Because we all know I have no impulse control, and I just was not happy with my last chapter. So, here is another chapter that I really liked writing so I have to share it!

Sorry for any mistakes, I may have rushed through the editing a little.

Part 8

The address was for a tattoo parlour in a very questionable part of town, one that I would not be surprised if someone tried to mug us while here. Donovan, the Strigoi that we were meeting, was being led to us by Sydney. I would have preferred to be the one to do it, but I was a dhampir and was more likely to be killed on the spot.

So after Dimitri coached her on how to act and what to say to get Donovan to come to us, we waited in our spots for Sydney to bring him back—praying that we didn't just send her to die.

I was up on the roof of a low brick building, getting a bird's eye view of everything, while Dimitri waited around the corner, able to make a dramatic entrance from the shadows but also keeping himself somewhat concealed so that they wouldn't realise he wasn't the terrifying Strigoi he once was.

It didn't keep the three Strigoi confused for long; our scents set them off, but it was already too late. They were in our trap.

Jumping off of the roof, I landed on one of the lackeys, breaking my fall. He put up a bit of a fight, avoiding me when I first tried to stake him. He threw me off him and onto the concrete, I was thankful for my jeans taking the worst of it, but it still tore through the material and to the skin. The pain was nothing compared to what I had been feeling the last couple of days, so I could easily brush it off and was back on my feet. My speed surprised him, and I was finally able to sink my stake into his chest.

The other two Strigoi had gone after Dimitri, perceiving him as more of a threat, and they were right. I watched him fight them; his face was fierce, almost terrifying. He was so focused on this fight. Even through the bond, I could feel his sole focus was on killing the Strigoi. This was personal.

He had become too involved in killing the other lackey that he didn't notice Donovan going in for the attack. I reacted quickly, throwing my body into Donovan's and away from Dimitri. He was much stronger than I had expected and was proving difficult to pin, mainly because I couldn't kill him.

"Dimitri!" I called out, "Help me!"

I felt Dimitri coming up behind before I heard his battle cry, throwing himself at Donovan and managing to take him down to the ground.

But Dimitri was still so lost in his need to kill, aiming his stake to go through Donovan's heart. I reached out, grabbing his arm in time. "No! We need him! Don't kill him!" I yelled, but I didn't think Dimitri could hear me. His eyes were glazed over, lost in the fight, only the desire to kill in them and coming through the bond.

I helped pin down Donovan, and then releasing Dimitri, I slapped him across the face. "Don't kill him," I repeated.

It worked, bringing him back to his senses enough to get the information we needed.

I was so thrown by what I was seeing as Dimitri questioned Donovan. I've seen many people terrified of Strigoi, but witnessing a Strigoi afraid of a dhampir was a new one, and honestly, I was a little scared myself.

We had barely got an answer from Donovan about Sonya's whereabouts before Dimitri had killed him.

But that wasn't enough.

Dimitri kept stabbing him, over and over. I tried to pull Dimitri off him, but he barely budged. We had to get out of here, we had made too much sound, and it wouldn't be long before someone came to investigate. "He's dead, Dimitri. Stop this. Please!"

I wasn't getting through to him as he was becoming lost in his mind—a terrifying expression on his face as he continued to stab Donovan. I opened myself up to our bond; he was no longer trying to conceal them all, his despair and desperation coming through. Dimitri had to destroy Donovan as if doing that would destroy all that was bad in him.

I wasn't getting through to him with just words. My hands reached for him, avoiding his hand with the stake. I cupped his face and focused on him, on our bond; I pushed calming thought through to him, praying for it to work. As I soothed him, I took away some of his pain, transforming it into a need to get him to stop.

Slowly his moves stopped, his bloodied stake falling to the ground with a clang. He lifted his head; the rage had subsided, leaving devastation. Dimitri's eyes found mine, wide in shock at his actions, at his emotions.

I dropped my hands from his face, instead tugging on his arm, "It's over. You've done enough."

