Disclaimer: I own nothing! Well, except my boom box (which I got for my birthday), my LotR music (also a birthday gift), my Toby Keith CD (yet another birthday gift), my Dixie Chicks CD (which I bought for myself two days ago), and my Alan Jackson CD (which I also bought for myself two days ago). But really, only some of the minor plotlines and crazinesses belong to me.


A/N (5/21/04): ff.mort has been stripping my little section-separators, so I'm tryin' a different type. I'm startin' this chapter because my wonderful evil twin gave me such a long review I just couldn't help meself. Thanks, Friday!


FridayMay13: Thanks. We'll buy Tortuga together. Maybe Katie an' Lyn could buy Tortuga in this story. Aye, he jes' gives up the treasure. 'E's met Jack afore an' 'e knows it's best jes' to surrender wifout a fight. 'Sides, Jack prolly let 'im keep some o' it, 'e prolly didn't get it all fer Jack an' Jack knew that, an' let 'im keep the rest 'cause Jack's a nice guy. They're kinda friends, or at least as much as a pirate an' a merchant captain can be friends. An' I'll think about havin' Legolas.

Sure, I should change that. Thank'ee. Hey, we're more alike than I thought. Aye, Princess eats everything. But I think Maxx is the one 'oo was eatin' the textbooks. Prolly ate that Norton Sampler that I couldn't find.

Wow, Friday, that's one whopper of a review. I'd think ye were related to Beeda who reviewed "The Legacy of War," 'cept I know who Beeda is. Man, I think this is the longest review I've ever gotten. And since I updated Legacy because o' Beeda's review, I'm at least startin' to type this next chapter for Vortex. See, I already had the first three chapters typed for Legacy.

No, that's not the surprise. Ye're goin' to love the surprise.

No, I haven't watched Edward Scissorhands before. Well, I just watched most of it in English class, but that was what I was talkin' about. Before that, Pirates was the only Johnny Depp movie I'd seen.

Well, not exactly, or actually she did cuss out Captain Jack Sparrow—Junior.

They're jes' related to "those hotties," but they're hotties themselves.

Yay. I got yer personality right. I was a bit worried about that.

I wonder why she looks like you….

I'm glad ye like 'im. Ye're goin' to marry 'im.

It is the surprise… but it gets better.

Maybe that's it.

Oh, time-space continuum stuff, more time passed for the pirates than for Lyn.

Oh, ye were kidnapped on Friday, August 13, 2004.

Ooh, yay, love yer reaction! I feel so special, I made ye so happy.

Aye, I mentioned Samantha in PYBW. An' yes, she's the main character o' DoaP.

I do like the name Toby.

Lol! The cats attack the sails.

Yes, Vanyel. No, I'm not bringin' Staven in. I might bring Legolas, though….

Elfcarii: Kohl is that stuff Jack wears on 'is eyes, as I explained in me email. It keeps the sun out o' his eyes.

Sorry 'bout the lack o' details. I'm not really good on details. But in "The Legacy of War," there are lots o' details, an' the third chapter is 10 pages in Word. Please go read an' review?

Sorry I can't get ye in fer the number o' reviews. I really would like to put ye in the story. Tell ye what. Give me suggestions o' crazy stuff to use, an' if I use any o' yer suggestions, I'll put ye in. Savvy?

Thanks abou' the good endin'. I rather liked it meself. I had it planned another way, but then I thought o' this way, an' I'm like, This is awesome, I gotta use this endin'.

Gypsy's not black, she's brown and white and black, and she looks like a gypsy. But I think Friday has a black cat. I'll have to ask her.

Mme. Calico Jack Rackham: Thanks fer complimentin' me endin'. I do tend to 'ave trouble with endin's, an' beginnin's, but the beginnin' o' DoaP is good, an' the endin' o' PYBW is good, so I'll 'ave to use that type more often

pIPPINpIRATE: There's sommat to do wi' LotR in 'ere, but not much. The One Ring is mentioned again, so be on the lookout fer that. I don' remember quite when, but it's sorta important in this story for a bit, which is why I mentioned it in PYBW.

Fireblade K'Chona: Jack does get 'is hat back. Eventually. Twenty years later. I felt kinda bad abou' that, but I really didn't want to change it.

Yes, Vanyel. A very promising start. There will be more people from Velgarth later. Made up people, but still, they're from Velgarth.


