Author's Note: Ha...it's been over a year whoops I hope people still read KnB but anyways I love this fic a lot so :)


How To Text A Tsundere
by Newt Is My Shank


To: Midorima Shintarou
From: Ayase Izumi

Subject: IT'S D-DAY!


Shintarou!

It's~ the~ day~! IT'STHEDAYIT'STHEDAYIT'STHEDAY~!

I CAN FINALLY GET OUT OF THIS SHIT HOLE! Okay I guess it's kinda rude of me to call the hospital a shithole since a lot of my friends are here…but still! No more icky porridge and dried fruits! No more getting my desserts stolen because "for the last fucking time, you're lactose intolerant, Ayase-san"! AND! No more getting my ass beat at mahjong by an 8-year-old and his 15-year-old brother because "your poker face sucks, Izumi-chan"!

HOLY CRAP YOU HAVE NO FRIGGING CLUE HOW MUCH I'M DYING TO EAT SO MUCH CRAP UNTIL MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM BECOMES A TOXIC WASTELAND. TELL ME WHAT YOU GUYS WANT TO EAT I'LL PAY FOR IT AS THANKS FOR BUYING ME MY LUCKY ITEMS AND EVERYTHING. Can I bring my Shin-tan along to the game by the way? I know the Olympics doesn't allow branded stuff bc they're anal about the venue being an "advertising-free zone" or whatever.

Maybe Shin-tan can bring you good luck~! The grannies were watching Oha-Asa today and they told me Cancer should watch out for Leos~ who knows maybe one of your opponents has better luck than you! You might be in trouble ehehe~

Please don't kill me I'm babey.

- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ


To: Midorima Shintarou
From: Ayase Izumi

Subject: Re: IT'S D-DAY!


Ayase,

Don't be ridiculous, what sort of man do you think I am to allow a lady pay for my dinner? We will all pay for our own share. I shall leave dinner plans up to you and Takao, but let me assure you first and foremost that you will have a healthy portion of greens on your plate regardless of where we go. You may be able to escape eating healthy from your mother, but do not be fooled to think that I will let a recently discharged patient escape from eating a healthy, regular meal.

From what I am aware of, the stadium allows toys and trinkets to be brought into the venue. Otherwise I would not even bother to attend. How could I possibly be able to play at my optimal best if I am barred from bringing my lucky items? It is blasphemous. So to answer your question: yes, you should be able to bring your….. "Shin-tan"...along.

I am insulted that you would even consider the thought of myself having issues ensuring our win today. However, I have decided that due to the nature of today's schedule – what with your swift and imminent discharge from the hospital and our inevitable victory – I shall not seek repentance from you. Yet.

Bringing your lucky item today will unlikely change the wind of fates in my favor but you are most welcome to bring your.…"Shin-tan" along….I duly hope that you have taken good care of it and not set it aflame with your pyromanic tendencies. I trust your doctors but I have no faith in your inability to cause mass destruction and panic wherever you go.

We have entered the preliminary finals. The championship game should be starting in half an hour. Be punctual, but do not rush. Your safety should be prioritized over the game.

I̶ ̶a̶n̶t̶i̶c̶i̶p̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶a̶r̶r̶i̶v̶a̶l̶ ̶ ̶

P̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶f̶e̶ ̶ ̶

I̶'̶m̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶w̶a̶r̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶e̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶

See you soon.

- Shintarou


To:Ayase Izumi
From: Midorima Shintarou

Subject: Re: Re: IT'S D-DAY!


P.S. I was unaware that my project partner was an infant. Should I have you reassigned? Possibly to an elementary school? But judging by your unfortunate lack of common sense and spatial awareness, nursery should be the most optimal choice, don't you think so?

- Shintarou


To:Midorima Shintarou
From: Ayase Izumi

Subject: Shintarou what the fuck


Did you just? MAKE A JOKE? YOU?

- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ


To:Midorima Shintarou
From: Ayase Izumi

Subject: Re: Shintarou what the fuck


P.S. Also bitch rude, wtf. You wound me, Shintarou.

- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ


To:Ayase Izumi
From: Midorima Shintarou

Subject: Language


Ayase,

Honestly, your excessive use of profanity never fails to baffle me. Do keep your language in check when you are in attendance. I would prefer to be able to associate with someone not screaming expletives in public for every little thing that happens in the game. If I hear a single swear word, I will deem your existence obsolete and insist on my refusal to acknowledge your presence.

