For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 3: The Cat Is Out of the Bag
(Sam's POV)

I watch as Narim disappears through the stargate, following Lya and taking Schroedinger with him and for a moment I can only think that Daniel is going to be deeply relieved by that fact. I know it's a ridiculous thought, I know there are other things I should be trying to sort out right now but I just can't do it... and the fact is that Daniel will be happy to see Schroedinger go, there's no denying that, though I know I will miss the little critter.

After all, Schroedinger had been with me since shortly after I broke up with Jonas. Back when I was working at the Pentagon he just walked into my house one day, made himself at home and refused to leave. At the time I was grateful for the company, for the fact that there was someone there to welcome me home after a long day but the truth is that in these past few months --ever since I joined SG-1-- caring for him had been difficult, not that he needed much looking after... unlike Jonas. In fact his presence only became a serious issue in these past three weeks and that was mostly because of Daniel's allergies. Sure, he never really said anything about it but I heard him sneezing his head off more than once... and the fact that Schroedinger had taken a liking to him and loved nothing better than to curl up on his lap didn't exactly help matters.

Well, he is gone now and I've been left with an odd device in his place, one I know I should be turning over to Maybourne but I can't quite bring myself to do it. That would be too much like a betrayal, not to mention that the feelings contained in it are personal... and could easily be used against me.

Of course, that is only part of the reason why I'm so reluctant to turn it over... a very small part. The fact is that an emotional recorder is something I had never even imagined could possibly exist and I would really love to have a chance to try to figure out how it does what it does. The problem is that I don't have the knowledge to even begin to reverse engineer the Tollans' technology, no one here on earth does... and maybe that's a good thing. I mean, Narim gave me that recorder as a personal gift but even now I am mentally going over its potential military uses and even though I'm fairly certain that there's nothing in it that could possibly be weaponized --I don't think Narim would have given it to me otherwise-- there is no denying that such a thing could easily be turned into an incredibly effective interrogation device, one far more reliable than a simple polygraph could ever hope to be.

In a way that thought is enough to remind me of the difference between ourselves and the Tollans... and to make me realize how much I've changed in the months since I first went to Abydos. Back then I would never have dreamed of betraying the military by keeping something like Narim's gift to myself, I would never have hesitated before doing my 'duty' and handing it over. I had been trained to follow orders, not question them, but somehow in these past eight months I've been forced to grow up. I've had no choice.

Since I joined SG-1 I've seen what's out there and I've come to realize just how far out of our depth we really are. I've also learned that sometimes the best thing we can do is to look the other way. That was not, however, an easy lesson for me to learn.

I remember how in our first couple of missions I used to cringe whenever the colonel suggested that some incidents be kept out of our reports. That reluctance, however, didn't last long. In fact it only lasted until Simarka, when I chose to keep something out of mine to save my own neck, though at least there I could argue that my silence didn't affect anyone but myself... and then came the Nox. I think that was when I finally began to understand why the colonel was so adamant about the need to keep some things quiet.

In that regard I have to admit that up to that point I was probably more than a little naive. For the most part I did what I was told when I was told and trusted the higher ups to make the right decisions. That was what was expected of me but the colonel --with his black-ops background and his intimate knowledge of the darker side of the military-- already knew what kind of decisions those higher ups were likely to make and he knew that there was some information that was best kept out of their reach. He assessed the situation and found it to be too dangerous... after all, if someone knows what the consequences of allowing children to play with loaded guns can be it is precisely Colonel O'Neill.

In a way it is kind of ironic that it was precisely the Nox, the same race we turned to to keep the Tollans safe, that first described us as 'young'. Well, if Lya's words are anything to go by then hopefully they will take this incident to be a sign that --even if we are young-- we can learn... of course, Maybourne's attitude probably did very little to cement that particular image.

On the other hand, I think it is safe to assume that he succeeded in convincing the Tollans that we are ripe to become another Sureeta... or that at least our government is.

That was, after all, Omoc's greatest fear, and I can't honestly say that that fear is totally unfounded, though there's no denying that we wouldn't have required their help to annihilate ourselves if we had really wanted to. We already have the means to do that, though luckily we've managed to remain tethering on the brink for a pretty long time. Would the Tollans' technology have pushed us over? I'd like to think that the answer to that question would be no but the truth is that, just in case I'm mistaken, I'd rather not find out.

What I have learned, however, is that I can't trust the military to uphold the principles and values it is supposed to protect.

That is something that became painfully obvious a few hours ago, when the colonel tried to remind Maybourne that the Tollans had rights and Maybourne countered by asking under which nation's jurisdiction... and then the President sided with him. That was a major shock, a painful wake-up call, and it is also the part I'm still having a hard time trying to come to terms with.

Up until now we had always been able to count on the President to do the right thing but now I realize that that may not always be the case, that there may well be some instances in which the temptation will be too much for him to resist and that is the real danger here... especially because Jonas showed us what could happen if we were to give in to that temptation. He made us realize just how close to the Goa'uld we could come if some of the greedier and more power-hungry elements of our government were to take control of the stargate, if we were to try to portray ourselves as gods to attain our own ends.

Sure, that wasn't really an option in this particular instance, but the fact is that the Tollans are the first case in which we have encountered a human civilization that is technologically more advanced than we are. They are the exception in that regard, not the norm, and while in this particular case what had Maybourne salivating was the thought of getting his hands on some advanced weapons and technology, there may well be other instances in which the lure will be a less developed planet's natural resources.

In a way that has already happened but up until now those instances have been always handled by negotiating treaties and so on but what will the higher ups do when one of those worlds says 'no'? I'd like to think that as long as General Hammond is in charge of the SGC that won't really be a problem but the bottom line is that there are quite a few people who can override his decisions --as was the case when it came to the Tollans-- not to mention that sooner or later he is bound to retire. When that happens the SGC could easily find itself with someone like Maybourne at the helm. That is far from a comforting thought but it is an eventuality we should probably contemplate.

Of course, there's also the fact that, as uncomfortable as that scenario is to contemplate, it is still nowhere near as disturbing as the thoughts I'm currently trying to avoid, the ones that leave me with no choice but to think about what happened a few minutes ago with Narim.

That is something I'm pretty sure I'm still not ready to tackle.