Author's Note: Written for monoshiri's birthday.
Kidoumaru tilted his head sideways and squinted. "You know... I don't think pink is your color. Clashes too much with your hair."
Jiroubou stared at the spider-nin for several seconds, then down at himself. "... why are we doing this again?"
Sakon spat out the pins he was using to shorten his elder brother's straps before answering, "Orochimaru-sama's contact is meeting us at a cross-dressing bar. We need to evade notice as much as possible."
"Kidoumaru's right, though; pink doesn't suit you at all. Told you you should have gone for the green taffeta." Ukon offered his opinion with a completely straight face that lasted approximately five seconds before he degenerated into badly suppressed snickering. Sakon soon joined him, and Jiroubou abruptly found himself in the disturbing position of watching two of his (male) comrades laugh like loons, while looking... well, like girls. Makeup no different than usual, but somehow the matching red skirts and blouses made the face paint more feminine than it would have been otherwise. They, unlike himself and Kidoumaru (who was currently attempting to braid his hair and doing a rotten job of it), could actually pull the look off, but their deep voices made the image extremely... odd.
Then Jiroubou remembered he was being laughed at, and scowled. "Shut up. Like you two can talk. At least I don't actually look like a girl."
The twins abruptly stopped laughing, and scowled back. Their looks had always been a sore spot for them.
Some nasty words might have been said (which wouldn't have been much different from usual, except it probably wasn't smart for them to get all riled at each other before a mission), except Kidoumaru, with his customary obliviousness-that-wasn't cut through the tension with a musing, "You know, this braiding thing is a hell of a lot harder than it looks. Think Kimimaro will help me if I asked nicely?"
"No," was said simultaneously by three different voices, and suddenly it was back to them being four guys in dresses and not a fight waiting to happen, and then all of them were laughing.
Kidoumaru got over it first, but was still gasping from lack of air when he asked, "I don't get this makeup thing either. Come do my mascara, will you, Sak-"
"Jesus, I've never seen such a big crop of fags congregate in one place before. What, is it mating season or something?"
Sakon rolled his eyes as he turned towards the door. "You'll be seeing a lot more drag queens where we're going, Ta..." he trailed off as he caught sight of his sole female teammate, and belatedly finished what he was going to say, "...yuya. Holy crap."
The unabashed awe in the younger twin's voice made the three other male members of the Sound Four turn to look as well. Kidoumaru's eyes widened. Ukon's mouth dropped open. Jiroubou gaped as well, but unlike the others, made a valiant effort to collect himself. "Dressing like that can't be lady-like."
Tayuya rolled her eyes. "That's kind of the point, fatass. We're going to a cross-dressing bar, after all."
Despite the many jokes that were made about Tayuya and her lack of femininity, even wearing a three-piece suit and fedora with her hair tucked in under the brim, there was no way in hell she could ever pass for a guy. The look she instead pulled off was, well...
"Son of a bitch, you're hot," Kidoumaru said, verbalizing the sentiments of pretty much the entire room. Then the spider-nin grinned, and sidled up to stand beside his red-haired, sharp-tongued teammate. "Care to show a girl a good time, handsome?"
Still scowling in Sakon's general direction, Tayuya absentmindedly sucker-punched Kidoumaru without looking. The dark-skinned Sound-nin doubled over immediately, wheezing, "I guess that's a no."
After getting over his own astonishment, Sakon did as previously requested and helped Kidoumaru (who was still massaging his stomach) with his mascara. Then, all of them finally dressed, painted, and otherwise prepared, they filed out of the room, Jiroubou sending Tayuya a puzzled, angry look as he did so, though it was mostly because of the contradicting messages his hormones and his brain were sending him (God she's pretty in that suit and That's not right, respectively) instead of because what the red-head was wearing.
Kidoumaru exited last, passing Tayuya as he did so. Before he made it out the door, Tayuya grabbed him by his (poorly braided) ponytail and pulled him to a stop. The spider-nin looked at his female comrade inquisitively. "Yeah? What is it?"
"Yes."
Kidoumaru blinked. "Huh?"
By then the other members of the Sound Four were out of hearing range, so Tayuya didn't bother to whisper her next words. "Come to my room after the mission."
As understanding dawned, Kidoumaru felt a wide grin spread across his face. He watched Tayuya saunter (alright, so she didn't really saunter, but Kidoumaru thanked God for whoever made those pants) down the hall. At the end of it she stopped, and turned. "One more thing."
"Yeah?"
"Bring the dress with you."
END
