Reviews :

Lyssdoodle : Thank you! Yeahhh Gideon eventually reaches the end of his rope...

Burgie : You're not wrong, thoughj repeat offenders would make me narrow my eyes lol


Song Listened To :

Roslyn by Bon Iver & St. Vincent


*Chapter 52*

Speckled with the sensation of wetness, Vanellope's hazel eyes flinched open in sweet curiosity. Grey, cloudy, mirrored plane of existence, with the promise of a rosy sunrise on the horizon, was the setting of Gideon's calm, easy lucid. Vanellope's long, black hair whisked in the cool breeze about her, rain so tenderly fell through the little glimpses of sunlight the grey clouds promised. Nearly a sun shower, she relished in the calm of Gideon's headspace, though somehow it was heavy with dread. Vanellope glossed her eyes about this grey space, a never-ending field of seemingly pasted grass textures and cattails that swayed in the wind, nothing had color or tangible substance. Her eyes were lead by a trail of mowed down foliage, knee-high swaying grass that looked flattened by the passing-through presence of an animal, and it was here did she expand her ribcage to tenderly call out Gideon's name.

"I'm here," Gideon's gentle, deep voice mumbled behind Vanellope before she could get words out, though when she whirled around, she came face to face with a huge creature; a beast that resembled Chester's height and stature, an incredible, golden brown fox beast. All clad in gorgeous splashes of darker, golden fur, Gideon's vivid yellow eyes locked with Vanellope's as she remained frozen in whole uncertainty. Gideon heaved a long, hard sigh, looked down to his incredibly scary, clawed paws and slowly morphed back into the human form he was always in. Stood easily at Ace's height of six-foot-four, he nervously ruffled his auburn hair free of rain and locked his eyes tight into his mother's, "I discovered something about myself... Finch is me."

"Finch, your... Imaginary friend?" Vanellope staggered gently, she huffed a chuckle, crossed her arms and shook her head.

"I guess he's an extension of my own soul, I just... Utilized the visual to have a friend, when I was lonely," Gideon's deep, lovely, husky voice ushered Vanellope in a dollop of bittersweet warmth. He narrowed his handsome eyes in a further show of love and sunshine gently glinted down on the two as a grey cloud passed, though it was here did Vanellope now sharply take note of just how sunken Gideon's eyes were, dark bags of exhaustion under his eyes, his masculine shoulders lifted as he looked down and took in a patient, tired breath of defeat, "I guess... I just now realized that it was all in my head."

"I wouldn't say it's all in your head, love," Vanellope ushered, she shook her head and felt grief strike her heart with the raw, defeated look in Gideon's sweet face, tired eyes that were glassy with the threat of full tears, and though he looked taken down by sadness, the twinkle in his eye was enough to light up the whole palace lot. Vanellope huffed a small little giggle of incredulous disbelief as she narrowed her eyes a little harder, "You're just discovering yourself. You're strengthening your own sense of self. I think that's beautiful, it should be celebrated."

"Thanks, mom," Gideon's deep, reverberating voice grumbled to the depths that his jugular could reach, he eased her a small smile of gratitude, though it was clear that Vanellope likely couldn't say much to lift Gideon's spirit to its max.

"Bud, talk to me," Vanellope quietly urged, she reached out and gripped his much larger, masculine hands, "You hardly said much at dinner, nor did you say much about your day at all. I know you invited me here to get some things off your chest... I'm here to listen."

"I just..." Gideon's voice crackled with the further promise of tears, he shook his head and aimlessly peered down to the grey ground about them, "Feel unimportant."

"How?" Vanellope questioned; how desperately she wanted to vigorously challenge his feelings, she was well aware this was his genuine, higher self indulging all of these valid feelings to Vanellope, something she knew couldn't be faked or magnified here in lucid.

"I paint and paint and PAINT, and no one but you and dad and Novus really care to come see my wall," Gideon mumbled, "Tessa does, but... You know how busy she is."

"Bud, everyone LOVES your creations, it's just..." Vanellope shook her head and desperately searched for the words, "Everyone has their own lives, most of us are involved outside of Sugar Rush. You seem like you need constant validation, is that what this is?"

"I guess it's more like... I have to fight for the validation, everyone else just gets it gifted to them because they're, I don't know..." Gideon rolled his eyes, and though he was doing a good job at holding his tears, one skillfully escaped down his chiseled jaw and melted away into the darker stubble on his face, "They're married or have babies or... Do far more important things than just paint and create. No one cares to lucid with me, or imagine with me, but you and dad. Even then, I have to ask for it."

