Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Please don't sue me!


In which Voldemort and followers discover what the Order do on their days off

"YES!" Voldemort shrieked, bursting in to the room with Bellatrix at his heels and causing most of the Death Eaters within (minus Peter who was late, as usual) to grab for their wands, thinking they were under attack. "I have done it!" Voldemort continued triumphantly, overlooking the momentary panic he had created. "Am I not the most brilliant Dark Lord of them all?"

"Yes. Quite. What have you done, exactly?" asked Snape tersely, trying to head the Dark Lord off before he had a chance to start "Mwa ha ha ha ha!"-ing again. It was getting old. Unfortunately, Voldemort had other plans. Snape sighed as Voldemort went off into a fit of maniacal laughter and went back to reading his book until it was over. So predictable.

"Ahem," said the Dark Lord, once he had finished cackling evilly to himself. "You all remember the chat room that we started two weeks ago?" The Death Eaters nodded, exchanging looks of consternation. They hoped this wasn't more to do with the Yahoo! group idea. Wormtail had almost had a nervous breakdown trying to sign up, and none of the others were eager to repeat the experience.

They were in luck, however, for Voldemort continued, "Being the brilliant wizard that I am, I thought that if we had started our own chat room, the Order must have one too! And just now, I-" Bellatrix coughed none-too-subtly in the background. "-and Bella-"

"Thank you."

"-managed to hack into the Order chat room. Follow me, my faithful followers!" he cried, leading the way into the computer lab. The Death Eaters crowded around Voldemort's computer, as the Dark Lord clicked his way past a number of pop-up windows.

"No, I don't want a new career, I like being evil and torturing muggles perfectly well already, no I don't care about insurance rates in London, yes, I like my home, I don't need a new one, thank you... Aha!"

The words "You have entered room TheOrderOfThePhoenixTotallyRocks" flashed across the screen.

"Original," muttered Snape.

WerewolvesRule: Hello?

SuperAurorTonks: Who just signed in?

"Hmph," snapped Voldemort. "Like I'd really tell you, you pathetic excuse for an Auror."

WerewolvesRule: ...

WerewolvesRule: Well, never mind then, since they're obviously not speaking up.

SuperAurorTonks: Hey, I got Merlin!

FangedEarring222: Excellent.

"Merlin? Who's Merlin?" asked Draco in confusion.

"They must be talking in code. 'Merlin' probably refers to some sort of person or secret weapon that they've acquired!" said Voldemort excitedly. "Only, obviously, they can't say it straight out for fear of being spied on."

"Like we're doing, you mean?"

"Quiet!" Voldemort gesticulated frantically. Never mind that the people in the chat weren't actually speaking out loud so a little background noise wouldn't have made that much of a difference.

FangedEarring222: I got Ptolemy.

SuperAurorTonks: Swap you.

FangedEarring222: Sure.

"And now, this Tonks person is going to trade it in for some other secret weapon!" Voldemort hissed into the silence.

FangedEarring222: I need a Ptolemy...

SuperAurorTonks: I'll give you the next one I get.

Norbert'sMummy: I got Dumbledore.

"Wait..." said Rodolphus slowly. "Dumbledore's dead..."

"Maybe they have resurrected Dumbledore and brought him back to life!" shouted Voldemort, eyes glued to the screen.

SuperAurorTonks: Oh, trade you for a Merlin. Harry's collecting those – I'll give them to him next time I see him. Anyone have a Morgan Le Fay?

FangedEarring222: I've got about a dozen of them. I'll give you them for free...

"Morgan Le Fay? What could that possibly stand for?" Voldemort muttered. "Something dangerous, no doubt, something the Order has a lot of. What could it be? Stink pellets? Dungbombs? Grenades?"

The doorbell rang. "Get it, Rodolphus," Voldemort muttered, not taking his eyes off the computer screen. Grumbling something about slave labor and repression and not being a house-elf, Rodolphus complied and returned, two seconds later, with Peter.

"Sorry I'm late," Peter panted. "Traffic. What's going on?"

"Hush!" snapped Bella. "We're spying on the private chat room of the Order of the Phoenix!"

"They're talking in code to confuse us!" Voldemort declared dramatically.

"Oh," said Wormtail, as new words flashed across the screen.

WerewolvesRule: Morgan Le Fay? Really? I don't have any. Swap you for an Agrippa. I've got about twelve of those.

FangedEarring222: Done!

"Um... Master?" Wormtail said slowly. "I don't think they're talking in code."

"Oh really?" said Bella coolly. "Then just what are they doing?"

"I think," said Wormtail, "they're having their weekly cyber chocolate frog card trading meeting. It is Saturday after all."


Back at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Tonks, munching on a large chocolate frog, was very startled to see the following flash across her screen:

EvilestWizardOfThemAll: DAMN IT!

EvilestWizardOfThemAll has left the chat.

For a moment she wondered if she should ask old Mad-Eye about getting better security, but then she shrugged. Probably just some stupid teenaged hacker with psychological problems again. She unwrapped a new chocolate frog.

SuperAurorTonks: ...Hey, anyone want a Calypso?


Ok, I apologize. That was awful. The next one will be better, I promise. Of course, it might be even better if you take a little time to drop a review... :-)