Definitely Not Negotiating
"Captain," Quai Gon pulled his hood over his head. Connan stood beside him, her hood already covering her face, with one hip swung outward. She was staring out the window in front of them, looking over the huge vessel before her. They were to board this ship and negotiate the end of the blockade on Naboo. It was futile, Connan knew, but the Council wished them to try. They forgot the fact that these people don't like Jedi, and that it's a whole ship against three people, since the Council wouldn't allow Æliesha to come. But Connan obliged them wordlessly, inwardly cursing them with scowls and glares.
And since when had Connan been one to defy any Council?
"Yes, sir?" The woman replied, eyeing Quai Gon cautiously.
"Tell them we wish to board at once." Quai Gon ordered. The woman nodded, and started talking to the big ship in front of them.
"This is hopeless." Connan whispered the Obi Wan, who stood on her left. Quai Gon's head perked from her right, as he listened in on their conversation. "There's no way we can't get out of there without a fight."
"Are you underestimating us?" Obi Wan asked, crossing his arms. His hood hid his face from view, but Connan could tell he was glowering.
"No, no, I'm not. I'm just saying that if these people are psychotic enough to blockade a planet with large ships, then they're psychotic enough to not listen to negotiations." Connan explained. "Think of it like a hostage situation. The holder most of the time won't listen to reason. They want what they want, and they'll see it no other way."
"This is a hostage situation." Obi Wan clarified.
"So you'll be able to see I'm right." Connan countered. Quai Gon chuckled.
"It's nice to see you two finally getting along." He murmured.
-----
"Make yourselves comfortable," The droid—TC-14—insisted, standing beside Connan. The silver on the machine bounced the reflection of Connan back to her, and she was able to hide her lightsaber from view. Connan tugged at her robes nervously. "My Master shall be with you shortly."
The droid left the room.
"This is such a bad idea," Connan sat in the meeting parlor on board the leader ship in the Naboo blockade, biting her nails. "The Council is stupid if it thinks this will work. Since when do people negotiate over war?"
The parlor was very plain, just four silver steel walls with a window and a table with chairs around it. The table had a clear vase with orange flowers in it, but other than that it was very boring.
"Would you rather rampage through the ships, blowing them all up at will?" Quai Gon asked, sitting beside her.
"I'd need two days to figure it out. Then I would be able to pull ten people together at least and blow them up, yeah." Connan answered, smirking.
"That's not how this Jedi Council does things, Revan." Obi Wan insisted.
"That's now how the last Jedi Council did it, either." Connan countered. "But don't you see how stupid this is? We waltzed in here with our Jedi clothes on. They're not going to look at us and think that we just killed three Jedi and took it from them."
"Jedi are keepers of the peace." Quai Gon argued civilly, crossing his arms and sitting back.
"But they're also defenders. That means that Jedi have to defend people. Who needs defending? Naboo. Who just so happens to be leading the blockade for the planet in question? This ship." Connan explained.
"So, if things go like you expect, you'll get what you want in the end. So why gripe about the waiting?" Obi Wan asked. Connan smiled.
"Good question."
There was an awkward silence. Connan pulled out her datapad on her HK-47 droid and began studying it.
According to this datapad, her HK-47 had disappeared on a mission to assassinate General Seevupleh on Naboo, almost four thousand years ago. That was convenient. It never said if he was successful in his attempt or not.
"Will we have time to be on the planet itself?" Connan asked, breaking the silence.
"Probably, the way I sense things." Obi Wan answered, gazing out the window.
"Good. There's something I want to look for." Connan smiled inwardly.
"Master," Obi Wan said to Quai Gon. "I have a bad feeling about this."
"Well, if I had ten credits for every time I've heard that I'd be filthy rich." Connan answered. She was ignored.
"I don't sense anything." Quai Gon raised an eyebrow.
"It's not about the mission, Master." Obi Wan simplified. "It's something… elsewhere, elusive."
Connan sputtered. "Thinking like that won't do you any good."
"Don't center on your anxieties, Obi Wan. Keep your concentration here and now, where it belongs." Quai Gon ordered.
"Yeah, on a blockade ship full of battle droids and droidekas." Connan shot. Quai Gon gave her a nasty look. Connan shrugged and continued on her datapad.
"But Master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future." Obi Wan pushed.
"Not when you have a task as hopeless as this one." Connan chided, smiling.
"Not at the expense of the moment," Quai Gon suavely brushed his hand through the air. Connan stifled back a laugh. "Be mindful of the living Force, young Padawan."
"Yes, Master." Obi Wan nodded his head.
