Disclaimer: If I own anything, it's only in my mind.
In which Voldemort decides that Draco's old name just won't do
"Draco!" Voldemort declared, striding into the room with Narcissa and other assorted Death Eaters following close behind. "I have decided that you need a pseudonym!"
Draco, who was currently buying new furniture for his Sims, looked up in confusion. "A what?"
"A false name," Voldemort explained. "Snape is the Half-Blood Prince. Bella has dubbed herself Wicked Witch of the World. Wormtail is... Wormtail. And I, of course, am the Dark Lord, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Run-for-your-lives-and-beg-for-mercy-for-I-will-someday-rule-the-world Voldemort! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Um... okay?"
"What he means, Draco," said Narcissa patiently, "is that in order for you to become a great wizard and Death Eater, you must have a good title. It's sort of an initiation thing, I suppose."
"But the Dark Lord says he's going to off me anyway, so what's the point?"
"Well, at least you'll have something impressive to put on your tombstone, dear."
"And think about it," Bellatrix remarked. "Even that blasted Boy-Who-Lived-But-Hopefully-Will-Kick-The-Bucket-Soon has one. Surely you can do better than that."
"Fine," said Draco sulkily. "So what will it be, then?"
The Death Eaters sat in stumped silence for a moment.
"How about The Boy Who Isn't Dead Because I Haven't Gotten Around To Killing Him Yet?" Voldemort suggested after a few minutes' thought.
"That might work." Bellatrix paused. "Except you couldn't put that on his tombstone, because he'll be dead by then. Besides, it'll just make you confuse him with Potter. No, what you need is a short title... like... hmmm... What about... the Pure-Blood... ummm..."
"-Ferret?" Nott Jr. muttered.
"-Dragon! The Pure-Blood Dragon!" said Bella triumphantly.
Draco gave her a disbelieving look. "So Snape is a prince and I'm just a measly dragon?" he asked disgustedly. "Please."
"Alternatively," said Bellatrix pleasantly, reaching for her wand, "you could be the Very Dead Dragon Who Didn't Listen To His Auntie's Suggestion."
"Right. Um, I'll consider it," said Draco hastily, edging away from his aunt. "Any other suggestions?"
"I've got one!" Wormtail squeaked. "He-Who-Should-Never-Be-Tickled-While-Sleeping!"
"What kind of a name is that?"
"It's the Hogwarts motto... Never tickle a sleeping dragon..." Everyone else stared at him oddly. "Okay, forget it."
"The Slytherin Seeker Who Has Never Yet Caught The Snitch?" Nott suggested with a smirk.
"Oh, like you're so much better, Mr. I'm-Only-Mentioned-Twice-In-The-Books!"
"What about," said Snape softly, "The Boy Who Is Currently Failing My Defense Class Because He Never Does His Homework?"
"You're not a teacher anymore. Ha!"
"Damn."
"How about... Malfoy the Menace?"
"Or," said Narcissa slyly, amid Draco's disgusted gagging, "you could be The Boy Whose Room Is A Mess Because He Never Cleans Up His Laundry."
"MUM!"
"It's the truth, dear. Ever since Dobby left, it's been hard enough cleaning up after your father... If you did a little more work around the house..."
"Hey, I've thought of the perfect one," said Nott Jr., smirking maliciously. "Bouncing Ferret Wonderboy. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"
Draco buried his face in his hands.
So, what do you think? Should I change my name to She-Who-Will-Do-Anything-For-Reviews?
A big thanks to Reesie6 and Rivendell's Evenstar!
