Thank you Audrey G. Black, Demus, checkmarks, Queen of the Paperclips, Achava, decaydancexx, Lucky Moony, loonyluna9, ShatteredDesire, SlashyKitty, DragonHunter200 and zakarin9. You're all very kind. Alas, F is not for Fornicating! Next chapter might be a little slower as I've got exam results to get (scared…) a job interview (terrified…) and a bedroom to decorate (excited).

F is for Fairy Stories

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

-Oscar Wilde

I closed my eyes and closed myself
And closed my world and never opened
Up to anything
That could get me alone

-Moby, Extreme Ways


Once upon a time…

As far as beginnings go that one always left Sirius unimpressed. In fact, he hated fairytales in general, to the extent that anything even remotely fairytale-esque was scoffed at. What use were queens and princes, wicked stepmothers and poisoned apples, gingerbread men and ogres, to the real world?

It wasn't that Sirius was unimaginative. No, Sirius simply hated stories where it was possible to know the end before you reached it. And fairytales always had the same ridiculous, sun is shining, baby bunny rabbits are frolicking in the meadows, sugary-sweet, cotton-candy unrealistic happy endings.

And life just wasn't like that.

Perhaps Sirius was too cynical; possibly he was too much of a realist. Perhaps he just wasn't romantic…


"She wanted flowers." Fifteen-year-old Sirius flopped down onto the sofa and swung his legs up next to Remus. "Why in hell's name would anybody want flowers?"

Remus shook his head. "Dunno. I suppose it's a nice gesture."

"Bloody stupid flowers."

Remus have a brief consoling smile. "I'd rather have had the chocolates."

"Yeah… Me too." Sirius laughed. "Girls have no taste."

A moment of silent companionship followed. Remus yawned a couple of times. "You do realise…" he began "…that you could have just turned the chocolates into flowers. After all, we are taking OWL transfiguration next year."

Sirius groaned. "Tell me that now, why don't you?" A melodramatic sigh. "I just don't understand girls, mate."

"Me neither."

The portrait hole opened and James stormed into the Common Room. "Which fucking idiot invented Valentine's Day?" he demanded.

Remus grinned. "That would be St Valentine," he quipped.

"God!" James glared at Remus and Sirius. "I hate girls!"

"Me too," Sirius said, surprising the others. "Next Valentine's Day I'm taking Remus out. He prefers chocolate to flowers like any sane person would…"

"I got Lily flowers," James said. "She didn't like them." James blinked a couple of times then gave a huge yawn. "I'm off to bed."

Left alone, Sirius glanced at Remus. "If I tell you something, promise you won't laugh."

"Okay, I won't laugh."

"Promise?"

"Um."

Sirius swallowed. "I did try and transfigure the chocolates into flowers."

"And?"

"The flowers were really nice…" Sirius gave a weak smile. "…Until they melted."


But then again, maybe romance isn't about fairytale characters and huge romantic gestures. Maybe romance is more a case of Sirius taking Remus for a moonlit walk, the night before they graduated.

And Sirius said something, then, that was very romantic indeed. "I'll always remember this moment, Remus," he murmured.

"You will?"

"I'll always remember you standing here, down by the lake, with the stars reflected in your eyes and your hair drenched in moonlight."

Wow.

And they lived happily ever… well, they were happy for a while, which isn't so bad at all.