A/N (8/9/04): Sorry about the wait, short as it was! I was at my grandparents' house so I couldn't update. But I did finish writing this chapter! And I worked on a chapter that will be some ways in the future, about Robin Hood (I'm obsessed with Robin Hood at the moment, for those of you who don't know), and I wrote Chapter 10. So all I have to do is type Chapters 9 and 10 and upload them. And somebody kitty-napped my cat while I was gone, because I didn't update fast enough. Glares at Rachel and Friday. Oh, and while I'm at it, the governor in this chapter is not Jeb Bush; I decided that I'd have a new governor in office, a Democrat, partially for the story line, partially because I didn't want to get in trouble for using a real person in my story. Although later on they kidnap Orlando Bloom… although that's in the next story, not this story…. Anyhoo. And stealing a horse was still a hanging offense in Florida, last time I checked, which is what inspired this chapter.


Disclaimer: I actually own most of the stuff in this chapter. I don't own Uncle Jack, of course, and I don't own the Pearl, and Friday owns Katie and Trey and my brother owns Tom and Nick owns himself, but other than that I own just about everything. Except the reference to Barrel-Britches. Disney owns that (doesn't it own everything?). But it's not from PotC. It's from Robin Hood. Great movie. Extremely funny. The song will be in a later chapter. "Oh, the world will sing of an English king a thousand years from now…."


Chapter 9: Oh, There Are No Airborne Rangers in the Police


After that little incident with the near-execution, Tom decided that he had had enough of being a pirate. So they dropped him off on the beach near his house, and he went home.

"Lyn," Jack said when they were back in the vortex. "There's somethin' I've been meanin' to ask ye. Were ye really serious abou' the 'Let's do it again'?"

"Sure," Lyn shrugged. "Ye know, this time it could be a hangin'. There's still a law around that states that stealin' a horse is a hangin' offense."

"What would we do with a horse?" Jack asked blankly.

"We already got one too many," Uncle Jack added, indicating Lyrna with his thumb.

:I am a Companion,: Lyrna corrected.

"Companion, horse. Same bloody difference," Uncle Jack said.

"We could give it to Rom fer 'is birthday," Lyn said in response to Jack's question.

"What would he do with a horse?" Jack asked.

Lyn shrugged. "That's his problem."

So they hunted around until they found a large stables with lots of horses, enough that they surely wouldn't miss one if it were stolen. Toby, who was in on the "prank," as he called it, wanted them just to steal any old horse, but Lyn had her heart set on a beautiful black mare with a white stripe on her forehead.

"She needs a name," Lyn declared as they led the mare out of the stables complex.

"Nightmare," Katie said with an air of finality.

"Nightmare it is,' Lyn decided.

Lyn vaulted onto the mare's back and rode away (bareback, of course; she hadn't bothered stealing a saddle. It had been so long since she'd ridden a horse that she wasn't sure she could put the saddle on properly. She had, however, put some reins on the horse). As Nightmare passed her, Katie swung up onto her back, much like Legolas in "The Two Towers." The others were left to follow as best they could.

They rode into the middle of Tom's birthday party. Several of his friends were there. "Er, this is my sister, Lyn; and her evil twin, Katie. Ah, Lyn, where did you get that horse?"

"Stole it," Lyn said easily as she and Katie dismounted. The handed the reins to Tom. "Happy birthday."

"You—ah—got me a horse for my birthday?" Tom asked.

"But of course," Lyn said. She turned to Tom's friends. "Hey y'all. As the kid here said, I'm Lyn. Lightning Lyn. An' this is me evil twin, Killjoy Kate Turner."

"You're thieves?" someone asked.

"We're pirates," Lyn corrected. She turned to leave.

"Your sister is a pirate?" the same boy asked.

"She's crazy," Tom said.

They rendezvoused with Toby, Jack and Trey, then returned to the Pearl, where they wrote a letter to the government.

Dear Governor-person,

We are some of the pirates whom you recently tried to execute. Our latest outrage is that we have stolen a horse. According to Florida law, stealing a horse is a hanging offense. That means you'll have to hang us.

Yours truly,

Lyndsay Astra

Lyndsay Astra

Kathleen Turner

Kathleen Turner

Captain Jack Sparrow, Jr.

Captain Jack Sparrow, Jr.

William Turner III

William Turner III

Toby Stormwind

Toby Stormwind


The governor, needless to say, was quite perplexed when he received the letter. Was this supposed to be some sort of police-assisted suicide? But no, if that was what they were after, they could simply have failed to escape from their last execution.

Their last execution. He pondered that thought for a while. Most people only had one execution. Actually, most normal people were never executed at all! But these people—he could hardly think of them as children, even though two of them claimed to be under eighteen—were far from normal. Their letter alone was enough to prove that. Who in the world would start out a letter "Dear Governor-person"?

Lyndsay Astra; Kathleen Turner; Captain Jack Sparrow, Junior; William Turner; and Toby Stormwind, obviously.

He wondered briefly whether the two Turners were related. Must be, he decided. After all, what was the probability of two unrelated people by the name of Turner both being so crazy as to sign their names to that letter? Unlikely.

He checked the law book and, sure enough, stealing a horse was still listed as a hanging offense. So that much was true. But had these people actually stolen a horse?

Why was he even worrying about this? They had already admitted to stealing the horse—in writing, no less! And they'd signed the letter. It was the perfect opportunity to get rid of five people who had been royally screwing with his plans. Everything was in an uproar because of these pirates. Here he was, a Democratic governor finally in office in Florida, and because of these pirates, people were voting to take money away from entitlement programs and channel it into defense.