"It's... Heavy, Gideon, it's heavy," Vanellope desperately tried to tread lightly, "Being wrangled into your mind like this isn't for the faint of heart. You're the only one with these powers, thus far... I think it just might be hard for people to wrap their minds around."

"I understand," Gideon's voice crackled, he peered his glassy, hauntingly golden eyes tight to his mother's and inhaled a shaky breath, "It's all I have, mom. I can't relate to anyone unless I'm married or have babies, or... Game day, or concert shows. I don't have any of those things, so no one levels with me and... I just keep getting ignored and left out."

"Who do you need me to talk to, Gideon?" Vanellope urged gently, the two remained with their hands locked, "I can sit someone down and let them know how you're feeling, or... Better yet... YOU should do it."

"I'm not about to go shitting on someone else's parade simply because I have artwork to show someone," Gideon largely rolled his eyes and looked off, "It'll never measure up to any of those important life events anyways. Will I just go unnoticed until I do get married or have kids? Is that what this all comes down to? What do I have to do to get noticed?"

"Gideon, you shouldn't be so heavily focused on getting noticed, we all notice you, we ALL love you," Vanellope pleaded quietly, and though Gideon fell silent, the sun began to tenderly fade behind the grey clouds, his demeanor began to look more exhausted; it was here did Vanellope understand that her words weren't helping, "Bud, tell me something... Would you be happy if you fell into that norm, then? You want to immediately get married and have babies the second you turn one so you can get your family's attention?"

"That's... So soon, mom," Gideon blurt a dry chuckle and looked apathetic to the idea of it all, "I can't just find a girl and rush off into all those things so quick."

"I don't know, dude," Vanellope cocked an eyebrow and side-eyed Gideon in cheeky, teasing delight, an insinuation that had Gideon's face immediately turning beet red, his eyes urgently looked off, and though he puckered in annoyance and desperately tried to hide a smile, he eventually huffed a shaky, defeated chuckle the minute Vanellope blurt a giggle and swat chest, "You're Ralph's son, my guy. You're not gunna have a single issue finding a girl."

"So, pretend it all does happen fast," Gideon mumbled cutely as he shook his head and looked down to their bare feet amidst the grey, "Would everyone accept me, then? I had my first day of school today and it was totally steamrolled by Tatum's pregnancy announcement."

"I don't think anyone meant to disregard you, bud, but... Babies are important," Vanellope cued with a shrug, causing Gideon's demeanor to look further defeated, "I'm... Positive you felt outshined, though..."

"I've been itching to go to school and expand, and the second I do, my little moment to shine is robbed from me," Gideon mumbled sorrowfully, "I'm really excited for Tatum and all, but... No one circled back to me. They briefly asked about my day, I got one answer out and then Oliver made a stupid dad joke and made it seem like I was legitimately three months old, playing tag in a field. I'm not a baby anymore... Why am I still treated like one?"

Vanellope heaved a long sigh through her nose and hooked eyes with her very-much adult son. An incredibly handsome, perfect representation of both Vanellope and Ralph, the rarity of his soul was otherworldly. She gripped his hands and felt powerful in his presence, the tortured shivering his soul seemed to radiate, he squeezed her hands in return and shook his head in total, tired dismay.

"One day... ONE day I'll maybe want to go off and find me a girl and do all those fun things, but, mom... I don't want any of those things immediately," Gideon stated quietly, as if it were a secret, "I want to be celebrated at least a little without having to do all those things. Today really hurt me, but... I feel as if that's not even valid. And I end up looking like a jerk for wanting attention alongside Tatum's freaking baby reveal. What kind of a monster does that make me?"

"It doesn't make you a monster, Gideon, I think you just need to understand that you'll have your time to shine," Vanellope tried to remedy, though she wildly flinched the second Gideon took his hands out of hers, took a flustered step back and clenched his fists.

"My time to shine WAS today!" Gideon urged in hot frustration, "Today was an important day for me, and no one seemed to care. I made a good friend, I had a blast with my counselor, I met Mr. Favor which was WILD, but no one cared to ask."

"Hun, when you're older one day, and when YOU start having babies of your own, you will understand," Vanellope cooed, to which Gideon inhaled a long, stiff breath and looked off in riled, ironic motivation and defeat.

"Fine," Gideon huffed, "I guess... I'll just wait and see, then."

