Part 14
I scratched at the label of my beer bottle; the condensation on the bottle made the paper lift easily. "Sydney told you about that?"
Abe chuckled, sipping his drink, "She wasn't there just to give you money."
I should have guessed that. I frowned at him, "You had her spying on us."
"I needed to keep an eye on things. It was all for your safety." He replied, "She didn't tell me a whole lot about your interactions with Belikov if that's what you're worried about."
I had been. Even though almost everyone knew of our connection and how it wasn't going well, I still wanted to keep most of what happened between Dimitri and me between us.
I didn't even understand what was happening; I didn't need others to give their opinions.
"I'm sure you can understand my surprise when I was told that he and his brother had joined you. And yet now there is no mention of him." Abe levelled his eyes on me, "I doubt that he has decided to return to Tarasov Prison by his own choosing. So what happened?"
Cursing under my breath, I took a long gulp from my beer. Liquid courage, as they say. "He was with us. His brother restored Sonya, which I'm sure you know." I couldn't look at him. My guilt would be evident in my eyes. "We were going to turn him in, that's why we let him travel with us. But then he kidnapped Jill and…." I had just told Lissa the same story a couple of hours ago, and each time was like reopening the wound. It was not getting easier. "And there was an incident, and he's dead." I finished quickly, taking another drink.
I didn't need to look to know Abe was putting the pieces together. Abe was no stranger to taking lives. I was sure of that. Maybe there was a part of him that recognised that I had done so as well.
"Was all the evidence disposed of?"
My breath hitched, "I-I don't know. Dimitri took care of the… took care of everything."
Silence settled between us. I risked a glance up at Abe, watching as he swirled his wine, deep in thought. "Okay then."
"Okay?"
"Yes. I'll make sure nothing can be traced to you."
He spoke of covering up a murder so easily. "That's all you're going to say?"
His eyes landed on mine; there was a softness to them, "What were you expecting me to say, Rose?"
I shrugged, "I don't know, maybe welcome to the family business."
A rueful smile pulled at the corners of his lips, "Hardly, kiz. I may not have known you long, but I know that you aren't a cold-blooded killer. You did what you had to do."
"It was an accident," My voice was small, broken. "Something… happened. And I lost control of myself. I didn't mean to."
I had become so lost in my grief that I hadn't noticed Abe moved until he sat beside me, draping an arm around my shoulders. "I know, Rose."
Abe had stayed beside me, giving me the comfort I hadn't realised I had been craving, not moving until our food arrived. As if a switch had been flicked, Abe became his usual charming self again, catching me up on what had happened around Court while I was gone, including the behind the scenes work he was doing for Dimitri.
That had shocked me.
"I didn't think you would be willing to help him," I commented in between bites, a third beer beside me.
He grinned, though it had a dark edge, "If by chance, you do complete your connection together, then I didn't want you to have to worry about being separated once back at Court."
I nodded, pushing around my fries.
"What is happening with that?"
And there it was. I sighed, leaning my elbow on the table, chin resting in my palm. "Well, he loves me but doesn't feel the bond yet. So I have no idea." The beer was making me more willing to talk about it to Abe. It was strange to be so comfortable around this man seeing that I had only known him for a few months.
I suppose this is what it's meant to be like with a parent, right? You can tell them your troubles, and they give you advice.
I looked up at Abe, "Were you and mom soulmates?"
There isn't much that can catch Abe off guard, and that question obviously did. He started coughing on the sip of wine he had just taken, rubbing his chest as he caught his breath. "What?"
"Mom never told me anything about you all my life, and I never heard about her having a soulmate. I was wondering if you two were."
"Ah…" He paused, putting down his drink first, feeling it was better to not risk choking again, "No, we aren't. Mine rejected me when I was young. I don't blame her. I had already built a name for myself by that point." He became lost in his memories, a fond look in his eyes. "Then I met your mother, and well…." The small smile on his face was unexpected. "She didn't have one then and never told me otherwise."
I nodded, absorbing his words. Though it had been fleeting, my parents found some happiness together. Maybe that does prove that I don't need to be with my soulmate to be happy. But the idea of being with anyone other than Dimitri caused an ache in my heart that I wasn't sure was just because of our bond.
