Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl, for if I did, my name would be on all the books, not Eoin Colfer's so don't sue me.

Lilshinigami1215: The following events are taken directly out of Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident. Well, some of it. To leave the credit of writing the book to Eoin Colfer, I will place these copied events in bold.

Butler elbowed his employer gently.

"Oh, Holly…eh, Captain Short."

Eh? Artemis couldn't believe he'd actually said eh. It wasn't even a word.

"Yes Mud B…yes, Artemis?"

Artemis looked Holly in the eye, just as Butler had instructed him to. This being civil business was more difficult than one would think.

"I would like to…I mean…what I mean is…"

Another elbow from Butler.

"Thank you. I owe you everything. Because of you I have my parents. And the way you flew that craft was nothing short of spectacular. And on the train…well, I could never have done what you…"

A third elbow. This time to stop babbling.

"Sorry. Well, you get the idea."

Holly's elfin features wore a strange expression. Somewhere between embarrassment, and could it possibly be, delight? She recovered quickly.

"Maybe I owe you something too, human," she said, drawing her pistol. Butler almost reacted, but decided to give Holly the benefit of the doubt.

Captain Short plucked a gold coin from her belt, flicking it fifty feet into the moonlit sky. With one fluid movement, she brought the weapon up and loosed a single blast. The coin rose another fifty feet, then spun earthward. Artemis somehow managed to snatch it from the air. The first cool moment of his young life.

"Nice shot," he said. The previously solid disk now had a tiny hole in the center.

Holly held out her hand, revealing the scar on her finger. "If it wasn't for you, I would have missed altogether. No mech-digit can replicate that kind of accuracy. So, thank you too, I suppose."

Artemis held out the coin.

"No," said Holly. "You keep it, to remind you."

"To remind me?"

Holly stared at him frankly. "To remind you that deep beneath the layers of deviousness, you have a spark of decency. Perhaps you could blow on that spark occasionally."

Artemis closed his fingers around the coin. It was warm against his palm.

"Yes, perhaps."

A small two-seater plane buzzed overhead. Artemis glanced skyward and when he look back, Holly was gone. A slight heat haze hovered above the grass.

"Good bye Holly," he said softly.

A sniffling Lily stood beside Artemis, crying into his shirt.

"Lily?" Artemis called.

Lily's head snapped up.

"Are you going to be all right?" Artemis wondered aloud.

Lily nodded, and then began sobbing again and Artemis had no choice but to wrap his arms around the crying girl.

Artemis emerged from the bathroom, fully refreshed after his shower; Lily lay asleep on the bed that happened placed next to his, the day's events had obviously tired her out.

Lily mumbled something in her sleep, something that sounded like candy.

Artemis thought about the events that had happened during the past few hours, some memorable, others, not quite so:

Koboi Labs, Inner Sanctum

So, Artemis Fowl poked his helmet through the plasma's surface. He flipped the visor, savoring what could very well be his last breath. Lucky for him, the room's occupants were looking at the view screen, watching his friends fight for their lives.

"Arty?" Lily whispered.

Artemis remembered the girl that stood below him, still on the ladder. Grabbing her by the hand, he lifted her up and out of the plasma, into the room.

Artemis and Lily watched it all on the control room's plasma screen, along with all the other occupants if the inner sanctum. It was entertainment to them. The goblin generals chuckled and winced as Butler decimated their men. It was all immaterial. There were hundreds of goblins in the building and no way into this room.

General Scalene noticed the creatures flopping from the plasma pipe. What was it? A pixie? No. No, by all the gods. They were human.

"Arty? I think we've been spotted," Lily stated, frightened.

Cudgeon noticed this and grabbed Scalene, "Kill him quickly."

Lily clung to Artemis' tightly, mumbling incoherently.

Then Cudgeon's face appeared on all the screens.

Lily looked up, thoroughly confused, "What's going on Arty?"

Artemis patted her affectionately on the head, "Foaly."

Lily nodded, smiling with relief; her hands relaxed their grip on Artemis' poor arm.

Cudgeon quickly crossed to the main console, shutting off the broadcast. It wouldn't do for Opal to hear the rest of it. Particularly the part concerning her tragic accident. He really would have to cut out this grandstanding. Still, no matter. Everything was on track.

