Chapter 3

I wish the fridge…

I don't know how long it had been, but I was past the stage of mourning that consisted of pouring my heart our through my eyes and drowning myself. I felt different. A weird not really a good different.

I was sitting on my bed with my stereo on playing in the background. It was 12:30 in the morning. I could feel my eyes watering when I yawned. I was tired, but I didn't want to sleep. Sleep meant dreaming. I was tired of dreaming. It was always about the same thing, or person rather.

I felt like something was missing. Not every second. But it was mostly at night when I was reminded I was missing something. I was so bored, and I hated to admit it, but I was lonely. I had reduced myself to listening to Hilary Duff. That song Someone's Watching Over Me.

It really was a good song. I just didn't like the person who was singing it.

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

What was so funny was that it wasn't that fact that I had previously lost my best friend in the world. I had actually felt this emptiness before. It just liked to rear is ugly head more often now.

These days I found myself in a stupor. I would stare at the ceiling, and when I was bored with that I would go to the kitchen looking for food. And when I didn't find anything worth eating I would go back to staring at the ceiling.

It seemed each time I made a trip to the kitchen there was still nothing. I was beginning to think maybe the next time I went down there still would be nothing to eat. But still I persisted, there had to be food sometime.

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Whenever I went to the kitchen I made sure no one was in there. I didn't feel like being near anyone anymore. It was an alienating feeling, it was uncomfortable to be around my family for the first time in my life. I didn't want to comforted, I just wanted to be alone with my feelings and thoughts.

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my-

Suddenly this song sucked. I didn't want some uplifting, happy, go on with your life shitty song. They made sad songs for a reason.

Getting up I wasted no time in switching the song on my mixed c.d. I yet again pushed repeat so the song could burn itself into my mind. I had listened to that other song so many times that when it played the words would pass through my ears.

After a couple of seconds the song began playing filling my ears. Finally some worthy music.

Hey Miss Murder, can I
Hey Miss Murder, can I
Make beauty stay if I
take my life?

I loved this song. I didn't really get it at the moment. But then again I didn't really feel like pondering a song. It was still a good song nonetheless.

With just a look they shook
And heavens bowed before him
Simply a look can break your heart
The stars that pierce the sky,
He left them all behind
We're left to wonder why
He left us all behind

My eyes wandered over to my analogue bangle watch. It took me a few seconds to read it. I never liked digital clocks. There were totally unreliable in a power outage. The clock now read 1:01 AM. A person could really waste their life away listening to songs.

I took a deep breathe letting out some tension. My eyes felt heavy. My back hurt from the sitting position I was in. But I stubbornly refused to move from my place even though I was in discomfort. And I could no feel a headache coming on.

Maybe I was a masochist? Then again I freaked out when I cut myself with a butter knife. Or perhaps I was crazy. That would be a more logical explanation.

This is all in my head. For all I know I could not be real. I could be a figment of my own imagination. Even my thoughts may not be real…

Hey Miss Murder, can I
Hey Miss Murder, can I
Make beauty stay if I
take my life?

I was so hungry I could eat a Hippogriff. Or maybe a 1 ½ foot long Genoa Salami and Provolone cheese sandwich. Somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice kept saying something along the lines of, 'Food is not Love.'

Didn't matter there was nothing good to eat anything.

Dreams of his crash won't pass
Oh, how they all adored him
Beauty will last when spiraled down
The stars that mystified,
he left them all behind
and how his children cried
He left us all behind

Maybe I was crazy for just thinking that. I guess I realize people really do weird crap when they're crazy. At least I'm not all that bad…yet.

School was starting in 2 days; Monday. I wasn't nervous, I wasn't excited. I felt numb to the whole idea. I didn't really want to be around people. Now I sound like some anti-social psycho. Great.

Hey Miss Murder, can I
Hey Miss Murder, can I
Make beauty stay if I
take my life?

Maybe school was a blessing in disguise.

I snorted shortly after. Almost choking at it's ferocity. Hmmm I guess I was growing more sarcastic as the days went. Interesting.

At least school would be a good distraction. It would get me out of this bed and doing something. Besides, I hadn't stretched my mind in ages. Or read for that matter. How I loved to read.

Unfortunately I was a horrible speaker. Well not that bad, but I wasn't really all that great. I took to reading Harry Potter to Shippo a few years back and first recognized it. I could't say 2 sentences without messing up some of the words. In the end I would get pissed I couldn't say it, and would yell the word or words out, finally getting them right.

What's the hook, the twist within this verbose mystery?
I would gladly bet my life upon it
that the ghost you love, your ray of light will fizzle out
without hope

I sighed. I missed the old days. The good ol' days.

Why the hell did life always have to get so complicated. Couldn't it just get simple and stay that way? My back ached. I couldn't stand it.

Almost screaming in frustration, I got up. I walked over to my dresser to put some close on, as I was only in my under garments. I pulled on a random t-shirt and a black sweater over it with some worn jeans.

It was nearing fall and getting chilly. Just the way I liked it.

I grabbed my cell phone, just in case. Upon looking at its digital face clock it was now 4:13 AM. Geez it shouldn't talk that long to think such little thoughts. I slipped it into the back pocket of my jeans.

I walked into the kitchen sitting down on one of the chairs and pulled my converse on. After I tied them I got up to search for a flashlight. It was nearing dawn, but still dark.

We're the empty set just floating through, wrapped in skin,
ever searching for what we were promised...
Reaching for that golden ring we'd never let go...
Who would ever let us put their filthy hands upon it?

I could still hear the music playing from my room as I finally spotted the evil hiding flashlight. I picked it up and clicked the little yellow button to make sure it would still work. Satisfied with the glow that emitted from it, I grabbed my set of keys of the hook in the kitchen and set of for the front door.

The air was still a little chilly from it recently being night. I turned the flashlight on again and shinned it in the direction I was going.

It felt good to finally be out of the house. Alone and out of the house. I don't think I could stand another minutes of it. I almost, almost wanted to start smoking, but then I remembered I was allergic, and there were fowl.

I guess I'm a ditz. Okay no I take that back, I am not a ditz. Just when a person it walking at 4 something in the morning, having not slept, and being immersed in their thoughts, they tend not to pay attention to where they were walking. Or more importantly who they were walking into.

At first I thought I saw Inuyasha. But within a second I banished that thought from my head. He was dead.

Hey Miss Murder, can I
Hey Miss Murder, can I
Make beauty stay if I
take my life?

I suddenly recognized him. He was the guy that from that day at Inuyasha's funeral. He still smelled of smoke. It was so fowl I wanted to throw up. Sick bastard. What the hell kind of person walks around at 4 something in the morning? Psycho.

I didn't bother talking to him. I just brushed past. I didn't even bother an apology. Maybe I was embarrassed from not watching where I was going. Or maybe I didn't feel he deserved an apology.

Again I found myself too caught up in the workings of my mind to notice the foot steps following behind me. Was I out of it this morning or something? Oh yeah, that's right I haven't slept in over 24 hours. That'd about do it.

I stopped walking immediately when I felt something press up into my back. Something that felt oddly like a gun.

Hey Miss Murder, can I
Hey Miss Murder, can I
Make beauty stay if I
take my life?

A/N:

Chapter there is upon you. Scary…yes it is. Be afraid, be very afraid. Review, be sure to review.

Iamaninjaturtle