A/N: Before you read anything, please note that I have nothing against my parents, or my grandparents. They are great. It was just much more fun to write this...

Ratlings 3

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The Parental Unit

Emily and Allison had decided to see a movie and go out for dinner. They justified leaving Gregory alone as 'girl time.' He didn't mind, though, because it meant he could do whatever he wanted for the entire night.

Just as he was sitting down- with a huge bowl of chips and a beer- to watch a General Hospital marathon, the phone rang.

"Damned phone" he grumbled, but answered anyways in case it was one of the girls with an emergency or something. "Who is it and what do you want?"

"Hello to you too" an unfamiliar woman's voice rang over the phone so loudly that Greg pulled the phone inches away from his ear. "Is Allison at home?"

"Who wants to know?"

"Her mother. Tell her she is coming to visit me on Friday, weather she likes it or not. She is bringing Emily."

"What is she doesn't-" The woman on the other end hung up before he could finish.

Because of this incident, the next time the phone rang, he decided just to screen

"Hi, Greg, it's Allison. Emily and I just got out of the movie, and now we're going to dinner, If Em behaves herself, we'll get ice cream afterwards. Don't expect us home until nearly ten. Love you, Bye" He could have picked up the phone, but all he would of said was 'okay,' and 'would you have married me otherwise?'. It was a routine goodbye that he didn't see the point in going through once again. Besides, he had more important things on his mind; like how he was going to explain to Allison why he had to be 'out of town' on Friday.

The girls arrived at home around 10:15, laughing as they came in the door.

"You're late." He greeted them, staring at his cane "Emily- wash your face" Emily mimicked him mockingly before heading to the bathroom to rinse the ice cream from around her mouth.

"Sorry, sweetheart. We were stuck in traffic" she lied

"There are two things wrong with that statement. One, you are a terrible liar, and two, you were walking. Why were you really late?"

"We just took a little longer then expected to eat and choose ice cream flavors. They have like three hundred now! Did you know that? Anyways, did anything interesting happen while we were gone?"

"Well I had this great dream. See there was this really great-looking woman, and-" she stopped him

"I don't want to hear about Carmen Elektra"

"Not Carmen, Cameron. Your mom called. Apparently you and Emily are going over there on Friday"

"You talked to her?" Allison demanded frantically.

"Of course! We're really close, you know. She's like a surrogate mom-"

"Oh shut up. You haven't even met her. Wait- you answered the phone for her and not me?"

"Wasn't she at the wedding?"

"No. She blew it off for a Days Of Our Lives marathon." She replied bitterly "Why didn't you answer when I-"

"I thought the crazy lady was calling again"

Allison, Greg, and Emily all stepped out of the car. Greg had argued that he could ride his bike there, and they could make a dramatic escape, but Allison would have none of it. Emily seemed to be the only one not completely stressed out. Allison took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock on the door. Hers, however, was not the hand that actually knocked. She looked down at Emily, who stared back with pursed lips at Allison.

"What?"

"Don't be a chicken. She's your mother; how bad can it be?"

"Bad" Allison whined, and the little girl rolled her eyes.

"Emily!" called an excited voice from the doorway

"Grandma!" Emily hugged her grandmother, who turned to Allison

"Hello, dear. Nice of you to finally visit. And who's this?"

"Greg is my husband" she answered sweetly, and in her mind added 'which you would know if you hadn't ditched my wedding'

"Oh. Hello George"

"Greg" Allison corrected

"Whatever"

"Greg this is my mom, Sylvie"

"Nice to meet you" Greg lied

"That's nice. Emily, would you like some cocoa?" Emily nodded and Sylvie motioned for them to move to the living room and she went to the kitchen to start on the hot chocolate.

"That was interesting"

"We aren't really very close" Allison told her husband in a hushed voice

"Was she like this with… what's-his-name?"

"Alex, and no. She was like this after she found out about the cancer. She probably saw you with the cane and thought 'here we go again'"

"Hey! Don't blame the cane! That's not my fault" he whispered firmly

"Sorry"

"You don't sound sorry"

"I just have to- shoot! She's coming back. Hey mom"

Sylvie had a bowl of assorted candies on the coffee table across from the couch the House's were sitting on. When Emily reached out for a caramel, her grandmother slapped her hand away.

"Those are for decoration, dear, not company" Greg guessed that the candies in question were probably decades old and that Emily was probably much better off- medically speaking- without the caramel.

After nearly an hour, Sylvie suggested that Emily give 'Gray' a tour of the house. Allison stared at the candy bowl. She could have sworn it had moved, but she was tired, and figured it was just her eyes playing tricks on her. She glanced over at the stairs just as two heads ducked out of her line of sight. She continued staring at the candy bowl, mentally sorting them into groups, putting them back, and forming new groups. Then it moved again.

"What on earth?…"

"What is it Alley-cat?"

"Oh my God! You haven't called me that since I was like, seven, remember? Because I said it was a stupid nickname!"

"Sorry, Allison, but I'm not a computer- memories don't just stay with me forever, you know."

"The ones that make me look bad seem to" Allison muttered in response

"What's that, dear?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing."

"What is that?" Sylvie demanded, horrified.

"What?"

"That!" she pointed to the candy bowl, where a thick pink string was emerging from under the candies. No, Allison corrected herself, that is not a pink string.

"Emily! Greg! We're leaving! Collect Jamie, will you?" Allison called -the irritated tone in her voice visible- to the rest of her family before standing and escorting her mother out of the room.

In the car on the way home, Greg and Emily seemed to be having a giggle fight. Allison found this amusing since she had never actually seen Greg giggle before. The two couldn't grasp the fact that she was mad at them. She had tried so hard to appear the perfect guardian of her mother's grandchild, then said grandchild had scared Sylvie half to death with a rat. She wasn't particularly happy with Greg either. She had brought him along on the condition that he behave the very best he could- and he had done extremely well; no sarcastic remarks, no physical damage was done.

"How can you be laughing?"

"Allison- I think the real question is how can you not be laughing? Jamie had fun, too"

"Greg- the point of that was to make a good impression. My mom hates rats, and now she probably hates me too"

"She's your mother. She isn't allowed to hate you"

"My mom is like you- she doesn't care for rules"

"Hey! Don't compare me to her. That's like me comparing you to Stacy"

"How is comparing you to my mom like comparing me to Stacy?"

"Well, you apparently don't like your mother, and I don't like Stacy"

"I hate Stacy. Never put my name and hers in the same sentence. No- never put our names in the same paragraph. Or better yet, the same conver-"

"Calm down. You're scaring me. Don't worry- everything is going to be okay… at least for awhile. Right Emily?" The girl nodded. "Right Jamie?" the rat nodded.

A/N: I feel terrible! Such a long time for this update, and I wont be updating until around Christmas because of the whole school thing. The only reason I look forward to that season is because it is also House season lol. Anyways, please review. (If you have any suggestions for future 'adventures', please let me know- I'm running out of ideas!)