"Dimitri has asked me for a chance to prove to me he loves me," I revealed to Abe.
"And what do you want?"
"Before leaving Court, I was going to ask you to get me out of here. But now," I paused, biting my lip, "now I don't know. Before all of this happened, the only thing I wanted was to be with Dimitri and then everything went to hell." I dragged my hand down my face. My thoughts were just going in circles of wanting Dimitri and wanting to run away.
Abe huffed a laugh, "Isn't young love amazing." He chuckled at the glare I sent him. "Whichever you choose, Rose, you will have my support, even if I may think you are too good for him."
This time I laughed with him, reclining in my seat with my beer, "Good to know, old man."
It had been a while since I had drunk so much; after Abe had had a few glasses of wine, he decided to make me try some Turkish alcohol, Rakı, and I am greatly regretting that. At least I was in a good mood now, humming lightly under my breath as I made my way up the floors of the Guardian dorm. There weren't too many guardians on my floor, most that were placed here had been given their allocations and left, so I wasn't too worried if I made a little noise approaching my door.
I giggled to myself as I tried to get my key into my door; it kept slipping each time. When the door beside my room opened, I flushed in embarrassment. Guess it wasn't so empty here after all.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to -" I turned to apologise but stopped short.
There standing in the doorway of the room next to mine, was Dimitri.
I blinked at him a couple of times, trying to clear the fog in my head from the alcohol. "What the fuck?"
Dimitri's eyes narrowed at my swearing but otherwise stayed impassive, "I've been assigned the room here."
"Why?"
"There wasn't anywhere else that they could put me, and here I can be…."
I could guess where he was going, they may have said Dimitri didn't need guards watching him anymore, but they still put him in a building where guardians could still keep an eye on him.
I was still trying to wrap my mind around this new development, "But why are you next to my room?" Surely there were other rooms for him to stay in.
"They did it because they know we're soulmates," He replied evenly. Which just made me curse again.
Stupid soulmate preference laws.
My happy mood left me, "Of course they did," I scowled. Returning to try opening my door.
Dimitri took a step towards me, "Are you drunk?" He asked in a disapproving tone.
I turned and gave him a shit-eating grin, "Yeah, so?"
"So?" He repeated incredulously. "You're underage, and it's the middle of the day."
"I'm technically still on human time, so it's the middle of the night."
His nostrils flared, "Rose, you shouldn't -"
I held a hand up to him, cutting him off, "God Dimitri. Stop acting like my boyfriend. You gave up that right, remember." I spat at him. I wasn't his student anymore either; I sure didn't need him treating me like I was some child. I am an adult and can do whatever I want.
He flinched from my words, stepping back, dropping his eyes to the ground, "I know. I'm sorry. I want to -"
"Yeah," I stated, cutting him off again, "I know what you want. And I bet in two days you'll go back to telling me that we shouldn't be together." I scoffed.
"Roza, I wouldn't -"
I spun to face him, hands on my hips, "It's what you do, Dimitri. You flounder. First, you claim you want me, and then you have to do the right thing and push me away. You've done it since I first told you I had feelings for you. And each time you do it, I'm the one that pays for it."
He stood staring at me in shock; I was glad that the alcohol was blocking the bond from me right now. I didn't want to know how he was feeling after that. I turned the key and pushed my door open. Dimitri was still in the same spot as I slammed it closed behind me.
Feeling deflated, I fell back against my door, sliding down to the ground and covering my face with my hands. Even through the haze of the alcohol, I knew he was still standing there, stepping closer to be directly in front of my door.
I bit into the palm of my hand to silence my sobs as they built.
I listened through the door. Dimitri sighed deeply, sounding so broken, whispering, "I'm so sorry, Roza."
And then he was gone; the sound of his door closing echoed through the empty hallway.
Now alone, I let the tears fall.
As I said, my day was going terribly.
I was standing in the middle of a room; it was like a combination of the courtroom at Court and the auditorium from St. Vladimir's. The combined designs were wrong and off-putting. I ventured further into the room, I could see the walls on all sides, but as I walked towards the far wall, it kept getting further away. Never-ending.
