Act I, Scene II (A room off the kitchens in Redwall)
(Enter Walgy, Grif, Nolan, Audrey, Mir, and Dee. Audrey is the leader of the Impromptu Pie-Making Society, as they are called, but bossy Grif makes things miserable for the rest, especially by attempting to flirt with Audrey)
Audrey: Not that I really care, but is everyone here? (Peers around, trying to get a head count)
Grif: Why don't you just call roll? You've got a list of everyone here!
Audrey: Sure. Welcome everybody to the Impromptu Pie-Making Society. You all are the ones thought best by Friar Bump to make a pie for the wedding of Thedor and Circe. I will call your name, and explain what your duties in baking the pie are. Grif the otter? We can tell you're here.
Grif: Course you can. (Sidles close to Audrey) Aren't I just quite noticeable? Don't you think I kind of-stand out in a crowd, eh, Audrey? What do I get to do?
Audrey (Moving away): Perhaps, as you're tall for an otter. You get to pick the berries. Now, Walgy the hedgehog?
Walgy (Peers out shyly from behind a table): Here, I guess. But…..do I have to help?
Audrey: Our numbers are short if you don't, Walgy. You've only got a little job, you just have to heat the oven. You don't even need to talk!
Grif: We can't be short on numbers, can we? Come out, and be a brave fellow like myself (winks at Audrey) mister Walgy!
Audrey: Grif, that's quite enough. May I kindly remind you who's in charge here? Nolan the mouse?
Nolan: Here, of course. What do I get to do?
Grif: Unfortunately, not much. You can carry these berry-baskets the lovely Audrey originally had me carry, though. Of course, your role will be for no apparent reason changed in the middle of the play, just as Shakespeare does in the original.
Nolan: Do I get to speak?
Audrey: (Claps a paw over Grif's mouth before he can take her line again) Afraid not, Nolan. You don't speak again until Act Three, when you help comfort the overly frightened Walgy. Now be quiet, like a good boy.
Grif: I can be quiet like a good boy too! See how quiet I'm being.
Audrey: No, Grif, we don't see. Continuing with the roll: Dee the hedgehog?
Dee: Here, Audrey.
Audrey: Hello, Dee. You will get to put the pie in the oven and take it out again.
Dee: Nay, faith, please Audrey! I'm so afraid of heat, don't make me do it!
Grif: I'm not afraid of heat, Audrey! In fact, I'd save you from a fiery inferno! Let me place the pie in the oven!
Audrey: No, that's Dee's job! You can't do it! Moving on. Mir, the otter?
Mir: Here, Audrey
Audrey: You are to clean the pots and pans. Are there no objections?
Grif: Why is nobody recognizing my greatness?
Audrey: Well, if there's no objections, we'll meet tonight at seven o'clock just outside the walls to start working on our pie.
Grif: Have your duties memorized.
Audrey: Meet at the huge oak by the west gate.
Grif: Don't bring any weapons. They're not needed.
Audrey: Farewell, until tonight!
Grif: Then—
All: Farewell!
(Exit Audrey, Nolan, Dee, Mir, and Walgy)
Grif: (To audience) Was it something I said?
(Exit Grif)