Also, that was not a "joke". It was merely an assumption. I'm sure college prep transfer such as yourself would know the difference.

- Shintarou


To:Takao Kazunari
From: Ayase Izumi

Subject: Shintarou just made a joke


Kazunari,

I think your best friend is broken.

- Izumi ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ


"Bwahahahaha!" Takao couldn't help cackling at the totally out of context message. Shaking his head, he quickly typed out a quick reply (consisting of several confused kaomojis) as he set aside his phone into his jacket pocket. The Point Guard twisted the knob of the bathroom tap and let out a sigh as the cold stream of water washed over his calloused hands. The echos of cold water hitting the metal of the basin were soothing to his ears, therapeutic.

Honestly, what a surprise…I really wasn't expecting Seirin to make it, Takao thought to himself, Oh well, it doesn't really change anything for me~ Izu-chan still gets to enjoy a good show! I hope she remembers to bring her placard…I wonder what she wrote on it…

The Point Guard's train of thought was stopped as he heard footsteps walking into the men's room. He side-eyed the intruding guests when he caught the familiar shade of light blue hair and absolutely, totally did not jump the gun.

Hahaha.

Yeah, he totally jumped the gun on this one.

"O-O-Oi, I-Izu-chan! I know you're excited to watch us play but you can't enter the men's room like tha–!"

Takao's flustered yell was cut off when he paused to take a much closer, longer look at exactly who came into the bathroom. Instead of a petite girl with medium blue hair and sterling silver eyes, Takao was met with the impassive, unemotional stare of Seirin's N. 11 and a confused look from Seirin's catlike senior.

Still, the resemblance was absolutely uncanny. They both had the same hair color, small in stature, and – color aside – their eyes had that unnerving, piercing quality to them that made it feel like they were delving into your soul and ripping your secrets apart.

"Ah."

"..."

"..."

"..."

A second never felt that long in Takao's entire basketball career.

"My bad…I thought you were someone else."

Kuroko and the senior Takao would later get to know by the name of Koganei simply stared back at the thoroughly embarrassed Hawk Eye player in judgemental silence.

Immediately, all thoughts of being intimidating and psychologically messing with Seirin's shadow left his mind. Right now, all he wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die.

…And of course salvage the situation at hand to keep some of his dignity intact….

"Y-You just look like someone I know, okay! D-don't m-misunderstand!"

Kuroko simply nodded, his expression never changing.

"I understand. Were you perhaps expecting your girlfriend here instead?"

"Y-Yes! Wait n-no! Wait wha –"

It was quite the sight for anyone else who decided to take a piss at that very moment. The usually confident and extravagant Takao was flailing his arms around like a distressed chicken, ears red and face flushed while yelling out proclamations of denial. Meanwhile, a barely 165cm bluenette was staring back in quiet judgment, the catlike teen beside him shaking while holding back silent laughter.

"Who knew the Uncrowned Kings had perverts on their team…shame shame~" Koganei singsonged teasingly.

Takao stammered out a "N-No of course not!" before deciding that the best escape tactic at the moment was to – simply – escape the situation at hand and run for the hills. Which he did, squeaking an apology as he made a mad dash as he brushed past the two Seirin players, steam leaving his ears, the two watching him run off like a terrified cat.

Koganei snickered at the comedic exchange before something eye-opening struck him.

"Wait a minute….did that guy just notice you walking behind him, Kuroko?!"


"Well, I would like to say that it has been a pleasure having you, but quite frankly, I hope I never see you back here again. For good reasons," Doctor Tsukasa sighed as he gave Izumi's injured wrist another once over, checking and rechecking and battering the younger girl with questions on whether the brace was comfortable and if she had issues with it. For the third time that hour.

"Aw Doc, just say you care and go," Izumi giggled, before yelping when Doctor Tsukasa abruptly karate-chopped her on her recently healed head, "OWWWW! I had a head injury, you dick! Is this how all medical professionals treat their patients?" The bluenette pouted while Kiyoshi, who came along for "moral support", patted her on the head going "Maa maa~ don't agitate your doctor, Ayase-chan."

