the youn' gal to join us or would you like to get to the point of yer bein' here?"
Troy arched a brow, shared another look with Nick, and waited for the man to continue.
"Ye wan' the cabin, right? That's why yer here?"
Alicia found the horse a good ten minutes later, in between the trees of the forest they had worked their way through earlier. The horse was pawing at the ground, moving fallen leaves aside to get to the vegetation beneath. It startled a little as she approached but didn't run, and it wasn't long until it allowed her to pet it. She took hold of his halter and led the animal back towards Jake's cabin, releasing it once the line of cars came into view. It went back to grazing the same patch it'd occupied before the explosion, and she left it there to go find Nick and Troy.
"We came here to check on it," Nick said, unsure why he should answer any of it when it was none of his business or brother. "But even if we stay awhile, it doesn't mean you have to leave, sir."
"Henry," the man said. "Name's Henry Jervis. And that's very kind, but I only sat here to make sure no bastard did."
"Looks like you did a good job of that," Troy stated, walking over the dinner table to get a closer look at the ingredients and items that were laid on it.
Henry followed him with his eyes, unconcerned, and then moved toward the kitchen to turn on the stove. It was gas but could easily be converted to a wood stove.
"How long have you been staying here?" Troy asked.
"A couple of months. I had my own spot close to the lake – down at the trailers, by the bait shop – but ever since them young thugs came in, it's been rowdy and threatnin' and harassin'."
"And they don't bother you here?"
"They tried. Multiple times. But after my smoke shows and a bullet in the leg of one of 'em bastards, I predict their thought is that I'm goin' to kick it and they'll takeover."
"Surely this isn't the only good cabin out here?"
"It's spacious, access right next to the lake…"
Right. Water.
"But they have that at the trailers, too."
"True but those metal boxes ain't made for all year round and winter can be tough."
Troy guessed it made sense. Or maybe as a group the trailer people just felt compelled and like they owned everything. That they were strong enough to take it.
"Is your lady friend okay out there on her own?" Henry asked, walking toward the kitchen, glancing between the two boys, his eyes briefly darting to the door as if expecting to see her at any moment.
There was no one outside, anymore, so Alicia assumed the three men had made their way into the cabin. She gingerly stepped around the cars, a little wary she might set off some new explosions that weren't rigged to go off by remote control. Who knew what kind of other defense systems that old man had put up?
She managed to get to the door without incident and knocked politely before poking her head inside, emerging fully when she saw them all gathered in the open-plan living room and kitchen. She gave a small smile to their host, automatically seeking out Nick and moving to stand beside him, her gaze wandering the interior of the cabin.
"Yep, she's fine," Nick said as Alicia came in.
The cabin didn't give off that Jake-vibe she had expected, but the old man and Troy's earlier conversation had reminded her she probably didn't even know who Jake truly was. They'd never spoken of past boyfriends and girlfriends. They'd hardly exchanged information about the past at all, most of their conversations centered on the future of the ranch and what needed to be done.
She felt a pang of regret for not grieving him like she should have. He deserved better than what she had given him.
"Horse is fine," she told them, fixing the man with another polite smile as he shuffled around the kitchen. "I'm Alicia."
"I'm Henry, young miss," the man said, smiling, and waved a hand to the chairs. "Take a seat, we'll see about some coffee."
He shot a glance between Nick and Troy before he reached for a coffee tin.
"So, yer Troy Otto, and she's Alicia, and you are…"
"Nick," he replied. "Alicia's brother. We're friends of the Otto family, lived at the ranch for a while."
He exchanged glances with Troy as Henry turned his back to him.
"What happened to Jake? And, I assume, the ranch? If ye don' mind my askin'."
"A massive horde of the dead happened upon the ranch and my brother got caught in the crossfire trying to defend it," Troy said. A simple explanation that was fairly close to the truth.
"Ye make it sound like war."
"It is. Especially out there."
Henry nodded and set out four metal cups, filling each of them with a spoon of coffee.
"Do you take sugar, miss? Nick? Troy?"
"I'll take three," Troy said.
Henry set aside the coffee and added the three scoops specified, waiting on the other two's wishes.