Growling irritatedly, he ordered for orders to be written up for the hanging of the five people who had written that letter.


The officer who came to arrest them was very apologetic. "Just come quietly," he advised. "I'm sure there's been some terrible mistake, but we'll get it sorted out. Meanwhile I'm going to have to take you into custody."

"We're going to be hung, right?" Lyn said, grinning.

The officer looked startled. "How did you know?"

"Looks like—what'd you call 'im—ol' Barrel-Britches got our letter," Toby laughed. By Barrel-Britches he meant the governor.

"Let's just hope he doesn't get his knickers in a knot," said Lyn.

"Let's hope he does," Katie said with an evil twinkle in her eye.

"Ah, if you five could please squeeze into the back of my car?" the officer requested.

As Lyn made herself comfortable on Jack's lap, she said, "Ye know, why are police officers called officers? They're really not e'en as good as privates in the armed forces. Privates at least have to be able to aim; police officers shoot, ah, American-style."

Jack snorted. He had worked long and hard to correct Lyn's "American-style" shooting.

"American-style?" the officer asked, confused.

"Badly," Jack explained.

"Shoot enough bullets an' maybe ye'll hit what yer aimin' at," Lyn clarified.

'Well, that's rather offensive," the officer huffed.

Lyn arched both her eyebrows (she couldn't arch just one). "Blame it on 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.'" She frowned. "I miss my cat."

"Lyn, you've only been away from her for ten minutes!" Katie exclaimed.

"I miss my kitty!" Lyn whined. "My Precious! Where is she? She must miss me terribly."

"I'm sure Gollum is taking good care of her," Katie assured her good twin.

"Gollum?" the officer demanded. "You mean that dude from The Lord of the Rings? The creepy one who wanted the Ring?"

"Gollum was cute, not creepy!" Lyn declared. "Besides, Gypsy likes him."

"He worships her," Toby pointed out. "Of course she likes him."

"My point exactly," Lyn declared. "Anyone who likes cats can't be all that bad."

They reached the site where a hasty gallows had been set up. A crowd had gathered, brought there by curiosity. The five pirates laughed and waved. A reporter shoved a microphone at them. "Any last words?"

"Yeah!" Lyn said. "A pox on the phony King of England! Long live Robin Hood! And there are no airborne rangers in the police!"

Ropes were put around their necks as they stood on stools, then the stools were kicked out from under them. It was rather uncomfortable, hanging from the neck like that.

A shot rang out, then another, and then three more in quick succession. Lyn turned toward the origin of the sound to see Uncle Jack in all his glory standing at the edge of the crowd.

"Come on!" someone in the crowd yelled. "Dive in! We'll catch you."

Lyn jumped first. The crowd caught her and carried her toward the edge. The last people let her down onto her feet. Jack, Katie, Trey and Toby soon followed. Then they were running from the police as fast as they could. Uncle Jack joined them and steered them slightly to the right, towards the parking lot. He led them to Nick's car. As soon as they were in, Nick hit the gas.

The police (and the news crews, who were reporting the hanging live) gave chase.

"And it is over," the reporter had said when all the pirates dangled from the gallows. "No it isn't! With shooting worthy of a sniper, a rescuer shoots through all five ropes, freeing the pirates." The camera swung around to focus on another pirate, an older version of one of the ones who'd just been hung. "And the rescuer is another Jack Sparrow look-a-like!

"The crowd carries them away from the hastily-erected gallows. They run for their car—and they're off! But they're not safe yet. The police give chase.

"The pirates head toward the causeway. They swerve around other cars…. They're heading for the docks! There's a ship out in the harbor, extremely old-fashioned. The name is… let's zoom in for a closer look... the Black Pearl. Is this some sort of joke? Is Disney pulling a stunt? First we have Jack Sparrow and Will Turner look-a-likes, and now the Black Pearl.

"The pirates hop into a rowboat and head for the ship. The police fire at them, but the ship fires a few blasts from its cannons, and the cops dive for cover. And the pirates are off! They have pulled off a successful rescue!"

Tom changed the channel back to the Sci Fi channel. So that was what stealing the horse had been all about. Well, there was no doubt about it. His sister was stark-raving mad.


Aboard the Pearl, there was much singing and dancing and passing around of the rum. Lyn did most of the singing. "Oh, there are no airborne rangers in the police."

"In the police!" the others echoed, lifting their bottles of rum.

"Oh, there are no airborne rangers in the police."

"In the police!"

"'Cause those cops'll try a hangin' an' their heads'll end up bangin', oh, there are no airborne rangers in the police."

"In the police!"


Fireblade K'Chona: Yes, they probably will clash. Now I just have to get Firesong in. Maybe in the detective chapter. That would be good. He and Peeves would clash as well. Peeves has no sense of style. Fun fun.


Friday: I know, I know. I'm sorry about the wait.

I suppose this one's not illegal. I mean, come on, it's just a b-b gun.

I don't think I'll be able to send it over the internet. But I'll try.

I know. I rather liked it too. Mwahahahahaha! I flooded the Companions' Field! And I'm a Senior now, so I'm going to be doing my own Senior pranks in real life. Maybe turning every other book in library upside down.

Yes, Spoon of Power. You have to know Kristin to understand.

Yeah, yeah. I'll give Rachel your email, though I don't know why. I'm crazy.

He does deserve to be called Tom Bombadil. He also deserves to be called a tom-fool of a Took.

Yes, your Will is a Gryffindrunk.

Yes, it was fun. Lyn's crazy.


A/N (8/13/04): It's Friday the 13th! Woot! And I'm updating the story. Sorry it took so long. I'm updating now because school was cancelled due to Hurricane Charley. Yippee!