A/n: Chapter 5! Please read and review? Arigato gozaimasu!"
Thank yous:
Aikoo – Thanks for reviewing. Well, technically Athrun is with Lacus, but Lacus is actually with Kira and Athrun will eventually be with Cagalli…: D Oh, and about that passionate scene? It'll likely come at a slightly later chapter…
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed or Destiny.
Chapter 5 – What It Means To Dream
"What is it that you really want? To dream? To go back in time? It's foolish, isn't it?"
Athrun Zala stood on the porch of the rented house with his eyes closed, thinking. He knew what he'd told Cagalli this afternoon had shocked her, and her avoiding him since their return from the doctor confirmed as much.
"Why'd I have to tell her I loved her anyway?"
"Because you do, idiot." a voice in his head answered.
"It's just so hard…she's so hard to reach…"
He sighed and turned to go back inside…and found himself face to face with his own 'fiancée', Lacus Clyne.
"Lacus." he whispered.
She smiled. "Athrun."
"You're up late."
"I wanted to speak with you."
"Oh. About what?"
"Everything."
"You mean about Kira and Cagalli."
"Yes."
"What is there left to say, Lacus? We both know where our fortunes lie."
"True…"
Athrun leaned against the wooden banister and stared out at the darkness. "...What are we, Lacus?" he asked, completely discrediting his previous statement.
Lacus looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"
"I mean what are we?"
"We are friends." she replied.
"Are we?"
She nodded.
"Thank you for that. But…what am I supposed to do…? Cagalli is…" he trailed off.
"Just follow your heart, Athrun. That's the best thing."
"Lacus, my father -"
"Your father does not own your life. You have the right – no, duty to do what you think is right for you. You're the only one who can do that."
He smiled softly. "Like you followed your heart…all the way back to Kira."
"What did you expect? I love him."
He turned away from her then. "I used to know what that felt like…to be so dedicated to someone…to love someone that much…but they let you down…" he said in a barely audible whisper.
Lacus heard him though. "You still do. Despite everything, I know you still love her, Athrun."
"That's just it. I don't understand why I still do…"
"Sometimes you just can't apply reason to things like that."
"I guess…"
"Listen, I want you to think about what you really want for yourself. Don't think about what your father wants, because I don't want that future and I know you don't either. When the time comes, Athrun, you'll need to fight for what you feel – she will not return to you without a fight."
As she started to walk away, Athrun asked quietly, "Was I only ever a friend to you, Lacus?"
The question surprised her, but she did not hesitate when she replied, "There was a time, a long, long time ago when I would've hesitated and told you I wasn't sure, but that time has long since passed. You are, and you always have been a very good friend to me."
"You really do love him, don't you." It was a statement she agreed with completely.
"Yes. He means everything to me, and my future belongs with him. I want it to."
He smiled. "It feels great, doesn't it? Having him back?"
She nodded. "I feel like I don't have to pretend anymore; and making decisions seem to become so much easier somehow…"
"He's come a long way, hasn't he?" Athrun remarked.
Lacus agreed. "The person he is now is a far cry from the shy, blushing boy I met that day…"
Athrun nodded. "He was so nervous, and he was so worried he'd do the wrong thing…but everything went well in the end."
She grinned. "He made quite an impression on me."
He remembered the event very well, and the memory elicited a laugh from the normally serious Athrun. "Yeah. He was so flustered, and he was blushing so hard I thought he'd spontaneously combust!"
She laughed as well. "Yes, but I was blushing, too, so I'm not one to talk. Besides, you were the same way when you met Cagalli."
"I suppose…But I realized something."
"What?"
"I'm jealous…of Kira."
"…Why would…?"
"Because he has you. He has your love; he always has, and he knows it. I'd give anything to have that kind of assurance again…"
"She loves you, Athrun. You don't need to question that."
"If that's true, why would she tell me she didn't?"
"She has a good reason."
"What reason is that?"
"You should be asking her that question, not me."
"She told me it was because of her father's company."
Lacus frowned, shrugged, and said quietly, "If you believe that, you don't deserve her."
And she was gone.
SCENE CHANGE
Lacus walked into the room she shared with Kira, sat down on the edge of the bed, and watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful… Reaching out, she brushed a stray lock of hair away from his eyes and gently ran her hand along the side of his face, whispering, "If I told you I hated you, would you stop loving me?"
She didn't really expect an answer, so it came as a surprise when Kira opened his eyes and replied, "No, I wouldn't stop. It's not something that can be helped…I couldn't stop, not even if I wanted to."
She smiled. "Thank you."
He sat up and pulled her close. "Where were you?"
"On the porch. With Athrun."
He frowned, his jealous side once again rearing its ugly head. "What were you doing out there with him?"
"We talked."
"About what?"
"Cagalli…you."
"Me? What about?"
"He told me he was jealous of you…because you are assured of my feelings for you, and he isn't about Cagalli's for him."
"So it's true. He is still in love with her."
"Yes. He said as much this afternoon, remember?"
Kira nodded, and then, straying a little from the topic, he said, "I wasn't always sure…"
"Hmmm?"
"I wasn't always sure…of your feelings for me."
Lacus looked up at him, a surprised look in her eyes. "You weren't?"
"…No. To be honest, I used to really envy Athrun."
"Why?"
"Because he was so close to you."
"That's silly."
"It sounds stupid now, but back then…I mean, Athrun was king at our school, and I was the new kid. The new kid who had a crush on the prom queen…"
"The prom queen who had a crush on you." she said softly.
"I didn't know that."
"Do you know what I thought the first time I saw you?"
"No, what?"
"I thought you were like the first breath of spring…refreshing, peaceful…"
He laid his cheek against her soft pink hair and said, very softly, "I thought you looked like an angel."
"I'm glad you're back…I don't know how many times I've told you that, but I am."
"I know, angel. I know."
SCENE CHANGE
Athrun was lying on his back in the darkness of his room, staring at the ceiling. He still didn't know what he was supposed to do about a lot of other things, but he believed Lacus when she told him it was his choice. He'd let his father decide for him long enough; it was time he took control of his life again.
"You need to lighten up, Athrun. You're so stiff! You should live more! Go out, enjoy. I mean, we aren't going to be young forever, you know?" Cagalli's words. She was so different from him, so…carefree. She didn't really think too much about what other people thought of her, and that was one of the many things he found so attractive about her.
Unfortunately, that beautiful, carefree girl he'd once known didn't seem to exist anymore. Cagalli had changed, and she… "She loves you, Athrun. You don't need to question that."
"Lacus…" he muttered, remembering the last words she'd left him with to ponder that night. "If you believe that, you don't deserve her."
"Maybe…maybe I don't deserve her…" he said quietly, and with that last, painful thought, Athrun drifted off into a shallow, nightmare-filled sleep.
SCENE CHANGE
In another room, Cagalli Yula Attha tossed and turned, but she just couldn't sleep. Athrun's words kept echoing in her mind, and her resistance was weakening. She knew she had to keep the truth from him to protect him, but her feelings for him made her want to tell him everything and let him hold her again…
"I love you, Cagalli." Such simple words…
"Why, Athrun? Why do you still love me…? After all I've said to you…Why?" she asked the empty room, fresh tears escaping from her closed eyes and making their way down the side of her face.
"I still love him, too…"
a/n: Oki, chapter 5 done! Hope you guys like it…R&R, please? Thank you!
