Confrontations and Awkward Silences
"Hey," I placed my tray down across from his and smiled.
Brian's head snapped up, but when he saw it was me he quickly looked down again. "Hi."
"So…how's the food?" I smacked myself inwardly. Real smooth, Angela.
Brian didn't answer. He seemed determined to keep his eyes on his tray.
I brushed my hair back behind my ear and pushed my tray out of the way. "Brian, look. I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have just left you."
There was silence for a long moment, and I bit my lip. It was awkward just sitting there, waiting for him to say something.
He finally sighed and raised his eyes to meet mine. "But you did."
"Yeah…" I trailed off, looking at the table. I frowned slightly, "I guess-I guess I just didn't know what to say."
"You didn't have to say anything. It's obvious that you don't feel…" he coughed slightly, "I mean, it's obvious that you still, you know, like Jordan."
I felt cruel suddenly. I guess I had never truly realized that my happiness might be making someone else miserable. A vague memory of a conversation from sometime last year came back to me. I was angry because of the rumor around school that Jordan and I had sex in his car. I confronted Brian about it in the computer lab. He told me that I didn't care about what damage having Jordan come to Brian's house did to anyone else. I remembered my exact words. "What damage did it do to you?" Now I knew. I mean, I couldn't imagine how I would feel if Jordan did that to me. If he treated me the way I treat Brian.
I looked at Brian, and it felt like I was seeing him for the first time. I felt sorry for him, but more than that, I respected him. For putting up with me…for still being my friend. Without thinking, I reached out and squeezed his hand. We looked at each other and smiled.
Across the Cafeteria
Rickie nodded to Delia, but his eyes were on Brian and Angela. He observed their hands with a proud smile.
"Catalano, hurry up!" Rickie glanced to the doors of the cafeteria and saw Jordan enter behind a group of his friends. He was smiling, and he shoved one of the guys jokingly. The group walked across the room, talking amongst themselves.
Rickie watched silently as they passed Angela and Brian's table. Jordan was turned away, joking with his friend, but Angela laughed and he heard her. He turned his head automatically and saw them. His grin faded slightly when his eyes dropped to their hands, but one of his friends shoved his back to keep him moving. He passed by their table without a word, his back tense.
Rickie looked up at the ceiling as if searching for strength. He sighed and turned back to Delia.
After School
"Oh gee whiz. Enrique!" Mr. Katimski called, and rubbed his forehead. The actresses on stage sat down in the chairs and began going over their lines. Rayanne remained standing. She shifted her feet uncomfortably.
Rickie came around the corner of the stage, "Yes?"
"Rayanne says she doesn't know where Emily's costume is. Can you show her?"
Rickie smiled half-heartedly, "Uh…sure."
There was a pause while Rayanne hesitated. Mr. Katimski made a noise and gestured towards Rickie, "Come on Rayanne, we don't have all day."
She quickly walked down the steps and followed Rickie to the back room. "So Vasquez, where's my costume?"
Rickie stopped and turned slowly. "Actually, Angela's the one sorting costumes." He looked across the room and Rayanne followed his gaze to the redhead surrounded by material and pieces of clothing. Rickie ignored Rayanne's pouting face and left her alone.
"Wonderful, this should be fun." Rayanne muttered sarcastically.
Tutoring
"So, those worksheets that you finished last week?" Brian gestured at Jordan from across the desks. "I graded them and you did a lot better than last time." He pulled his backpack onto the table and started rummaging through it, looking for the papers.
Jordan observed Brian from his relaxed position in his chair, but his expression revealed that his mind was on other things. His blue eyes stared at the top of Brian's head with a speculative light that hadn't been there during their previous sessions.
Rehearsal
I sighed, frowning at all the clothes piled around me. It was hopeless. There was no way I could figure out which costumes went to which people. I wasn't even supposed to be doing this, but Megan, the girl originally in charge of the costumes, was sick.
I reached for a blue scarf on my left but my hand stilled as a pair of dirty sneakers stopped just beyond the scarf. I knew those sneakers. Against my will, my gaze traveled slowly upwards, past the leggings, past the layered shirts and necklaces, to Rayanne's face. She glanced down quickly when I met her eyes, and I looked away too.
There was silence and then I couldn't handle it anymore. "What?" I snapped impatiently.
She looked back at me quickly and I could see the quick flash of hurt in her eyes before it was quickly masked. "Rickie says you know where my costume is."
I groaned inwardly. There was no telling how long it would take for me to find Emily's clothes. "Um, yeah, well it's in here somewhere." I tucked my hair behind my ear and started throwing all the male costumes behind me.
