Disclaimer: I don't own much o' anythin' in this story. Me dad owns a lot o' the crazy ideas (although most of them come from me own little head), me evil twin Friday owns Katie (who is now a major character), me brother owns Tom, me cat owns Lyn an' Gypsy, an' the Disney people own jes' abou' everthan' else. Savvy?


A/N (5/20/04): We were watchin' Edward Scissorhands in English. Fun fun. School's out! It's summer! Yay! It still hasn't quite sunk in, though. Maybe it will tomorrow, while I'm workin' on preparin' for me birthday party. I'm havin' me sweet sixteen party on the 22nd. Which is Saturday, not Sunday. Stupid ff.net people. Anyhoo, Friday, I hope ye like this. Yer loverly surprise is in it. Happy birthday again! This is me birthday present to ye. Nice, long chapter, too. I should invite ye to me birthday party. It'd be nice to meet ye in person. Oh, by the way, the sparkler candle incident really happened. Needless to say, I was not happy. So I tol' me parents they'd better give me regular candles on me 17th birthday. An' the business with the wish upon the star really happened at one point, too. Oh, an' this chapter reveals whether their adventures really happened, in case yer still wonderin'.


It all started with a wish. Not just any wish, though; no, this was a special wish. A double-wish, and on a Friday the 13th, no less. This was the wish: Right before she blew out all 17 candles on her birthday cake (unlike on her 16th birthday, when the candles had been sparklers that kept relighting; but this year she'd specifically requested normal candles), Lyndsay Astra wished that Captain Jack Sparrow would come kidnap her. Then, that evening, as the sky began to darken, Lyn saw a single star. "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, be kidnapped by the Black Pearl tonight." That night she went to sleep in her pirate costume, with a bag containing her other pirate costumes slung over her shoulder. The one she wore consisted of a tie-dyed blue, green, yellow and purple beach sarong, a blue leafy-looking silk shirt, and a blue bandana wrapped around her head. Her sword was attached to her side, her dagger to her other side, and she was smiling and hugging a hat to her chest. Not just any hat, though; this was a special, tricorner, Captain Jack Sparrow hat—the hat that belonged to the real Captain Jack Sparrow.

That night, she was rudely awakened by rough hands dragging her out of bed. Or, rather, but rough hands dragging her out of a boat, but she though it was her bed because she hadn't been awake for the being dragged out of bed part. She reacted instinctively, twisting out of their grip and trying to kick her captors in very tender places of their anatomy. At which endeavor, being successful, they dropped her onto the hard deck of a ship with several strong curses. "Ow!" she exclaimed, then began cursing in several different languages, half of them made up, to rival the men. She'd always been rather interested in learning curses—and their meanings. She gave quite vivid and imaginative descriptions of the men and their relatives back several generations—none of them complimentary. Considering that her wish was coming true, her reaction was not the most wise. She was definitely off to a bad start.

One of the captors turned to the other and said, in a very familiar voice, "I don't know the meanings of half those words!"

The other replied in a voice even more familiar, because Lyn imitated it herself on occasion, "Yer right, mate. Neither do I."

Only then did Lyn realize who her attackers were: two pirates bearing a close resemblance to Will Turner and Jack Sparrow. "Oops. Sorry. Didn't realize who you were, Mr. Turner and Mr. Sparrow." She acted nonchalant, as if being dragged out of bed by nonexistent pirates was a regular occurrence.

"I warned you." That was a female pirate, standing off to the side, dressed quite a bit like Jack Sparrow and wearing a great big gold hoop through each ear.

"Killjoy," Sparrow muttered. "Don't know what you see in 'er, Trey."

"She did warn us."

"Only so she could say, 'I told you so,' I'm sure."

"I think we deserved it."

"No we didn't."

Slap! Lyn was back on her feet, and taking full advantage of the fact that she could hit these pirates without fear of, say, getting a referral. In fact, she need never fear getting a referral again—that day had been her last day of school, and she would graduate on Sunday.

