Chapter 14: Broken
I could hear Lance in the hallway, and I had a feeling he was talking to Gold. I couldn't make out their exact words, but I had a feeling Gold was on his way.
I glanced away as Lance stepped back into the room. I'd spent the night curled in his arms. I couldn't imagine how stiff his neck was. "He should be here in a few hours," he stated.
I… I didn't know what I was feeling. I was mad, and I felt like an afterthought. Truthfully, I didn't really want to see him right then. But a part of me wanted to dive into Gold's arms. I wanted the familiarity of my lover's embrace. I wanted him to tell me everything would be okay. I wanted him to say let's go home, I wanted to wake up in our bed together, I wanted to go to the gym and beat up some challengers, and I wanted him to… kiss me… I thought.
But maybe that Silver was dead?
I was terrified to find out. I didn't want to find out.
Was I cheating on Gold? I honestly wasn't sure, and truthfully, I didn't care. I needed the love and warmth of another human. If Lance hadn't been with me… I probably would have broken entirely. Just the thought of him vanishing was enough for my emotions to surge into panic.
Lance just clicked his tongue and plopped down on the edge of my bed, gently wrapping an arm around my shoulders and flicking on the TV. I thankfully nuzzled into his shoulder, so grateful for the warmth and comfort. "But we're not watching kid's cartoons," he snorted. He flicked over to the news and stabbed a finger toward the screen. "Look what you did!"
Shit. The mountain did look like a bomb had gone off. It was like a chunk was missing!
"Those pokemon setting off earthquakes were felt in Goldenrod! The landslides were insane. Fortunately, no trainers really head out there. The only ones that do are strong enough to take care of themselves. As far as anyone is aware, there were no deaths beyond those goons. By the way, they did get the DNA sample off that fucking rock bird."
Fucking rock bird had become the code word for Archen. I smirked slightly, thankful Lance was trying to be so light and encouraging about everything. He was usually an incredibly serious and pessimistic guy. He might have also been sleep deprived—incredibly so.
We sat around watching TV until a few hours later Lance stood up and stretched. "I'll be back in a minute," he stated simply, leaving the room without any more explanation. I watched in surprise as he left. I carefully pushed myself out of bed and made my way to the window. I could walk well enough, but it hurt like hell. I just had to take it slow was all.
Just as I'd expected, Gold touched down in front of the hospital with Togetaro, and I felt my mouth go dry. He was the Gold I remembered. Lance walked out to meet him, and my eyes widened when Lance rolled his shoulder, marching right at my boyfriend. I winced as what I'd feared unfolded when Lance pulled his arm back and brought his fist right across Gold's face with enough force that Gold was knocked to the ground. That was enough to probably give a mild concussion.
The two immediately broke out in a screaming match, people on the hospital grounds running away from the confrontation. And then Gold just stopped, staring at Lance in disbelief. The way he stood there looking horrified… I knew Lance had probably told him. He'd asked if he should tell Gold, trying to give me as much power over the situation as he could. I'd just said yes, Gold deserved to at least know, and I honestly didn't know how to bring it up…
I think people were too scared to stop them both on their way back into the hospital.
"Silver! Silver, I'm so fucking sorry!" I heard Gold practically scream down the hallway, rushing into my room, completely out of breath.
"This is a hospital!" I hissed, glaring at them both as Lance followed Gold into my room. Someone could have just received news a family member was dying; it wasn't a place to yell.
Shit. Lance had really clobbered my boyfriend. Gold's face, and Lance's fist were both bleeding. Gold's face had already started to swell.
Gold reached out to embrace me and I just froze, my eyes wide. Every cell in my body whispered danger and I stumbled back. "No," I choked out softly, pushing Gold away, my heart starting to race. Both he and Lance just stared at me in surprised wonder. "No," I repeated, forcing myself to take a deep breath, "No, I just… I just can't right now."
Tears started burning my eyes and I weakly took another step backwards, my back the wall now. I wasn't me, right? I loved Gold. Why did the thought of him touching me terrify me? Maybe I had died? Maybe I didn't want to dirty his hands? "Where were you? Why did I wake up and you weren't here?" I demanded, desperate to conceal the terror in me, used to using anger to hide it.
Gold looked at the ground submissively. "I didn't realize what had happened…"
"Bullshit! You didn't know I got fucking stabbed?!" I yelled at him. "That my wounds were fatal?!"
"No, I didn't realize that… that the other things happened."
"That I got raped?" I asked dryly, hating that word. It was a terrible word. Why did such a word exist? "Is that all you care about? That someone else touched me?"
Gold immediately started to flounder, clearly not knowing what to say. It hurt. It hurt so much.
"Get out," I stated simply.
"Silver what—"
"Get. Out," I hissed, the words bringing me no pain at all to voice.
He just stared at me in horror, frozen.
xxxxxxx
I'd never seen Silver like this before. Blue had mentioned it'd been a long time, him being a child that wouldn't even speak. I'd never wanted to see him like this. I thought I never would see him like this. Hadn't I promised Giovanni I would protect Silver? I had not realized just how badly I had fucked things up. I really was an idiot sometimes.