Rayanne kneeled down next to me and followed my lead. The silence was stifling, broken only by the soft thumps of fabric hitting wood.
She laughed suddenly, but it sounded forced. "They could clothe an entire orphanage with all this junk."
I glanced up at her quickly and then back down at the clothes. Was she trying to be funny? Or simply trying to start a conversation?
Rayanne sighed loudly, fiddling with her braids. "Yeah…so uh, Cherski told me you and Catalano were back together."
I could feel my whole body tense. Hearing his name come out of her mouth brought so many emotions. I wanted to scream at her, to strangle her, to do something. Instead, I picked up another piece of fabric and threw it violently away from me.
Rayanne's eyes were a little wider than usual. For once, it seemed like she realized she had said the wrong thing. Then her eyes narrowed and she tossed her head back, confidence returning to her, "So are you, like, ever going to talk to me again?"
I met her eyes and tried to convey all my feelings about her into that one look. She looked away and bit her lip, "I mean it's been a couple of weeks. How long are you gonna be angry at me?"
My jaw dropped slightly and I straightened from my hunched position on the floor. "What? I can't believe you just asked me that Rayanne. How long am I going to be angry at you? What, you think this is all some sort of a game? You think I'm just going to get over it one day?"
Rayanne stood up too and tilted her head, shrugging. "You forgave him."
"Gosh Rayanne," I shook my head angrily. "You have no idea what happened between me and Jordan Catalano or why we're back together. You think I just ignored the fact that he slept with my best friend? Well, I didn't. I know you think that I forgave him because I'm obsessed with him. That Jordan's just some guy I never really had. Right, Rayanne? Weren't those your words? Well, let me tell you something." I lifted my trembling chin and stared at her, stubbornly ignoring the wetness in my eyes. "Jordan has had to work to get me back. He's shown me that he cares about me and above all, he has apologized."
I looked at Rayanne sadly. She was turned slightly, watching me closely while avoiding meeting my eyes. It was clear what I said surprised her. Her shoulders were slumped and just looking at her took the anger away from me. It was surprising that after everything she had done I still thought of her as my best friend. I miss her.
I closed my eyes and felt defeated. In the pile of clothes at my feet I noticed Emily's costume. I bent down and picked it up. I looked at the clothing in my hands, then back up at Rayanne, "Which is more than you've done Rayanne."
I handed her the costume and walked out of the theater.
I didn't have a specific destination in mind, but wasn't surprised when I found myself standing in the doorway watching Brian and Jordan. They didn't notice me, and I studied them thoughtfully. Brian was hunched over, correcting some papers, while Jordan worked on a worksheet across from him. They were so different.
I looked at Brian and saw a friend, someone who had been there for me over the years. I promised myself right then that I was going to treat him better.
I turned my attention to Jordan and couldn't stop the smile when he brushed a strand of his hair away irritably. He needed a haircut. His eyebrows drew together in a frown as he stared at the paper. His forehead smoothed and he wrote something down. I was so proud of him for following through with the tutoring.
I didn't want to interrupt and started to back out of the room, but Brian glanced up suddenly and saw me. He offered an uncertain smile and I smiled back at him. I walked over to their desks and Jordan turned. He smiled briefly at me but his eyes darted to Brian.
"Hey," I offered, shifting my grip on my backpack. "How's tutoring going?"
Jordan didn't answer and Brian didn't seem to know what to say. "Uh, it's good. Jordan's doing really well."
I smiled at Jordan. Why wasn't he meeting my eyes?
There was a brief pause. Jordan cleared his throat and finally brought his eyes up to mine, "I thought you had rehearsal right now."
He didn't say it rudely but I couldn't help feeling unwanted. What happened to the Jordan from this morning? I frowned slightly, remembering Rayanne. "Uh, yeah. I didn't really feel like sticking around."
His blue eyes held my own captive. He was studying me and his eyes softened a fraction. "You want a ride?"
I bit my lip and glanced at Brian. He stared at me for a minute then nodded abruptly, trying to appear casual. "Yeah, um, we're pretty much done here anyways."
I looked back at Jordan and smiled. We said goodbye to Brian and left the classroom. Once we were out of sight I reached out and held Jordan's coat sleeve, stopping him. He looked back at me with a guarded expression that puzzled me.
"Jordan…are you okay?"
He fiddled with his keys and started walking again, "Yeah, why?"
"I don't know. It just seems like something's bothering you." I wrapped my coat tighter to block out the wind as we stepped outside.
"What about you?"
I was startled. "What?"
His stare was direct. "Did something happen during rehearsal?"
I looked down, "I just couldn't handle being around everyone." He was silent and I took a deep breath. "Besides, I wanted to see you."