Doctor Tsukasa decided to ignore his soon-to-be-discharged-patient's rant to rummage for a sign-out sheet, whipping it out and handing it to Izumi.

"Your mother is picking you up correct?" Doctor Tsukasa asked mindlessly, jotting down notes while Izumi frantically scribbled out the details of her sign out sheet, "for that basketball game?"

"Yeah! I can't wait! Apparently Kazunari and Shintarou are like, super bigshots in the basketball scene. Especially Shintarou. They say their win is guaranteed and later we're going out for a victory dinner! I've never gone out to dinner with a friend before….my mother even gave me more pocket money than usual and cried and told me to enjoy myself –"

The Uncrowned King and tired doctor can't help but smile at the younger girl's eager ramblings. They had only known Izumi for a short while but it was obvious that she had a very lonely childhood, what with her inability to socialize and her unapproachable demeanor. It was nice to see that she at least had two very good friends to support her now that she was out of hospital – even though Doctor Tsukasa silently cursed whenever Takao came to visit, knowing the Hawk Eye teen would no doubt spoil Izumi with his abundance of sweets and goodies, lactose-free or not.

Doctor Tsukasa inwardly shuddered. A sugar high Izumi was an absolute fucking menace at night.

Meanwhile, Kiyoshi just patted Izumi on her fluffy head like she was a particularly cute dog.

"The game is starting soon, you should get ready, Ayase-chan," Kiyoshi reminded gently, "I'm sure your friends would appreciate seeing you out of hospital, but I think they'd prefer if you weren't in hospital garb." Izumi looked down to see what Kiyoshi was talking about and "eep!"'d when she realized she was still in a hospital gown.

"Ah motherfucking shit –" "Language!" the two other men chorused.

Izumi ducked her head, smiling. She was going to miss this. Doctor Tsukasa could be awfully naggy, and she could never properly read Kiyoshi's expressions, or his vague, fatherly words, but she was going to miss it. All of it.

"Do you think…I could come visit sometime?"

Her inquiry was quiet, almost mouse-like. If it weren't from the doctor's precise hearing and Kiyoshi's closeness, they would've missed it completely. The two gave each other a knowing glance before smiling exasperatedly.

"I would prefer if your visit didn't involve life-threatening injuries, but yes, you may come to visit," Doctor Tsukasa reassured.

"Of course, Ayase-chan~! It's so lonely here, you know~? The oji-sans are gonna complain that there aren't cute girls coming to visit and the grannies will get bored because they don't have someone's love life to gossip about, and your friends Hiro and Haru will surely miss badgering you about your friends. I'll have to settle with playing Koi-Koi with geezers without you around~. If you visit enough, maybe one day you can actually beat me at it haha!"

"Eh? Wait, did you let me win last time!?"

"Ha~ that's a secret, Ayase-chan…"

The two men couldn't help laugh at the younger girl's impudent stare and annoyed pout, before Kiyoshi decided that it really was getting late and shooed the chaotic bluenette to get changed into her civilian clothes. Doctor Tsukasa watched in exasperation as the younger girl scampered off, whooping and squealing about how she was finally getting out of this hell hole.

"Ha….that girl really is quite a handful, isn't she?" Doctor Tsukasa sighed fondly, smirk quirking on his lips.

"She is, isn't she! But she's the kind of person that brings some spice to everyone's lives, don't you think so?" Kiyoshi eye-smiled giddily. Doctor Tsukasa deadpanned at the dopey-looking center, unimpressed. As Kiyoshi's primary physiotherapist, Doctor Tsukasa saw through all his bullshit. Did that mean he could understand and decipher the teen's mysterious, vague words and actions? Absolutely not.

"I've had enough spice for one lifetime, thank you very much," Doctor Tsukasa drawled sarcastically. Before packing up, he briefly checked the time on his wristwatch, eyebrows furrowing in concern. "It really is getting late though, Ayase-san should be arriving to pick up her daughter sometime soon…"


"EH? THERE'S BEEN A LOCKDOWN IN THE LAB?"

"Ah ha ha….apparently the body I was cutting open started releasing porous gas and the chief medical examiner wanted to play it safe by putting us all in quarantine until it's been investigated."

"What the – Mother what the fuck how are you so chill about this?"

Izumi could practically hear her mother shrug over the line. She immediately felt a headache coming on. Is this how Midorima felt whenever she did something stupid? God, karma was really paying her back big time.