"It's never enough, Roza." He whispered. His grief became overwhelming again, making my breath catch, "It'll never be enough."

"It is for now," I told him gently; rather than pulling him to stand, I pulled him towards me. This time he willingly moved, pressing his face against my shoulder. I dropped my stake as well, so I could embrace him.

All of his emotions were running through to me, bringing tears to my eyes from his pain. How lost he was. The weight of it all is too much.

"You're the only one," He clung to me, as he had that night at Lissa's, "You're the only one that could understand. You saw me… you know what I was. What I did."

I drew him closer, knowing that it was true. While he may have promised his life to Lissa, he couldn't reveal these thoughts. These emotions. He had only revealed his true feelings to me before, and I was still the one he trusted to do so with again.

I was the only one that had experienced first-hand what Dimitri had become for those few months, and now I was the only one that truly knew how he felt. It wasn't that he couldn't feel; it was that he felt too much.

"It's okay," I soothed him, "It's okay, I'm here. I'll always be here for you." And it was true, even if we broke our bond, even if he left and went away. If he asked me for help, I would be there for him. I could tell myself to forget him, to move on, but I knew I never would.

Dimitri was my soulmate, and he would always hold my heart.


We had returned to the hotel, deciding it would be best to find Sonya tomorrow in the daylight and have some rest and much-needed showers. Dimitri had gone first, mainly due to the amount of blood on him.

Sydney had questioned me about my injuries, but I had brushed her off, now sitting silently on the edge of the bed Dimitri and I were sharing. The conversation from the alley played in my mind. Dimitri was still so broken despite the brave face he put on, still believing there was a part of him that was Strigoi.

Your hair is beautiful. The one thing he could find that was beautiful. Strigoi can't see the beauty, but Dimitri could. My hand came up to my hair, curling the strand he had touched around my finger.

Our interaction lately had been due to healing the bond, the only reason he had been willingly allowing me close. But then, in the alley, he had needed my comfort, reaching for me because he wanted it, not because he had to.

Everything just had to get more complicated, didn't it?

"Rose?"

A brush of fingers on my arm shocked me back to myself. My eyes snapped to Dimitri's; from the look in them, he had been trying to get my attention for a while.

It had been hard to close off the bond after opening it completely, hurting to do so. Still, some of his emotions were trickling through. He was concerned for me, but there was also some nervousness.

I glanced down at his fingers, hiding my frown when he withdrew them. "I didn't mean to startle you," He apologised, backing a step away from me, "You should go clean up."

I nodded, moving past him with my bag in hand. I don't know why I had expected things to change between us. I tried very hard to ignore the tears falling down my face as I stood under the warm spray.


"Ow… Oww!"

Sydney shot me a look, "I barely even touched it."

I glared at her, "I don't even need the disinfectant, just put a bandaid on it, and it's fine." I hadn't realised how badly I scraped up my legs until I got out of the shower. My poor jeans were beyond help.

When I walked out asking Sydney if she had something I could cover the cuts with, she immediately sat both Dimitri and me down and started bandaging our wounds. Dimitri had less so than me; he kept shooting worried eyes at my legs but remained silent. I didn't see the need to be concerned, I had received much worse injuries than this in the past.

Sighing exasperated, Sydney finally gave up, putting away the disinfectant, muttering under her breath about ungrateful dhampirs as she bandaged my legs. "There, happy now?"

"Wasn't that so much easier," I teased. I got a glare from Sydney and a flash of amusement from Dimitri. That was new. I resettled on the bed, crossing my legs, "So, we are going to Paris."

Sydney booted up her laptop; Dimitri and I were already sitting on our bed, so she sat on the edge while we looked over her shoulder as she pulled up Google Maps. After choosing a good starting point, we decided it was time to sleep.

My thoughts were still so chaotic that I questioned if I would be able to sleep after the couple of hours we had gotten earlier today. When I had tried to stay up, Dimitri gave me the same look I had given him when he was going to stay up to guard us. So reluctantly, I laid down beside him.