I was alone. Even with the walls being so far away, I was feeling confined. Trapped.
"Caged in like the animal you are."
His voice sent chills down my spine. I spun on my heel to find Victor standing behind me; he was dressed the same as that day, signs of his disease taking over. But his eyes were dead. Just as they had looked in the car, staring up at nothing.
My lip started to tremble, but I wasn't going to let myself crumble in front of him. "I'm not an animal."
He cocked his head to the side, a knowing smile on his face, "No? But you even said it yourself."
I'm wrong—an animal. I don't deserve it. This shouldn't be mine. I destroy lives.
I could hear my voice echo around me, the rambling from the madness taking over me.
I destroy lives.
I covered my ears with my hands, "You're wrong!"
"Oh, Rose. I'm not. And you know that. Everyone knows that." He gestured with his hand, and the once empty room was filled with people I knew. All staring at me. Judging me.
Murderer.
There's something wrong with her.
Monster.
Cold-blooded killer.
Weak.
Over and over, they spoke to me. Their mouths never moved, but I could hear their voices. Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Dimitri. Everyone I cared about was calling me the things I was.
I had let them all down.
"I loved you, but you just did what you do best, destroying everyone's life." Adrian sneered at me, turning and disappearing again.
And then, one after another, everyone else did the same.
Eddie glared at me, "You ruined everything for me, Rose. How could I be your friend after everything you did to me."
"You should have died in Spokane. You weren't worth returning for," Mason's voice was filled with rage.
"Your mother was right. I should have stayed away from you. What a disappointment."
"You are such a failure, Rose. I wish I never had you."
On and on it went. I had fallen to my knees, tears falling from my eyes as I begged them to stay, pleading for forgiveness. This continued until only Dimitri and Lissa remained, both staring at me with such contempt.
I crawled closed, "Lissa."
Lissa scowled at me, "I should have let you die in the car accident. I can't be friends with a murderer."
Fresh tears fell as she turned from me, ignoring my cries as she disappeared. I looked up at Dimitri, "Please. Dimitri, please don't leave me!"
"You were never good enough, Rose. Love fades, mine has." He growled, "And it's never coming back."
I whined in pain, my face pressing against the ground as my heart broke in my chest. It was like the pain from the bond tearing, but so much worse. I was alone. I was all alone.
"Like I said, Rose. You're an animal," Victor's breath fanned over the back of my neck, "and dangerous animals like you need to be put down."
I lifted my head once more, my sobs echoing in the empty room. And there before me was Dimitri, still watching me.
But instead of a look of hatred, it was filled with despair.
"Goodbye, Rose," Victor snarled. And then I felt my heart being pierced.
I woke up screaming. Thrashing in my blankets, they were wrapped around my limbs, feeling like I was being held down. But I couldn't focus enough to detangle myself; my chest felt like it was exploding. Pain shot through my body as I cried.
There was a bang, and then hands were on me.
My mind wasn't aware enough of who they were. But I knew they were safe.
The hands pulled at me until I was pressed against a muscular chest, cradling me as I cried. Soothing whispers filled the room in between my sobs and whines. Their arms tightened around me until all I could feel was their warmth.
At some point, I became aware that it was Dimitri holding me. Or maybe I always knew but didn't truly process it.
We were lying together on our sides, legs tangled together with his arms wrapped around me. It was almost too warm, but I didn't want to leave his embrace. Instead, I pressed my face against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and deep breaths.
I knew Dimitri wasn't asleep, the occasional stroke of his hand down my back telling me so. That and I could feel his emotions as he watched me. Concern and guilt, as always, but there was also affection and longing for me.
When I snuggled in closer to him, there was a burst of contentment.
I didn't want to ask how he knew I was in pain. I could lie to myself and assume he had heard my screams and had come because of that. It was plausible; these walls were thin. But I knew that wasn't how he knew; I remember him in my dreams at the end—his look of anguish. We shared dreams again, and he got to witness my worst fear.
He must think I was so weak for fearing being alone so much. Compared to what Dimitri has gone through, it was nothing.
"Whatever you are thinking, I'm sure it's wrong," The deep rumble of his voice vibrated through his chest and against my cheek.