"Treachery!" hissed Scalene.

"Okay," admitted Cudgeon again. "Treachery." And directly after that he said, "Computer, activate DNA cannons. Authorisation Cudgeon B. Alpha alpha two two.

On her hoverchair, Opal spun with sheer joy, clapping her tiny hands in delight. Briar was sooo ugly, but he was sooo evil.

Butler's momentum took him halfway across the inner sanctum's rubber tiling. Holly and Root followed, pausing only to grab some softnose lasers.

Cudgeon moved fast, dragging Artemis upright.

"Don't move, any of you, or I'll kill the Mud Boy."

"Arty!" Lily screamed, launching herself at Cudgeon.

Cudgeon moved aside and kicked the little girl, not sending her far, but hard enough in the head to render her unconscious.

"Lily!" Artemis cried out, struggling against Cudgeon's hold, "Lily!"

Butler kept right on going. His last rational thought had been to disable Cudgeon. Now this was his sole aim in life. He raced forward, arms outstretched.

Holly stopped Butler with the mesmer as Cudgeon spoke again.

"That's right, Mud Man," said Cudgeon. "Listen to Captain Short. Surely we can work something out here.'

"No deal, Briar," said Root. "It's all over, so just put the Mud Boy down."

Cudgeon cocked the Redboy. "I'll but him down all right."

This was Butler's worst nightmare. His charge was in the hands of a psychopath with nothing to lose. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Artemis' phone rang.

"I think it's mine," said Artemis automatically.

Another ring. Definitely his cell phone. Amazing the thing worked at all really, considering what it had been through.

Artemis ripped open the case.

"Yes?"

It was one of those frozen moments. Nobody knew what to expect.

Artemis tossed the handset at Opal Koboi. "It's for you."

The pixie swooped low to catch the tiny cell phone. Cudgeon's chest heaved. His body knew what was happening even if his brain hadn't figured it out yet.

She manipulated the Hoverboy's controls, dropping in a steep dive.

Cudgeon didn't hesitate. He put two bursts into the chair, but the thick cushion protected its pilot. Opal Koboi flew straight at Cudgeon's head.

When the elf raised his arms to protect himself, Artemis slid to the floor. Briar Cudgeon was not so lucky. He was borne aloft by the wildcat pixie, desperately pumping the Redboy's trigger. Opal was past caring about the laser beam that grazed her ribs. Her sole aim in life was to destroy her treacherous partner.

They whirled around the chamber, ricocheting off several walls before crashing straight though the open plasma panel.

Unfortunately for Cudgeon, the plasma was now active. He had activated it himself. But this irony did not occur to him as he was fried by a million radioactive tendrils. Koboi was lucky. She was pitched from the hoverchair and lay moaning on the rubber tiles.

Butler was on the move before Cudgeon landed. He flipped Artemis over, checking his frame for wounds. A couple of scratches, Superficial. Nothing a shot of blue sparks wouldn't take care of.

"Butler," Artemis rasped, "How's Lily?"

Lily, Butler thought, he had last seen her a few feet off from Artemis after Cudgeon had placed a well-aimed kick at her head.

Artemis noticed Lily first and began crawling toward her so fast that Butler could not catch up. "Lily!"

Lily mumbled, "Ice cream, lollipops, jelly beans."

Artemis calmed down considerably, she was fine.

Lily woke with a start and sat up, seeing Artemis, she threw her arms around him, "Arty!"

Artemis smiled, Lily was safe, Cudgeon was dead, and Holly was unconscious for now, plus, nobody got hurt…much.

Artemis sighed softly, Lily was still asleep except she how somehow rolled onto Artemis' bed and was holding his right hand. Artemis slipped his hand out of her grip and patted her on the head.

Aboard the Mayak Chemical Train

Artemis and Lily latched onto the rung beside Holly.

"What can I do?"

She nodded at a shoulder pocket.

"In there. A small vial. Take it out."

Artemis ripped open the Velcro flap, pulling out a tiny spray bottle.

"Okay. Got it."

"Good. It's up to you now, Fowl. Up and over."