"No sugar, thanks," Alicia responded, surprised and pleased by the offer of coffee. She missed coffee. A lot.
Nick shook his head a no, as well.
"Do you get much dead out here?" Troy asked.
"A few. But they're typically old residents that have either been trapped in their cabins or accidentally set free by that lot at the lake during their huntin'."
"You don't kill them?"
"I never need to," he supplied, stepping away from the mugs to check on the kettle, to add more water to the metal camping jug and to add it to the gas stove to heat up. "Are you hungry, Nick?" he asked, regarding Clark with a knowing eye, his attention shifting between the three of them as he walked over to a basket in the corner filled with a mixture of red and green apples.
"Yeah, actually, I am," Nick reacted and caught an apple as Henry tossed it at him.
Neither Troy nor Nick looked like they intended to sit at Henry's request, but Alicia did, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table and watching as he shuffled to his collection of apples.
"You know those people by the lake?" Alicia asked, trying not to look all that eager at the prospect of fresh fruit.
"Yeah, I've been tellin' the guys what kind of bastards those are," Henry said to Alicia, handing her the coffee. "They're bad news. Want to get their hands on everythin', cabins, the ranch cattle. The ranch guys shot one of 'em as they tried to steal a cow."
"How many of them are there?"
"Far 's I can tell… ten, fifteen. Seems as some either decided to leave or ran into some trouble. I haven't needed to venture down there in a while to check on 'em."
After handing out an apple to each of them, Henry returned to the water, checked it and steadily began to pour it into each mug, filling them generously. When done, he handed them out and joined Alicia at the table.
That was disconcerting. If they'd been giving everyone else in the area trouble, Alicia doubted they would choose not to do the same with the three of them. She looked between Nick and Troy to see if they had any thoughts on the matter, but neither's face betrayed much of what they were feeling at current.
Troy didn't sit with them, choosing to stand between the living room and the kitchen, studying the room a bit more, recognizing a few things that belonged to Jake's mother and a lot that screamed Jake.
There was no Jeremiah here. No Troy. Not even a picture.
Troy ate his apple quickly, setting the stem aside on the counter, sipping at his coffee.
"How long have you kids been here?"
"Just since last night," Alicia said, pulling her cup of coffee closer before biting into her apple. It tasted heavenly, making her mouth tingle and her stomach contract with hunger before she could even start chewing. "Became hard to find our way in the dark."
"I see," Henry said, sipping his coffee, eyeing them in turn. "If ye plan on stayin', the cabin's good. But on the long run, I suggest ye introduce yerselves to the ranch people. They good people, and friends are needed most these days. If ye take yer horse to 'em, it's a nice start."
Nick finished his apple and drank his coffee, enjoying the bitter heat of it. It was stupidly comforting, like another day in normal world. Like nothing outside the door mattered.
"If you know them, wouldn't they take you in?" he asked.
"They offered," Henry said and shrugged with a melancholic smile. "I just wanted to keep this safe. 'T was my job, I was gonna see it through. So I did. Darn shame Jake hasn't." He raised his mug: "To Jake. He was a good fella. Darn shame. Darn shame, indeed."
Troy raised his coffee mug in honor of his brother and smiled genuinely.
They drank.
People always spoke well of Jake — most people aside from Madison — but for the first time that fact didn't annoy Troy or prick at his former resentment. It was different now. Jake couldn't be better than him, he couldn't judge his little brother, and he couldn't judge anything, period.
He was gone. A memory.
Alicia didn't raise her mug like Henry and Troy did, but she drank, averting her gaze from the old, sweet man's scrutinizing eyes. Troy didn't seem affected by talk of his brother in the least. She wondered how he did it, if it was a front meant to fool them all, or if it genuinely didn't matter to him.
If what happened to Jake had happened to Nick, she would be broken, and she imagined even the mention of his name would send her into some comatose state of grief and render her useless.
Troy blew on the coffee to cool it and sipped at it again, drinking it slowly, continuously while they spoke.
"Anyone for another apple?" Henry asked.
Troy rose a hand and walked over to the basket to help himself.