I didn't bother to look up at him, "You don't know what I'm thinking."
"I know how your mind works," He replied in a soft voice, "that, and I can guess from your sighs."
My finger traced the fabric of his shirt over his firm stomach—body of a god. I could still remember how he looked, could close my eyes and see every line and curve of his body. I felt him shiver under my touch; I had discovered that night his stomach was sensitive to light touches.
"You saw everything, didn't you?" I prayed that he would say no.
His arms tightened, "Yes."
I could just barely see over his legs to where my door now hung ajar, though it was closed enough to still give us privacy. "You broke my door."
He winced, "I can fix that."
"You know how to fix doors?"
He laughed softly, "Yes."
"Oh, that's handy," I replied. It was such a mundane conversation considering why he had broken my door to get in. I probably should be annoyed that he had done that, but I couldn't find it in me.
"Roza," He started, tone uncertain, not knowing if he should ask, but continued, "Do you really think that of yourself? That that's what people think of you?"
I pulled my hands up to my chest, curling in on myself as much as I could still pressed up against him, "It was just a stupid dream. It doesn't mean anything."
Dimitri disagreed. "None of it was true. No one thinks any of that." He told me, rubbing my back in comfort. I could feel his certainty. "I'm sorry that I broke your trust in me, but please believe me now. I will never leave you again, Roza."
"Don't make promises you won't keep, comrade."
He pulled back, a hand curling under my chin to tilt it up to see him. Our eyes locked. "I will do everything in my power to protect you and stay by your side. As long as you allow me, I will always be with you."
I didn't reply. I couldn't have made my mouth work at that moment, my emotions still raw from my dream. But his words warmed something inside me.
A little piece of me healed.
We became silent again, neither moving away from one another. Eventually, we both fell asleep, still tangled up together on my bed.
We woke early the next day; Dimitri apologised again for my door, promising to fix it immediately. I shrugged, explaining that I was working a shift until later in the day so he could take his time. There was a small amount of awkwardness between us, the uncertainty of where we stood.
Exchanging a little small talk before he let himself out and disappeared back into his room. I had to force the door closed, placing a chair behind it while I showered and changed. I was back to work today; my anger for still being stuck filing paperwork was simmering under the surface. But I felt more determined to prove to Hans that I was a good guardian and deserved to be using my skills rather than wasting them.
The one upside to working down here was that I did get to see Mikhail in passing.
"How's Sonya settling in?" I asked, leaning up against the filing cabinet.
The smile that lit up his face was near blinding, "Pretty well, all things considering. She is enjoying being around Lissa, teaching her a few things. I think she misses teaching."
I had been letting myself slip into Lissa's mind occasionally when I got extremely bored; she, Adrian and Sonya discussed spirit and the different things they could all do. And they were discussing the side effects, my name coming up a few times during that conversation. "I'm glad things are going well. Must be nice having your soulmate back."
"It really is amazing. How quickly it all returned, it was like finding the missing piece, and now I'm complete again." His eyes landed on me, and his smile fell.
I quickly waved my hand, "I'm happy for you, really. I'm glad that you have it back." I told him, my voice sounding more wistful than I intended—my hand itching to press against my chest.
Having laid with Dimitri for so long, the bond was stronger today. His sincere words played in my head over and over. I knew for sure I needed to give Dimitri an answer soon, today if I could. It needs to be before the bond takes too much of a hold on me if I want to end it.
"Sonya wanted me to ask how it was going between you and Dimitri. She's become pretty invested."
I chuckled. Lissa was the same, her thoughts wandering to Dimitri and me and if it would work out. She wanted to ask Dimitri about it but, thankful, chose to stay out of it. "As soon as I know, I'll be sure to tell her."
"Well, whichever you choose to do, we are all here to support you, Rose."
I blinked back the tears that gathered in my eyes. The dream had made me a bit more fragile today.
None of it was true. No one thinks any of that. Maybe Dimitri was right.
What do you think about Abe and Rose's chat? Or about her dream? Hope you are all enjoying the chapter!
The next chapter will have a nice little moment between Rose and Dimitri :D