There was an awkwardness between us again, both laying on our backs, barely daring to touch. There wasn't as much of a need to sate the demands of the bond, the ache dulled since the alleyway. And we couldn't use the disguise of providing comfort for the other for why we were pressed close.

This is what I wanted, right? To not need Dimitri anymore. And yet, I was missing it.


I don't remember falling asleep, but I must have to have Victor's face before me. I was already in a bad mood, the darkness from Lissa swirling in me, looking for any outlet it could get. And now I have Victor before me asking for what I have found out.

I don't know why I revealed the location to him. I should have lied and let him go on his own wild goose chase. But he was free because of me, and if I knew where he was going to be, I would take advantage of it.

That's what I told myself as the spirit dream faded and a real dream took over.


Hands were everywhere.

At first, it was slow, gently. Simply taking time to explore each other's bodies without any urgency, something we hadn't allowed ourselves before. Our stolen moments at the academy had to be quick in case we were caught or because we knew we shouldn't be indulging.

And then our time together in the cabin was charged by our need to be together completely; while it had been perfect, there was a slight rush and awkwardness of being first time lovers.

But now, we took our time. Finding the places that made me gasp his name and the places that made him shiver. As we became bolder with our touches, the more desperate it became. My shirt had been removed, leaving me exposed to his eyes which darkened in desire.

His mouth was on me, moving slowly over the bare skin, whispers of Roza… in between each kiss.

His body pressed against mine, a moan slipping out from my lips as he moved in the most delicious way. Still, his lips caressed my body, moving up. I gasped, feeling him on my neck, sucking against my pulse point.

I felt something tug in my mind. Something wasn't right.

The kisses became open-mouthed, switching sides on my neck, back and forth.

He drew back, brown eyes finding mine. They were warm and loving. But then they changed.

I watched in horror as a red ring formed around the iris, his expression now cold. Hungry.

I couldn't move as his mouth descended on my neck, fangs sinking into my throat as he drank greedily from my body.

Draining me until there was nothing left.


I sat up in bed, gasping for air as my hand flew to my neck. At the same time, Dimitri woke with a sound of anguish, throwing himself from the bed, away from me. His back against the far wall, eyes wide and panting.

I was still in shock from both the dream and Dimitri's reaction. He hadn't moved away from me like that because I woke suddenly, no the look in his eyes wasn't surprised. He was afraid. I looked closer; his whole body was shaking, as was mine.

That dream…

"Di…" I had to swallow, trying to steady my voice, "Dimitri, did you just dream -"

"I feed off you." His reply was barely a whisper, having to strain my ears to hear him. As my shock wore off, I felt his emotions—fear, guilt, regret, despair. My first instinct was to calm him, seeing soothing waves through the bond. His eyes snapped to mine, flashing in anger. "Stop it!"

I jumped at his yell, "Sorry. I was…"

Dimitri buried his hands in his hair in frustration, breathing heavily. Lifting his head, he demanded, "What was that? How did we… We had the same dream."

I shrugged; the answer was obvious. "The bond."

"But I don't feel it!" He shouted.

I winced, the familiar pain returning. "I know." His anger was subsiding, his fierce expression morphing into remorse. I flinched back when he stepped towards me, his face crumpled.

Dimitri fell back towards the wall, sliding down it until he was on the ground, elbows on his knees as he hid his face in his hands. "I don't understand. Why is this happening?"

My hand was clutching my chest, having to turn away from him. Sydney wasn't in her bed anymore, but a note on my bedside table said she had gone to get coffee. I was grateful that she wasn't here to see this. It was bad enough Lissa and Christian had seen me have my heart ripped out; I didn't need anyone else witnessing that.

"I don't know," I felt dejected. Each time I thought we were making progress, it would all fall apart.

"Why don't I feel it?"

A tear escaped my eye, "Do you even want to?"