"They from the ranch."
Troy could believe it and a part of him envied it. He picked up one for himself and another, gesturing at the three, waiting to see if anyone else needed another.
Alicia shook her head at the offer of another apple, still working on her first one.
"How long are ye plannin' on stayin'?" Henry asked.
"Indefinitely," Troy supplied.
"So, is that where you'll go?" Alicia asked Henry. "The ranch?"
Was it even safe for him to get over there on his own? He wasn't all that sprightly.
"If ye insist I leave – yeah, I'd go there, I guess," he said. "But before winter comes, this house's fine to be. Whatcha gonna do with yer horse, though, fellas?"
Nick glanced at Alicia, somehow thinking it was her decision mostly. He didn't view himself as the horse's master.
"It'd be nice to find him a place to stay," he said. "But, given the trailer people, I guess we need you to introduce us, Henry. If it's possible."
"Sure thing it is," he nodded. "Better to make a loop around the other side of the lake. They'll want yer horse for eatin'."
"Then we should take him now," Troy said. "Before the day's end. Even if we brought the jeep around in a way we hope is quiet, people like that will sniff out new meat and he is a literal sitting duck out there."
He glanced out the front door in search of the horse and found it grazing somewhere off to the side.
"We can do that," the old man added, almost jolly. He eased off his chair and set aside his unfinished coffee. "I could do with a few more eggs anyway. Especially with guests."
He winked and ambled out of the kitchen, walking over to a hall closet that held a couple of winter jackets, winter boots, a fishing rod and a hunting rifle. He shrugged into a jacket and then slung the rifle over his shoulder, slipping a few more bullets into his pockets.
For someone who'd met them less than thirty minutes ago, he was very trusting.
"Shall we?"
Alicia finished her coffee and apple, but kept the core as well as Troy's discarded ones. The horse would like it.
"And you're sure they'll treat him right at this ranch?"
She had to ask. Horses were great and could be used for farm-work, but they wouldn't provide its people with eggs like the chickens or milk like the cows. And they needed a lot of food. That could be draining on a farmstead if they didn't have enough resources.
"They have horses there," Henry told her as they walked out.
Outside, she coaxed the horse to her and fed him what remained of the apples, resting her forehead against his as he chewed happily, slobbering over the flat of her palm. She knew it was for the best, and yet it felt oddly similar to the time they had to give up their family dog, Bob, when she was seven due to Dad's allergies.
Henry smiled watching Alicia feed the horse the apple cores. "It's the right thing, before those bastards find out ye have a horse. And ye got nowhere to put 'em here. It's the right thing to give 'em proper home."
He started walking, Troy and Nick followed. It was going to be a long walk – circling around the lake to avoid the trailers area. Nick wasn't sure they would make it back here before dark, but didn't say anything. The old man was right, the horse needed his place for the night, and they had nowhere to put him.
Henry closed the cabin door behind them but didn't lock it, Troy noticed.
"Aren't you worried they'll find out you're not here and take your shit?" he asked.
"My shit?" Henry repeated, smiling, amused by what Troy assumed was viewed as a swear word in his eyes. "No. They not that brave. They bullies. Besides…"
He pointed to the earth, to mole hills one wouldn't notice at first glance. Troy paused and looked around them, noticing that they were everywhere and that it was absolute miracle they hadn't stepped on any.
"Landmines. In theory. Homemade. They don' have enough juice to blow yer foot off or even a leg, heaven forbid, but it's enough of a deterrent if they ever decide to take the risk with the cars."
The more Troy got to know this old geezer, the more impressed he became.
Alicia instantly became more cautious after Henry pointed out more of his homemade defense systems, taking hold of the horse's halter to steer him around those potential traps. She didn't want him running off again.
"I'll let ye in on a secret," Henry said, lowering his voice to a whisper, pretending only to speak to Alicia as he swayed toward her slightly. "Most of them are just duds."
Troy laughed lightly.
"Did you serve in the war before?" he asked as Henry led them around.
"In the sixties, sure, we all did. It was mandated unless ye were fortunate enough to have a family member in a high position or were sick enough to cope out. I was neither."