Artemis' mouth dropped open. "Up and…"

"Yes. It's our only hope. We have to get this door open to reel in Butler and the Commander. There's a bend in the track two klicks back. If this train slows down even one revolution, they're gone."

Artemis nodded. "The vial?"

"Acid. For the lock. The mechanism is on the inside. Cover your face and squeeze. Give it the whole tube. Don't get any on yourself."

"Good luck, Arty," Lily said, still clinging to the rung tightly.

Artemis decided not to risk patting her head and falling off the train so he nodded instead.

Artemis climbed up slowly until his head poked above the carriage.

Every shed of shelter was now gone. The air pounded his forehead, forcing itself down his throat. Artemis squinted through the blizzard, along the carriage's roof. There! In the center. A skylight. Across a desert of steel, blasted smooth as glass by the elements. Not a handhold within fifteen feet. The strength of a rhino would be of no use here, Artemis decided. At last an opportunity to use his brain. Kinetics and momentum. Simple enough, in theory.

Artemis fumbled the acid vial from his pocket, snapping the top between his teeth. A fleck of acid flew past his eye. No time to worry about that now. No time for anything.

The skylight was secured by a thick padlock. Artemis dribbled two drops into the keyhole. All he could spare. It would have to be enough.

The effect was immediate. The acid ate through the metal like lava through ice. Fairy technology. Best under the world.

The padlock pinged open, exposing the hatch to the wind's power. The hatch flipped upward, and Artemis tumbled through onto a pallet of barrels. Not exactly the picture of a gallant rescuer.

The train's motion shook him from the barrels. Artemis landed face up, gazing at the triple-triangle symbol for radiation stamped on the side of each container. At least the barrels were sealed, though rust seemed to have taken hold on quite a few.

Artemis rolled across the slatted floor, clambering to his knees alongside the door. Was Captain Short and Lily still anchored there, or was he alone now? For the first time in his life. Truly alone.

"Fowl! Open the door, you pasty-faced mud weasel!"

She'd used quite a vocabulary in those statements. Artemis chuckled softly. He turned around to look at Lily, only to find that she had disappeared from her spot on the bed. Artemis stood up; she wasn't on her own bed either.

Frightened, Artemis ran to his wardrobe and threw open the door, flinging clothes out of the way, she wasn't there.

Artemis turned around, filled with panic, and then sighed with relief.

Lily lay sleeping on the ground, apparently she had rolled off.

Artemis left the room and called Butler.

"Artemis?"

"Yes?"

"You're still in your bathrobe." Butler stated what Artemis had not been aware of.

Artemis looked down at his white bathrobe, "Yes, I know Butler."

Butler stifled a chuckle.

"I need you to pick up Lily."

"What?" stammered Butler.

"She fell off the bed."

Butler nodded and obeyed his employer's request.

"Arty? Arty? Arty? Arty?" Lily repeated over and over again, shaking the boy by the shoulders.

Artemis mumbled in his sleep and swatted Lily's hands away like flies.

"Arty?" said Lily once more, "Arty!"

Artemis Fowl awoke with a start, "Lily?"

"You're awake," Lily said, smiling sweetly.

Young Fowl nodded, sitting up in his bed.

Lily ran out of the room, Artemis winced, he had told Lily not to run before, but obviously she had forgotten. A scream confirmed his worst fears, for his mother hated when people ran in the house.

"You little prick!"

Lily whimpered, "I'm sorry Mrs. Fowl."

Artemis left the room to quell the fight before it became dangerous.

"Arty, dear! Good Morning!"

"Morning Mother."

Lily scampered down the stairs and Artemis followed.

Soon enough, after mass amounts of punching, kicking, biting, tackling and hair-pulling, running was permitted in Fowl Manor.

Artemis: You put me in a bathrobe?

Lilshinigami1215: Yep.

Artemis: Why?

Lilshinigami1215: Revenge.

Artemis: Revenge?

Lilshinigami1215: You called me weird in the last installment!

Artemis: Queer.

Lilshinigami1215: Whatever!

Artemis: …

Lilshinigami1215: What?

Artemis…

Lilshinigami1215: WHAT!

Artemis: Abnormal creature.

Lilshinigami1215: T.T