"I suppose you didn't deserve that, either," the one called Trey said, so much like Will Turner that Lyn experienced a feeling of déjà vu.

"Of course not."

Slap!

"She acts like Mum does around Dad," Sparrow observed as he rubbed his cheek where Lyn had slapped him.

"I wonder why?" Killjoy remarked.

"Oh, before I forger, 'ere's yer dad's hat. I stole it from 'im a while ago." She had bit clutching the hat tightly the entire time, and no she presented it to Sparrow as if it were a crown.

"I've never seen this, an' you can't be older than I am."

She looked around, and realized that she was aboard a ship. Not just any ship; this was the Black Pearl. She'd slept through being carried out of her room, onto a boat, and then onto the ship. Not surprising, considering she'd once slept through a battle between two pirate ships. "Where's Captain Jack Sparrow?"

"Right here, love."

"But you're his son," Lyn mumbled. She was really low on sleep. That was what she got for getting up at six o' clock every morning to go to school.

"I'm Jack Sparrow, Junior, temporary captain of this ship while we search for my father."

"Oh. What happened?"

What happened was another totally improbably occurrence that led to the events in this story. If Jack and Will hadn't decided to go sailing into the Bermuda Triangle on Will's ship the Windrunner, none of this would have happened. It still could have been prevented if Junior and the crew hadn't decided to go in after them when they didn't return. And then Katie—

"Katie?" Lyn interrupted, looking around wildly until her gaze settled on the one called "Killjoy." "Katie! I know you! You're my evil twin!"

Ahem. Katie recognized her home, and Lyn's home, and insisted that they kidnap Lyn.

"So—"

"Duck!" Killjoy Kate shouted, and they all obeyed instantly. Except Lyn. Who therefore got hit in the head with a UFO—an Ultrasonic Flying Orange. "Ow." Lyn decided that maybe if she shut her eyes this nightmare would go away. Nightmare, because Jack Senior was married, and Jack Junior and herself hadn't his it off very well. And she'd just been hit in the head with a flying orange. So she rested her head on a conveniently placed pillow—

"MREOW!"

"Sorry!"

"Awake yet, Lyn?" Katie asked.

"Aye." Lyn jumped up and balanced easily on the ship's railing, despite the rocking of the ship. The orange came back for another run, and knocked Lyn into the water. She came up spluttering. They threw her a rope and dragged her back aboard the ship.

As she got to her feet, dripping wet, she spluttered indignantly, "I got bit by a fish!"

"Fish don't bite," Katie told her.

"Yes they do! Look at that!" She held out her finger—her pointer finger—which was bleeding from a small puncture. "Besides, if fish didn't bite, how would anyone every catch them?"

"Uh-oh," Katie muttered. "Lyn, do you remember out conversation about the blue monkeys?"

"The ones eating green cheese on the moon?"

"Look over there."

Over there were seven blue banana monkeys eating green cheese on a moon. The moon sort of floated through the air.

"Katie?"

"Yes?"

"Why do I get the feeling that things are about to take a tumble downhill?"

"Do I know you?" That was Anamaria, who had just noticed Lyndsay.

"Aye. Lightning Lyn Astra."

"But that was twenty years ago! You haven't aged a day."

"True. I've aged four hundred days. Say, is that the Dauntless behind us?"

It was.

"Why's the Dauntless pursuin' us? Other than the obvious reason that we're pirates."

"Oh, Beth stowed away on the Windrunner an' Norrington thought she'd been kidnapped."

"Beth?"

"My sister Elizabeth."

"Ah. You people don' 'ave much imagination, do ye? Or a' least, yer parents didn't. What's yer name, by the way?"

"Bootstrap Bill Turner the Third. Most people call me Trey. My fiancé tells me you knew my father."

"Fiancé?"

"Katie."

"Ah. I knew 'im. Probably one of the few who knew 'im as William Turner. Everyone else just called 'im Bootstrap, or Bootstrap Bill. Good man. Good pirate. I swear, you look just like 'im."