"You worked explosives?"
"Artillery. You learn a lot in the dregs. And on google."
Before the internet crashed, along with power and everything else that kept them connected to the rest of the world, Troy'd been an avid user of the information highway himself. There was a lot to learn. A pity there was no way to reach it now as he was eager to read other people's take and studies on what was happening.
Alicia noticed Troy was good at that - making people talk without really giving much of himself in return.
She looked to Nick at her side, her voice low so to not disturb the two up front. "Think we'll be able to stay a while without starting a war with the people in the campers?"
She knew that Nick, like her, was not eager to get into another turf-war. That had been Mom's thing, not theirs.
Nick heaved a sigh, looking down under his feet as they walked, partially listening to Troy and Henry converse.
"You wanna stay here?" he asked, turning to gauge her expression.
"I don't know," she confessed, pausing briefly to tug the horse's head away from a new patch of juicy grass he'd just spotted. "It would be nice to have a few days to… wind down." She had no better word for it. But they all knew constant travelling was draining, and she often felt future plans were made more sensibly when they weren't under pressure. "But as a long-term thing, I don't know."
Nick nodded, looking ahead at Troy and Henry's backs.
"Frankly, it doesn't look good here," he shared. "It's like the ranch. There are good guys and there are bad guys who don't wanna leave. And they shoot at each other whenever they get a chance. Long term - we're in the same pit as we have been back with Jeremiah. It's a great spot here, and these trailer guys won't leave for as long as they think they can win it."
"I know," she agreed. "I'm not going back to another ranch-situation. I can't. I don't know what Troy is expecting from this but…" She shook her head, glancing up at her brother. "It's what Mom always tries to do, and it never works."
"I've no free spots for new guilt left to carry," Nick said honestly. "This won't work for us. If we want to come unscathed, we'll need to leave. Before another battle breaks out."
They were in agreement, then. Now it just depended on whether Troy would see things their way or if he would prefer a battle with the lake-people.
They walked in silence for a while, her mind occupied with thoughts of the ranch and everything that had happened there.
"You feel guilty about Jeremiah?" They hadn't really talked about it in depth when it first happened. Alicia had only revealed she knew, and Nick had expressed some guilt about having 'taken' Troy's father from him. But she wondered if he regretted the act itself.
Nick winced subtly. It wasn't his favorite topic. They had so many of those in the last two days, it seemed like some neverending confession round at Sunday church.
"It coulda been avoided," he admitted. "I could've let mom do it. I could've just left with Luciana and none of it woulda been on me personally, but I couldn't leave and that was final. Yeah, I regret that it happened that way. That we took sides and drastic measures. I do feel guilt. It wasn't my place to take his life. And I do feel guilt for how easy it was. For how easy I made it. He seemed like a different man at first, and then all this ugliness came pouring out, and it made it easier. But I'll always hate myself for it."
Alicia could understand that. She hadn't liked Jeremiah by the end, either, but she was grateful she had not been part of his death. Killing could never truly be a good thing, and both she and Nick had learned that the hard way.
She nodded, keeping her eyes on the ground to avoid staring. Having eyes on you while confessing something difficult never helped.
"Do you think Mom feels guilty for the things she's done?"
She really wanted her to. Alicia wanted her to be capable of that human emotion, even when Madison was under the assumption everything she'd done was for the greater good. Nick and Alicia's greater good. But Alicia wondered sometimes if Madison was able.
Nick swallowed, reluctant to think about it. He hadn't indulged in that. He was afraid to.
"Remember she told us that story about her father and what she did?" He looked at her. "The whole point was to insist she had to. That someone had to, and it was her because her mother wouldn't save herself. She told us how she would love to indulge in feelings but then someone has to be strong to do what's necessary.
"I think whenever she decided that something has to be done, she doesn't let the guilt through."
"Yeah," Alicia whispered. "It scares me."
It made her doubt whether she'd ever be able to live side by side with their mother again. It almost made Alicia wish she didn't love Mom so much. Because surely things would have been easier then. But there was nothing to do about that. Madison was her mother, their mother, no matter what. Things had been good once.
Long ago.