"I'm sure it's nothing dangerous. And if it was, then you have the best M.E. on call to find a solution ~!" Izumi's mother gleefully proclaimed, while Izumi sank back in her bed in exasperation. She definitely understood where she got her death defying genes from…

"Right, so you can't pick me up then?"

"Eh, pick you – OH SHIT IZUMIN IM SORRY I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT~! Please forgive Mommy! Don't worry, let me fix this stupid contamination leak and I'll drive by over! Ugh, Shinobu-san, get me the sledgehammer –" Izumi quickly cut her mother off before they had to pay for property damage again (the first time was when Izumi accidentally caused a minor gas explosion during a surprise visit), "Mother, it's fine! I'll find my way there myself. Just…be safe, please? I really don't do well being an orphan."

Izumi's mother's over dramatic gasp could be heard from two wards away. Izumi deadpanned.

"Izumi-chan, I'd never put you in an orphanage. Oh, how could you even say something like that! I'd put you with your uncle if I died an accidental tragic death. He works in your school so it's convenient. And you won't even have to worry about lodging! But back to the point. You can't go alone! You're still injured! What if you get hit by a truck or a bike on the way there? That's just negligent parenting!"

"Mother, I'll be fine,I have a fractured wrist, I'm not incapictated," Izumi stressed her point. She could tell she didn't stress her point well enough, since her mother continued nagging and complaining about Izumi not being protected enough from natural elements whilst on her travel. Izumi was about to just hang up the phone and go fuck it when she found her savior walking in in the form of a curious and smiley Kiyoshi Teppei.

"- for the last time, no you can't leave the hospital without adult supervision!"

"But Mother…what if I do have adult supervision?"


BEEEEEEEEEEP!

Takao let out a breath of anticipation as the referee's whistle blew through the air. The Hawk Eye teen eagerly stretched his arms over his head as he glanced up at his impressive, impassive partner. To anyone else, it looked like Midorima was calm and collected, but Takao could smell the heady, thick bloodthirsty desire for competition reeking from the taller teen's skin. Apparently, the knowledge that he would be facing Kuroko and his new light had lit some sort of fire within the Shooting Guard.

Takao was so enraptured by Midorima's intimidating figure that he almost didn't catch the words spoken to him.

"- do you see her?"

"Hm?"

Midorima pushed up his glasses awkwardly. The harsh lights of the stadium bared down on the giant teen's form in an almost angelic light. His eyelashes were quite pretty like this, Takao lamented.

"Do you…see her in the crowd nanodayo?"

Takao, in mock confusion, surveyed the cheering audience around them.

"Who?"

Midorima grunted as a tick mark appeared on his forehead. God, it was just so easy to rile the miracle shooting guard up! The Hawk Eye teen couldn't wait until he could indict Izumi along to bully Midorima. Though considering her nature, it was more likely she'd bully both of them…accidentally too…

"Bakao! Obviously I mean Ayase! Who else are we expecting in attendance?" Midorima barked.

"Oi, you punks! Hurry up and take position! What are you waiting for. Christmas? Don't make me come over there–" Miyaji's threatening tone instinctively made the two first years flinch, instantly picking up their pace towards their positions There was no pineapple in sight, but they wouldn't put it past their mildly violent upperclassman to use Midorima's racoon shigaraki lucky item as ammo instead.

Takao took the time to scan the crowd-filled bleachers. He saw a few familiar faces, such as Kaijou's Kise and Kasamatsu, as well as the entirety of the Seiho starting lineup, but otherwise, there was no bob of blue hair in sight.

"Guess she's running late," Takao shrugged, pushing down the pang of disappointment inside him. He really was looking forward to having his tiny friend in attendance watching them play their victory game. And to see whose name she wrote on her placard…

"Hmph. No matter," Midorima replied, shooting a quick glare at Seirin's Power Forward, "this is simply a warm up round. The real performance will be the final quarter."

"You're being real confident over a game that hasn't even started yet," Kagami pointed out, his tiger-like eyes challenging Midorima's own.

Midorima, in a rare show of obvious arrogance, smirked. If Takao said that he didn't find it even a little bit frighteningly attractive, he'd be a fucking liar.

"Man proposes, and then fate will follow."