"If I had ten credits for how many time I heard that I'd be richer than any Hutt." Connan commented.
"How do you think this trade viceroy will deal with the chancellor's demands?" Obi Wan grinned, eyeing Connan, who looked up, fire in her eyes.
"Has no one been paying attention to me?" She asked, a little agitated.
"These Federation types are cowards. The negotiations will be short." Quai Gon answered. Connan nodded, still a little hot.
"I'm sure,"
The TC-14 droid came back into the room, holding a tray of drinks.
"Is it in their nature to make us wait this long?" Obi Wan asked impatiently.
"My, my, aren't you a little pushy today?" Connan grinned. "Still, there's a lot of fear on this ship."
"True," Quai Gon agreed. He took one of the drinks off of the tray. "Too much for something as trivial as a trade dispute." Connan nodded slowly.
Connan's Force Precognition threw itself into effect. Her eyes glazed over and she leaned back in her chair as the force of the vision threw her backward.
"Revan?" Obi Wan asked. "Are you okay?"
Connan wasn't listening. She saw the bridge of the ship, where two aliens stood in front of a hologram. The hologram was tall, and had a black robe on over his head. She gasped, like all the air had been pushed out of her.
The hologram was a Sith Lord.
"This scheme of yours has failed, Lord Sidious." One of the aliens pushed his hands together pleadingly. "The blockade is over. We dare not go against these Jedi."
"Viceroy, I don't want this stunted slime in my sight again." Barked the hologram, Lord Sidious. His voice cut through Connan harshly, as if a rusty blade struck through her gut.
One of the aliens turned and left, bowing. Lord Sidious continued.
"This turn of events is unfortunate. We must accelerate out plans. Begin landing your troops." Troops? What troops? Connan had seen nothing of any troops on this ship. They were planning to take over Naboo. The alien still talking to Sidious blanched.
"My lord, is that legal?"
"I will make it legal."
"And the Jedi?" Connan felt a beat of sweat pour down her forehead.
"The chancellor should never have brought them into this. Kill them immediately." Lord Sidious smiled cunningly, and stared at Connan. Right into her eyes.
Connan was thrown from her seat as she returned to reality. She landed on the floor, coughing.
"Revan!" Obi Wan stood, pulling her up from the ground. "Are you alright? What happened?"
"I—uh," She remembered the last thing the Sith Lord said. "Hold your breath." She ordered.
"What?" Quai Gon asked, placing a comforting hand on Connan's shoulder.
"Hurry, hold your breath!" Connan repeated.
She felt the ship they came in on blow to pieces and the two inhabitants on it become one with the Force. It caused her to open one of her lightsabers, as the other two did.
TC-14 dropped her tray, crying out.
"Oh, my!"
Gas filled the room through vent both on the ceiling and on the floor. Connan stood from the chair, drawing in a Force Breath and slowing down her circulation, allowing her breath to last longer.
"Dioxis. I guess Revan was right." Quai Gon said as he quickly covered his mouth. "Stay quiet."
Connan's two lightsabers entered her hands and she waited for instruction. The blast doors opened and twenty battle droids stood in the doorway. She stood still, using the dioxis that surrounded her as cover. She heard the service droid walk out of the room, followed by her interjections.
"Oh, excuse me!" She cried.
"Make sure they're dead." One battle droid squeaked.
"Roger, roger." Said another. They walked into the room. Obi Wan and Quai Gon let their lightsabers go.
"Uh-oh. Blast them." The machines ordered.
Connan struck, unsheathing her sabers and plowing through the droids like paper. Obi Wan and Quai Gon fought their way to the front of the room.
"Those things were pushovers!" Connan griped as she killed the last one. "HK would be insulted to see them."
"Get to the bridge. If we take over the ship the others will have to surrender, too." Obi Wan ordered. Connan nodded. They ran straight through the ship, to the other side.
"When we came in the bridge was open. It was right here." Quai Gon pointed in front of them, which had closed blast doors.
"You get to work on opening those doors; we'll fend off the pushovers." Connan commanded, rushing to a new batch of machines. Obi Wan joined her. Quai Gon drove his lightsaber into the blast doors, watching the steel around his saber to melt.
"So what are you going to look for on Naboo?" Obi Wan asked as he tore through another droid.
"I was hoping to find an old friend. A very old friend." Connan hit the last pushover droid and sent her lightsabers back into her bag. She scowled, changing the subject. "Why wouldn't they let Æliesha come with us? She's a good dog."
