Disclaimer: I own it. If you have a problem with that, I now have two pet assassins, the West Shore Mafia, an army of killer kangaroos, another army of mutant polar bears, and a fleet of pirate ships I can send after you.

A/N (4/2/05): Sorry it took so long to get back to this. I blame Senior Project and my new obsession with Stargate. Actually, I seem to have lost my notes for Chapter 11, which is not a good thing, because that just so happens to be this chapter. I have Chapters 12, 13, 13 ½, maybe 14, and definitely 15, but no Chapter 11. But at least I know what I was going to call it, so I think I'll BS it from there. Oh, by the way, I've been writing a few Stargate fanfics, and in my opinion they're pretty good. Some of the better ones are still upcoming, though. Like Attack of the Mutant Penguins. That's where my evil twin takes over the world, and I'm acting a bit more like Lyn. So if you like this story, I think you'll like that one when it comes out.

A/N # 2 (4/2/05): Guess what? On impulse, I just went and cleaned the papers out of one of my bins that I filled with junk right before the hurricane just in case the roof came off, and at the very bottom of the pile I found… you got it… Chapter 11! Oh, and by the way, the whole lock-picking thing, with MacGyver and all, well, it's true. Isn't my daddy cool?

Thanks to Fireblade K'Chona for my one (third person singular) review. Okay, probably no one got that, because it's a reference to a certain funny quote from MacGyver, but that's okay. Ooh, I have a happy quote for today! "This is personal. First person singular." Pete Thornton, from MacGyver. Oh, and by the way, General Jack O'Neill from Stargate SG-1 outranks Captain Jack Sparrow! Oh, hey, I think I just managed to understand Tom's explanation for time travel. Listening to Captain/Major/Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter (to distinguish her from my Samantha Carter) helps a bit. The whole slingshot around a large mass is from the Stargate episode 1969.

Lyn was in great high spirits after the dance. She decided to tell the entire world about her upcoming marriage to Jack. There was a conference coming up, which would be broadcast to the whole nation. Coincidentally it was about the pirate threat.

Nick drove them to the conference. The guards tried to stop them, but they had a bit of trouble doing that while unconscious. The doors were locked, of course, to keep out unwanted visitors, but that was why they'd brought along Aunt Sammy. She hadn't yet discovered a lock she couldn't pick.

There was a bit of a tense moment as Lyn wondered whether Sammy would be able to pick a lock unlike any she'd ever seen before. Maybe Lyn herself would have to pick the lock. She could probably do it, but it might take a while. Her father had actually taught her how to pick locks when she became interested in this old TV show called MacGyver. Her father had bought her a pocketknife and they'd taken the lock off a door so she could practice picking it. Actually, all she'd managed to do was pick the lock closed. Once. She hadn't been able to undo or repeat the process without resorting to the key.

She needn't have worried. After about a minute of fumbling, the lock clicked open.

Lyn sauntered past the astonished committee members and took the mike from President Bush himself. "Thank ye," she said to him. "Oh, by the way, I'd'a voted for ye, if'n I'd been old enou' to vote. Howdy y'all!" she said to the camera. "I'm one o' them pirates these gennelmen 'ave been talkin' 'bout. Discursin', or whate'er that word is." She, of course, knew perfectly well which word she wanted, but it was fun to pretend ignorance. "Anyhoo, I jes' wanned to let y'all know that I'm getting' married. Yer all invited to the wedding. Drinks all around!" She gave the microphone back to the astonished president and left.

So finally the time came for Jack and Lyn to be married. There were plenty of guests, due to the promise of "drinks all around." Lyn insisted on having a proper wedding. First of all they dressed Uncle Jack in cleric's robes and stood him in a church and made him preside over the ceremony. He was more than a little drunk and had trouble reading the words. Things like "to have and to hold" came out as "to hate unto holes" and various other malapropisms. Lyn had apparently memorized the ceremony beforehand (she had a habit for doing things like that), and she kept correcting Uncle Jack whenever he'd mess up.

Lyn herself wore a corset, which Trey offered to help her put on. Katie slapped him for the offer.

"No, thanks," Lyn declined. "I can put it on meself." And she did. A year of wearing a back brace had taught her how to breathe while having the breath crushed out of her, and how to put on said breath-crushing apparatus.

Jack fidgeted through the entire ceremony. He was not comfortable in the suit Lyn had made him wear. "God save us from religion," Trey muttered, on more than one occasion.

After "to hate unto holes," Jack looked ready to make a witty remark, but Lyn leveled a glare at him (after correcting Uncle Jack), and that was all it took. "I do," he replied somberly. He shifted nervously.

Lyn smiled radiantly at him. All brides were radiant, and all grooms were nervous. It was a law of nature. Lyn considered briefly whether they should have broken it. Ah, well. Too late now.

"If there are any ejections to this union, speak now of forever hold your peace."

"I object!" Toby Stormwind said—or maybe it was Sam. It must have been Sam, because his brother took out a can of silly string and sprayed it all over his face. Only Toby would carry silly string to a wedding.

"I withdraw me objection!" Sam announced, spitting silly string out of his mouth. "That stuff tastes nastier than it smells."

Finally, after the ceremony had taken about three times as long as it should have, and they got to the "I now declare you husher and strife" ("Husband and wife!" Lyn hissed, and Uncle Jack hastily corrected himself) and "You may kiss the bride."

Then they got to the reception, which Lyn insisted be out on the beach. First, though, they had to clear the beach of all the dead fish, because red tide had just come in, and the beach stank to high heaven.

There was also the problem of the very wet cat, because Gypsy wanted some loving so Lyn threw her in the water. For those of you who have never had the misfortune to smell the stench, wet cat also stinks to high heaven, even worse than dirty dog.

They passed around the alcohol until all the guests who'd shown up for the drinks were roaring drunk, then picked their pockets and emptied their wallets of cash. Then they were sent on their way.

Only then did they break open the stashes of candy and cake and cookies and noise makers and party poppers.

"Shiny!" Kyra said when Lyn set off a party popper. Lyn set off the next one directly at Kyra, remembering absently that you weren't supposed to do that. The Martian girl danced among the shiny, smiling vacantly. "Shiny."

Lyn wandered toward the cookies. She munched on them absently while watching Jack. While she was thus distracted, Toby managed to spray rainbow silly string all over her wedding dress. She then chased him all over the field until she managed to catch him and confiscate the silly string. This is not to say that the silly string saw no more use; far from it! Lyn sprayed all her guests, then chased Jack around and sprayed him too.

And finally it was time to retire to the bedroom, and well, we'll just close the bedroom door, and whatever happens on the other side is none of our business. But I'll put it this way, at least: Lyn really wanted Jack's babies.