"Don't look so hard into it," Vanellope urged quietly, she somehow hoped her words helped, though she was well aware with just how dark the sky was getting that it wasn't at all, "People always get caught up with babies, but the hype eventually goes away and... It just turns into a normal, every day thing. NEW babies are always so special and exciting. I think what WILL be extremely exciting is your first day at actual Academy, your first birthday party. That's a time no one is going to rob of you."

"We'll see," Gideon muttered in rising bitterness, to which Vanellope furrowed her eyebrows, stepped forward and tenderly gripped Gideon's chin, so to force him to look down into her eyes.

"I'll make sure of it, Gideon," Vanellope fiercely promised; she was floored to see Gideon's facial expressions and shoulders soften, she shook her head and held fervent eye contact, "No matter what happens, you will always... ALWAYS have me in your corner. Always."

"Thanks, mom," Gideon's deep voice clipped in a crackle of bigger tears that welled in his eyes. He cleared his throat and composed himself as Vanellope gently let go of his chin, "I just wish I didn't feel so left behind, or so left out of exciting things. I hate still being treated like a baby."

"Well, how can I help so that doesn't happen as often anymore? What needs to change?" Vanellope wondered softly as she put her hands on her hips; as Gideon inhaled a deep, refreshing breath.

"I'm not sure... I don't care to have Oliver escort me to and from Academy, I'm old enough to walk across a freaking game station," Gideon muttered darkly, to which Vanellope flinched and felt a world of relived horrible experience come slapping her in the face, as if all the hardships she had ever gone through, for the sake of Sugar Rush's safety, had now successfully reached a generation that had no single inkling about the potential dangers of being young and alone in a game station.

"Gideon, I don't think you know just what us adults have all been through, game stations aren't just safe havens to go frolicking through. You're in open water, bud, game over territory," Vanellope tried to gently correct, though flashbacks of deleter incidents, lost code rooms, horrible fights with Radex out in open game stations flood her field of vision.

"It's broad daylight and is maybe a six-outlet walk," Gideon dully argued, and though Vanellope desperately wanted to fight him on this, Gideon scrunched his eyes tight and shook his head, "I just don't want to be babied, anymore. I'm not a baby. I'm not a little kid anymore... I just want mature attention, when will it ever come around?"

"Gideon," Vanellope tried to gently argue.

"I just want more responsibility. I want to change my room, I want to hang out with my new friend, I want to walk to and from Academy without my hand being held. Chase gets to," Gideon complained, to which Vanellope heaved a sharp sigh and threw in the towel.

"Fine, Gideon, fine... When you reach nine months, you can walk yourself to and from Academy," Vanellope leveled, though Gideon frustratedly looked off in boiling agitation, "Gideon, you have NO clue what the lot of us have been through so that you could even BE here, so that you can HAVE this incredibly nonchalant conversation about artwork and being noticed and simply walking to and from Academy by yourself. You have no clue..."

"Guess not," Gideon muttered tightly, he gave Vanellope a furrowed look of hardening sorrow, "Cause no one cares to sit and talk with me like I'm not growing up."

"I will happily tell you everything you need to know, Gideon, I've always been transparent with you," Vanellope plead, "I didn't want to come here to fight with you, babe... I really genuinely want to know about your day. I want to know what I can do to help."

"Today was fun," Gideon muttered in still heated irritation as he looked off with a tight-lipped look, and though Vanellope aimlessly looked off in numb defeat, she sharpened and noticed a structure on Gideon's sunny, though strangely grim horizon.

"... Gideon, what's that light house, over there?" Vanellope wondered in a prickle of newness, to which Gideon perked up and lofted his surprised eyes over his shoulder.

The two stood and peered out to the horizon, the lighthouse was still, glossed in an eerie mist, about half a mile off in the grey. Although lost in grim despair, gentle glints of sunlight cast across the gorgeous light house, clearly out of order and abandoned. Gideon heaved a long, hard sigh through his nose and shook his head in a sting of defeated dismay.

"I've been trying to forget about it," Gideon muttered, to which Vanellope eyed him in questioning, "I don't know where it came from, truly... It just happened upon my lucid dream, one night, and when I tried to go inside, I had a horrible night terror... The one where... I woke up screaming, that one night."

"I remember," Vanellope prod, she eyed the creepy lighthouse on the horizon, "You've... Kept trying to get inside?"

"Mhmm, each time is a night terror," Gideon shook his head and glanced to the light house, once more, "I took dad's advice and tried to bring the light house to me, but instead, the creepy shadow figure came instead. I don't know what it means, so now I just avoid the light house."