"Because the viceroys don't like dogs," Quai Gon answered, pulling his lightsaber out of the door. His look of surprise was quickly exchanged by a frustrated one. "They've closed another set of blast doors. Hold a moment." He hurled his lightsaber into the door, until only the hilt was seen.
Connan grunted in interest, watching Quai Gon as he melted through two sets of thick doors. Her thoughts were interrupted by Obi Wan's cry.
"Master, Destroyers!" He cried, letting his lightsabers come out. Connan flipped around, eyeing the new machines.
The beetle-like droids rolled up to them and stood on four small sticks that were used for feet. They could have been pretty easy targets if they didn't have the shields they'd activated as soon as opening. Connan opened her sabers just as the two droids began firing at them. The constant barrage of shots was both pleasing and surprising to Connan. She had to work to keep each blaster shot from getting either behind her or on her, yet the ferocity of the attacks was almost scary.
Some of the weight was lifted off Connan as Quai Gon abandoned his task to help her and Obi Wan.
"It's a stand-off." He said. "Let's go." He began running for the hangar.
"Go on, Paddy," Connan gestured for Obi Wan to follow first. He happily obliged. Connan was right on his tail, blocking blaster shots left and right.
"Wait!" Connan called. The other two stopped. "Let's go this way." She opened up a ventilation shaft next to her. "It's a lot safer."
"Alright. We need to find the hangar." Quai Gon insisted. They pulled themselves into the shaft.
In the hangar the trio observed many of the pushover droids being loaded onto four huge ships, resembling the Sand Crawlers of Tatooine. Connan groaned.
"There's thousands of the pushover droids here!" She whined. "What are we supposed to do about this?"
"Battle droids. It's an invasion army." Obi Wan observed, squinting his eyebrows.
"How odd for a Federation," Connan chided, rubbing her chin.
"We've to warn Naboo, and contact Chancellor Valorum." Quai Gon ordered. "Let's split up. Stow aboard separate ships and meet down on the planet." Connan and Obi Wan nodded simultaneously.
"I get the farthest one away." Connan ordered. Obi Wan chuckled.
"You were right about one thing, Master." He whispered. "The negotiations were short."
Connan glowered.
-----
Connan stumbled from the tank wearily. If that thing wasn't the bumpiest rider she'd ever been on, her insides would have been totally used to the jumping sensation they felt. Everything inside of her was vibrating. It didn't help, still, that she was running for her life alongside Quai Gon. The tanks began firing at trees in the forest they landed in and bulldozing over wildlife. Animals ran left and right.
Except for one animal.
To Connan, it looked like a Gungan. He had a fish-like head, burnt orange, and two long, flimsy, almost lekku-like headtails on the back of his head. He was standing amidst all the running—smart—animals and holding his head like he had no clue of his whereabouts.
"Get out of the way!" Quai Gon called, waving his hands in front of himself. He tackled the Gungan.
"Quai Gon!" Connan scolded. "The tank's right behind us!" She dove after him, feeling the steel of the brown ship gently breeze across her.
"Don't move," Quai Gon whispered, though whether it was for the Gungan or Connan was beyond her.
The tank left and Connan stood, pulling Quai Gon up with her.
"You idiot! You almost died! Don't you dare do that again!" She scorned, hugging him tightly. Quai Gon laughed, returning the gesture.
"Was'n dat?" The Gungan noticed Quai Gon and Connan walking away. "Hey, wait!"
"Oh, mooie-mooie! I love yousa!" He called to the two. Connan scowled.
"You almost got us killed, are you brainless?" Quai Gon asked.
"I spake." The Gungan insisted, crossing his arms.
"The ability to speak—however fragmented—doesn't make you intelligent." Connan countered.
"Now get out of here." Quai Gon finished, waving his hand in the other direction.
"No, no. Mesa stay. Mesa culled Jar Jar Binks. Mesa you humble servant." Jar Jar was getting under Connan's skin.
"You really think this is the time for introductions?" Connan asked, holding a hand above her eyes to block out the sun.
"That won't be necessary." Quai Gon ordered. Connan agreed whole-heartedly.
"Oh, bit it 'tis. 'Tis demanded by the gods it 'tis." Jar Jar explained. Connan groaned.
"It's a life-debt. Great."
"Æliesha won't like this…."
Blaster shots sent the Gungan into a frenzied panic. Two sensor droids were firing at a running Obi Wan.
"Stay down!" Quai Gon ordered. Connan shoved Jar Jar on the ground.
Quai Gon took out his lightsaber and deflected the blaster shots to protect Jar-Jar. This destroyed the first two. Connan held her hand in the air and stopped the third one in its tracks, and flung it against a tree.