He looked like an arbok about to attack, or maybe more so a cornered raticate. A storm was raging in his silver eyes, dark clouds churning in the gray of his irises. I didn't see a shred of familiarity in his eyes. He'd been stripped down to his core survival instincts. This was long before I'd confessed. This was worse than when I chased Silver down and set him on fire the first time I'd laid my eyes on him. He was almost primal. This was a Silver exposed to the pure evil of humanity, completely alone.
When I'd gotten a call from Lance about what had happened, I was about to rush to Silver. It'd been the middle of the night, I hadn't seen the news frantic about Mount Silver erupting into chaos, or a destructive attack on the outskirts of Celedon city. Lance had said they were keeping Silver sedated though after he'd successfully made it out of surgery. I figured there was no point in hovering over my unconscious boyfriend. The least I could do was bring him home a medal.
Clearly, I had made a very dumb choice. I carefully backed away from the broken, and clearly terrified redhead glaring at me. There wasn't an ounce of familiarity in his eyes. About the best thing I could do was do what he said. I nodded, and carefully backed out of the room, never turning my back to him. "Do—"
Silver's eyes narrowed and I stopped the question immediately. I was just going to ask if he wanted me out of the house. I got the vibe that the answer was yes. I got the vibe that he was breaking up with me, to put it lightly.
When Lance had called again, saying they'd stopped the sedatives, he said I should be there. There had been two and a half days left in the competition. I couldn't stop then. It had been an all or nothing competition. I'd figured Silver wouldn't want me to ruin it all so close to the end. It'd wanted to bring him a metal, I wanted to see his cute smile when I handed it to him. I'd been pushing myself to the brink since the second I'd heard he'd been almost killed, I wanted to bring him proof of my efforts and love.
Now I suddenly realized I'd been doing it for myself to cope, not for Silver. I hadn't even tried to call him. I'd just pushed myself past my limits, feeling like I'd failed him. I glanced down and casually pulled the gold medal from my pocket, staring at it in dismay. I spat on it, about to throw it on the ground and just leave it there. Instead, I tightened my grip on the worthless prize and just bowed my head, trying to fight off the tears.
Silver had… How much agonizing pain had he been in? Why hadn't I been there to save him? Would I have even been any use had I been there?
God dammit.
Lance had called me again, telling me I needed to be there, that Silver was awake and that he was not okay. I'd thought he'd just been dramatic. My Silver was tougher than that, tell him I'd be there tomorrow with the gold! No, I'd just been guilty and scared.
I wished Lance had punched me harder. I hoped my jaw was broken. It sure hurt enough.
I carefully grabbed my pokegear, hoping I could save at least one of Silver's lifelines as I pressed Blue's name on the screen.
"Hey," I greeted, unable to help my voice cracking as she picked up. "Blue, Silver isn't okay. He's not okay at all. He needs you."
"What do you mean?" she asked, sounding exhausted. I knew she was probably still recovering from childbirth; it hadn't even been two months.
"Lance didn't want to tell us everything over the phone. I thought he was just being dramatic. You remember the apprentice Silver had taken on? He drugged and raped Silver, then he turned him over to those gangsters. Silver was conscious for the whole thing. He just broke up with me. I don't even know if he recognized me."
She was silent. "Fuck," she whispered softly.
"The look in his eyes…"
"Yeah," she stated softly. She sighed weakly. "I'll see what I can do."
I nodded and she clicked the call off.
When Lance had come storming towards me, I'd figured he'd been out of his mind. When he'd punched me, screaming about the last bit of Silver's heart being shattered, I really hadn't understood.
"You should have seen him soaked in blood, covered in fucking hickeys. They found a paralytic in his system, amongst other things. That fucking kid drugged him, and then forced himself on Silver. Silver admitted he was perfectly conscious for everything. Then that kid got paid off and left Silver to get murdered. Do you really think I wanted to discuss that on the phone?! Do you know what your boyfriend has been through? Do you know what waking up to me, and not his boyfriend did to him? He kept asking about you and Blue! What the fuck was I supposed to tell him?! He's been twisting in a hellscape in his dreams, and all I can do is hold him."
I… didn't really know what to do. I doubted I'd be able to save Silver, though.
I weakly grabbed my pokegear again, calling Crystal this time.
"Hey Gold, how's Silver?" she asked curiously.
"Not okay," I stated softly. "I just visited him, and he broke up with me. Or rather, get out, was what he said, twice."
Silence.
"I fucked up good. I don't want to go into details, but I don't think I'm going to be able to get near him anytime soon. Crys, please, can you keep an eye on him for me?"
"Gold," she uttered weakly. "Which hospital is he at?"
xxxxxxx
I couldn't take it. Ah, poor me getting fucked against my will. Apparently, that made me more pitiable than getting stabbed. Humans didn't survive the damage my body had taken. I only survived because those pokemon had managed to stop the bleeding, but even pokemon couldn't heal everything. I'd only lived because Lance had managed to calm those pokemon and get a medevac in.