Trey looked at Katie, who shrugged. "I warned you."

"Oh, by the way, congratulations, Katie. When's the wedding?"

"After we rescue Jack."

"Good idea. He'd be rather put out if he missed it."

Junior laughed. "Mum always says she suspects the only reason Dad showed up to 'is own wedding was so 'e could drink the rum!"

Meanwhile, the Dauntless and an unspecified number of ships were drawing closer.

"Hoist sail!" Anamaria ordered, returning to the helm. "Make for the Red Sun!"

"Red Sun?" Lyn asked. That was the name she'd given to the fastest ship she'd built for her Senior/Science Project.

"Stormwind's ship," Katie explained. "Oh, you don't know about him, do ye? He's an ol' friend o' Jack Sparrow. His daughter, Samantha, is married to Captain Carter. We think the Captain was stationed at Port Royal, so he'd be aboard one o' those ships."

Lyn ran to the side of the ship and began waving her arms. "Help! Help! I've been kidnapped by pirates!"

"What are you doing?" That was Junior, who seemed to be—scratch that thought; best not to tempt fate.

"Givin' ye an 'ostage in case we can't get away fast enough."

"Oh."

Luckily, they managed to reach the Red Sun before the Dauntless reached them. "An' what good 'as this done us?" Lyn asked.

"Look over there."

This time the object of interest was a waterspout, which was between the pirate ships and the navy ships. "More randomness?"

"No, actually. Captain Sam Stormwind."

The storm began to grow. "Take cover!"

"Stay on deck, you scabrous dogs! We'll outrun 'em in the storm!"

Big, fat raindrops attacked the ship—literally attacked; several seemed intent upon tearing holes in the sails. "It's raining cats and dogs!" Katie observed.

Something wet and slimy splattered on Lyn's arm. She peeled it off and examined it. "Actually, it's raining frogs."

"Frogs. It's raining frogs." That was Anamaria.

"And fish. Gypsy seems to like the fish." She pointed at her sopping-wet cat, who was cheerfully leaping after the falling fish.

"It's raining fish and frogs," Anamaria said in that same resigned tone.

"Aye."

"This is all Jack's fault."

"How so?"

"He was the one who discovered Bootstrap might still be alive somewhere in this mess."

"Maybe he's a ghost," Lyn whispered. "Maybe there are other ghosts."

"Lyn?" Trey said tentatively. "Look behind you."

"Aaaaaaa!"

"Bright Havens!" exclaimed the pearly-white figure who was the cause of Lyn's terrified scream. Although, considering he was aboard the Black Pearl, it would have been more appropriate if he were pearly-black. "You look as if you'd seen a ghost!"

Wait a minute. "Vanyel? But—but—you don't exist!"

"Neither does Jack, Will, or this ship," Katie remarked.

"But what about Yfandes? What about…." A dreamy look came over Lyn's face. "Tylendel."

"Luckily they're just ghosts," Katie muttered, glaring at the three of them until they decided they had pressing business in the Forest of Sorrows.

"Spoilsport," Lyn accused.

"Killjoy," Katie said, in the same tome of voice as Jack used when he said, "Pirate."

Trey was staring toward the spot recently occupied by the ghosts in disbelieve. "Did I just see Jack Sparrow's ghost sitting on a white horse? I didn't know Jack knew how to ride!"

"No, actually, you saw Vanyel's ghost sitting atop his Companion, Yfandes. And the other ghost was Tylendel, not Legolas. Oh, wait, nevermind. Wrong movie." She turned to Lyn, hands on hips. "Rule number one of life in the vortex: Be careful what you wish for. You might get it."


Wow. Five pages in Word. Nice, long chapter. Now, please leave me a review! Suggestions are welcome. Crazy stuff can be inserted into the story wherever there's room, and this story will go on for a long long while, so give me some ideas! I've already got the next two chapters ("Oh My Holy Cheese and Crackers" and "Unbloody Pirates") written out, and I'll type them up as soon as I get some reviews.