One might assume that things were much more normal aboard the Windrunner, since there were only three people aboard. Well, one wouldn't be too far wrong, but one would still be wrong.

It took about three days for Will to find his daughter. By then they were already in the Bermuda Triangle. "Beth? I thought I told you to stay home."

Beth's defiant stance was ruined when the next swell sent her sprawling. "I'm going to be a pirate, like you."

"What've we got here, son?" Jack asked. "That's not your daughter, is it, Will?"

"Jack, meet my daughter Elizabeth. Beth, meet Jack Sparrow."

"Captain, it's Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Jack Sparrow?" Beth asked. "Not the dread Captain of the Black Pearl!"

"The very same. Now, we'd better get you some clothes you won't be tripping over all the time." He turned to Will. "This is not good, mate. They probably think we kidnapper 'er."

"Probably?" Will repeated after Beth had gone to find more suitable clothes. "Jack, look at that."

"That" was the Dauntless and an unspecified number of ships. Which quickly caught up with the Windrunner.

Beth emerged, still in her dress. "I couldn't find any—Daddy, what's the Dauntless doing here?"

"They think we kidnapped you."

"But you're my father. Why would you kidnap me?"

"That's a good question," Will replied, turning to Norrington. "James, why would we kidnap her?"

"You tell me," Norrington replied, not smiling.

"I don't know. The fact is, we didn't kidnap her. She stowed away."

"Uncle Norry, you know Dad wouldn't kidnap me," Beth said sweetly. "Why, Mum would be quite upset, and you know Dad can't stand it when she's unhappy."

Norrington didn't care. He arrested the two men for piracy and took Beth aboard the Dauntless for safekeeping, ignoring protests from the sailors that having women aboard was bad luck.

Shortly thereafter, the Dauntless became separated from the unspecified number of ships. Not good. Even worse was when the entire crew came down sick.

"I'll help sail the ship if ya let me," Jack offered, much to Norrington's surprise. (Will's similar offer did not surprise him.)

"Why?"

"Because if the ship crashes on a reef, I'll die along with the rest of you." Because he was a good man and he had a dishonest excuse. Jack Sparrow was quite the opposite of most men, in that his real reason was altruistic, while the reason he gave to the world was self-serving.

The men, of course, complained that it was all Beth's fault, that having her aboard was bad luck. In the midst of their complaints, a sailboat full of supermodels came into view. Ironically, Jack was the only one who kept working. This time his motives were not entirely altruistic; girls tended to be impressed by hard workers. Besides, his wife would not be happy if she learned he'd been distracted by a bunch of pretty young women.

One of the worst complainers spotted them first. "W-w-we-well, I-I-I s-su-suppose w-w-we c-could m-make some exceptions, eh matey?" he stuttered, puffing out his chest and trying to catch the models' eyes. His "matey" was too busy staring to hear. "Their legs are showing," he whispered, appalled."

The supermodels were welcomed aboard the Dauntless, and quickly swarmed up the rigging, following Jack's instructions. Complainer nudged his "matey." "See, I told ye, matey, having girls on board's good luck."


It didn't take long for the sailors aboard the Black Pearl to learn what had happened to Jack and Will. The news came down the grapevine: Tobias Carter contated his wife Samantha aboard the Red Sun, who told her sons Toby and Sam, who shouted the news to their friends Junior and Trey the next time the ships passed near each other.

This led to the next morning, when Jack woke up to the sound of cannon fire. "I know those guns," he said happily. "It's the Pearl." As soon as he came on deck, the noise abated, since they could see that he'd gotten the message.

"Party's over, boys," Katie said, stepping aboard the Dauntless with a pistol in each hand.

At that moment, the ships emerged from the vortex in the shadow of a Disney carnival cruise ship, the Carnival Glory. The tourists began pointing and shouting, and several of them got on a little party boat and came out to the Pearl, thinking it was part of the attraction, or that PotC was being filmed there. A few of them made it down to the hold. They thought it was a gift shop and spent a great deal of time looking for price tags. "But where are the T-shirts?" someone asked.

Lyn watched the entire scene, holding back laughter the whole time. At the end, she ran out of hiding, cutlass drawn. "Arr!" The tourists turned tail and tan, except for one.

"Nice costume, babe," he said, much to Lyn's irritation. "But what's with the sword?"

"Son," Lyn said in a patronizing tone, "I'm Lightning Lyn Astra. Savvy?"