"Thanks," Obi Wan panted once Connan returned to them. "We should get going."
"Yeah, let's go." Connan nodded.
Jar-Jar stood and shook his head, making buzzing noises as his head swung.
"Ooh! You save my again!" He said, following the three Jedi.
"Look, Gungan. Stop following us. We have to get to the Queen of Naboo." Connan ordered.
"What's this?" Obi Wan asked, stopping.
"A local." Connan answered, bile in her mouth.
"Let's get out of here before more droids show up." Quai Gon ordered. He started walking again.
"More?" Jar Jar repeated. Connan giggled. "'More' did you spake?"
He still followed the three Jedi.
"Ex-squeeze-me, but the mostest safest place would be Gunga City." Jar Jar suggested, holding up a finger. "Is where I grew. 'Tis a hidden city."
The Jedi stopped in their tracks again and stared at the Gungan.
"A city?" Quai Gon asked. Jar Jar nodded.
"Can you take us there?" Connan asked, too. Jar Jar blanched, backing up.
"On second thought, no. Not really, no." He shook his hands in front of his face. Connan growled.
"No?" She repeated.
"T'is embarrassing. But, uh, my afraid my've been banished." Jar Jar spoke quietly. Connan turned around, trying to hold in the laughter. Jar Jar went on. "My forgotten. Da bosses do terrible tings to me. Terrible things to me if me goen back dare."
"You hear that?" Connan spun around again, pointing outward. The small rumbling sounds in the background were getting slowly louder.
"Yah." Jar Jar held up one of his headtails so he could hear well.
"That is the sound of a thousand terrible things heading this way." Quai Gon joined in, making his voice sound threatening. Obi Wan smirked, finishing the thought.
"If they find us, they're crush us, grind us into tiny pieces and blast us into oblivion." He got closer to the Gungan. Connan smirked.
"But," She shrugged. "If you won't take us there, we'll just have to go somewhere else. Have fun with your terror."
"Wait!" Jar Jar called. "Yousa point is well seen." He pointed to his left. "Dis way." He spun around one-hundred eighty degrees and walked to his right. "Hurry!"
-----
It was a swamp.
Connan didn't take too kindly to getting her robes all wet. They get sticky and gooey and messy, and they'll even shrink a bit if sun dried.
"How much further?" Quai Gon sounded just as impatient as Connan was.
"Wesa goen underwater, okeyday?" Jar Jar told. "Ah, my warning you. Gungans no liken outsiders, so don't spect a warm welcome."
"Oh, don't worry," Connan chided. Obi Wan finished her thought absentmindedly.
"This isn't our day for warm welcomes." She smirked at him.
The Gungan flew into the air, shouting at the top of his lungs before diving under the water. Connan shrugged, taking in a deep breath and once again initiating her Force Breath to slow down the circulation. Obi Wan and Quai Gon slipped on underwater breathers. They slowly walked into the water.
Jar Jar popped his head out of the water and talked one last time.
"Yousa follow me now, okeyday?" He slipped back into the watery depths.
The swim wasn't really that long, since the three could use the Force to jettison themselves along and keep up with the Gungan, who could have won any swimming races challenged to him.
The underwater city was full of bright orange bubbles, with the cities inside the bubbles. Connan and Obi Wan exchanged glances. Jar Jar was heading for the biggest bubble in the center. He walked through the bubble, planting his feet firmly on solid ground. Connan followed suit. She was soaking wet in her Jedi robes and a little breathless, but other than that unharmed.
"So good bien home!" Jar Jar commented. Various gasps and murmurs broke out through the halls as Gungans watched Jar Jar stretch. He sauntered out into the opening and hummed slightly to himself.
A strange animal resembling a ronto ran up to Jar Jar, with another Gungan on top of it.
"Hey, yousa!" The guard shouted. "Stoppa dare!"
"Heyo-dales, Cap'n Tarpals." Jar Jar waved sheepishly. "Mesa back!" He shrugged.
"Noah gain, Jar Jar. Yousa goen tada bosses. Yousa in big dudu dis time!" Tarpals answered. Jar Jar groaned. One of the other guards came up and shocked Jar Jar with their stick for fun. He squealed in surprise.
"How wude."
Connan sighed, rolling her eyes.
"It's going to be one of those days…."
-----
There you go! I started out with the actual episode now! I want to thank Angela for her wonderful review of my story. The rant was hilarious; I had to show it to my mom. She totally agrees with you in all aspects.
So I'll probably either work on Choices No One Should Make or Just Like Me next. Please review!