He looked over at me quickly and for the first time, I saw a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah?"
We were at his car and I leaned my back against the door. He was in front of me and I smiled teasingly, "Yeah."
He smirked and took a step closer. "You missed me, huh?"
I tried to look unaffected but couldn't help laughing when he rested his hands on the car on either side of me, effectively trapping me. I bit my cheek and raised my eyebrow, "What could I possibly miss about you?"
The feel of his lips against mine stopped any other words. I responded immediately and felt his smug smile against my mouth. The kiss was less urgent than our other kisses- there was less pressure to impress. It was like we were finally accepting the way we felt about each other and were relaxing around each other.
My fingers played with the hair at the back of his head and I tugged him closer to me. Kissing him was so much fun. I'd missed it while we were apart. Jordan deepened the kiss and I forgot everything but the feel and taste of his mouth. I could faintly detect the taste of cigarettes, but it was mixed with another taste- one I can't even describe, except that it was so completely Jordan.
He pulled back an inch and I tried desperately to wipe the dazed look off my face. There was a light in his eyes that I rarely saw as he brought his eyes up briefly to meet mine before dropping them back to my lips, "You sure you didn't miss this?"
He brushed his lips against mine but moved back as I tried to respond. I heard my own voice whispering breathlessly, "Nope, not at all."
Jordan smirked again and leaned towards me, but we were interrupted by a shout to our right. "Yo, Catalano!"
I closed my eyes briefly, disappointed. Jordan turned his head and stepped away from me. Three of his friends stopped in front of us and I ducked my head when their eyes all landed on me. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.
Sometimes, you can feel people's eyes and silent questions. Like, I could tell that over my head they were all studying me.
I tucked my hair behind my ear and raised my head to stare straight at them. Two can play at that game. The blonde one dropped his eyes when I looked at him, while the dark haired one smirked suggestively with an expression in his eyes I didn't like. I looked at the last guy- the one I always saw with Jordan. I couldn't remember his name. He was staring at me intently, his head tilted to the side. He looked at Jordan and then back at me and I saw the flicker of a smile on his face.
He turned back to Jordan, and I exhaled slowly. "So, rehearsal tonight at the loft. You gonna make it?"
Jordan nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I'll be there. Any news from Tino?"
"Nah, he's still out."
I shifted my feet. It was obvious his friends were waiting for me to leave, but Jordan had promised me a ride home. I wasn't sure if I should stay or go. I glanced at Jordan and he reached out and grasped my sleeve with his fingers. He looked back at the three guys, "So…I'll see you tonight?"
They threw him confused glances but nodded slowly, and two of them walked away. The one with the drumsticks stayed back. "Angela, right?" He asked suddenly, cocking his head.
I cleared my throat, surprised and a little pleased he knew my name. I wondered if Jordan ever talked about me. I didn't know what else to say so I simply responded with, "Yeah."
Jordan punched him lightly in the shoulder when the boy didn't say anything else. "This is Shane."
"Nice to meet you."
Shane smirked at my response and looked at Jordan amused. "Cool. Well I'll catch you tonight Jordan."
I watched his back but turned when Jordan nudged me. He held the car door open for me as I got in and I reached over to unlock his side. I felt weird. I'd never met Jordan's friends before, and I was unsure about them. Still, Shane had known my name. I smiled to myself as Jordan started the car and we left the school. It was a good day.
A.N.- So, what did you all think? Sorry, I know it took longer for me to get this chapter out but I was struggling with parts of it. Plus it's more than double the length of my other chapters! Yay! So, anyways, I've decided how I want to do this story. I'm going to split it into parts, kind of like episodes, I guess. Like, this would have been the episode straight after In Dreams Begin Responsibilities. That way, each part can have a central theme that all build into the bigger theme of my story. Each part will probably have several chapters in it.
So yeah, I could seriously use some feedback on the way I'm writing this. Is it too weird to have parts of it in 3rd person while other parts are from Angela's perspective? I'm also having a hard time with Jordan. He's so different throughout MSCL. In Self-Esteem he's cool and highly concerned about his friends' opinions, whereas in Pressure he jokes with and fights with Angela but they seem very comfortable with each other. Then in On the Wagon he talks to her but there's a definite distance. Etc. Parts of this chapter he was like the way he was in Resolutions, whereas in the end I had him more like the teasing attitude of Pressure. I'm not sure if it works at all. It's hard to classify his personality! And Angela's actually. Do you think the way she dealt with everything was realistic?
Please, feedback would be greatly appreciated! Please, if you are reading this, take the moment or so it will take to review! I'll get the next chapter out soon. I'm excited about the next part. Valentine's Day. hehe