The man looked at the sword pressed against his throat and swallowed nervously.

"Obviously not," Lyn remarked. "This is the Black Pearl. The Black Pearl is a pirate ship. Ergo, I'm a pirate. Savvy?"

He turned and ran.

Meanwhile, Norrington had decided that he didn't need Jack's help anymore, while Jack had decided that he didn't want to be locked in a cell again. This led to Jack climbing onto the Carnival Glory, with Norrington chasing after him. Jack ran through several crowds, failed to lose Norrington, and eventually came to a gigantic swimming pool. Safety!

Or not. He was immediately mobbed by a bunch of girls who called him "Johnny" and asked for his signature. "Sorry, love, you've mistaken me for my brother."

"Oh, you're Johnny Depp's brother?" they squealed.

When he finally got rid of them and made his way to the bar, he was swarmed by another group of girls, also calling him "Johnny."

"My name is not Johnny!" he exploded. "It's Jack. Jacques, Jacob, Iacobus, Jacky, Jacqueline—oh, wait, that's a girl's name."

Then someone noticed his compass. "You have a compass that doesn't point north, just like Jack!"

"Yeah." No duh. Jack began weighing the pros and cons of banging his head against the bar. On the one hand, it would hurt. On the other, it would distract him from these people and might just make them go away.

"Are you filming, Johnny?" someone asked.

He groaned. They still couldn't get his name right. "I just wanted the horizon. The horizon!"

A minute later, the bartender brought him a fancy cocktail drink, black on the bottom, blue on the top, with a little parasol. "Here's your horizon, sir! I must say, you have good taste. It's the best drink I make."

Jack banged his head down on the bar. A couple of kids took the opportunity to steal his compass, hijack a boat, and try to find the Isla de Muerta.

"What're we doing?" the slow kid, Jared, asked.

"We're going to find the Isla de Muerta," his older brother replied. "Think about it. An island covered in gold!"

"Do we have to row the entire way there?" Jared asked.

"No," Charles said as they rowed out of the vortex. "Look! The engine's working again."

The next day…

"Look! It's the Isla de Muerta!" Charles said, pointing.

"But the Isla de Muerta doesn't exist," Jared protested.

"Maybe not, but it's still a grand adventure." Charles guided the skiff toward a sandy beach near the center of the island.

"No gold," Jared remarked as he stepped onto the beach.

"Over here!" Charles called from beside a stone chest. "Help me get the lid off!"

The two boys struggled to remove the top of the chest. When the lid came off, they rested for a moment, then looked in the chest. It was full of gold.

They looked at each other, and the look said it all—but Jared said it anyway: "Oh my holy cheese and crackers."


Back aboard the Carnival Glory, the ship's captain now sat next to Jack, head on the bar. "What's the matter, son?" Jack asked.

"My ship won't move."

Jack debated remarking that the ship obviously was moving, or at least rising up and down. Eventually he came to a decision: he decided that he was drunk. Otherwise he wouldn't even have considered voicing such a smart-alec comment. He was drunk, and Katie was a bad influence on him.

A bit later he remembered that he still hadn't responded to the man's complaint. "Perhaps I can help."

"Say what?"

"The reason your ship can't move is that it's stuck in this bloody vortex. My ship, on the other hand, is perfectly capable of traveling inside the vortex, and is floating off to starboard. Simply run a tow-line out to my ship, an' I'll tow your ship out of here."


"It's not going to work," the first mate said. "The other ship is too small."

The captain shrugged. "It's worth a try."


After the line was secured, jack returned to the bar, leaving his son Junior to run his ship.


The Pearl's sails filled with wind, and she sped forward as if the cruise ship didn't weight anything at all. This was quite astonishing, especially to the captain and first mate, who stood at the prow of the Carnival Glory.

The first mate exchanged a glance with the captain. They both looked back at the Pearl, sailing at top speed. Then they exchanged another glance. Again, the look said it all, but this time no one felt the need to voice it, because, well, the look said it all: Oh my holy cheese and crackers.


There! I'm done with Chapter Two! Which is also five pages in Word. The next chapter, "Unbloody Pirates," should be seven pages in Word. I'll type it up as soon as I have, oh, six reviews. One for each sheet of paper I used to write out the first two chapters.

Now, please review. If you review, I'll upload the next chapter sooner. Savvy?