Now my friends and family thought I was worth seeing?
"Silver," Lance whispered softly, shielding me from the world with my forehead pressed to his back. "It might not be a bad idea to at least talk to them. I know it hurts. I can see how much pain you're in, but they're worried sick about you. Your sister just had her baby, do you know how hard it was for her to come all the way here?"
I couldn't do it. Maybe if there had been a few pieces of me left I could have, but I couldn't. I couldn't stay there. I needed to get out of there.
Absently I reached down, ripping the IV from my arm with a wince. They'd freed me of all the other wires and tubes.
Lance gasped and instantly pinned me, and I fought against him with all my might. He was so much stronger than me, likely not even having to use his full strength to restrain me. Even if I hadn't been injured, I likely wouldn't have stood a chance. "Please," I uttered, gripping his forearm, "I just want out of here."
"Two more weeks, minimum," he stated firmly. "Unless you ripped that wound open, then three more weeks minimum. You either agree, or you're going to be restrained. You really can't see them that badly?"
I shook my head. I really couldn't.
He sighed weakly, releasing me and gently cupping my face. "Silver, we're human. We make mistakes. They care about you."
"I believe you," I stated softly. "I just… I can't right now. Everything inside me feels wrong. It hurts. I don't feel like me."
"You are you," he whispered, so tenderly, love obvious in his voice.
I… loved Lance… I knew he loved me, too. I was so happy. I'd always loved him to an extent, I'd been too young to have a relationship with him back then, but he was the second person to ever earn my trust after Blue. I'd always respected him and loved him as my master and friend. I didn't feel capable of loving anything or anyone romantically right now though. Maybe it was just desperation that made my stomach drop and my heart quicken at his words?
"Could you just tell them I need some time?" I requested softly.
He sighed and bowed his head, nodding. "Is there anyone you want to see?"
"My father?" I uttered nervously and Lance raised an unimpressed eyebrow at me. Truthfully, I didn't want anyone to see me, especially my father. I was just trying to cope with a bit of humor, everything else was exhausted.
"I mean... I could try a median, but I don't think that'll get us anywhere. Alright, I'm tattling to a nurse about your damn IV, and then I'm going to go talk to your friends. Look at all that damn blood, Silver. Haven't you lost enough the past two weeks?! Just because you're AB doesn't mean you can just take it all!"
I smirked wryly. It certainly was enough blood. I was surprised I hadn't clotted yet, they likely had me on something with my heart like it was. Hopefully I didn't need another transfusion… I'd certainly had enough of them throughout the extensive surgery.
Surprisingly the nurse wasn't that mad. She just sighed at me. "Alright. Level with me, should I bother to put another one in? You do have to take pain medication. Believe it or not, pain can complicate your healing. Gives you pneumonia because you won't breathe as deep as you should."
"Can I try without the IV?"
She shrugged and nodded. "We'll just stick it back in if you don't do what you're supposed to. That nausea getting better?"
I nodded. They had added… another medicine for that. I had to be taking 15 different drugs. It seemed very unnecessary. She casually examined my arm and wrapped it up, and then she bothered me with several more questions about how I was feeling. After examining the wounds on my chest, she hummed and shrugged. The one from my surgery was definitely impressive, going right down the middle of my chest where they'd cut my breastbone open.
"Looks like you failed to open it. Impressive. Don't do that again. Now you know the drill by this point, lung check!"
I did know the drill at this point. I obeyed, wincing at the cold stethoscope she laid on my skin. Honestly, I'd been shocked I wasn't reacting worse than I was to stranger's touches. I'd reacted horribly to Gold reaching out to me. They'd even had to remove a catheter from me, but it had been embarrassing and more annoying than anything. Truthfully, I had a feeling Lance being around had a lot to do with that. He wouldn't let anyone hurt me again. Even with him not in the room… I felt okay. He still wouldn't let anything happen to me.
But I kept turning it over and over in my head about Gold. I couldn't stop crying. I just felt like I'd completely and utterly failed him. I couldn't face him.
"I'm surprised your boyfriend actually left the room, I don't think I've caught him away from your side once," she stated, going ahead and getting my blood pressure and pulse.
"He's not my boyfriend," I admitted, trying not to let it show on my face how much that hurt. She gave me the exact look I expected.
"Uh huh," she responded dryly. "Just a good friend that sleeps in bed with you. Got it."
"Fair," I sighed. "It's complicated."
"Clearly."
I smirked. Honestly, I always found this nurse easier to deal with that the others. It was awkward being recognized as a celebrity. I'd even had one of the other nurses ask where Gold was. This nurse clearly didn't give a damn who I was. "Alright. I'm done with you for now. Until next time. They're going to come bring you some sheets that aren't bleed all over," she stated, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.
Lance returned not too long after, looking exhausted as usual lately. "I told them I'd look after you and that you'd call them when you're ready. I did not punch your sister like I did Gold."
"Appreciated," I sighed.
And that's how my two weeks went, Lance by my side through the entire thing.
AN: Just go with the the Grey's Anatomy level of medical knowledge and the case study I read as reference material.
