This is actually MY story, as my mental problems started with anorexia and depression back in 2008 when I was 14. Note that my anorexia was not as bad as Kagome's – my BMI has never been as low as her's is in this.

My schizophrenia started in 2010. Nowadays I have got over my anorexia and depression, but as I'm now writing this (December 2018), I am hospitalized because of my schizophrenia.

Chapter 39 – Trapped in the World of Food

'Should I tell him...?' Kagome asked herself in her head. She had been thinking about this since yesterday when Inuyasha had showed affection towards her in one or the another way. She was thinking should she tell him her story, her way from normal junior high to here. To a nuthouse.

'I will!' she decided.

First, she had to find Inuyasha. The ward was big, and unlike Inuyasha or Koga, and her sense of smell didn't help at all - she simply couldn't find him!

Suddenly she bumped in Miroku on the corridor. Now Kagome had an idea!

"Hiya, Miroku", Kagome greeted.

"Hello, Kagome", the man smiled. But Kagome didn't smile. She was a bit nervous about what would happen after she finds Inuyasha.

"Is something wrong?" Miroku asked, tilting his head.

"Maybe not wrong but... I can't find Inuyasha anywhere. Do you know where he is?"

"Oh sure. He's in our room. Maybe sleeping."

"Thank you!" Kagome bowed and got on her way.

Room 1088. This didn't mean there are over one thousand rooms in here, it was just a number.

Kagome knocked the door. No answer. She knocked again and after the silent moment, opened the door.

The room was dark – lights were out and the blinds and curtains were shut. Kagome could clearly see Inuyasha curled up under his blanket on his bed – but he woke up instantly and shot up sitting.

"Hi..." Kagome said quietly. "May I... sit down?" she asked and pet the bed. Inuyasha didn't answer, and so Kagome sat down. Nothing happened. And so Kagome cleared her throat and asked:

"I was thinking... Would you like to hear my story, the reason why I am here? I wouldn't mind, actually I... I would be happy."

Inuyasha stared at her with his glowing eyes.

"Is that a yes?"

Inuyasha twitched his ears. Kagome smiled a little, and started her story.

Kagome was a very normal weight, little child. She had no problems in daycare or preschool, she wasn't bullied or spured. She was one of them. Everyone wanted to play with her, she was simply happy in all ways.

But when her school began, she started gaining weight. She never became really 'fat', but maybe chubby. Her bullying started on third grade. Her school books were ripped apart, her outdoor clothes and shoes were thrown around, she was always the last one picked in teams or groups.

She coped with this for all those years, until when she started junior high. She was devastated from the inside, and knew she had to change.

So she started exercising. And eating less. This started in spring, and she rode her bike for at least five hours every single day all through the summer brake. Her eating got worse. First she did eat like a healthy weight-loser should, but finally she ate less than 400 calories a day – she became a master of calorie counting. She never ate anything she didn't know the nutritional value of. She knew exactly what went in her mouth. Two dl glass of skimmed milk – 66 calories. One 150g pot of yoghurt – 107 calories. One banana – 88 calories. Counting them was compulsive – she couldn't stop it.

There was only one thing in her world – food. There was only one thing in her world she wasn't allowed to have - food.

Her family had become very worried. They knew this all was because of the bullying at school. So they had an idea – change the school!

Kagome had dropped a lot of weight. She was now very slender and excited about the new school. Now she could be a new Kagome – skinny and beautiful, just like everyone else!

But things didn't go that easy. Kagome wasn't accepted in the school. Nobody talked to her. If she tried to join a group of girls from her class in the recess, they just stopped talking to each other and walked away. If she sat down next to others in the school canteen, they got up and left the table, leaving Kagome all alone.

That's when she realized it – no matter how skinny or fat she was, she would never be accepted. She is an ugly outcast, who nobody wants to befriend. She is never enough. No matter what she does, no matter how she looks like.

Weight loss started getting worse. She didn't binge, but threw up all the little food she ate as often as possible. But she was getting so weak she couldn't really excercise anymore. Then she started cutting her left arm, as she was right-handed. And not just small cuts – so deep that her mom had to take her to the doctor to get them stitched.

As her family couldn't bare this anymore, they took Kagome to the hospital. The doctors examined her – she was dying. Without help, she would be dead in a few months. And so they took her into an internal medicine ward and put her on a feeding tube. She was very weak – her BMI was only 14. She was so bony and cold her mother's heart broke when she saw her.

Kagome spent three weeks in the hospital. Her weight and rised three kilos and now she was ready to be put on a youth psych ward. She spent some time in there. Things weren't working out – Kagome's weight didn't rise, and she always found something to cut herself with, and got caught vomiting always when not being monitored. Sometimes she agitated and attacked the nurses.