He was silent for so long I thought he wasn't going to answer. "I did."

I don't know what hurt more, how broken he sounded, or that he used past tense. He did want to be my soulmate. "When?" It was cruel to put myself through this, but I needed to know.

"Before… I was looking forward to your birthday. I had a plan. I was going to make it perfect for you. But then the attack…."

I sobbed, unable to stop myself. I had been so close to having what I wanted more than anything. "And now you don't love me."

"Roza. I can't."

Burying my face in my hands to try to conceal my cries. No matter how many times he says it, it always hurts so much.

"I wish I could."

I froze.

"Everything would be so much easier. So much… better. If I could just feel something." Dimitri was staring at his hands as if they held all the answers. "I'm so sorry, Roza." Dimitri lifted himself from the floor with that last apology, avoiding my eyes and disappearing into the bathroom.


I had buried myself under the blanket by the time Sydney had returned; my tears had long since dried. Not long ago, Dimitri had come out of the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed, remaining silent.

Sydney had been able to entice me to leave my cocoon by offering me both coffee and doughnuts. When I sat up, I was thankful that she didn't mention the obvious signs that I had been crying. As I ate, I kept rubbing my chest, the rejection from earlier again tearing the bond a little. Dimitri reached for me, silently taking my hand in his.

I stared down at our clasped hands. It didn't bring me any joy, no respite. I just felt the grief for what I had lost. I removed my hand from his, moving away from him. "I'm fine, Dimitri."

I locked myself in the bathroom, not looking at my reflection, knowing what I would find there—a defeated shell of my former self. After changing and making myself look more presentable, I reemerged, all of my emotions locked down again.


I suppose you could say they took it well when I told them Victor Dashkov would be joining us. I think they both were letting it slide because they were unsure of how I would react if they said anything about it.

Lissa had been stressing more each day that I was away, still working around Court to convince them that Dimitri was dhampir and would cause no one any harm. Like she had at the academy, she was using small amounts of compulsion when needed. It was gradually working, but it was also building up the darkness in her. When I could, I would take it from her.

I wanted her to be able to spend time with Christian and their ever-growing bond without worrying about it. It was the least I could do for her. But that, of course, left me with the side effects, combined that with everything with Dimitri, and I was easily set off.

Earlier, Sydney had braked hard, and I hadn't been expecting it, and I got way more annoyed than I should have. Since then, they were being careful. I was sure Dimitri had an idea of what was starting to take hold of me, but I was determined to not talk to him unless it was about Sonya or finding the missing sibling.

I think we were all grateful when we pulled up out front of a blue house by a lake. Taking one look at the many flowers decorating it, I knew it was Sonya's.

I had a lot of apprehension about going in there. Seeing Sonya was going to be hard enough since I knew her before she turned. But also because of Mikhail. He had spent a year searching for her, and we found her in three days. And I didn't know what kind of mind frame Dimitri would be in. He understood that we needed her to answer our questions, but would he want to kill her after. Could I kill her?

How was it fair that Dimitri is restored, but Mikhail has to lose Sonya forever?

After scouting the house and making a plan, Dimitri and I left Sydney in the car and approached the house. We moved quickly, knowing that Sonya would hear us coming. Dimitri weakened the glass of the back door with a shovel, and I finished the job throwing the wheelbarrow through it.

We had barely made it through the hole we had created before I saw Sonya Karp standing in front of us, keeping herself far enough back from the sunlight coming in thanks to our handiwork.

It was a difficult fight, and Sonya was strong, managing to send me flying across the room and introducing my face to her coffee table. But we managed to subdue her and then get Sydney in with the chains Dimitri had thought to buy on the way here. It wasn't great, but we had her restrained with a combination of the chains and a stake to Sonya's neck.

Now it was time for the hard part—the interrogation.

The whole sharing dream bit I stole from Buffy season 3 ep. Amends.

I have this problem where I have to insert Buffy references in all my stories :D