Vanellope rubbed her chin and desperately tried to decipher just what this could mean, though before she could open her mouth and further inquire, Gideon heaved a heavy sigh, took a few steps away and cued his lovely purple coding, all along his arms.

"It's whatever, I've created a new place to wallow in," Gideon's deep voice eased in tenderness. In a dribble of glowing light, Gideon imagined ripples of endless water they were suddenly walking on. Crystal clear lakes that sparkled with the intensity of huge, bioluminescent plants, huge, twisted-root trees grew from the water and blossomed gorgeous blooms of orange, glowing orbs, the sky above gently gradient from gloomy grey to cosmos beyond anyone's wildest dreams. Vanellope gasped and took in the insane, vivid sight as Gideon gently turned in a circle, an aimless mosey on the cool, clear water they walked on, "I don't know, feels happier. I truly thought the beach would be IT, but... I don't know why the light house has to be forbidden."

"What do you think is inside?" Vanellope wondered with a shy giggle of continued disbelief, her eyes desperately tried to take in all of the colors that seemingly embraced her heart in warm desire, the kiss of creativity and cultivated skill that Gideon proudly harbored, she marinated in everything he was made of.

"I'm not sure, I've thought about it a lot," Gideon rubbed his chin, "It's clearly something I desperately want, but... Can't seem to have right now. Finch wondered if maybe right now wasn't the right time."

"Your dad was smart to wonder if you could will the light house TO you, but," Vanellope shrugged as she allowed her arms to drape into nearby glowing blue vines that tickled to the touch, "Sounds like Finch is on to something... Maybe there's something there you have to earn? Or... Something you'd encounter that you haven't learned about yet?"

"Maybe it's a wife and children," Gideon blurt a sarcastic giggle, to which Vanellope rolled her eyes in hot dismay, "THEN I can fit in with the family, eh? I'd waltz in and there'd be a woman in a wedding dress. Like, YES! Finally. Achievement unlocked... Fitting in."

"Gideon," Vanellope muttered, she couldn't help but giggle as Gideon flashed her the sweetest, devious little smirk of handsome challenge.

"C'mon, you'd kill for that scenario, mom, I see the way you treat Emery," Gideon mumbled shyly, and though Vanellope inhaled a deep breath to further challenge Gideon, she exhaled a hard raspberry and finally sighed a defeated giggle out to the show of stars and glowing beauty all around them.

"Bud, if that's what makes you happy, then by all means, my heart will sing," Vanellope cooed, "You want to go off and find a woman and have babies, great. You want to be single and do your own thing and create art? Great. There's no expectation from us, you know that, right?"

"I know," Gideon's deep, husky, tired voice glossed Vanellope's shivering heart in a dominant embrace of love, "There's probably nothing in the light house. Maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe it's just as empty as the night terror itself. I can't get into the damn building and have NO idea when I even would be ABLE to get in, so..."

"Maybe you genuinely are making it up to be something grand when it was just a silly nightmare that meant nothing, I mean truly, who knows," Vanellope sighed as the two cutely moseyed side by side, nonchalant long, lazy strides to nowhere they both took with one another that made the water ripple forever, "Finch is right, I think you should just forget about it. And, if it really IS important, then you'll be able to eventually get inside without having to wreck your way through the door."

"... Mom, that's GENIUS," Gideon hissed, he reached out and grappled Vanellope's upper arms as his whole entire demeanor lit up. So much so, their glowing surroundings now proudly glowed a lovely burst of yellows and oranges, the sun rose a little higher in the sky, the sprinkling rain became sparse and warm, "I haven't even CONSIDERED wrecking my way through the door!"

"Gid, you really think it's wise to go barreling into a situation you know ends poorly if you force it?" Vanellope blurt as Gideon jostled her a little, with his bigger hands. She gave him a dorky smile and shook her head as they held eyes, "We've all gambled on a fart and lost."

"MOM," Gideon urgently wrinkled his nose and beamed the widest smile he could as he unhanded her; Vanellope was lost in laughter as Gideon began to mosey away in grinning annoyance, "I guess you're not wrong... Why didn't I think of that? Just get a RUNNING start and barrel the door down."

"You'll have to let me know how that goes," Vanellope rolled her eyes and tided her hair, she skipped a few steps so to keep up with Gideon's longer, adult stride, "If you piss yourself though, I'm not cleaning it."

"Can always count on you, mom," Gideon mumbled in smiling annoyance, to which Vanellope bobbed a nod and firmly pat the back of Gideon's shoulder.

"Hey, you said you wanted more responsibilities," Vanellope playfully chimed.