After being in that ward for one year, the nurses and doctors of the ward were positive that Kagome needs more intensive care than what this ward could give. The only option was ward K10-3 in the hospital of Kuroshima.

And so Kagome was sent there two days later by an ambulance. And here she was.

Kagome finished her story and quieted down. Inuyasha had been staring at her all through the story. Kagome sighed. These memories weren't easy for her.

They heard a bell ring – dinner time! Inuyasha got up from his bed, but Kagome sat still. Inuyasha turned his ears back and grabbed the girl, dragging her with him towards the dining hall. The line was short as most of the people were already sitting at the tables, eating. Inuyasha made him a pretty big portion on a tray and walked away with it. He took one table in the farthest corner, that was still empty, sat down and started eating. But then he turned his eyes towards the line – Kagome was having some problems forming her meal. Inuyasha got up and marched to her. He pushed the girl out of his way and started forming the girl a meal. Not as big as his, but something she should be able to eat. He grabbed the tray and carried it to the table where he sat.

Kagome didn't move, so Inuyasha again marched to her, grabbed her hand and dragged with him. He pushed the girl down on the chair and stared at her with a demanding face.

"Eat", he said vigorously. Kagome did nothing, just looked at her plate of food. For a while they just sat, side by side, all quiet, until...

"EAT!" the boy shouted. Now everyone in the hall could hear Inuyasha's voice – most heard it for the first time ever. They stared at Inuyasha their eyes wide.

As the time went by, there was nobody else in the dining hall except for Inuyasha and Kagome. Inuyasha had eaten everything, and sat beside Kagome with a murdering gaze in his eyes. He wasn't really angry, maybe just a bit bored with this. Why wouldn't the goddamn girl just eat? Finally he took her fork, stabbed it into the food and tried to feed the girl.

"Please, Inuyasha, let me go..." the girl pleaded quietly.

That's it! Inuyasha coudn't take it anymore. He grabbed the plate and threw it away so that when it hit the wall, all the food was scattered around the floor, and the plate had shattered in pieces. Inuyasha dashed away, leaving the horrified girl alone. But the nurses had heard the slam, and hurried to the dining hall. They saw the mess and the almost crying girl sitting in the farthest table of the hall.

"Dear child!" shouted Kaede, who ran to her patient and took her in her arms. "What happened in here?"

"Well uh... I... I didn't want to eat and Inuyasha tried to force me... And when I still didn't, he threw the plate and..."

"Don't worry, child. Ye know Inuyasha is very impulsive. I'm sure he only wishes ye to eat and get better."

Kagome nodded.

"I can go talk to him", Kaede said.

And so the old lady got on her way to the place where she believed Inuyasha was – his room. And there he was, sitting on his bed, gnawing his chewing toy he had once received from his father. It was very therapeutic for him. When he saw Kaede come, he threw the toy away and stared at the lady right in her eyes.

"Look, son, I know ye only want the best for Kagome", she sighed and sat on his bed, next to him. "But ye really starteled her. This is not okay. Ye must learn new ways to show yer feelings."

Inuyasha snorted, then started growling. As amazing as it was, Kaede wasn't scared.

"Stop growling right now, son!" she snapped and placed her finger in front Inuyasha's face, wiggling it. Inuyasha did stop growling, but turned his ears back and backed up against the wall. Kaede sighed.

"Look, I know ye don't do it on purpose... Ye'd be surprised if you knew how much we nurses would love to save you from the void you live in..." She moved on the bed closer to the boy and placed her hand on his shoulder. She tried to smile, but seeing those hating, glowing, red eyes of the boy, it was very hard. She pet and stroke him. Maybe that was the best she could do for him now.

Now that you have read the chapter, I can tell you some facts.

Like Kagome, my eating problems started in spring, and I had dropped 30 kg by Christmas. And like Kagome, I was transferred to a different school in hopes of the bullying to stop. But I was treated just like her in there. I have never been in feeding tubes because of anorexic reasons (only because of 'I'm-gonna-be-poisoned'-delusions which led me to stop eating). I was put on youth psych ward many times, but unlike Kagome, I started gaining my weight back to a normal level, and nowadays I eat normally – I am actually a bit overweight... But I still count my daily calories compulsevily – I can't stop. It's okay, as long as I eat.

Anorexia is one of the most horrible and dangerous disease there is. Some little teen girls on chat forums are asking "how to get anorexia" just to become thin. Eating disorders are life-threatening illnesses, not a way to beauty. Please believe me. If you Really have a reason to lose weight, do it the healthy way. Never stop eating!

That's it.